Sehun had long decided that he did not like his uncle.

No, not his first uncle; he liked Jongdae uncle a lot because he teaches him cool words and stuff. But rather, his second uncle, Jongin. Which was a very weird thing for him, because he considers himself to be a very ‘toh-la-rent’ person. He just didn't like the way how Jongin uncle walked and talked and looked and smelt and everything. (Hint: it might have to do with the fact that Jongin described him to have a stone-like face which he most certainly does not)

But being the kind five year old he was, he let his uncle hold his hand as they both walk to his school from the nearby parking lot. It was pretty much the first time Jongin had ever brought little Sehun to kindergarten. It just so happens Joonmyun and Seri were busy for the week and had to ask Jongin to fetch him to school. Both parents did not really trust Jongdae, for perfectly good reasons.

“Hold my bag,” Sehun demanded.

“We’re almost there, can’t you hold it yourself?” Jongin grumbled as they both brisk walked. After all, the faster they get there, the faster they could get out of each other’s sight.

“I said, hold my bag!” Sehun pushed further, annoyed that his uncle could not follow such a simple request.

“Look here you little brat-”

“Peasant!”

“Peasant?” Jongin scoffed. “What kind of words do Jongdae hyung even teach you, and we are literally in your school right no-” Jongin halted his speech at the sight of the figure standing at the classroom door, looking amused at the exchange between the two boys.

“Mr Do!” Sehun beamed brightly at the sight of his favourite teacher, letting go of Jongin’s hand, rushing to koala hug the said teacher’s right leg.

“Good morning Sehun, it’s nice to see you being your usual cheery self! Would you like to introduce this handsome man who brought you to school to me?” Mr Do chuckled at the sight of the boy’s cute antics.

He’s a stalker, Sehun said in his mind, but he knew he had to put on his best behavior in front of Mr Do. Instead, he opted to stare at Jongin with a stoic face with a mumble of ‘uncle’ before attempting to drag his precious teacher away from the enemy.

“Nice to meet you Sehun’s uncle, I got to go get ready for class now, see you soon!” Mr Do smiled his heart-shaped smile before complying to Sehun’s dragging.

Jongin could only dumbly nod as he saw the two’s backs, body stunned with an almost comical expression if it were not so pathetic.

"He said handsome..."

-

That’s it, I’ve had enough, Sehun thought as Jongin took the fourth box of Lindor chocolates from the shelf of the supermarket aisle.

“What else would you like me to buy for you my dearest, sweetest, best nephew ever?” Jongin grinned while adding a handful of Hershey’s chocolates in the already overloaded cart.

“I’m your only nephew,” Sehun deadpanned. “Is this a plot to kill me?”

“Why would you say that?” Jongin gasped loudly, placing his right hand over his chest, as if in pain. “I love you way too much for that my wonderful cuddle bear Sehunnie!”

The wonderful cuddle bear Sehunnie decided that he was never going to go out with Jongin uncle alone ever again.

“Now, time for some uncle and nephew bonding!” Jongin squealed. “Let's talk about interesting things. Hmm… Let's see, we can talk about the economy, or the history of the Empire State Building… Oh, I know! I know! We can talk about your teacher, Mr Do! Isn't that exciting? Now, tell me, what does he like?”

So that's the catch, Sehun groaned inwardly as Jongin whipped out a pen and a notebook from nowhere, crouching down to Sehun’s eye-level, all in the middle of a supermarket aisle, gaining some weird stares from other customers.

Sehun was never going to sell information to the enemy. Besides, he’d never agree to a deal that had not been sealed. He cackled inwardly.

“Perhaps if you bought all those things first…”

-

The next day, Sehun and his overly enthused uncle arrived at school. They might have received quite a few glances to their way, with Jongin carrying a human-sized Pororo doll on his back over his backpack.

Sehun was about to burst into laughter, since his stupid uncle actually believed him when he said Mr Do liked Pororo. Even a five-year old like him knows that no adult could ever like Pororo. Really, how can a grown man like Mr Do ever like Pororo? Absolutely impossible. Sehun snickered. He could not wait to see the look on Jongin uncle’s face when he gets rejected.

