She's just that average college student, always have been in love with one and only friend, a lonely florist down the street. However, what was special was she's mute and only he understands. He was always around her wherever she went, she was always by his side wherever he was.

 

She had known him for three solid years and in one of those years, he had read her diary that spoke so much about her feelings for him. He never ignored her though because he knew it was his fault that her secret love for him was discovered.

 

It was her last year in college, which just meant she had to move out of the remote village soon. They communicated and met a lot, but she never braved herself to show those beautiful words.

 

-

 

Day 1 highlights

 

One day, she was browsing through her books in the library when he appeared beside her. She perked up as his melodious voice echoed in her ears. 

 

"Studying for your finals, Jieun?" he questioned and beamed a signature smile of his.

 

"Just some touch-up and I'll be done."

 

No one would believe how her face instantly lit up when she witnessed his smile. He was one of the greatest reasons she was so positive in life. She would have given up on life without his presence. In response to his smile, she giggled and nodded curtly.

 

"It's Christmas in like... less than a week, have you gotten me anything?" he pouted.

 

"It's a secret, Kim Jongdae,"  she spoke, through her delicate hands.

 

"You're so cheeky, Jieun. It doesn't matter what your presents are though, what matters is that you're by my side. I promise you're going to have the best Christmas this year," he pinched her nose gently.

 

She jerked back and frowned. Though his words softened her inside, she couldn't speak those words. I love you. She thought.

 

-

 

Day 2 highlights

 

"It's getting cold, you should have my jacket instead. I'm a gentleman alright," he whispered into her ear. 

 

As his jacket fell onto her shoulders, she was being pulled into a hug.

 

"No one looks at you except for me," he groaned when he saw men taking secret glances at her.

 

His words melted her heart. She was lucky her feelings could not be identified physically or she would have had the whole entire place on fire.

 

"Let's go home. I want to rest, tomorrow's my finals," she pulled herself away from him.

 

She loved his romantic aura. However, she could not help but wish she was a little better than herself. Everyday, she wished to be a better version of herself. He was perfection and she felt like she never deserved this friendship.

 

Once they reached her apartment, it was time to say goodbye.

 

"I will pick you up tomorrow afternoon after your exams are over. Remember Jieun, you're special and you deserve this life," he briefly hugged her and held her hands tight.

 

Those eyes were really something. It made her believe things she would have not. One thing, he made her feel special.

 

What brought her shock was when he kissed on her forehead, "Don't ever leave me, friend."

 

-

 

Day 3 highlights

 

"Do you want nuggets? I feel like getting them now," Jongdae pouted his lips while his stomach ached.

 

Jieun on the other side, rolled her eyes, "We just ate, Jongdae."

 

"No, it's not counted. That's all just green stuff," he wailed in a childlike voice.

 

"Alright. Fine, fine. Just this once,"  she gave in to his beautiful figure.

 

"Oh look, there we are!" Jongdae said in excitement.

 

Jieun had to hold on to him, just in case they were separated.

 

"Aah, there you go," Jongdae sung and poked nuggets into her tiny mouth.

 

He cleaned Jieun's mouth with his thumb and looked into her eyes. As his thumbs stop, she felt a strange feeling surging all over her body. Jieun looked away while he awkwardly put his hands away slowly.

 

"You're so funny," he rubbed his temples and broke the ice.

 

I just want you to be happy. I'm not alright, I can go anytime. I wished you knew why I never reciprocated my love for you. I can't imagine you being alone without me. I'm soon gone, please don't wait for me. He thought.

 

"I'm gonna need some time alone tomorrow, meet you in two days time?" Jongdae asked, as his eyes sparkle.

 

She nodded and linked her arms with his as they walked out of the café.

 

"It's our third Christmas together, let's wish for a good life," he exclaimed and her hair softly.

 

Christmas is a good time to express my love for Jongdae. It's been three years. I hope haven't revealed too much of my little crush on him. She thought deeply.

