"Come ooon" you can't sit at home,it's NY's Eve.Are you insane ? 

I really didn't have the strenght to explain to them that I have nothing to be happy for or any reason to party,I didn't even know where will He be or with who.That made me so irritated.And I exepted that stupid invitation at my own responsability.Party was held in some friend's house and there we supposed to meet with other friends and in the conclusion there would be a bunch of people that I at least wanted to spend New Year with.They were so annoying and I didn't care anymore so I got ready quickly.When we got there music was so loud that I couldn't hear my own thoughts.There already was a bunch of people and there were more to come.GOD ,thank you there's a lot of alchohol.I started immidiately .If I wanted to survive this and be a little content.

I could've spend this eve so much better.In his arms where is cosy and we could crazily make love all night.It would be so warm and our bodies would be sweaty and I would be able to hear his veins pulsing from heat,heaven would exist.But ,what I know right now is that he is at some home party where the posibilities of some going on im were high.I don't know any of his past lovers,maybe he didn't have any , but NY'y eve makes people go crazy .

Thinking about him and worring like that time passed and I got really drunk.I don't even know how much i drank or what.Than I saw a guy approaching me.He looked like Him a bit.A tiny bit but enough to make me weak and needy.And appyrently he had similar thoughts.Apparently some rule existed  that we have to be with someone for a night when is a big party like this.So we went to the some room,I couldn't see good if there was other people.This guy started to kiss me pasionately but without a single trace of tenderness.In a moment i felt so disgusted that i started yelling and quickly run away.My friends asked if somethig was wrong but i just said that I'll go out for a minute to get fresh air.I couldn't stand to watch their happy faces anymore,or couples kissing.When we're unhappy we can't stand absolutely non of others happines,it makes us angry and jeloaus.

Fresh and cold air helped me a bit,but I was so angry at myself that I stared crying.What I was thinking when I accepted his dirty offer.Did I really think that I could trow away all my feelings that acumulated in my heart for to years.How could I betray my feelings and spit in my face like that? If there were tough moments where I wished him beside me so much that I could die now I needed him even more.If I didn't stop myself from "cheating" on this love earlier I could be capable of doing something stupid like suicide.Maybe it wasn't that stupid ,what reasons to live did I had?

I didn't came back to that house.I would rather freeze to death.The bus station wasn't really near so I had to walk some thirty minuts.But I wasn't cold because my soul was burning from the pain I felt.

                                       ~*~

to continue....