"My favorite flowers are cherry blossoms," I hear her voice whisper in my head. Very familiar and comforting: a memory. The voice was gradually getting smaller, as if she was moving further away— as every other recollection of her in my mind. Just like her, in reality.

Today, I'm visiting that same spot. Honestly, I have no idea how I should be feeling towards the fact that I can see that they've reached their full bloom, pink petals braving the cold without even the slightest hint of a shiver.

Unlike us— I remember chattering teeth and secretive touches and discreet movements to get even the slightest bit closer to each other. It was always a great way to quench my longing to be close to her, as much as I possibly can.

We are idols now, me and Joohyun. Ironically, the company she’s signed a contract with was the leading competition of my company. It was like fate was toying with the two of us, and mocking me spitting right at me: In your face, Song Mino.  

She made her debut in a four-member group not too long ago, and one thing I noticed is how the pink tips of her hair resembled the ocean of the same color right before my eyes at this very moment. When I first saw her teaser pictures— poppy and eye-catching— I found myself smiling smugly.

That’s my girl, I thought to myself… only to let that idea be shot down by the realization of the fact that she was no longer my girl. That I ed up big time and the chances of me bringing her back to this eventful setting was incredibly slim. I heaved a sigh, and then instinctively looked upward.

The flowers were at their most beautiful state, but it was just different. It was exactly the same time of the year, the same place, the same trees... all that's changed is the cherry blossoms’ petals. Why was it that it's as if her presence was the very thing that coaxed out how gorgeous and warm (despite the contrasting post-winter breeze) scenery once was almost exactly three years ago?

The once blithering voice in my head that were my thoughts was rendered speechless by the sight my eyes had laid sight on.

A park bench was left unoccupied at that exact time, but was once filled with our stories and the jokes that made us laugh. Ironically enough, just like our bond, it's as if it went through its process of wear and tear— the paint was faded and, as I cautiously took a seat on the bench that was way too empty for my liking, the wooden material would make a noticeable creaking noise, almost like a whimper that it was struggling to keep erect.

It was all different now, and I had to finally digest that. Tomorrow will be my debut, alongside my four other members. Also, I’ve decided that it would also mark the beginning of my exerting effort in letting her go.

 It’s been two years and all the effort I’ve exerted, I only realize now, have not brought me closer to where I want to be: next to her. Pathetic, isn’t it? Can’t blame me, she isn’t exactly easy to forget. But what we had has come and gone, I suppose.

                                                            { you’re still the song on my breath.

                                                                               you’re

not easy

to forget }

xxx

“One thing noticeable about these monster rookies is that most of the songs on their album are composed and produced by WINNER themselves. It must’ve been hard?” The interviewer averted her direction back onto us, as we all simultaneously nodded.

“Yes,” Seungyoon raised the mic to his mouth, “but most notably, Mino here actually wrote lyrics for all our songs. His rap parts.” I looked straight into the camera and flashed a toothy grin.

“Except in my solo.” Taehyun deadpanned, making all of us, along with the interviewer burst out laughing.

“That’s interesting! Aren’t most of your songs’ themes rather… sad, though? Mino, where did you get the inspiration to write lyrics for such sad songs?”

I was taken aback by the question, but I remembered that the cameras were rolling and I shouldn’t be fazed by questions like that, since it’d raise accusations. Jinwoo nudged my arm, signaling me to accept the mic that Seungyoon was holding out in my direction. I flashed a small smile, accepting it.

“I think that as a lyricist, you should always be able to fill in the shoes of whatever role and write their stories well. I was able to do so properly, and I think they all came out well.” I explained.

But the shoes I was filling back when I was writing those sad, sappy lyrics were definitely my own.

To avoid any follow-up questions, I quickly handed Jinwoo the mic.

The interview wrapped up well, and ended with Seungyoon asking the fans watching to give our album much love, as typical rookies would. After a few more words from the interviewer, it finally ended.

As the people on set started to clean up and we were bowing at the staff and thanking them for their hard work, the lady who was interviewing us approached me, a sly smile on.

