Summary- No real description for this. Just felt like writting Teckay and b/c this picture will forever be relevant. 

Rating - PG-13

Pairing - Taeckay

****

"What's on your mind Minjun-ah"

Alcohol is never the solution, but it often offers a welcome alternative.

At times, when consume in the right environment and around the right people it can become the catalyst that pushes you over the edge, that makes you honest, not just with those around you, but with yourself.

MinJun can't help but wonder just how much honesty he can afford in his current situation.

Honesty, according to a not so sober Wooyoung, should be treated with the outmost discretion. Not enough of it, and you are deem untrustworthy, sneaky and deceitful. Too much of it and you are heartless and insensitive.  Though Nichkhun, a firm believer in the goodness of the world and truth above all else would often disagree.

Minjun likes to think there's a happy medium. He likes to believe that Nichkhun is right, and there should always be honesty amongst friends, but he also thinks that Wooyoung has a point, and at times, rather than laying, but simply withholding information, is needed in order to keep the peace.

He puts his hypothesis to practice as he downs his 3^rd drink and he looks up, examining the man currently sitting across from him. Taecyeon looks back at him, sharp eyes taking it all in but not saying much.  He thinks too much. And MinJun may had consider telling him as much if only he wasn't sure that Taecyeon was well aware of his little fault.

"So what's really bothering you?" Taecyeon questions again. This time brushing a strand of hair and tucking it behind his ear. It had grown a lot in the past few months, Taecyeon's little form of rebellion and a nightmare to the poor stylist that had gone from threads to downright begging. MinJun would never admit that he would miss it once is all gone. Would never own up to actually liking the tussle mess.

He sets down his glass, sighing as he reaches out and indulges himself. Why the hell not? Taecyeon's hair is soft to the touch, and MinJun sighs again, a bit heavier this time and searches deep down for the courage he’s suddenly lacking. He's had 3 drinks too many and Taecyeon's too perceptive in that quite way that MinJun has come to love and hate. His resolve barely hangs by a thread and he knows he won't be able to lie. Not if he looks at those eyes that have a way of looking right through him, right pass the bull and the fake smiles.

"Do you really need to ask?"

Partial truths. Minjun reminds himself. Finishing the remainder of his glass. Taking his time to collect his thoughts, gather his senses, before he looks with what he hopes is a face of nonchalance and resignation.

"It finally sank in, uh?"

Taecyeon questions and MinJun let's out a breath. A smile that's not so forced curving the corners of his lips.

"It took a while."

He admits. The after taste of disappointment for what he could've, but didn't say lingering.  Mixing with the bitterness of the vodka he downs in one shot. He uses Taecyeon's beer as a chaser, thinks to hell with the no mixing rule, and swallows back feelings along with words that should never be said out loud, yet threaten to spill with every breath he takes.

Taecyeon races a hand, getting the attention of the bartender. Another round. And MinJun lets his attention wonder, reaching out blindly to the snacks in front of him. The place is a quiet, discreet. Perfect spot for people like them to let out some steam. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, now MinJun wonders if he'll survive the night. He thinks he may. He's held it in for so long, what's another few hours? But then Taecyeon catches his eye, and his resolve wavers.

"Two years."

It doesn't seem like much. And truthfully he's dealt with worse. They are a lot older then they should've been, but the circumstances didn't leave them any other choice.

"A lot can happen in two years."

"Just..." Taecyeon pauses, a hand nursing the newly filled glass, small wrinkles appearing at the corner of his eyes as he looks up at MinJun with a smile, what he had intended to say, and what he actually says completely different. "Behave yourself. No scandals or unnecessary got it?

MinJun laughs. "I should be telling you that. You know there would probably be some Sargent still wet behind the ears bossing you around. Not to mention the lack of sleep."

Taecyeon visibly cringes at the thought, and MinJun lets out a whole hearted laugh that makes a few of the patrons glance their way. Taecyeon shoves him in retaliation, playful, and not so gently. Half his drink spilling, but MinJun only laughs harder, trying and failing to muffle the sound with the back of his hands.

He should be piss. He really likes the shirt he slipped into that day, and now it sticks to his body where the drink spilled, yet he can't bring himself to be upset. Not when Taecyeon looks at him smiling in the way he does at that moment. Not when he apologies profusely to the bartender who comes over with a new glass and towels, eyes still smiling as he reaches out, towel in hand to dry the moisture in MinJun's forearm.

It burns. Each spot of bare skin Taecyeon touches, and MinJun bites his tongue, holds back a sigh, and blames it all on the drink. He's been in this situation before, worse than this, yet there's something about the night. Something about the finality of it all, the thought that this is it. Not more chances. No more opportunities. 2 years. 24 months without another chance, and it all begins to crumble.

