THE SECRET FATHER
THE SECRET FATHER
*****
I looked at the two Namja in front of me. The one, Kim Jonghyun, my fiance and will being my husband soon. The other was Lee Hyukjae, a former boyfriend who is still be my best friend. They were both arguing about me. About who comes first in 'love'. Can you imagine that???
"Chae, Jonghyun's wrong. He made me jealous first..." Hyukjae complain.
"Aniya! Ish! Baby, this monkey is always interrupted the conversation!" Jonghyun attack.
"Sssshhh! You noisy!" I interrupted.
Then they looked bent together.
"Hyukjae yah! You've got Sora! What would happen if she know?" I could see my Jonghyun pranking his tongue to Hyukjae, I immediately narrowed my eyes at him.
"And you, Kim Jonghyun ... three months later you'll be my husband. And I do not want my husband to be like AEGI (a child). Arasseo?"
Jonghyun nodded.
"Yeobo! Yeobo! Mian I'm late!"a short-haired and very petite girl running from behind of Hyukjae. We all welcomed her.
"Sora yah! Where have you been?" I asked, and instantly embrace her.
"I took my wallet which had been left behind .... Are we going to the designer? What are you waiting for? Jonghyun, Come get your car!"
Today, our plan would be fitting clothes again, for my wedding and Jonghyun. Sora will be my companion and Hyukjae, reluctantly it seems, will be a companion for Jonghyun. I understand why. Because, however Hyukjae did not approve of our marriage. I know that, because even this marriage I felt very heavy.
Night Before the Wedding ...
I was sitting on the balcony of my room helped a makeup artist brushed my long hair. Plans to add some makeup on my hair tomorrow. And then, someone knocked on the door that tomorrow night will be a bridal chamber. The makeup artist opened the door.
"Hyun ... could we talk for a minute?" Hyukjae was there. I looked at the makeup artist to give a signal that I wanted to be left alone, and she understood.
Hyukjae walked slowly, looking at my faint. This room's so white and very fragrant. There are several pots containing fresh flowers in the corner. And the silk sheets and pillows that is soft and fragrant. I passed from the balcony and went to Hyukjae, the one who was stunned at the wedding dress I'm wearing.
"I've seen you three times in that dress, but ... maybe because we're in here, it feels so different ..." Hyukjae managed to make my cheeks redden.
"You're so ... beautiful ..."
Usually, those words make me ashamed. Usually Hyukjae whispering those words with a little temptation and smile. But tonight, he said it with a sad face. The face of the most bleak I have ever seen.
"I think ... I was so nervous ..." I smiled when i will release the makeup in the hair of my head. But Hyukjae stopped my hand. He turned me around to look at him.
"Hyukjae ..."
"Hyun ..." He sighed before continuing his words, "Can't you cancel all of this?"
"Canceling ??... What do you mean, hyukjae??"
"This wedding is driving me crazy ... ... I ... I really do not ..."
Hyukjae embrace me into his body. He pulled me into his arms. I struggled to take it off, but couldn't.
"Hyukjae, geureohjimaseyo (Don't be like this)... Later if someone comes, they can... can ..."
"Sirheo! I don't care!! I just want you to undo it all, Chae ... ... I do not want you to bear children of him ... Jebal yo ..."
I could feel the tears fell on my shoulder that are not covered dress. He sobbed. Sobbed so badly. And I'm confused again. I was fond of Hyukjae. But marriage is something I have to do with Jonghyun. Removing Hyukjae also made me hurt.
"Mianhae, Hyukjae mianhae..."
*****
I can see the many guests who congratulated me and come to my wedding this afternoon. There are some old friends and people from the office of Jonghyun and also some parental relationships. Honestly, it was so fun. I kept dancing with some guests who asked me and also chatting with the friends that I lost track of time. Until I realized that Hyukjae and Sora is not in my party.
Where did they ...
*****
It's been two weeks since my wedding, I really do not meet Sora and Hyukjae. Contacted via cellphone? no one can. Curious, I looked at Hyunjae's workplace. I really need to meet Hyukjae. And when I would just ask the receptionist, I saw his back.
"Hyukjae yah!"
___+____+____+____
"MWO? Into French?"
My face went pale when i know something about Sora. Apparently, on my wedding night, Sora must immediately go to France because her parents. She was forced to leave not because she did not want to destroy my mood. So she just asked him to accompany her to the airport. So that's why Sora was very enthusiastic about helping my marriage. So that's why she was so happy when saw me wearing a wedding dress.
