Unspoken love
I'm inlove with my own cousin. I know im pathetic. Who would be in love with their own cousin. Well that would be me. You see, my cousin and I have this brother and sister relationship but I ruined all of it by falling in love with him. Is it because I'm stupid to fall in love or does the world hate me that much? My cousin just think of me as his sister and he has fallen in love with my very own bestfriend. How much does the world want to punish me for my crime for falling in love with him or does he just wanted to punish me without knowing that by his action it nearly brought me to cut myself. Am i that desperate for him? My answer would be yes. How much i want to fall in love with someone else and have simple relationship and get marry to him. How foolish am i to fall in love with my cousin. But I couldn't make myself fall for someone else. It's not that I didn't get into a relationship. I did but after i got into a relationship with someone else it made me realize im not just having puppy love or crush towards my cousin but i have fallen in love with him. How cruel am i for leading my best guy friend by getting in relationship with me but in reality I don't even love him. I guess that's why the world wants to punish me by letting me watch my cousin cuddle with my friend or making out infront of me without knowing I'm dying inside witnessing all of their actions. 

Am I stupid? Please give me an answer. Im begging you. You know what is the most dramatic part in my life? It's when I discovered that i have this cancer without cure and what made it even sad is that no one knows about it. Didn't even noticed that I lost weight or my face look even more pale. That i have lost my appetite and my grades going down. Not even my so called best friend noticed it. Well what did I expected from her. She befriended me because she wants to know my cousin more. Well she achieved that because now here she is cuddling with her boyfriend which is my so-call cousin. I still remember  me and my cousin when we were still kids. He said that he would protect me and no one can harm me. How fool i am to trust his words that he made when his was still a baby. I only got three months left if you want to know. In this three months i dont know what am I going to do. Some of you must be curious if i ever confessed how i felt towards my cousin. My answer is no. I couldn't bring my self to confess and destroy our bro-sis relationship. I know some of you must felt how stupid of me to not confess my feelings for him. I'm a coward you know. Even when i know i got three months left for me to breathe and walk or watch or touch. Three months left before my body got buried down six inches in land.

Why can't I have a normal relationship like any normal person out there? Why did I fall in love with him in the first place? Is it because of how he took care of me when no one pays attention on me or when everyone left me but not him? Whats the use of that when now hes the one who left me for my bestfriend when I thought hes different. I guess no one is different. But when I was ready to shut my eyes forever there was this man who came to my life and brought light back to hope on living a better life. Teach me how to fall in love,being cared or loved. And once again how cruel the life can get when life took him away from him when I finally moved on from my first love. How cruel life can get when I was informed that I was pregnant with his son or daughter. How cruel life can get when the doctor asked me to abort it because of my condition and my disease. How cruel the life can get when my family look at me with that very disgusted look. How cruel the life can get when my cousin who once said that he will protect me turn his back on me and say how disgusted he is towards me when knew that I was pregnant. How empty is the world or it is just me who's empty? 
  
You guys want to know a funny story? The doctor once said that my cancer doesn't have cure but now they said that they have found that cure. It's funny isn't it. He found the cure when I was ready to shut my eyes. When my love have  left me with this uncure pain. When I have abort my child. When I got nothing in this world. When I have lost hope in living. Should just get the surgery done and live my life at another country and start a fresh life. Or still counting my day till my very last breath and let all the people who left me mourning over my cold dead body? I let the fate choose.