“We’ll cut it out, don’t worry. I was about to dwell on the topic even more, but I saw the troubled look on your face…” She uttered, initially confusing me. My mouth opened, about to ask her what exactly she meant, but before I could voice out my confusion, I realized what she was talking about. Maybe my response was a little too unnatural.

I let out an obviously nervous laugh as I nodded slowly. “Just that part, please, fans are going to wonder why I don’t have much air time if you cut out any more!” I tried to seem as lighthearted as I could about the situation, but I’m guessing my uneasiness stained through anyway. Luckily enough, the interviewer walked away after giving me a small, somewhat teasing smile.

I heaved a sigh of relief afterwards, then rejoined with my members who have all went on ahead, headed for the dressing room. On our way there, I could feel Seungyoon’s elbow nudging into my arm.

“Yeah?” I shoved my hands into my pockets instinctively.

“Be more careful next time.”

“Yeah.” I dropped my head and shook it afterwards. “Sorry, Seungyoon.”

“It’s all good, hyung. Let’s just not cause… unnecessary trouble.” I felt his hand pat my shoulder in a reassuring manner.

“It’s been too long already, Mino!” Seunghoon moves over to my side, lightly hitting the back of my head. “Now that we’ve debuted and all, you can have any girl wrapped around your finger. Trust me. I would know— I looked your name up online last night.”

My members were like this, always comforting me despite the fact they didn’t know who the girl was. Well, everyone except Taehyun— but he wasn’t really one to comfort me when we’re around others. Though, I must admit that he’s the best when it comes to consoling me… but there he was now, walking ahead of everyone else, not turning his head to look at us even once.

“Well, whoever she is, you’ve got her to thank for writing such great lyrics that matched well with the theme of our album…” Hesitation was evident in Jinwoo’s voice when he spoke up, but I found myself smiling, albeit weakly, at his words.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it, guys! I won’t make the same mistake again, promise.” I managed to put on an expression of assurance, which I hoped was believable enough.

It wasn’t always that I got into a depressing mood from remembering her, but when I do… man, the memories of us hit me way too hard.

{ i still got a piece of you under my skin.

it’s always been there

no matter where i’ve been }

xxx

“We’re going to perform with female idols for a special stage?!”

Everybody’s gazes shifted onto Seunghoon once he practically exclaimed that. Like dogs who have not been fed for weeks, all of us surrounded our leader, who was on the phone with our manager. This is great news to us, especially since we have pretty much been isolated away from the female idol population ever since our debut.

Seunghoon and Jinwoo then started to clap their hands and do this odd victory dance of some sort… which I eventually joined in doing, of course. Then there was Taehyun, watching all of us as if we were insane.

Once Seungyoon got off of the phone, the three of us regrouped around him, at an extremely close proximity, as we started to throw the questions at him in chorus.

“Is it true we’re going to be performing with girls?” Jinwoo chirped.

“What’s the concept? It better be y—“ Seunghoon followed right after.

“Who, who, who, tell us who—“ I started, but Seungyoon cut me off by shoving us away.

“Calm down, you guys! Yes, we’re going to perform with girl groups… but alongside GOT7.” Seungyoon calmly explained, exaggeratedly scowling at us. I turned my head to look over at Seunghoon, whose expression noticeably dropped.

“So who are the girl groups?” Taehyun seemed to be the only one not as disappointed as the rest at the mention of the other boy group. We all gazed back over at Seungyoon with expectant looks on our faces. He put on a tight-lipped smile, which only fired my excitement to find out who even more.

“Lovelyz... and Red Velvet!”

Seunghoon let out a noise that resembled a squeal from a boy in his prepubescent state, while I practically froze in place, blinking in profuse. Did I hear that right just now… Red Velvet? As in… Joohyun’s group, right?

Was I really going to see her again after all of those years of not contacting each other? I felt a shiver run down my spine at the mere thought of it, making me mindlessly shake my head.

