THE TRAIL OF ROSE PETALS

"I am in a place where no one knows..." 

Her voice that reaches my senses as I walk pass through the boundaries in a place where I could find her.

The sound of her laughters as she teases the person she's talking to...

 That music that fascinates me enough to make me curious of who's the person behind such angelic sound...

And the trail of the red rose petals ahead of me that I could only follow with my eyes. Suddenly, I found myself lifting my foot up to pass through the way, heaven knows where they'll lead me.

My eyes widen in shock as the gush of wind scattered them all over the place, my mouth slightly opening at the sight of the petals being blown away from the path they were left to lead anyone who'll see them to the the right way.

"Oh no! The petals!"

Again, I heard that particular voice as she exclaimed those words. I didn't know what has gotten into me that my steps came in such hurry as I cross the boundaries and rushes to the person at the other side. 

The sound of my footsteps must have alerted her that I found her, looking at my direction with eyes wide open, surprise of my appearance. I could only stare at her unexpectedly beautiful face as the strands of her hair were being blown by the wind coming from the slightly opened window.

My eyes left her face as I stared at the scattered petals everywhere. It was my first time seeing such mess at the place but...

As I looked back at her direction, she's no longer surprised but rather amazed. And the next thing I knew, I was captivated by that smile that slowly spread on her face as she enthusiastically greeted this stranger a cheerful...

"Hello!"

For some unknown reason, it slowly melts the ice that surrounds my heart as I felt that unfamiliar warmth. And the impression of such messy place, changed into something else...

...for the trail of rose petals lead me to an angel surrounded by a beautiful mess...

The sun is slowly rising in the horizon as its rays pass the opened window of a certain room, touching the skin of the person that's lying on his bed who's blankly staring at the white ceiling. He's been awake even before his alarm clock strikes five and it's been ringing for the past 30 minutes. Not bothering to stop its noise, he searched for something under his pillow without even removing his gaze from the ceiling.

Once he found what he's searching for, he slowly retrieved his hand and place it on top of his chest, near his heart. For the nth time, he felt suffocated. Once again, his heart beats erratically inside his chest as his stomach takes turns as if he's in a nonstop roller coaster ride. He felt dizzy, not because of lack of sleep but the circumstances he's in for the past four weeks since that particular incident happened.

He slowly dragged himself to sat up, not feeling any strength at all, as he finally stopped the alarm clock from making further noise. This feeling is worse than anything else, not even comparable to what he's been for years... Maybe because that sudden blow pull him away from what he thought, was a life time misery.

But each day that passes by, he felt even more miserable than anything else. One would wish that if days could only pass by and before they knew it, it's already years since they felt this vulnerability. But not him... No, he wouldn't wish for that to happen. He couldn't even last with the thought that every seconds will pass by that he's actually worthless. This made him even more helpless...

He turned his head to his side as he stared outside the window, watching the chirping birds that are playing at the stems of the tree at his backyard.

"If I were to choose what I wanted to be if I am not the me right now, I would choose to become one of these birds..." she said with a smile on her face and her eyes were twinkling as she caress the back of a certain bird on top of her palm.

"Why do you want to be one of them?" he asked as he remained seated under the big tree on his backyard while staring up at her.

He just woke up and she came barging in, inside his house, telling him that she'll pick him up for them to go to school together. While he lazily dragged himself to prepare and fix himself, she went to wander around his place. It was the first time that someone from his university, stepped a foot inside his house and the fact that it was a girl, he didn't know what has gotten into him for giving her a spare key.

"A smart guy like you should also practice punctuality so I'll personally assign myself to do the favor of picking you up for your morning class..." right, she said those words. And it didn't came to him that this day is the start of her so-called duty to him.

She tilted her head up and stared at the playing birds right before her eyes. "Because, I wanted to spread my wings, fly and explore the world. I wanted to go to different places, be free and obtain happiness for the rest of my life..." she said as she looked down at him and gave him that familiar smile...

His heart skipped a beat upon seeing that smile once again. It was the same smile she showed him on the first time that he met her on that particular place. Ah, thinking about it... He can't believe it's been more than three months since that incident happened. Since then, he knew, he wasn't his normal self anymore.

 He turned his head to the side and chuckled.

"Ah! You laughed!" she exclaimed as she freed the bird from her palm and knelt in front of him. "You laughed right? Right?" 

He cleared his throat and straighten his face before gazing at her. "It was just your imagination..." he said, mustering a poker face. Right, he just chuckled. He cannot even remember when was the last time he did it but, he doesn't know why but it amazingly felt good.

"Huh? Was it my imagination again?" her smiled vanished as a knot formed on her forehead while staring at him. She was wandering her eyes at every part of his face as if analyzing the situation and making sure that it was just her imagination that's saying, she was just overthinking about things.

Again... She did say that word right? 

"...again?" he blurted out.

She stopped wandering her eyes on his face as she stared directly at his eyes. She gasped and bit on her lower lip as she diverted her gaze away from him and puffed her cheeks, occasionally biting her inner cheeks.