And apparently, the impossible became very possible as Sehun stared mouth agape at the exchange of names between the two supposedly grown men.

“Ki…Kim Jongin…"

“Then it’s Kyungsoo hyung to you, Jongin! Thank you very much for this lovely gift…”

Mr Do craddled the Pororo doll which was larger than him like it was the second most precious item in the world. He looked at Jongin like he was the first. Sehun tried not to hurl before running off to the storybook corner, planning to put a stop to all of this madness.

-

“Alright class! Time for storytelling! Would someone please share something you have learnt over the week?” Mr Do smiled brightly at the class.

Immediately, a hand shot up.

“Sehun! I bet you have something very exciting to tell us! Now class, we must keep quiet when the storyteller is telling their story,” Mr Do reminded the class, putting a finger to his lips. “Sehun, please go on!”

“I have learnt that my uncle Jongin eats rabbits and bathes in the blood of puppies!” Sehun said resolutely, putting on the most serious face he could muster.

The whole class stayed silent, with Mr Do’s eyes widening, almost bulging out of its sockets. A girl cried.

“Shh… It’s ok Hwasun, shh…” Mr Do tucked the crying girl under his arms in a hurry, comforting her. “Well, er, Sehun… That was a very interesting thing you have learnt-”

“He's the same uncle that brought me to school today! He's evil, Mr Do! Evil! He never washes his socks and always buys the wrong type of Hershey’s for me! He buys the dark chocolate kind! Can you believe it? Dark chocolate! For a five year old! He is a really bad person Mr Do, trust me!” Sehun shouted in one single breath.

A smile threatened to creep up at Sehun words but Kyungsoo managed to suppress it, conjuring his best stern teacher face.

“Alright Sehun, that's enough, I'm sure we have all er, enjoyed listening to your um, learnings. Does anyone else have a happier thing to say?”

As the next person talks about his father spurting out foreign words when he stepped on a lego, Sehun was at a loss as to what he should do next.

-

“Papa, did you forget? Parent-teacher conference is on Friday!” Sehun reminded Joonmyeon using Jongin’s phone while the duo were driving to Sehun’s house from school.

“Wait, it was this week? I totally forgot! I'm sorry Sehun, but Papa can't be back until Saturday… Mama has to work overtime too, but don't worry, I’m sure Jongin uncle can be your guardian. Put the phone on speaker for Papa, please?”

“Jongin, I’m so sorry, I really need you to cover for me on Sehun’s parent-teacher conference on Friday-”

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Of course I’ll help you my dearest brother!” Jongin enthusiastically agreed, earning a questioning ‘hmm’ from Joonmyeon.

And as such, it was decided that Jongin was to meet with Mr Do for the parent-teacher conference.

-

“So, Sehun has shown a great liking to mathematics and drawing. He is a little quiet in class but recently he has started to speak more during our sharing time. It seems he expresses a great liking to you, Jongin.” Mr Do smiled cunningly, dragging Jongin’s name in a way that sends shivers down the said man’s spine.

“Um, it’s that so, er, I’m glad to hear that,” Jongin stumbled on his words, giving himself a mental slap as a result.

Sehun could not take this indignation and bursted out.

“Mr Do! Mr Do! Remember that time I told you that Jongin uncle never wears socks? He’s not wearing any now! His feet are as stinky as moldy cheese!”

Jongin’s cheeks flamed. “I-I just don’t like wearing uncomfortable things! My feet smell fine!”

“I’m sure you smell very good, Jongin,” Mr Do commented, looking innocent as he batted his eyes.

Jongin visibly gulped. Sehun huffed.

So, the entire fifteen minutes was spent with Sehun’s accusations and Jongin’s denial at everything, leaving Kyungsoo amused. Just how adorable can Jongin get, he thought.

-

One might have realized that Jongin’s one week of fetching Sehun to school was over, but Jongin, being the very helpful brother he was, insisted to Joonmyun on continuing his routine.