While Jinwoo, Seungyoon and Seunghoon were rejoicing at the news with exaggerated dancing, Taehyun came up to me with a knowing, almost mocking smile. He reached, patting my shoulder. “Perfect revenge is to let her see you’re doing just fine without her, hyung.” He spoke in a soft voice, perhaps so that the others wouldn’t hear.

I looked back at him, laughing humorlessly. I’m pretty sure that, at that moment, if the others weren’t around then he’d be pulling me in for a hug right about now.

“I think it’s about time we get some rest, though.” The noise coming from the three others died down as Taehyun said this, in a volume louder than prior.

“True— we’re going to meet up with them tomorrow. For choreography… and pairing, I hear.” Seungyoon announced.

“T-tomorrow?!” I mindlessly stammered, sounding a bit too surprised. Seungyoon nodded, and a pang just started to weigh down my chest.

“Yep! Tomorrow.”

“Then we best get some sleep.” Taehyun calmly said, placing his hands on my shoulder from behind, eventually pushing and pivoting me towards my room’s door. My mind pretty much went blank at this point, so I just allowed him to do so.

“It’ll be fine, hyung. Just focus on us, and whoever your dance partner is going to be.”

… Why do I have this gut feeling that fate is going to things up for me and I’ll be partnered up with her? I heaved a soft sigh, sliding my feet against the floor and towards my bed. Once I was right in front of it, I practically threw myself onto it, and wriggled myself underneath my blankets. Tomorrow is going to be a long day, that’s for sure.

{ pawn-shopped rings

and the road

swallowed up by the sky }

xxx

The five of us exited the car when it pulled up right in front of SBS’ building. Surprisingly, there were no fans in sight so we could walk around freely. We surrounded our manager as he all gave us nametags to wear— so the choreographer could identify us easily, he further explained.

Afterwards, we entered the building. Our manager walked up to the concierge, inquiring about where we were supposed to head for the rehearsals.

“I’m so happy I could die.” Seungyoon suddenly blurted out, his smile way too wide. “I can’t believe we’re going to meet some co-idols today who aren’t in YG— I mean, no offence to them.”

“I hope they don’t think we’re weird or anything…” Jinwoo thought aloud, making Seunghoon reach to lightly hit him on the shoulder. “I think you’re forgetting you’re in WINNER, hyung. Everyone will think we’re cool... until Mino speaks, that is.”

Seunghoon then gave me a playful look, which I could only return faintly. “Yeah, they’ll think we’re a bunch of idiots once I talk, I’ll do us a favor and keep quiet the whole time…” I trailed off, eyes averting to our manager who was walking back towards us.

“You guys go to that elevator, then to the fifth floor. First room down the hallway at the left. I’ll pick you guys up when I get told that you guys are done.” He gestured towards the elevator and, as we were about to walk towards it, he added, “… and don’t start any trouble, please. I mean it.” He looked straight at me, and I could only respond with a small nod.

After he left, we all made our way to the elevator. As we piled in, I could feel Taehyun hold onto my arm, giving it a light squeeze, as if to tell me to calm down. I guess my anxiety was obvious through how quiet I am, unlike on normal days. I bit on my lower lip before nodding slowly, raising my shoulders into a shrug.

I watched as the LED indicator of the elevator transitioned. 2, 3, 4, and… 5. With a ding to match, the elevator doors slid apart. The sound of the elevator kind of startled me— but I managed to compose myself before we walked out of the lift together.

Seungyoon, who was in front of the group, his heel to instead face left before walking forth. I dragged my feet along, furrowing my brows as I prepare myself for the act of a lifetime— make Bae Joohyun believe that I’m absolutely fine, after all these years of just… thinking about her.

“Ready, guys?” Seungyoon reached forward, taking hold of the door knob. I swear to God, he was purposely turning it slower. Giggles and chatter could be heard as soon as the door cracked open even just the slightest bit.

I mustered up my courage, averting my gaze from the floor and onto the small opening of the door. The sight I was greeted with made my heart skip a beat or two.

Bae Joohyun, you’re still as beautiful as the first time I saw you.