I woke up again alone in the room. Peace and silence.

According to the doctors, I woke up two days after I had the problem.

They claim that I after the surgery was done, the resting time was too short for my body to function, so that was why I had a throbbing pain and fainted.

 

I rested, again. I didn’t know why, but I felt like I was in the middle of doing something, waiting for someone.  Just thinking about this and staying in the hospital, for who knows how long, is killing my brain cells. Every day I had to think and stress my head.

 

Just then, the three ‘friends’ came in.

 

“Do you remember us now?” One of them asked.

 

I gave them a poker face.

 

“Okay, well, by the look on your face, no, right? It’s okay. We can make new memories.”

 

I gave them a smile.

 

The shortest one, Shelby, came closer to me and introduced herself to me. Suzy followed after, and so did Ailee.

 

We started to talk about interests (again, for them) and we had fun talking about many things. I wasn’t sure if they were aware that I wasn’t afraid of pain and I didn’t feel like sharing because they might not like me afterwards.

I liked this group of girls. They were nice, and we were all compatible.

It was getting quite late and we were starting to get tired. Sadly, they had to go back home because they have school tomorrow.

I wished I had school. I wanted to learn, I didn’t want to stay here and do nothing.  I still had a little bit of energy after they left so I spend the remaining of the time trying to remember why I hated my parents. But for one thing, I was anticipating for my friend’s next visit.

 

I looked everywhere in the room. I looked at the clock, my IV bag, and the wrinkles on the bed sheets, the little shining stars and anything that catches my eye.

 

Just then, my brain gave me a signal. I closed my eyes and something came.

I am starting to remember some part of why I was so cold to my parents. My mother always favors my brother. My dad used to hate my brother; whatever my brother does, my dad opposes, but my brother still manages to do it. Every day, my brother would always get in an argument with my dad. It was a horrible thing to be in the middle of.  When my brother needed a ride to somewhere, I have to think of a lie saying I needed to go as an excuse. My dad knew what I was doing, but he didn’t say anything.

He pulled me to the side once, “I know you don’t need to go anywhere. Your brother needs to right? He is just too stubborn to ask me because we always get mad at each other, right?”

I lied, “What? No, I needed to go somewhere too; I just don’t want to go alone.”

My dad knew it was a straight on lie.

Even though my brother would always bully me, physically attack me, or made fun of me, I still always take his side. He was my only brother, a very immature brother. I look at my friend’s brother who was the same age as mine and he was more mature than my brother.

                                                                                                

Anyways, my brother gave everyone headaches.  He starts fights, he throws tantrums, and he gives everyone a difficult life.  I still don’t understand why many people still like him. He is so stubborn in everything, and he always wants to prove himself right. Eventually, I had many hard times with him.

 

One day after school, he brought a cat home claiming that ‘his friend went on vacation and needs someone to take care of it’.

My parents didn’t even question him and just accepted the fact that we actually own a cat now. After having the cat for ten days, she somehow went out of the house and was gone for one week.  We were trying to find her every day and every night, but we couldn’t find her at all. We slowly gave up and continued our regular days, missing our cat.  One night, my brother heard a noise outside of his window. The day after, he heard the noise again.  He went out to check what it was because it was giving him goosebumps.  It was our cat.  We were somewhat happy that our cat is back, but one month after, the cat had kittens.  There were six of them, but there were two kittens that couldn’t make it alive.  After a couple months, all the kittens grew and my dad wanted to give them away because they were making the whole house filthy.  However, we kept one of them.

Every day, my dad would clean the litter and fed them. Because the two cats noticed that our father always took care of them, they would always follow my dad where ever he goes.  My dad always arrogantly says “oh, see? The cats like me a lot. They know that I am the only one who takes care of them.”

 

Psh. Whatever. At least I have a life and not spend my whole time playing with animals.

 

It started to get annoying after a while because my dad starts to say that every time he sees the cats.

 

It was about time my brother needed to enter college, which means that he gets to have freedom.  Since he goes to the east coast for school, he barely has any opportunity to come visit us unless it’s a long break.

I had to admit that, it was a pain in the for every one when he is here, especially for me, but after he was gone, I felt alone. I wanted a person to joke around with.  For the first time, I thought like that. I felt like a wimp.

 

Time started to pass and I slowly get use to the fact that I my brother is away and I have to do things on my own. Every once in a while, he would call us and ask his how we are doing.

After my family starts spending more time with me, they start to like my brother a lot, more than me. My mom is so obvious; whatever she says, she always compliments my brother at the end. Never in my life have I heard my mom complementing me or making me feel happy.

When customers with babies come visit my mom, she would always treat their child better than her own child. I mean, I guess because they are a lot younger than I am, but it’s still not fair.

