a/n: this is inspired by the childhood memory of eren and mikasa in 'Attack On Titan' (shoutout to otaku!). the reason i used english names is because i simply love it. enjoy <3

 

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            “Jessie! Stop it.”

            Why should I? Why should I stop pursuing the decision that I should have chosen years ago? Why should I hold onto my fragile promises? Why should I keep uttering deceptions? Why should I continue hurting people around me, especially you, Aiden? I don’t care anymore. I’m just being a nuisance, a filth, to this cruel world.

            “Jessica, stop it!” Aiden yells, seizing the stuffed bag from my shaking hand.

            “No, Aiden,” I softly whispers.

            Despite my frail condition, with all my might, I grab back my possession and run to the door of the hotel room. I can’t see very well without my spectacles on and thus, misjudge the doorknob. That buys Aiden some time to run after me. Upon reaching me, he immediately envelopes my trembling body in his warm embrace. Oh, I miss his hug so much!

            “Please, don’t go. Please…,” Aiden pleads.

            “It’s no use, Aiden…”

            I’m sorry, Aiden. I gently unwrap the arms around my body, despite how much I need to be in those arms at that very moment. A slow sigh followed by a chuckle come from between my dry lips. It’s all ended.

            “The police is coming,” I stated, as both of us can hear the loud siren.

            “No, Jessica! I promise that I’ll protect you no matter what!” Aiden yells desperately.

            “It’s too late. They’re here.”

            Suddenly, we are surprised by the deafening bangs on the door. We are too shocked to even move our bodies, but somehow, Aiden pulls me into his arms and shields my fragile body from the flying door. The policemen are in a group at the threshold, all of them holding black gun each in their hands. Of course, they are pointing at me, solely.

            “Jessica! You’re being detained by the police for being a suspect in the Felix Evan’s case!” The chief, or so I think, barks at us.

            “No! Jessica is no one to be blamed. She’s innocent!” Aiden yells back, arms tighten around me.

            “Mr. Aiden, calm down. You’re confused with the situation.” The chief calmly spoke.

            This is wrong. Completely wrong. Aiden is not confused with the situation. He is confused with his feelings; his love towards me. He doesn’t deserve all of this attentions from the authorities. He is the one that is innocent and naïve in this situation. You’re not in love with me, Aiden, but you’re feeling indebted to me… for what I’ve done for you in the past.

 

TEN YEARS AGO…

            I was scared. I was scared of the tall and beefy man who was touching Aiden’s bruised face. He was brushing his filthy fingers on Aiden’s bluish cheeks as my vulnerable friend struggled on the chair, being tied securely. Aiden cried many times for him to stop but the ert wouldn’t listen.

            “Stop! Don’t touch me!”

            “Shut up.”

            Then, a noise of skin slapping skin filled the air. My friend was being slapped! Oh God, what should I do? I needed to save my friend. He was being hit for no reason. Help him, someone! Please… anybody. My friend was being tortured. Help, someone! Help…

            And that was when I saw a pen resting on the ground near me.

            “It hurts! Stop!”

            “Shut up, boy! No one is here.”

            I couldn’t take it anymore. My friend needed someone to help him. I’m sorry, God. I needed to do this. Aiden was my friend and we should help each other, right? That was what our teacher told us. I’m sorry again, God.

            I grabbed the pen…

            I ran out of my hiding…

            I screamed…

            “DIE! DIE! DIE!” I chanted desperately as I clung onto the man.

            I kept on chanting as I stabbed the pen into both eyes, right and left, while crimson blood spurted like little red wine fountains out of the sockets. He shouted dirty words at me as he tried to pull me off him, but I was not going to stop. I clung harder and pulled out the stained pen.

            Why? Why he was not dead yet?

            “DIE!!!”

            With the leftover energy left in me, I stabbed hard into the left part of his chest deeply, two thirds of the pen sunk inside the body. Our teacher said that the heart was there, so if I wanted to kill him, I should kill the heart, right? I pulled out the pen and stabbed harder. I stabbed again. Again and again and again. I kept stabbing the pen into the chest of the immobile man, harder each time, until I could hear crack noise from inside.

            “Oh, it’s broken inside.” I muttered.

            The man was dead, finally. His shirt was torn and red. I tried to pull out the pen but it was stuck in him. That was when I caught the sight of my hand, my blooded hand. I stared at the crimson red coating on my hand. They looked… beautiful.

            “Jessica…,” Aiden called.

            “Yes?” I replied, still looking at my blooded hands.

            “You killed him.”

            “Yes.”

            “For me?”

            “Yes.”

            “Thank you.”

            “You’re welcome.”

            Then, it hit me. I killed somebody. I killed the man. He was dead. Would that make me a murderer? Would the police put me in jail? Would I be named as criminal in the newspaper? Would I…

            “Aiden, that never happens.” I said as I pointed at the dead body.

            Aiden nodded and smiled at me, saying thank you again and again.

 

            As the chief deals with Aiden, mostly about how he is confused with the current situation and protecting the wrong person, I look at the wide-opened window. It feels very welcoming to stare at the window, the curtain dancing like a frame. Aiden’s arms encircling round my body are starting to loosen. I should take this as my chance to escape.

            Escape from the cruelty of this world.

            “I’m sorry, Aiden. Thank you for protecting me,” I whisper softly.

            The wind feels breezy as I zoomed downwards, eyes closed, towards the ground. Tears gathered in my eyes as I nodded on my choice. Yes, death is my choice. Out of the blue, I felt arms, the same arms, enveloped tightly around me and pulling me into a familiar embrace. I opened my eyes to look at the person.

            “Aiden…”

            So, he is not confused after all. He do love me.

            But it is all too late. He jumps off the window to be with me, like a faithful person he is. He only has me, after all. Aiden switches the position so that he is the one at the bottom in the mid-air, so that he’ll receive the impact later on the ground. I hugged him tightly.

CRASH!

We both leave this cruel world.