"Then ... what about your relationship?" I asked, after recovering from the shock.
"What relationship?" Hyukjae asked coldly. I wrinkled my forehead.
"Stupid question ... When are you going to France and marry her?" I swear, I pretended to toughen say this. Trying to give up since I already have Jonghyun.
"Married? We do not love each other. Why we should?? Do not ask about the weird things... babo..."
"HAH?"
*****
I just finished talking with Sora through Skype. Apparently Hyukjae was not kidding. My friends did go to France. And Sora was very sorry not tell me earlier. My guess is true, she did not want me in a bad mood.
"Baby I'm home!"
Jonghyun who had come home from work, immediately rushed into my arms. Cuddle as usual.
"Andwae ..." I'm a little disturbed by his aegyo activities, it's too often. He pulled the pillow and lie on my thighs.
"Wae? I do miss you, baby ..." I did not answer. I've been told about Sora to him after I heard from Hyukjae. And Jonghyun also very surprised.
"About Sora??" I nod. He took my fingers for a long time kissed.
"You could go to meet her if you want ..."
My eyes widened, then become cynical.
"Don't be such a liar you babo..." I pulled his black hair.
"I'm not lying!"
Jonghyun pulled something from his briefcase, and showed me. I took it and read it before it was struck.
"Is this...?" I read it again and again and again until I'm sure.
"Yeah baby ... We're going to France this weekend!"
Next moment I was lost in pleasure with him. It was a return trip ticket to go to Paris, France and staying in five-stars hotel for 2 weeks. It was our honeymoon. Me and Jonghyun honeymoon at my wedding.
Honestly, even though we've done-er-er--, we do not feel it too special because we have not gone for honeymoon. Though the age of marriage we'd be 10 days. But despite that, frankly, so far, Jonghyun is the most POWERFUL Namja at night. He really know how to make me happy. LOL. Secretly I was lucky to have a companion to live like him. But still, there is something i need here.
"Baby ..."
"Ne ... what is it?" Jonghyun hugged me tightly in bed. As usual, the 'struggle' is leaving us tonight Jonghyun which again become as little children.
"I'm not calling you, dear ..." I looked at Jonghyun, his tired eyes half open, before I resume my speech.
"When was it ... he'll come?" I said again.
Jonghyun is now aware of what I say, and he hugged me. I could feel his skin against my skin is wet sweaty.
"Soon ... I'm sure ..." I smiled with answers optimism.
"How big is your faith? ... Let me guess ... this kid will definitely Namja ..." I turn a spoiled to him.
"Ani ... I want yeoja. There is only ME, Namja in this house ..." he said, pretentious hero. I can only chuckle.
*****
I'm waiting in line next to the doctor with Jonghyun. Lately I feel sick. It has been about two months of our marriage. Indeed, I was still menstruating. But I also want to make sure that everyone knows, I'm pregnant. But it turns out ... Another doctor said ...
"Unfortunately, Chaehyun ssi is not pregnant yet..."
*****
I still occasionally met Hyukjae. Of course with permission of Jonghyun. He remained, save the feelings of me. Occasionally he and I had lunch with. And occasionally there are Jonghyun among us. Jonghyun did not mind knowing that Hyukjae, still harbor feelings to me.
"How? When would you guys give me ... nephew?"
Me and Jonghyun, then, are in pur silent face when Hyukjae asked. I bet that Hyukjae also do not want to ask about it. But we did not manage to answer it. Finally we just kept silent.
Honestly, this is the sixth month of our marriage. Even our honeymoon was passed. But we wanted a baby who had not come. So, after several days of thinking that question, we went to the doctor to check if there is something wrong with us, because 'encouragement' of Jonghyun was very strong, even feels 'stronger' from day to day.
"Actually ..." I waited for the doctor.
"There's nothing wrong with Chaehyun ssi ... Which one is yours, Jonghyun ssi ..."
Jonghyun and I are both shocked.
"What do... you mean, doctor?"
"The quality of your , is not good. ... So it is very difficult to have a baby. And ... do not seem to be possible."
"MWO?" I cried, startled.
"No, can you give me the proof, doctor? It's possible right?" I continued my words in shock.
"That's what I see, Chaehyun ssi ..."
"But doctor! ... What about IVF??" The doctor shook his head instead.