"Don't you regretted?"

"What exactly? Choosing this life?”  Taecyeon questions back and MinJun doesn't confirm or deny. His question ambiguous enough to open the door for a conversation he's not sure he's ready to have.

"There’s a lot we missed out on." Minjun clarifies, and Taecyeon nods in agreement. He turns down another beer and asks the bartender for whatever MinJun's having instead. The conversation calls for something stronger. MinJun silently agrees. Takes a sip of his own glass, and waits.

"But there's a lot we gained as well."

MinJun agrees silently, the drink tasting less and less bitter with every sip. He doesn't feel it. Not yet. And motions the bartender for another glass as well. He's craving the numbness that follows one too many drinks. Hopes for the lack of feelings and lapse of judgment. He feels it all piling up, his heart skipping a beat with every look, pressure rising with every touch.

"I always thought you would be the one to have someone waiting for you.”

Taecyeon's solemn tone is as unexpected as the direction in which he takes the conversation, and MinJun answers with the must honesty he had in the entire night.

"There is..." The words are heavy on his tongue and he can't bring himself to finish the sentence.

Taecyeon doesn't say anything at first. It gets awfully quiet and MinJun is surprise to see there's barely anyone left in the bar. They've been there for a while and he had not even noticed. Time slipping right out of his hands like it normally did.

"Does that person know?" Again not the question he was expecting, but MinJun answers him all the same.

"How I feel?" MinJun's laugh is bitter, empty. He feels himself slowly coming apart, the cracks growing with every word.

"How can I tell them how I feel if I don't even have the courage to admit it to myself?"

Taecyeon responds by calling over the bartender. No point for another glass, the rest of the bottle would do, and MinJun takes a shot. Then another. It threatens to comeback, vile raises to his throat and he swallows it back, holds it in.

"You know, I've always known what I wanted to do with my life. Music. There really was nothing else. As long as I got to sing then nothing matter. Everything else society expects us to do, a pretty wife, kids, a house, I was ok with just going along with it as long as I got to do what I love for a living.”

"But..." Taecyeon questions when MinJun pauses, and MinJun goes for another drink instead. This one smoother then the last. He feels it now. The lack of coordination and that feeling that everything he does happens in slow motion. His limbs feel foreign and he wonders if the urge to laugh is appropriate for this kind of conversation. Truthfully he feels like crying, but man like him don't cry. His dad thought him that, so he holds it in. Fakes a laugh instead.

"But then I found something I want it more, but if I even dare to try and get it then everything I worked so ing hard for would crumble. What I want, the person I want, I can't have.”

“You seem extremely sure about an outcome based solely on assumptions. You haven't even try…”

“This feelings are not right Taec, that’s not how things are supposed to be. It ain't right…”

"So you don't tell him not because you are afraid of rejection, but because you are afraid of what people may say."

A clear statement and MinJun laughs at Taecyeon's used of the male pronoun.  Wonders how much Taecyeon has caught up on. Wonders how much he truly knows. Wonders how much more he has to say. He wants to run. Wishes there was a quick way out of this hole he dug for himself, but rather than a way out, he feels as if the air was running out. The deeper he got the harder it got to breathe, the more his chest ache.

"I'm the worst aren't I?" He questions, not really expecting an answer, but Taecyeon gives it to him anyway.

"Not the worst. Just a bigger coward then I thought you've be."

Like a hot knife slowly piercing his skin, the words run deep and hurt even worst. He doesn't look at Taecyeon. Can't bring himself to lift his head. He doesn't see the way Taecyeon bites his lips, the way he holds in just as much, if not more than MinJun does. Instead he gets up, walks out, blinded by feelings and insecurities.

Everything's spinning. The world has finally spiral out of his control and he needs air. Needs to breathe… There's a hand on his shoulders, steadying him, but he brushes it away. He's fine. Fine on his own.

“Minjun…”

But he’s not. Not really.

“Minjun I didn’t mean…”

“Is alright.”

Partial truths. He reminds himself.

“I just need it to get some air.”

"Are you afraid?"

Afraid of what?  Minjun wants to say but the words never make it out.

"I'm sure Wooyoung..."

And there it is. The result of withheld truths and partial honesty. MinJun stops abruptly, and looks at Taecyeon. Studies the features he has come to know so well over the years. He wants to laugh. Cry. Maybe both. The reality of the situation slaps him like a bucket of cold water, and he wishes he had drank more. Wishes he could blame he's actions on the alcohol, but his tolerance proves to be persistently annoying.

Is better this way.

He tells himself as he leaves Taecyeon to his assumptions. He doesn't confirm or deny and perhaps, in the end, that's even worse.