 

-

 

Day 4 highlights

 

It was Christmas Eve and Jieun was at the nearest shopping mall from her apartment, excited to buy Jongdae a lovely present.

 

What should I buy him this year? The first year I had whip cream on my face and a tampon on my hands. He really made me mad but it was when I first started to have interest in him. Last year, I had pizza and a good list of novels that he bought for me. I was surprised he learnt that I have taste for sci-fi novels. I had him an oversized maroon knitted pullover from Zara and a cute pair of Looneytoons boxers that I had found at the sales.This year is a hard choice, but I'm gonna love this.

 

Jieun ended up with two scarfs from Jongdae's favourite clothes designer, a rose flavoured perfume and a bucket of frozen nuggets.

 

She was so happy at the presents she bought and all was left was to wrap them up.

 

Back at Jongdae's, he was silent. He did not have a christmas tree on this year. His decorations were only halfway done. Being Jongdae himself, he knew there was something unusual about him. He would have finished decorating once the weather was starting cold and christmas decorations were stocked in stores.

 

He looked up and whispered to himself, "If Jieun can live so happily, why can't I do the same? I can't believe she's fooled by my actions. Do I look that happy and healthy? Am I really that perfect in her eyes? I wish I was."

 

On that night, they both wrapped their gifts beautifully and sincerely.

 

Jieun thought, "I hope we will be together forever. Even if I leave this place for my career next year, I won't ever forget him. He made such a huge impact in my life, I'm going to love him dearly."

 

Jongdae thought, "My gift for you is a necklace that's so rare because it's made of the finest ingredients of jewels. Just like you, it's so difficult to find someone like you and I'm so lucky to have met you in this life. It also contains our initials "J&J". I love you Jieun, as much as you do."

 

-

 

Day 5 highlights

 

It was Christmas already. Jieun had invited Jongdae, and her parents over her apartment. She was feeling so christmassy she just had to put on a reindeer hair band.

 

"You look gorgeous," Jongdae stated and pulled Jieun by her waist. She blushed a little and ignored his sweet nothings to invite her parents in.

 

Her parents look so beautiful, just like their own daughter. I wish you were still here with me, mom and dad. He thought.

 

Jongdae's gaze turned to Jieun's mother as she embraced him into a huge comforting hug.

 

"My dear son, thanks for looking after her for three years now. I can never thank you enough. She talked day and night over the call about how she loves your presence," his tears fell as Jieun's mother spoke proudly of him.

 

"Kim Jongdae, let's enjoy two boxes of pizza I have ordered for the four of us!" Jieun's father exclaimed in happiness.

 

Jieun was smiling as she admired her parents and Jongdae for being so lovely towards each other.

 

"Can I have this dance with you, my princess Jieun?" Jongdae joked and she played along. His heart was starting to hurt badly but he knew he promised to make this Christmas her best.

 

Her steps were so in-sync with mine I almost thought that she was a professional dancer. I had to praise her, she was the most beautiful woman during Christmas this year if I must bet. Even if she wasn't in the most sparkly gown, even if she had not worn any make-up on her face, she was still number one.

 

"Here's my present for you," Jongdae passed it to her gently.

 

"And here's mine for you," Jieun snorted in a laugh.

 

We anticipated and laughed heaps. She could see his eyes soften as he opened the package. "Thank you Jieun. You just know what I love most," he chuckled slowly.

 

Jongdae rubbed his chest a little and coughed. He certainly looked pale.

 

"Are you alright Jongdae?"  she asked worriedly.

 

"Yeah, I'm alright. Let me fix this necklace for you," he brushed my hair aside and locked the necklace on my neck.

 

"You look fantastic, Jieun baby," mother smiled a genuine smile.

 

"You look gorgeous, my beautiful Jieun," he pulled her chin up and leaned in. Jieun was extremely surprised by his move, making her eyes bolt wide open.