"Jweosonghae yo ... even then it seems very difficult ..."
*****
"Jonghyun ah, dinner ..."
Jonghyun stay for few moments and then looked over to the dining table, I have prepared some of his favorite foods. But his face was not happy. After we heard the news, Jonghyun really changed and is now the fifth day he was in silent. He became a very moody person and not care about his own health.
"Here for you ..." Jonghyun gave me a map. I frowned, and opened the envelope. Read it slowly.
"NO WAY!!!!" I threw the envelope away. Jonghyun looked down to take the papers that scattered on the floor. My tears fell when I saw Jonghyun just do that. I tried to look at him with a sharp sight, but he did not care.
"What just up here? Do you think just because we do not have a baby now, you have to do this? Is it just about my pregnancy?" I shook his shoulder, trying to awaken him from his crazy ideas.
"Aniya ... it's all because of me ..." he replied coldly. I took the paper and tore it into small pieces, and throw it right in the face of rigidity.
"I WONT SIGNED THOSE PAPER!! NEVER!!!"
I left Jonghyun to went out. Leaving him with bits of our divorce papers.
*****
I was just telling what happened to our marriage to Hyukjae. Tonight, I went straight to his apartment without a phone, so Jonghyun can't looking for me. The plan I'm going to spend the night here and will not be back until tomorrow morning. I know Jonghyun will not find me here because Hyukjae's phone number has changed and only I know it. I have Hyukjae's number with a name that he doesn't know. While Hyukjae recently moved into new apartment which is quite far from my house. So, I can assure Jonghyun with my own wishes would not find me here.
"What happened?" Hyukjae asked me when I was done crying. He gave me a cup of hot chocolate and sat beside me. Just like before, when I was going out with Jonghyun, the transition from Hyukjae to Jonghyun.
"I do not want to go home ... let me stay here ..." I spoiled him.
"That's not what I mean, stupid ... I mean, if not divorced, what do you want?" I feel very stupid considering my own answer. Of course Hyukjae would understand if I want to stay alone.
"Oh ..." I replied, "I do not know ... I ... I just want to have children ... but I also do not want to make something like this continue, Hyukjae ..."
Hyukjae rubbed my head and kissed on the top. He brought me to his body, leaving me half-reclining on his chest.
"When was the last time you do that with Jonghyun?" I think, and counting.
"About a week ago... Wae??"
Hyukjae grinned and didn't make me understand.
"You do not want to force him ... but you want to have a baby right?" I nod before he continued, "do you remember, the night before the wedding, I told you ... I do not want you to have children from him ..."
I stared. Hyukjae was right. I remember that.
"What do you mean, Lee Hyukjae?" I really digest.
"What ... if you have kids from me? ... Umm ??..."
Hyukjae began to kissing me. Spoiled me. And I ... can not, or perhaps, do not want to refuse.
*****
4 years later ...
Me and Jonghyun playing with a small yeoja in a park. Actually, it's just Jonghyun and her, because I'm just waiting for them under the shade of tree rather far from where they play. Small Yeoja was so cheerful with a ribbon in her browny hair.
Kim Hyunjae, that little girl, is my daughter.
"Hey ..."
Suddenly there was a tap on my shoulder from behind. After I turned, I realized that its Hyukjae. I grinned at him and he sat next to me.
"What the hell ... why Hyunjae continue playing with him?" I could see a little jealousy in the eyes of Hyukjae, but I could only smile.
"Well, do not like it ... you've played with her every day when Jonghyun does not with her, right?" I whispered, hoping no one heard.
"But ... still ... I'm her father... she has not called me APPA, you know?"
I looked at his glum face and discreetly clutching fingers. I know, this is painful for him. But this willingness of Hyukjae and I do not forbid it, too ...
"She even has my name in her name!" Hyukjae was still complaining.
"I will immediately notify Hyunjae if she really understands about Jonghyun... " I whispered to him.
"Arasseo ..." he said finally, with a smile.
"Saranghae yo ..." he whispered back and kissed my cheek before secretly welcomed Hyunjae who ran toward him.
I can feel the pain and happiness of Hyukjae. In the name of Hyunjae, there are the names of the people I care about. I really want to be fair, but for now it feels very difficult. I guess I'll keep this secret until Hyunjae grow up and understand my situation at that time. I hope also, Jonghyun understand about the things I did in the past.
I hope so ...
# The End #
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