****

MinJun comes to his senses a little too late. Sunshine sneaking in from a window he knows is not his, and he grunts, head swirling as he tries to get up. A task too difficult to handle so he drops back down. Cursing the moment he decided getting this hammer was acceptable.

 “You are up.”

Wooyoung gives him a look of pity underline by a hint of annoyance, but MinJun is not in the mood. Not for the scolding or the I told you so, so he buries his face deeper into the couch, uses the cushions to block out the sunlight. Wooyoung kicks the couch, mumbles something MinJun doesn't care to heard, but at the end Wooyoung does what he does best and leaves MinJun to his self-destruction.

He doesn't question why MinJun showed up at his place late last night. Doesn't enquire about the puffy eyes or why MinJun was still wearing the same clothes he had on when they went their separate ways after dinner.

 Instead he offers a cup of coffee and pain killers, and MinJun thanks him. Grateful in more ways than he could say out loud, but he doesn't have to. Wooyoung knows. Somehow he always does.

Wooyoung doesn't judge and perhaps, MinJun thinks, that's why he came here instead of his own home. He wouldn't be able to stand it. The incredibly heavy silence that would greet him when he finally got there. No distractions from his own thoughts. Thoughts that promised to drown him in regret.

“If you were going to be like this you may as well have let it all out.”

MinJun doesn't tell Wooyoung that he agrees. That he wishes he had the balls to have stay. To say it all. To hear it all.  I like you. I think I'm ing in love with you. And I can stand it anymore. I can't deal with it. But he didn't, and in a few days’ time they would both go their separate ways. Two years of mandatory service, and MinJun wonders if that would be enough. Enough to get over it. Enough to move on.

“You know it's not that simple hyung… Moving on from something you didn't even attempt to start.”

“There was nothing to start Wooyoung…”

“You didn't even give him a chance.’

“Why couldn't it be you Wooyoungie?” And in that moment MinJun truly wishes that was case. Truly wishes Taecyeon’s erroneous assumption had been the true and that it was Wooyoung instead.

Wooyoung shrugs, the answer obvious to them both. “You’ve never like things simple hyung.”

MinJun agrees.

He cuts his hair that afternoon. Strands of brown falling on his shoulders as the stylist does her best to make the buzz cut look somewhat presentable. There's no helping it. The person that stares back at MinJun from the mirror is not the veteran idol that craved the bright lights and the roar of an audience chanting his name. That man is not the artist that would spend sleepless nights trying to perfect the melody to a song that may never see light of day. The man looking back at him is raw and a bit more damage than he was before, but MinJun’s seen worse.

He’s been worse.

****

He’s working again. The small studio he set up at home coming in handy in nights like this one. Nights when he wants to forget it all. Not think at all. Nights when the melody to a song that has yet to be written nags at him until he drops whatever he's doing at the moment and gives it his undivided attention.

This time the melody is bitter, the beat as heavy as the weight on his shoulders and though he knows exactly how he wants it to sound, he just can't get it right. He knows why. Wonders if it'll feel like this for while.

He can't rely on the numbness from the alcohol. Not to tonight, and he thinks he gets it. Why people let themselves go. Forget it all and drink until they can't see straight any more. Is an excuse. A way out. A way to justify their actions if things get out of control.

He doesn’t have that luxury tonight. What he has is way too many emotions and unresolved feelings and to hell with it all. He pours every drop of emotion into the notes. Every feeling of anger and resentment into words. Everything he couldn't say is out in the open for the world to see and the ending result is a song fill with sentiment and weaknesses. Things he's kept hidden. Emotions he's kept under control.

He hates it. Rips every page. Deletes every note. Nothing but bits of paper scatter on the floor.

His phone rings. The screen lights up and he glances at it casually. A reminder. Practice for the concert tomorrow morning. Don't be late. Taecyeon's message is casual. Detached. Go to sleep early got it?!

Nothing has really change and MinJun doesn't realize he had been expecting anything until that very second, and the disappointment is as bitter as it was the night before.

He thinks of calling, but he doesn’t have the guts.

It’s Denver that gets his attention away from it. His furry paws stepping over the bits of broken paper on the floor.  He’s needy and playful, and the sight of him trying to climb into MinJun’s lap is enough to make him smile. Noopy follows after, just as playful. They claimed his attention. Phone forgotten.

He doesn’t respond to Taec’s message that night. Doesn’t consider that perhaps he had been waiting. Hoping. Just as nervous and perhaps even more unsure.

****

Is the last stage.

Lights shine bright and MinJun stands front and center. Sweat drips from every pore, the sound of his labor breathing intensify by the mic he still holds close to his lips. It echoes through the stadium, but it’s soon silenced by the roar of the audience as the music stops and MinJun gives one final bow.

