"Santa tell me if you're really there

Don't make me fall in love again

If he won't be here next year

Santa tell me if he really cares

Cause I can't give it all away if he won't be here next year"

 

It was a snowy Christmas Day. People were walking down the streets through the snow. There were couples walking, holding hands, laughing with each other. Overall, they were having a great time. Except for you of course.

This year's Christmas Day would , you could already guess it. Sitting alone in your apartment, watching tv, looking out of the window to the snowy streets. Great.

The situation was very different last Christmas. You had a boyfriend back then, named Kris. You had a great Christmas. You spent the whole day with Kris, opening the Christmas gifts and watching Home Alone together. And that night, you did inappropriate things with him of course. Overall, you had a great Christmas with Kris.

 

A few months later, Kris broke up with you. You didn't know the specific reason, though. He suddenly broke up on the 14th of February (yeah, on Valentine's Day, what a douchebag), saying that the relationship got bored and that he didn't want that 'strings attached' relationship anymore.

 

GOT BORED!!!!! You couldn't believe your ears when he said that.

 

At first, you were totally heartbroken. You wouldn't eat and drink anymore and you walked around like a zombie that never saw the light in his whole life.

 

Yeah, you were kinda miserable back then. Thank god you had your best friend Suho, who supported you through the whole thing. If he wouldn't be there for you, then... We'll yeah. You'd probably commit suicide already.

 

Okay, that was a little bit exaggerated. But you were glad that Suho was by your side every time you needed him. Of course, you were always there for him too. Like, when he and his girlfriend Luna broke up. Man, the poor guy was heartbroken. He was even more heartbroken than you were. But, mainly because of you, he got through it.

 

This year, you and Suho grew closer. That was mainly because of the breakups, though. Your friendship with Suho developed very well this year, you even fell in love with him. Yes, you fell hard for your best friend. At times you wanted to hit yourself for developing feelings for Suho, but you also knew that if he'd be your boyfriend, he would've never hurt you like Kris did when he broke up. Apparently, you were too bored for that galaxy dude.

 

Or you were not his style? Yeah, that must've been it.

 

You were walking down the streets in this breezy weather, facing the thousands of couples on your way to Suho his place. You guys already knew that you were both going to be alone this Christmas, so why not spending it together. As friends.

 

Friends. You were gagging over that word. You wanted to be more than friends with Suho. You wanted to be his girlfriend. Although you were kind of certain of your feelings for him, you weren't certain of his feelings for you.

 

He gave off mixed signals. Sometimes, you were certain of the fact that he liked you too, because he sometimes would hold your hand while walking down the streets, or give you his jacket when you were cold.

 

At other times, you were very uncertain of the fact that he liked you, because sometimes he wouldn't pay attention to you when he was busy doing his own stuff, or when he was playing COD. Yeah, he put a stupid video game before you.

 

Anyways, you were planning on confessing to him. You would tell him that you had developed feelings for him this year, and that you fell in love with him, very hard.

That didn't mean that you weren't scared. In fact, you were very scared. Scared that he would deny his feelings for you. Or worse, that he would say yes, but eventually break up with you in the same way like Kris did.

That's why you crossed your fingers and prayed for Santa to hear your wish. That Suho would stay forever by your side, as your best friend, and with luck, as your boyfriend.

==========================

After a rough thirty minutes walking you finally arrived at Suho’s place. You knocked on his door. No response. That’s weird, why wasn’t he responding, you thought as you tried to knock on his door again. A few seconds flew by when the door finally opened.

Only, to find Suho not behind his front door.

Where the hell was he? And what was he up to? Those two questions came to your mind at first before stepping into his house, which was kind of dark you found.

You took off your shoes and pulled on the first pair of slippers you saw. You looked around to see if Suho was there, but he wasn’t. You walked towards his dark living room, only to find a dinner table with two candles on it. Oh, so that’s the reason why it was so dark in here.

“Junmyeon, what the hell is this and where are you??”, you yelled, hoping for a response from Suho. When you had the urge to irritate him, you always called Suho by his birth name, which was Junmyeon. By calling Suho by his birthname, you were hoping that you would get a response as soon as possible.

