It's past 2:00 AM in the morning and I can't sleep, so I just browse the internet randomly when suddenly my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Areum-ah..." I recognized that voice, it was like a lullaby to me. It's none other than my bestfriend, Kai.

"Yes Kai?"

"We broke up."

I can sense the sadness in his tone of voice. I knew him well enough to know that he is indeed, hurt. We've been best of friends for 8 years and we've been through a lot. And I am undoubtly in-love with my best friend. Ofcourse he doesn't know, like any other unrequited best friend stories, I am afraid that he might not return my feelings and end our friendship. I'd rather have him near me as a friend than to be away with me and be awkward. For several years, I've been there for him, I've witness how many times he had fallen in-love and fall-out of love. I've been with hm through both happy and sad times, like anyother good best friend would do. Even if it hurts me to see him loved somebody else, I endure it. Even if I almost crash and break down everytime he is hurt because of someone else, I stayed. Because that's what love is, right? And here I am again, listening to his painful story, giving him advice and convincing him tha teverything would turn out alright.

"It's okay Kai, just give her time. Time heals all wounds, right?" 

"I don't know Areum-ah, she hates me so much. I should'nt lied to her. I am a ed up person."

"Why are you always putting all the blame on yourself? both of you commits mistakes. And you lied for the better. You lied because you knew she would be mad, wouldn't this things happen if you tell her earlier? just give her time, she would soon calm down and talk to you."

Every word I utter cuts me like a knife, I am like a masochist. Sometimes I wonder if how can I get used to being hurt several times? Even if I am dying to to tell him that, You deserve so much better. If only you would open your eyes, someone else can see your real worth. But I can't. 

"I don't know Areum-ah, it looks like it's the end. You think I can manage?"

"Of course you can, Kai."

"Can I see you tomorrow? I know there would be an after shock you know, hehe"

"Yes, ofcourse! Just go here anytime, okay?"

"Alright, thanks Areum-ah, your the best. Bye."

"Bye Kai. Remember, don't blame yourself for all of this, okay?"

"Yes, Thanks."

Our conversation ended at exactly 3:30 PM. From then on I still can't sleep. My mind drifted to the thoughts of him and his ex finally ending their relationship. Would I have a shot this time? Would he recognize me? What if I confess to him? Arggh! I am a lunatic. I'll Just stay beside him every step of his moving-on process, I'll take care of him like usual, and maybe.. just maybe, he would look at me the way I look at him.

I slowly drifted to dream land while uttering the words I longed to say to my one true love, "I love you.. Kai."

Morning came and as soon as I check my phone I had 12 missed calls and 2 messages all from Kai. When I read his message my eyes widen and I immediately get up and rushed to the bathroom to prepare myself for the day because he says, "Be there in 10 minutes." and he sent it 5 minutes ago! 

True to his words, he's in front of my house as soon as I open the door.

"Hi Areum-ah"

"Hey.. you're so early, did you even slept?"

He didn't need to answer because his dark circles says it all. He enters my home quietly and when we reach the living room he just sat and stared at the ceiling. I know he is not ready to talk so I went to the kitchen to fic him something to eat.

"Kai, what do you want to eat?"

Instead of an answer I felt him back hug me. My heart pounds so fast I think I'll run out of air. I couldn't move, neither think.

"Areum-ah, why is this happening to me? it hurts so much."

I nearly cried, seeing him hurt, hurts me more.

"Shh.. everything will be alright. I am here okay? I'll be here for you."

"thank you, you are the best, you know that?"

And we spend the day talking, cuddling like we always do when we were still young. If anyone sees us they would think we're a couple.

"Areum-ah?"

"Yes?"

"Why don't you have any boyfriend? don't you like someone? I mean, you're almost perfect you know."

Wow, hearing him say those words I almost  say, becasue it's you, I love. No one else. 

"I just don't like. Would you want me to find one? That means less time for my best friend."

"No! I change my mind. Stay with me okay? Selfish as it sounds..but I don't want you to leave me."

"Don't worry, I won't."

"I think I can handle this Areum-ah. I'll move on, help me?"

"Okay."

Then he kissed my forehead. He left after dinner and my mind and heart is full of hope. Wishing it is the right time for me, finally, he can see me. My happiness can't be contain in words. 

The next day, while I was strolling the streets for an evening walk my phone rang. I smiled upon seeing Kai's name on it, I answered cheerfully. 

"Hi Kai!"

"Hello Areum-ah! Where are you?"

"Outside, strolling the streets."

"What? It's freakin 8:00 in the evening, go back home, it's not safe."

"Yes sir! Anyway, why did you call?"

"Guess what, you'll never believe it!"

I can get a hint of what's about to come. I can feel my happiness being short lived.

"Wh..what?"

"Nara gave me another chance! We're together again! Isn't it a good news?"

He says happilly, I could feel his joy from where I am while I stood in the middle of the street, frozen on my feet.

As I stood in the middle of the road, I hold my phone that's attached to my ear with my right hand, my other hand lies on my mouth, preventing any sound of my sobs. I listen intently to my best friend on the other line, cheerfully telling me how happy he is to be together again with the one he loves. 

I just listen while my eyes produced a liter of tears, my heart hurts like it is being stab by a dagger. Soon, I know I need to produce some words, but can I?

" Hello? Areum-ah? Still there?" Kai asked on the other line.

I was awaken from my trance. With every last strength I have, I managed to produce some words.

"I am...Happy for you...Kai." It stings like deep wound. Indeed, I am wounded on the inside. Every word cut so deep I can't continue to listen any longer, so I cut the line and turn my phone off.

I collapse on my knees and cried my lungs out. Tears continuously pouring. Why must I suffer like this? why can't he just notice me for once? why can't he be mine?

And like a thunder, the answer to my questions popped in my mind.

"Because you are his best friend. And that's how it is."

Sometimes, allowiing yourself to be so closed and attached to someone can lead to a painful mysery that you can't escape, for once the heart loves, it's unbearably hard to stop. All you can do is to dwell with the pain.

-End