Maybe, you’re just in love with the idea of you loving him? Or maybe you are just forcing yourself to love someone because the one you truly desire isn’t going to reciprocate whatever feelings you might be hiding in the deepest part of your heart. Well, that’s just sad, isn’t it? Sometimes, love is cruel in its highest form. But to love is one thing, to be loved is another --- and if in the course of it all, you’ll be heartbroken, then you truly are in love.


Love is painful - Maybe. Maybe yes, maybe no, but most of the time it’s Yes --- in its entirety.


If loving someone romantically is easy as writing your alphabets, maybe people won’t be writing love songs, won’t be making those stupid cheesy movies, or won’t be staying up more than 72 hours just to finish one shoot for a drama ---- maybe famous authors won’t be well-known but the thing is love isn’t stress-free just because sometimes, or maybe most of the time, the ones you love has a whole hole reason of loving someone entirely not you. And that concludes why people compose heartbreaking songs, make melodramatic movies which will end in tragedy or write a story that every reader will fall for its plot but in the end will crush everyone’s heart --- all of these are made because love is wretchedly beautiful.


Love is pathetically a serendipity – it’s so sudden that when it hits you, you’ll won’t be able to dodge. And sometimes, love --- true love that is--- will rob you of everything, will imprison you and will lock you forever. Sometimes, forever is true when it comes to love, someone will always and forever offer his life to someone he truly loves but sometimes, forever is also unrequited--- it’s pitiably one sided.


Maybe, that’s why Chanyeol is stuck in his current predicament because just maybe he has loved him all his life. Maybe the feeling he experiences every time they’re together is far more different than the way he interprets it. Maybe the sensation of longing he undergoes whenever they are apart isn’t really that of plainly missing a companion. Maybe, he isn’t scared of him having someone else entirely not Chanyeol – maybe it’s the fear of losing him entirely, of losing to a battle that has not yet started --- maybe it isn’t the fear of losing his one and only best friend - - - maybe it’s because his Chanyeol’s best friend loves someone else, more than a friend, more than he loves Chanyeol.


Yes, this is another typical love story that blossoms from friendship.
But maybe this isn’t your cliché bestfriends-turn-to-lovers story.


Maybe, not entirely.





“Best friends aren’t supposed to be in love with each other”


This is an unspoken golden rule that governs the infamous best friend relationship status. It sometimes hinders a possible perfect love story but in some way, it prevents the malfunctioning of a plain non-committed bond --- impedes a beautiful friendship from turning into fragments of memories. But maybe, sometimes, people are just too protective over trivial matters – not wanting to get out of their shells; too afraid to take risks – in fear of taking a little leap of fate, because maybe, what they have been accustomed to seems the easiest way available – the perfect road to take and safest choice to make.


Sometimes, it’s more fitting and more acceptable to not fall in love with your best friend.



“Why aren’t you listening to the things I tell you not to do?” Chanyeol yells and everyone hears though they are in a middle of a war movie playing in a 60-inch television and the sound booming over a home theater system equipped with dolby 5.1 set up.


Then it’s all hushed, as the movie is paused and the attention is on the pair in a middle of a heated argument. Obviously, one is winning, the other is lamenting.


“I’m listening” Baekhyun says almost a whisper, swallowing, hands absently fiddling with the silver chain around his wrist. “I just want what’s best for you.”


“God damn it Baekhyun” It comes off too harsh. Chanyeol is the most levelheaded, he usually is composed – the one who, more often than not, resolves an issue instead of dwelling into the negativity and eventually starts a fight but this time, he can’t keep his composure intact. “You don’t have the right to decide what’s best for me. You’re not my mother, you’re not my sister and , you are not even my boyfriend. ”


At times, we regret the words that came out from our mouths as soon as we say them but somehow Chanyeol doesn’t lament a thing even if Baekhyun is running away from him-from everyone in the room, even if their other friends are calling him and even if he just made his best friend cry. The anger flaring inside him is too much to handle, possibly clouding the logical things to say and the rational emotions to feel.


It’s a day after the exams and all of them gathered at Sehun’s place to celebrate their much awaited break from school but today, instead of the things they planned- movie marathons, foods, drinks and jokes - the festivity has been changed to a disturbance. Sehun is one of the witnesses to the turmoil that just happened but he’s the only one who never left Chanyeol’s side while the other dash out, following Baekhyun.


“I didn’t know you had it in you” It’s relaxed, not an ounce of bitterness or anger hidden and it surprises 


Chanyeol that among all the people, it’s Sehun who stays with him while everybody left. It’s Sehun who appears from Chanyeol’s left side, an understanding smile appearing from his lips. It’s Sehun who motions for him to sit down on the table and hands him a glass of water. It’s Sehun who understands him even though Sehun once loved Baekhyun, and possibly, still loving him.