Only, you didn’t get a response.

You sighed and just let it slide. “I guess he will come later by himself”, you said as you took a seat on the dinner table. As you took a seat, you looked around the living room, taking in every single detail of it.

Suho’s apartment was rather big than small. The living room was bigger than your apartment altogether. Your apartment looked like a mouse hole compared to Suho’s, but yeah, what do you expect? Suho’s family was very rich and your family… Well yeah, your parents were farmers who lived in the countryside. They didn’t have much money like Suho’s family did, but she didn’t mind. She worked hard for her own money and that made her feel like she did not have to depend on her parents.

His big, white and soft sofa was placed in the middle of the living room, with the tv right in front of it. Next to the sofa, you saw Suho’s big Christmas tree. You felt a smile creeping up on your face. Suddenly memories of you and Suho decorating the Christmas tree came up in your head.

-Flashback-

“Hey Junmyeon, will you please hurry up with the tree? I ‘m waiting for like ages for you to bring inside that tree”, you said as you watched Suho bring the enormous tree inside of his apartment.

As Suho finally managed to bring the Christmas tree inside, he looked up to you with an irritated look. “Well, if YOU helped me to bring this tree inside, the process would have been much faster than when doing it on my own, don’t you think?”, he said as he brought the tree to the place where you stood. “And”, he said afterwards, panting, “will you please STOP calling me by my birth name?? You know I don’t like that!”. Suho pouted as he put down the tree.

“Finally!!!!”, he screamed out as he plunged himself on his sofa. “Next year I really need to reconsider taking in such a big Christmas tree as this one”.

You laughed as you took him by his arm and pulled him up. “Hey Suho, we’re only half through the WHOLE PROCESS. We have to decorate it, you know?”, you said as you tried to get him off of the sofa.

“WHAT? NO! YOU ARE GOING TO DO THAT ON YOUR OWN SINCE I CARRIED THAT GODDAMN TREE ON MY OWN!!!”, Suho yelled as he tried to pull his arm out of your hands.

“Arrrghh, come on Junmyeon! You can’t compare our situations. Look, you’re a man. I’m a woman. You’re the strongest here, so you HAD to carry that tree. And besides, you didn’t even had to buy such an enormous tree. You could buy a small one to you know-“

“OKAY FINE! I’ll help you”, Suho interrupted you as he got off the couch. “Now will you please let my arm go? It kind of hurts”.

You rolled your eyes as you let his arm go. “Are you sure you’re a real man? You’re good for nothing”.

Suho ignored your comment as he picked up the box with decorations from the ground. He took out the Christmas balls and gave some of them to you. You happily took the balls from them and immediately placed them on the Christmas tree.

“You know Suho”, you blurred out as you were placing the rest of the balls on the tree, “I really like being with you like this. Just the two of us, having a great time while decorating the Christmas tree. Laughing, arguing. It makes me forget the problems and misery I had earlier this year”.

Like Kris.

Suho watched you in awe as you were decorating the tree with the Christmas balls. He walked up to you, only to notice your eyes were tearing up. Soon, a tear fell down from your left eye. As you noticed this you wanted to turn around to wipe your tears out, but before you could do this, Suho grabbed you by your wrist and turned you around.

You looked him in the eyes, a little bit surprised from his sudden movement. Suho wiped your tears out of your cheeks, giving you a reassuring smile. He looked in your watery eyes as he caressed your cheek.

Suho had to admit it, he loved looking into your dark brown eyes. Those eyes were the most beautiful eyes he has ever seen. Gosh, they were even more beautiful than his mom’s.

Or Luna’s.

Before Suho knew it, he leaned in to you, making the space between your faces smaller (which already was small enough!!!!!). Your lips were brushing with his as he pulled you against him. Your heart was beating like a drum as he came closer and closer. He wanted to crash his lips on yours, but before he could do this the doorbell rang.