Sehun had tried time and time again to tell Mr Do about how bad of a person Jongin uncle was, but all he got was shrugs and hints of giggling. Which concerns Sehun, because how can anyone laugh at someone who kicked little stray kittens to a corner? Not that he had ever seen Jongin uncle really doing it, but Sehun liked to think that he did, along with other horrible things, like abducting little children and plucking flowers off in public parks.

It was the time for a change in plans, and he suddenly thought of one.

“What's this, Jongdae uncle?” Sehun inquired, holding up the said thing he found from the said uncle’s bag.

“This, Sehun, is what you'll need when you grow older,” Jongdae chuckled. “It’s a , Sehunnie. Grown men like your very own Jongdae uncle carry these around for, erm, emergencies. But, funny enough, when you're seen with them, it is not always a very good thing…”

“Ohh…” Sehun nodded in understanding. “So, is it like a gun?”

“Well…I guess you can say that…” Jongdae shrugged. “But you see, Sehun, it is quite awkward for other adults to explain this to you, even me! But I believe you'll understand when you grow up.”

“Can I have one, Jongdae uncle?” Sehun asked, entranced by Jongdae uncle’s wisdom.

“Sure, just don't let Joonmyun hyung or Seri noona see it, ok? I don't want to die when I'm so handsome and young just yet.”

Sehun reminded himself of the past conversation with role model Jongdae uncle in his head while scavenging for the item. He finally found it in between his two mattresses, planting it in Jongin’s backpack he brings with him just about everywhere while the target himself was rummaging the fridge after bringing Sehun back home from school.

It’s been too long, Sehun thought. This plan should hopefully work out.

-

It’s already 7.50, Sehun anxiously paced up and down the garage the next morning. Jongin uncle still isn’t here, I’m going to be late for school.

Speak of the devil, as the honking of Jongin’s car was heard. Sehun quickly got seated as he started to complain to his irresponsible uncle.

“Why are you late? You know, it’s all your fault if I have a mark on my perfect attendance record! If I was late, even once, I would have missed out on Mr Do’s ice-cream treat he promised for all the kids who were on time for the term!”

Jongin blushed and smiled at the mention of Mr Do. “Yes, yes, I’m sorry.”

Wait, is he apologizing? He never apologizes! What’s wrong with him today? Sehun thought, baffled.

Sehun scrutinized the man. Jongin was wearing a sweater today, of all days. He never wears a sweater since Jongin despised the heat. He normally just wore a casual shirt. Jongin’s hair was also completely unkempt, without any signs of combing or styling at all. Shouldn’t he want to look good in front of Mr Do? Sehun was puzzled. It was then did he spot the purplish mark on Jongin’s neck, just peeking out from his sweater. Now that Sehun thought about it, Jongin uncle’s lips looked a little bruised, almost swollen.

Did he get into a fight? Sehun gasped. He gave a weird look to Jongin, staring straight at him, hoping he’d say anything about that. Unfortunately, Jongin did not, deep in his own train of thoughts about the night before.

-

Where is it? Sehun wondered as he delved into Jongin’s bag for the planted item to no avail. He had sneaked Jongin’s bag to the back of the classroom, planning to expose Jongin of the acquired item from Jongdae uncle. Apparently, he had no clue that Jongin and Kyungsoo were standing behind him, watching his actions.

“Sehun,” emitted a loud gasp from Jongin, looking conflicted but definitely very embarrassed.

A loud guffaw was heard from Kyungsoo as Sehun spun around with an incredulous look on his face.

“Sehun-” “Alright Sehun, head to the reading corner with your classmates, I will look over your tardiness today, because it was partly my fault,” Kyungsoo whispered the last part so softly, Sehun was not sure if he heard it right. Sehun waddled off, looking as puzzled as ever.

-

Kyungsoo s an arm around Jongin’s waist, rubbing discretely at Jongin’s sore bum, much to Jongin's chagrin.

“So, when should we tell him?”

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eep fail humor fail everything don't hit me ;A;

coughstopsooisn'tawarningisitcoughs