And when my mom starts to argue, I would prove my point and explain but she takes it as me talking back and she slaps me. That, I can’t handle. You are not supposed to abuse your child, therefore I punch her back.   Eye for an eye.

 

Back to the cat story. Sometimes, I would be bored, and I know I may sound mean, but I would scare my cats.  I won’t fully chase them, but when they are near me, I would have like a little fast movement so they would be startled.  It was funny.  Sometimes, the mother cat was too scared so she had a habit where she would pee and poo everywhere in the house. My dad was a bit angry and tied her to the restroom door, where the litter was so she can get used to using the litter like normal cats does.  I always forget that my cat was in the restroom and I ‘accidently ‘close the door. Why? Because I hate it when people always tell me to do things and in return, I don’t even get a simple ‘thank you’.

My dad kept commanding me to do things and if I say ‘no’ or don’t do it, he becomes sensitive and starts saying that he does a lot of things for me and I don’t do anything for him.

So one day, he told me to feed the cats. And I did. But I shut the door. It was a way of me releasing my anger. My dad found out a couple minutes later that the door was closed. He starts to yell at me, telling me that the other cat won’t be able to go in.

 

Later on, I start to feel sad.  I can’t believe that my parents treat a cat better than their own daughter. Are they human? I would always keep my feelings in a bottle and it explodes when I am taking a shower. I come out of the showers with red, swollen eyes.

 

I can handle most pain at home. Scratches, burns, cuts, everything. It wasn’t a big deal to me. I know we always hurt ourselves and we always bleed, but it didn’t really matter to me because I knew later on in life, there will be greater pain.  When I am sick, I don’t really tell anyone in my family; they would just figure it out when symptoms appear, but it’s not like they can do anything about it because it’s my body so I have to take care of it by myself. Even though I can take care of myself, at least help me get something because when one is sick, one tends to feel lazy and don’t feel like moving. One time, my dad needed to go to his friend’s house to do something and maybe play a game or two before going home. My mom decided to follow so my dad won’t need to waste gas dropping us and going to their house.

“How long will you be staying for because Elly needs to do some homework?” My mom asked.

“About one hour to one half hour. It will be fast.” He answered.

It was a cold night, and I didn’t expect my dad to receive a call earlier to go to their house. But I decided to follow too so it will be easier for my dad and I can read my book.

Their house window was open. Cold air rushing in. I sat close to the window for fresh air because his friends were polluting the house with smoke. Ew. Only way to breathe clean air is to stick my face out the window.  And so I got a cold that time, and usually for me, I would get a migraine before actually getting the running nose. My mom knew I was getting cold and she offered her jacket to me. I didn’t want my mom to get sick so I refused her offer. I rather suffer myself. Slowly, I was having a huge headache and a fever is slowly coming up.  I stayed quiet, while suffering. I could still handle this. My dad broke the promise and I stayed at their house, shivering with pain, for 3 hours. I started to tear a little. I couldn’t endure it anymore. My mom saw me.

“Elly, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I lied.

“No you are not. C’mon, let’s tell dad so we can go home.”

She told my dad what happened.

His response was “Honey, can we stay a couple of more minutes? I am winning.”

My mom started to be pissed. She took the car keys and we headed home first, leaving my dad at his friend’s house.  

In the car ride, I started to cry and tears were pouring out. It was that painful for me; I never felt that strong of a migraine and fever combined before.

“Elly, we’re almost there, hold on okay? Your dad is such a jerk. He doesn’t even see that you’re in pain.”

 

After a couple hours, my dad came back home and my mom started to yell at him.

“Who do you think you are leaving your daughter like that? You clearly said that you will stay only up to an hour and a half. Your daughter is getting sick. I can’t believe that you would just ignore her!”

 

I felt somewhat happy that my mom would actually stand up for me.

 

But then, there was another time where my mom wouldn’t help me.

 

There was a time where we were moving things in and out of the storage to the backyard of our house. The storage room’s door was heavy and plus, there was only on strand of string where you have to pull it with full power and lift it above your head. I knew my mom was weak and her back was weak too, so I decided to lift it. For some reason, while lifting the heavy door, I felt one of my back muscles being pulled. I told my mom what happened but she didn’t even think or a solution, or even reply back to my comment. I couldn’t move my back much. I complained to my mom that it hurts and I can’t bend much. No response. I hated my mom for that. I bet if I told my aunt, she would treat me like she’s a doctor in the hospital.

It was pretty depressing how I felt like no one was there to help me.

 

I remember that when I was smaller, my parents would always joke around and say that they are going to sell me.

 

Now, I wish I was in another family. I feel abandoned at my own house. I don’t understand how my mom is so harsh and cold to me, only me, but her sister, or my aunt, treats her daughter like a princess. It wasn’t fair.