“HEY SUHO, OPEN THE DOOR! IT’S CHANYEOL, I BROUGHT SOME CHIMEK (Chicken and beer, a famous side dish in Korea), LIKE I PROMISED”, Chanyeol said as he rang  the doorbell again and again.

You quickly pulled away from Suho and gave him a smile. “You should open the door, before your neighbours will throw their shoes towards his babo (idiot) head”, you said laughing as you walked back to the decoration box, trying to ease your bouncing heart and forget the incident that took place not even a minute ago.

“Yeah, I probably should...”, Suho said disappointing as he walked to his front door to open it.

-End of flashback-

You were spacing out again as you played with the placemat on the dinner table. Suho was trying to kiss me. Guys don’t kiss girls so abruptly just like that, right?

As you were spacing out you didn’t notice Suho walking towards you with food on his serving tray. He made the turkey dish you loved to eat in the holidays, and he was proud of it, because this dish was literally like the only dish he could make. Except for noodles then, if you consider that as a dish.

“You’re spacing out again”, Suho said as he walked to you and placed the tray on the table. You looked up to him as you gave him a smile. As you smiled, Suho could swear that he felt his heart skip a beat.

Yes, Suho was in love with his best friend. Since you and Kris broke up, Suho was there to support you through the whole process of sadness and misery after the breakup. Because of this, he spent more time with you than with his girlfriend back then, named Luna. Luna wasn’t very happy about this. After a while, Luna couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with Suho, because he was just spending too much time with you than with her. Suho was heartbroken, but he never blamed you for it, because it has never been your fault. It was his, but as long as he had you, he didn’t mind.

“Hey, there you are!”, you said as you gave Suho a warm embrace. Suho hugged you back. “Where were you all the time? I was waiting here for ages!”.

Suho rolled his eyes as he sat down the dinner table, facing you. “I was getting ready the food. You were early than I expected, I wasn’t ready yet when you stood in front of my door. So when you knocked I opened it and went on with the cooking, not wanting to ruin the surprise”, Suho said as he gave you his charming smile that always managed to give you butterflies.

“Junmyeon, you sweet, crazy bastard”, you laughed as you took a glance at the food. Your eyes widened by seeing the dish in front of you.

“OHMYGOSH, SUHO IT’S MY FAVORITE TURKEY DISH YOU MADE THERE. ASDFGHJKL OMFG JUNMYEON YOU ARE SO GREAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH-“

You quickly put your hand over your mouth after you blurred out those three dangerous words. You stupid mofo, you thought within yourself, did you just really blurred out that you loved him?

Suho laughed as he scooped up the food on your plate. “You don’t need to be ashamed, I love you too”, Suho said as he gave you a wink.

Your heart skipped a beat as he said those words. He just said that he loved me too…

No, get a grip of yourself! He probably didn’t really mean it. Suho probably loved you as his best friend, right?

But then, Suho was not the type of you who said those things just like that.

“Do you REALLY love me, Suho?”, you blurred out before you were conscious of it. You couldn’t help it anymore. You needed to know if Suho had feelings for you.

Suho gave you a surprised look as he looked up to you. “Well, ofcourse I love you. Why wouldn’t I?”.

You sighed as you stood up from your seat and walked towards him. You took him by his hand and led him to the sofa. Suho gave you a questioning look, but he still complied. You sat down, still holding on to his hand, as if you were afraid to let him go.

“I've been down this road before

Fell in love on Christmas night”

“Suho, listen to me, I need to tell you something”, you said as you took a deep breath. You really didn’t know where to start the whole story.

“Okay, I’m listening”, Suho said as he squeezed your hand, giving you a sign to move on.

You sighed and took a deep breath. “Okay Suho, listen. After Kris broke up with me, I was devastated, and you know that. You were there for me, supporting me, soothing me if I cried over the beautiful, but painful memories with Kris. God, you even stuck with me when I was acting like the zombies in the walking dead after that breakup. I didn’t want to eat, nor drink anything. I was quickly annoyed and only yelled at people, including you! However, being the nice and lovely guy you are, you stuck with me until the end. You even sacrificed your relationship with Luna-unnie because you didn’t want to leave me and wanted to stay by my side. Yeah, I know why she left you Suho. I’m not a babo. I’m a girl, I can feel these things”.