 

"J-jo-jong D-ae," she finally whispered his name.

 

He smiled so widely. He could finally hear her gentle voice calling his name. That was his only wish this Christmas and it happened. He felt so blessed.

 

Ignoring her parents' presence, he took a step forward and embraced her while they kissed. It was her first kiss and their first kiss in three years. She felt like the happiest woman alive.

 

"Merry Christmas, and I love you Jongdae," she spoke timidly expecting a lively reaction.

 

However, she found herself sobbing in the next moments. His body was weak on the ground and he was having difficulty breathing. As he coughed, blood came out of his hands. She screamed and cried. She was lost and tired. Her father called the ambulance and they were brought to the critical ward.

 

"Jongdae," she whispered while her necklace.

 

"Please.... don't leave me first. I should be the one in your situation, you deserve nothing like this," Jieun cried softly, being comforted by her parents.

 

After an hour or so, the doctor came out and let Jieun enter. 

 

"Mr Kim was screaming and crying out on your name, miss... he wanted to see you so much. We can't refuse to his special request, miss," the doctor politely bowed. Without hesitating any further, Jieun sprinted into the room.

 

There were so many wires and instruments which she feared. However, it was only him in her eyes. He was weak and silent, so different from his usual self.

 

"Why....." Jieun cried.

 

"Why did you not tell me, you idiot..." she sobbed.

 

"I should be the one, not you. Please.... don't ever leave me alone," whispers were the best intensity she could speak.

 

"Baby... don't go. I love you so much, is that not enough to heal you?" she touched his face softly.

 

"Jieun, please... take care while I'm gone. Some people are meant to be together forever in their hearts, some are luckier. Please, be happy for me. I'm sorry I couldn't keep to my promise to make you the happiest during Christmas. It's my fault for getting sick," he tried to laugh.

 

"Shh, shh, it was never your intention," Jieun his hair back and forth, she looked unsettled.

 

"Jieun, sorry for not reciprocating my love earlier. I lo-love y-yo-," there laid a lifeless Jongdae, with his last tear falling off his cheek.

 

"J-jongdae? Jongdae, wake up! This is not real. Jongdae, stop faking. Please tell me this is one of your dumb pranks. Please." 

 

However, she could never be deceived by the continuous dead sound that was aching her brain.

 

"NOOOOOOO!!!" she screamed.

 

Her parents rushed in to see their daughter depressed and dropping herself on the floor like it never hurt her.

 

"Here's a note. Jongdae told me to give it when he isn't around. Daddy didn't expect him to leave us so fast. I'm sorry, my daughter," father looked downwards.

 

"My dear daughter, please forgive me. I had known earlier but I couldn't tell you because he asked to keep it a secret," mother pulled Jieun into a tight hug.

 

In that note, was a very white sheet, stained with bits of dried blood. Tears fell slowly as she read those words.

 

"Dear Friend

 

I have never been good in words. It's nonsense when you tell me I'm perfect because I never considered myself as that. But I have to thank you for making me feel so much better about myself. In these three years or so, I never thought we could have been this close. Please forget about how much we dated because I forced you to. I'm so glad you're always there for me, just like how I'm always there for you. There are so many memories with you that I love and I will never forget a single one of them. When I go to heaven, please don't try to be with me. I need you to live your life and fulfill your goals and feel accomplished. Just like what you had told me before. I know I'm just a freaking lonely florist in your eyes but thank God I said I was. If I hadn't lied, you would not have been a person I would always think about or would want to meet regularly. You do things that makes you happy and I'll be happy as well. I'm sorry for hurting you sometimes or being too serious, I just loved to make your day. Believe me, your smile and confidence that you hide from the world is so precious. I'm so glad for knowing you so well as a person. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for your presence. Thank you for existing in my life. If I really were to leave, please don't be sad. Be strong, friend. You're a fighter and you know that too. Keep being positive.

 

 

I love you."