“What?” Chanyeol asks sounding irritated.


“The guts to, you know, make him cry.” Sehun replies nonchalantly and although the answer is straight and simple – without a hint of malice, Chanyeol despises it.


Chanyeol wonders why Sehun stays because he’s the person that supposed to be punching him on the face, “why are you still here?”


“You need someone” Sehun shrugs, “I think the four of them can think of a way to make Baekhyun stop crying”


And Chanyeol squirms. Suddenly, the reality seems troublesome and his lungs find it hard to in air. But he’s angry – no, he’s furious even. Because no matter how good the intentions of Baekhyun are, the fact that he told Chanyeol’s parents of his plans of ditching college and joining a local band is an evident violation of the rules of friendship. Chanyeol trusts his one and only best friend, Baekhyun, more than anyone, to keep his secret unrevealed. He should have known, more than anyone, how Chanyeol’s parents would react. His parents would probably cut his allowance off, or maybe even forced him into military. Baekhyun should have known, he’s Chanyeol’s best friend after all.


Chanyeol refuses to answer and for quite some time, there’s stillness enveloping the room. He is sure he didn’t regretted what he just did. He didn’t feel any remorse that he made his best friend cry.


“You know he didn’t disclose your plans” Sehun hums, eyes focused on the ceiling, fingers tapping the table and he seems a little hesitant to make known what he is about to uncover “he was forced to tell it”


Chanyeol’s eyes grow wide, and he knows, whatever words Sehun is planning to say next, he’ll going to hate it.


“And he actually convinced your parents to let you join the band.”


Chanyeol doesn’t take it all in a stride. The eye-opener is too much too handle. He has been wrong for countless of times but today, it’s something else, he has been so wrong that he wants to change the facts, he wants to undo what he just heard.


And then it sinks in, he regrets it, he regrets everything.


“I’m an ” Chanyeol declares, convinced. 


“He’s still probably is crying.” Sehun smiles while every word is like a dagger stabbing Chanyeol’s heart, “And we all know, you’re the only one who can make him stop”


It’s a reassuring statement but even though it’s true, it didn’t stop Chanyeol from taking in more guilt because he is the reason for the tears in the first place.


“Better get your off here or I’ll be forced to knock you out” Sehun says jokingly but of course, sometimes, jokes are half meant.


“I really need a punch in the face” Chanyeol says, eyes pleading. “You can really hit me but after I make everything right.” He adds but he’s walking away now, his feet dragging his body robotically out of the room.


And then he begins to run, heart clenching inflicting unbearable pain in his chest. He feels the muscles of his heart constrict making it hard for him to breathe. He hasn’t been able to think up an apology or the perfect words to utter, heck, his mind isn’t letting him process anything othis than he’s an for making Baekhyun cry.


He is running to God knows where but he let his instincts get ahead of him and soon he spots them. A few blocks away from Sehun’s, he sees Kyungsoo, slouching on the street, Luhan with his arms crossed, Jongin animatedly talking – and a petite boy, palms covering his face.

He’s still crying.


Chanyeol takes little steps, unrushed but certain, wanting to fulfill a purpose. Luhan’s the first one to take notice and he has all the acceptable reason for throwing daggers at Chanyeol. Jongin takes cognizance of the matter next as he stops moving his mouth and his eyes scanning the place. Soon, Chanyeol is four steps away and Kyungsoo suddenly stands up and looks at him, eyes judging.


The three doesn’t speak but they slowly leave the place; Luhan is clearly pissed, maybe Jongin and 
Kyungsoo too, but they refuse to say anything or to even bluntly show it.


So, what should he do now?


Chanyeol hears the muffled cries, the softened hiccups and it brings him more discomfort.


“Baekhyun” It comes as hoarse, barely inaudible but Chanyeol knows Baekhyun heard it because the cries are suddenly weakening. He doesn’t know if he wants to see Baekhyun’s face because he’s afraid he might pour out all the guilt and he will end up bawling his eyes out. Maybe it’s better if Baekhyun’s face remains hidden, it will perhaps make it easier to offer a request for forgiveness. But maybe he has done an unacceptable things that’s why he’s being punished because the moment Baekhyun looks at him – really looks at him in the eyes; Chanyeol wants to sprint. It’s too much.


“I’m sorry”
Chanyeol hears the words clearly despite the sobs and god damn it, he wants howl.


“I’m sorry Chanyeol, I didn’t mean to tell them. I’m--“


And he does what the first thing that comes to his mind, he makes one more step and reaches out for Baekhyun, arms draping over his best friend’s tiny body.


“I’m an .” He repeats, like a broken disk. “I’m sorry.”
And he knows he’s forgiven when he feels Baekhyun’s arms moving to his back. And just like that, they are back to being Chanyeol and Baekhyun; they are back to being the best of friends.



Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s love story can be linked back into that moment ---- the time when Baekhyun gives Chanyeol a tight embrace, that certain moment when Baekhyun whispered, “You’re my best friend, I want what’s best for you because I love you” Chanyeol suddenly feels a sudden wave of vertigo-the heart pumping, the pain coming from his abdomen and then Chanyeol realizes it’s love.


It starts from there and then it ends ---


It’s funny how fate decides to play with someone’s heart---how it suddenly crushes everything and leaves you with nothing. It’s hauntingly cruel that Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s love story started so abruptly but ended much quickly.


Because sometimes, rules are rules --- laws are unbreakable, and maybe, sometimes, you fall in love with someone who isn’t going to feel the same as you. It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it? To know that forever did exist, forever pertaining to love exists, it exists with you loving someone for all of your life but that someone will not feel the same for you for the rest of his life.

Forever is real--- it’s not just a forever with a happy ending.



“And you know what they did after that fight?” Jongin, who is probably a little drunk by now, tells stories with his voice a little louder than his usual, “they walk back to the room laughing, as if nothing happened. They look silly, both of them, they still have noticeable dried tears under their eyes”


It has been three years since the fight happened and now everyone is on their last year in the university.
How time flies---


“They’re dumb” Sehun buts in making everyone laugh in response.


“That was one of the reasons why we thought, they’ll end up together.” Kyungsoo who is busy grilling the meat suddenly jumps into the conversation.


Baekhyun almost spills the drink he’s taking in, “What the hell guys? All these years, you’re rooting for us?” He says, cheeks beat red. “I thought you’re rooting for Baekhyun and Sehun” He then adds a joke.


“You look perfect together.” Sehun replies with a wink.


Baekhyun turns around and cups Chanyeol’s face, just like he always does in the past few years. It’s an established fact that skinship in their group doesn’t count as a romantic gesture, it has always not been connoted as flirting, “we do look good together because we’re best friends, right?” he asks, smiling.


Chanyeol since the day he first saw Baekhyun, he already thinks the boy is cute but he’s getting more and more appealing as time pass by, “yes, and best friends don’t fall in love with each other.” He replies, his casual and normal response for quite some time now because it’s what Baekhyun wants to hear and it’s what everyone expects to hear.


“And I thought that they will end up together too”


Chanyeol is cut from his emotional reverie – almost a realization.


Every person present but Chanyeol shifts their attention to the speaker.


“But they didn’t” the speaker adds while he reveals his angelic eye blinding smile. “Because Baekhyun and I did and I think we’re really fated to be together” he says proudly while he walks towards the surprised Baekhyun.


Baekhyun and Kris have been together since high school---the moment when Baekhyun realizes he’s gay because he was in love with Kris. And then everything is a rollercoaster ride when Kris and his family moved to Canada and the only few times Kris and Baekhyun can spend their time together is every after 2 years when Kris’ family visits Korea. Everyone thought their love story will fall apart because of the ups and downs, the distance and the almost-temptations to both parties but they survived every storm.


And today, everyone knew except Baekhyun ---


“I’m home.” He says and suddenly Chanyeol finds it hard to breathe because he knows, Kris told him. Kris told him first. And then Chanyeol wants to run away but he is glued to his spot.


Baekhyun stands up, makes his way toward the guy. Baekhyun hurries and then he slips, Chanyeol stands up, wants to catch him but he’s too late, Baekhyun is caught by someone else.


“I missed you Baek. I’m home, finally, I’m home. And I will never leave you again. I love you”


And the room is filled with tears --- mostly tears of joy as Kris dropped down to his knees, begging, hoping and praying that Baekhyun says yes.


Chanyeol has been with countless guys and girls, has been searching for a way to escape his cruel fate but no matter how much he dodges every bullet that comes his way, more and more are being fired at him. If he can only write his own story, maybe he’ll write his happy ending too but he doesn’t know how to write one because in this love story, the love of his life gets a happy ending --- and Chanyeol gets a forever, a forever of loving someone secretly - a forever without a happy ending.




And then Chanyeol realizes why all of a sudden the words he perfectly memorized and engraved in his heart gives him a whole lot of unbearable pain.


“Best friends don’t fall in love with each other, huh?

“Yes” Baekhyun replies. “I will marry you Kris.”


 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s love story started when Baekhyun whispers “I love you--- because you’re my best friend” And it also ends from there because Baekhyun suddenly removes his arms from Chanyeol because his phone vibrates from his pocket.

“It’s Kris.” Baekhyun says.

And Chanyeol smiles, “Go, answer it.”





“Kris, I missed you so much. I love you”


Love is painful - Maybe. Maybe yes, maybe no, but most of the time it’s Yes --- in its entirety.

***
 

/sobs/ I have not been able to update for a while, hopefully, I can recover from this long writer's block :( Sorry guys. But I'll try my best - one step at a time.