“Anyways, I wanted to thank you. Thank you for sticking with me through everything, Thank you for supporting me while I was a mess. Thank you for all this”, you said as you pointed to the dinner table with the food on it and to the Christmas tree. “You know Suho”, you said as you took a deep breath before you moved on, “I fell for you, I fell REALLY hard for you. Ever since this year August I started to develop feelings for you. Especially after the period when you also broke up with Luna. You know, you could’ve gone back to her. She’d still take you back if you just apologized and left me here. But no, you didn’t. I just… I just-“

Suho interrupted your story as he took you by your waist and pulled him closer to you. He looked in your eyes, your dark brown eyes that he found the most beautiful that he had ever seen. Just like he did days ago, he cupped your cheek and pulled you closer, making the space between your faces smaller. You closed your eyes and so did he. Before you knew it, he crashed his lips on yours, giving you a soft, but passionate kiss.

Your heart was beating like crazy when he kissed you. You moved your arms up to his neck to pull him closer. As he noticed this, he smiled into the kiss, which also made you smile into the kiss. Suho pulled away from the kiss, and you immediately noticed the empty feeling when his lips weren’t on yours anymore.

Suho pulled you into a hug as he gave you a kiss on your forehead. He didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. He was out of words after hearing your story. This made you kind of nervous.

“Uhmmm, Junmyeon?”, you said to lighten up the situation. “Why aren’t you saying anything? You didn’t fall asleep right?”. You looked up to Suho, only to see him smiling down at you.

He took a deep breath before he wanted to tell his side of the story. “You know”, he said, as he intertwined his fingers with you, “After I broke up with Luna, I was devastated. Which you probably already knew. Yes, I could’ve gone back to her and yes I could’ve apologize to her for not giving her my attention, but I didn’t. Do you wanna know why?”

You nodded as you squeezed his hand to tell him to move on. “Yeah, go on. Why?”

“Because, I really enjoyed spending time with you. When I’m with you, I forget all my problems for a temporary time. I was happier when I was with you than I was with Luna. Yes, it broke my heart, but I was fine with it. As long as you were by my side, I would survive”, Suho said as he gave you a kiss on your forehead.

You felt tears coming up in your eyes and before you knew it you let out a soft sob. Suho noticed this and wiped the tears off your cheek.

“Baby, please don’t cry. I can’t stand watching you cry”, Suho said as he gave you a warm smile that made your heart flutter again. He pulled you into his arms and soothed you. Then the silence took over. You didn’t mind, because  it was a comfortable silence.

“So…..”, you finally said after a couple minutes, “We’re an item now, I guess?”

Suho laughed as he patted you on your head. “Yeah I guess so, unless you don’t want me to be your boyfriend, which probably isn’t the case… I hope”.

You laughed as you wiped off your tears and looked towards the dinner table. “Hmm, I bet the turkey dish is already getting cold, isn’t it?”, you said as you were pouting your lips.

“Well, yeah. But if you’re still hungry after the emotional talk I could heat it up in the microwave?”, Suho said as he wanted to stand up and walk to the dinner table.

“No”, you said as you grabbed his wrist. You stood up and moved your arms around his neck. “I think I have a much better idea to spend the rest of this lovely Christmas day”, you whispered in his ear as you gave him a kiss on his jawline. Suho immediately stiffened.

You laughed at his reaction and walked towards his bedroom. You turned around to look at your surprised and flustered boyfriend. “Give yourself some time to calm down baby, I’ll be waiting for you”, you winked to him as you closed the door of his bedroom.

You were ready to give all of him to you. To open up yourself towards him. You were ready.

And he was going to stay next year. He was going to be by your side until next year’s Christmas. And the year after that.

“Oh I wanna have him beside me like ooh

On the 25th by the fireplace ooh

But I don't want no broken heart

This year I got to be smart”