"Well, you see..." she looked down first before gazing up at him. "Don't be mad okay?" she said as she waved both her hands in front of him, making him to nod in response. "I once dreamed about seeing you, smiling. But it wasn't clear. Though I can only clearly see your eyes, I can't see your face completely. Since then, I started thinking, I haven't seen you smile since the first time I met you. I was just hoping that even just a glimpse of a small smile, I wanted to experience it. So, I kept on imagining things every time I'm with you. I keep on chanting, smile smile smile, over and over again but I always fail. That's why, when I thought you laughed just a few minutes ago, I thought, is this the moment? And I felt happy. But, I guess, it was just my imagination again huh?"

"Why do you badly want to see me smile?"

"Because I was trying my best to make you smile! But seems like I keep on failing huh?" she placed a palm on her face and chuckled at what she just said. She stood up in front of him. "Don't worry. One of these days, you'll smile. I will keep on doing my best to make you smile, okay? Okay!" she turned around and ran in the middle of his backyard as she pointed at him.

"Kwon Jiyong, 20 years old, I, Park Sandara, also 20 years old, will do my best and will give my everything to be able to see your smile. I will let you know and will let you experience that the past isn't a hindrance for us to smile and be happy all we want. Our present doesn't need to ask for permission from our past for us to be happy. We will definitely be happy. This redundancy is a spell I will cast on you, so be happy, okay?" she exclaimed as she grinned at him.

"Jiyong, mama feels so miserable whenever she's with papa that's why she'll find happiness. Even so, please take good care of your papa okay? Someday, I'll come back to share that happiness with you, okay? I promise, we will definitely be happy."

It's been 12 years, but she hasn't come back to share that so-called happiness with him. She just selfishly left them behind...left him behind. Even with his father's last breath, she didn't showed up. And it's been seven years since his father, died. Since then, he was left all by himself and so, he told himself that life isn't all about happiness. It's just an illusion...

For him, it's all an illusion a person created and chose to feel to be able to detach from the reality... They're just coward to face the reality if they're happy.

Our present doesn't need to ask for permission from our past for us to be happy...

He looked up on the sky as they were engulfed by silence, feeling the cold morning wind that touches their skin. "Do you promise to make me happy?" he muttered.

"Yes! Of course, I'll definitely make you happy!" she exclaimed and with her words, he can't just describe his feelings as he started approaching that warmth that's slowly embracing his heart, wanting to feel it even closer.

He stood in front of her and stared at her. Without saying another word, he let himself be close to that warmth, embracing Dara in his arms. She stood stiff on her spot but after a few seconds, she started encircling her arms around his frame making him to drew her body closer to him.

They stayed like that for minutes before Jiyong pulled himself a little and stared straight into her eyes. She was taken aback at the sight that welcomed her.

Jiyong... He's smiling...

"Then be my happiness..."

He once again felt the wetness of his face as he nonchalantly wiped away the tears that's running down his cheeks. He laid his body back on his bed and sighed aloud as he raised his arm as if reaching for something.

If only he was able to reach any farther than this, then maybe he'll be still holding the warmth of his happiness right next to him. 

He looked at the picture he was holding. 

Something pinched his heart at the sight of the picture's contents... Her smile... She was brightly smiling while he was standing next to her and staring at her face...with a smile of his own. That rare moment was captured perfectly but it wasn't on his image, he bothered staring at... But the face of the girl who brought that smile back to his face. 

It was taken on the day when he finally confessed his feelings for her. Come to think of it, he's been confessing to her every time he declares to himself that she was his happiness. Neither of the two of them realized it, how silly. 

But it was one of the moments that she never failed to take his breath away... And his feelings were reciprocated. 

He stood up from his bed and passed by the mess of his room just like the usual. He'll prepare himself a pair of uniform, fix himself, eat a small amount of breakfast and leave his house without even bothering of fixing the mess he'll once again leave behind.

It's the usual scenario since the incident four weeks ago. He's just too pre-occupied with more important things than that. How he managed to look decent even with this mess, he just can't remember. But one thing that's clearly engraved in his mind is the thought of meeting her again. And for that, he has to look presentable. Yes, that's the thought that's keeping him sane. 

The thought of seeing her smile, once again.

He's walking on his way to the university with his hands, inside his pant's pocket and his earplugs on his ears, listening to the music she likes.

"Stop pulling that serious face when you're walking by yourself. You'll just scare the people around. Here, I'll let you listen to my favorite songs and no, I don't want to see your straight face again. Just enjoy the music okay? Loosen up!"

How can he possibly say no when she would smile at him after preaching him? Since then, they would walk together on their way to the university, sharing her earplugs. 

Remembering the picture from earlier... Right, he was sharing the earplugs with her on that picture. 

Now that he's standing at the entrance gate of the university, the memories behind that picture flooded on his mind. 

That was the time when he confessed to her on their way to the university. It was just a normal and casual confession yet, since then, he knew, things aren't the same anymore. It's as if, they moved to another level of their relationship. 

And that picture was captured by non other than, her best friend...

"Jiyong..." a person nudged him on his side, catching his attention. The face of Dara's best friend welcomed his sight. She was smiling at him but the smile didn't even reached her eyes. "Good morning..." she greeted.

"Chaerin..." he acknowledged her presence as he nodded his head.<