His last solo performance.

It’ll be a while before he stands on the stage again. Years before 2PM is whole again. They knew it would happened. Planned it out so that their presence would not competently disappear.

Still... A lot can change in a few years and MinJun can't help the fear that creeps in. That settles in his heart as they stand as 6 one last time. The melody of their latest tittle track filling his soul as he sings his heart out. Their song. His song. The song he wrote with so much heart and ridiculous expectations, and what was he worry about again?

Nothing else matters but this moment right here. He's going to cherish it. Feed off its energy for the harsh months to come.

He's still high on it as he steps off the stage hours later. A shirtless Chansung, dripping sweat from every pore in his body following close behind. The magnae smiles. He's excited, elated, and MinJun lets himself get pull in. Worries left behind.

It's Junho that pulls him in next. Hyunggggggg. I'm going to miss you. Hurry back. A petulant child, but MinJun can't say he hates it. Aigoo uri junho is going to miss his hyung? Is all fun and games. Lighter hearts and calmer minds, and even later on, when he catches Taecyeon stealing glances in his general direction. When he realizes that they had not share more than the necessary words since that night. When he sees both him and Wooyoung, deep in a conversation during their group dinner, and he manages to tell himself he doesn’t care. MinJun thinks that's is ok. It'll be ok. He’ll be ok.

They are at it again.

He’s 5 in… Maybe more, MinJun is not sure and he rather no know. He watches as Chansung drops the shot of suju into the glass of beer, downs the drink in a few gulps. Glaze over eyes daring MinJun to keep up. They are celebrating. The restaurant’s feel with dancers and staff and MinJun takes every drink they offer. He’s light head it. Tolerance low. He didn't eat much, if any at all, nothing in his stomach to in the excessive amount of alcohol he's consuming.

 Taecyeon sits across from him, nursing a beer and speaking in hush whispers to Wooyoung. He catches MinJun's eyes, holds his gaze, but is MinJun that looks away first, missing the look of disappointment and the sly shake of Wooyoung’s head.

Nichkhun’s the first to call it a night. Junho's tired. And drunk. Half asleep, and leaning heavily on Nichkhun's shoulder who volunteers to take him home. MinJun barely notices. Chansung’s actions hilarious enough to keep his attention. And is not until much later, when he’s drank more than he could recall and strong arms help him up the table that it all comes crashing down.

He’s not laughing any more. Can’t really remember whom he spoke to, let alone what he did. The last time he let himself get this up his dad had just been put 6 feet under, and he’s embarrass. Mad at himself for letting his emotions get the best of him again.

“Why does it have to be you?” He sounds fine in his head, but something tells him his words are slur, and Taecyeon’s mocking smile confirms it. He reaches out for MinJun, ignoring the half-hearted protest, but MinJun pulls back at the last second, and Taecyeon’s smile fades.

“You rather is what Wooyoung that came?” Taecyeon counters. The expression on his face confusing MinJun.

Is not the time. Not the place. Truthfully he doesn’t even know where he is. Some isolated street in the middle of the night, with the sole reason for his inner torture standing a few feet away from him.

“Why does it have to be you?”

His asking a lot more than the obvious and Taecyeon watches him, waits for him to go on, but words are useless. They haven’t done anything but create confusion until now, so he steps closer. Closest the distance. Taecyeon doesn’t move, and MinJun reaches him with a few steps, a deep sigh rumbling deep in his chest. His forehead rests on Taecyeon’s chest, and he forgets what he wanted to do next.

“Just…”

Words get stuck in his throat, and rough fingers brush his jaw. Is Taecyeon that’s sick of waiting, Taecyeon that’s had enough of this push and pull game they’ve been playing, and MinJun doesn’t resist. Doesn’t have the time to be surprise. Lips are firm and dry against his. They taste of alcohol, and barbeque, and the feeling is strange, foreign. Nothing like he had imagine it would be like. Is not enough. He doubt it’ll ever be, and he clutches Taecyeon’s shirt. Pulls him closer for something deeper, more intimate. Lips give in willingly, softer now, moist and yielding. His entire body’s set on fire, and a simple kiss is not enough. He presses his body closer to Taecyeon’s, gives everything he has left and Taecyeon takes it greedily, loses himself in the moment until they are both dizzy and breathing hard.

“Do you get it now?” Taecyeon murmurs, and MinJun’s suddenly aware of where they are, of what they’ve been doing, of what they had just done. Of how close they are still standing.

“Do you?” Taecyeon goes on, unperturbed by MinJun’s anxiety of been seen.  He smiles, and MinJun can’t help but return it.

MinJun thinks that he had it backwards. Is not Taecyeon that thinks too much, he does. And he figures is about damn time he stops.

****

End?