“You can't just make yourself matter and then leave,Jessica!” Dead silence. Sooyoung wipes the tears forming in her eyes. She bites her lower lip, trying not to break down in front of the other girls.

Everyone is silent. The tension among the group is high and unexpectedly dramatic. They have never seen Sooyoung like this before; she’s angry, she’s melancholy and most of all she’s expressing strong critical emotions.

Jessica stares at the girl who’s been her best friend for more than a decade now , completely out of words and almost to the point of breaking into tears. For the love of god she just wanna wrap the taller girl into an embrace and tell her everything’s gonna be alright. That she wont be leaving her, all of them, anymore. But she couldn’t. Because she’s leaving her. She’s leaving them. The decision has been made.

“Soo. I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say aside from apologetic words.

Sooyoung’s gaze is piercing Jessica’s heart.

“After all this time,Sica, you still can’t make a decision for yourself? Or perhaps you already know how to,all these years, but you’re just using the future to escape the present.” Sooyoung’s voice is filled with accusation.

She continues, “What,Sica? Is it scaring you? What the present may convery?” her tone is venomous, like a mad snake waiting to destroy her prey.

Jessica’s tears fall out of her eyes. She’s hurt by Sooyoung’s words. She covers with her hand, another supporting the other hand. Her whole body suddenly turns weak and she’s trembling.

“Right? You’re afraid people would actually judge you if they know once and for all that you, Girls Generation’s Jessica Jung, is dating me!” Sooyoung’s allegation is loud and clear.

The other members try to calm Sooyoung down while the others rush towards Jessica,who’s already shaking from crying too hard.

“Soo, calm down. This wont fix things, it’ll just make the situation even worse.” Tiffany steps to the tall girl’s side, putting a hand over Sooyoung’s shoulder.

Sooyoung gets Tiffany’s hand off her shoulder, holding it still as she speaks in low tone, “Don’t you get it? The situation’s already at its worst.” She lets go of Tiffany’s hand, walking forward closer to Jessica.

The others were expecting for Sooyoung to act in an aggressive manner but instead she pulls Jessica closer, wrapping the shorter girl in her arms. And they’re all caught off guard.

Sooyoung tightens the hug. Aware that this could be the last time she’d ever hug her. She bends a little so their foreheads are touching each others. Jessica looks up at the taller girl with great sadness. She could see how Sooyoung’s eyes reflect the same emotion.

“I did the most dangerous thing when I said I love you.” Sooyoung whispers as Jessica’s tears continuously flows out of her sad eyes. She knew this is it. Sooyoung’s letting her go.

“But I guess it’s not worth it in a world where people’s judgments are more dangerous. I was so comfortable of what we have I didn’t realized how much it’s making you uneasy. I’m sorry.” Every word Sooyoung said was sincere and platonic. She then planted a kiss on Jessica’s forehead before pulling back from the hug.

As she was just turning her back from Jessica, Jessica sneaks her arm around the taller girl’s waist,backhugging her. She buried her face at the taller girl’s lean back, unintentionally wetting her shirt from her tears.

“I’m so sorry. I love you. I do. But I have to do this. It’s the only option I have. I love you,Soo. And never was I scared of what the present may convey because I have you. But this time it’s a different story. I’m doing this for me. And no matter how selfish may that sound, I just had to. I’m so sorry.”

Jessica cries her heart out. As she loosen her embrace, Sooyoung slowly walks out without turning back. And she’s left there. In solitary. Or at least it’s what it feels like for her. She has the other members consoling her but she feels certainly alone. And now imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. The irony.