“Kyungsoo…”

                        “Yeah?”

                        Baekhyun sat on one side of the couch so Kyungsoo took the other, the distance between them only accentuates the uncomfortable silence surrounding them.

                        “This just can’t happen…us; I mean…I don’t think this should go on…”

                        “Because it’s wrong?”

                        “No…I don’t know…”

                        Kyungsoo knew this was coming. He’s felt it. Nothing was ever really declared official between them. It was just there…harmless banter, careless touches, and secretive whispers…but it was nothing formally defined. It was just a thing. It was hidden, cautious, but not unwelcome to both. It seemed that way anyway, till now.

                        Kyungsoo has long accepted he didn’t swing the straight way. It wasn’t out there but everybody around him knew and accepted it. Things only became complicated when he fell for Baekhyun. The guy isn’t even that exceptionally handsome…more averagely good-looking, really, but he was pleasant, and kind, and funny. One night he told Kyungsoo, “I think I like you.” And Kyungsoo replied, “I quite like you, too.”

                        They became closer, touchier…and constantly together, almost. Like they were in a relationship.                                    

Then this happened.

                        Baekhyun’s words were like poison to Kyungsoo. There he was, just enjoying what they had, mildly hoping for it to be something more…then it all crashes. He has to save himself.

                        “What do you want to do now?”

                        “I…I don’t know…”

                        Baekhyun was nervous. He seemed lost. Kyungsoo, though scared and confused, was still calm. He’s always been the more level-headed one.

                        “I’ll make it easy for you then…go.”

                        “Kyungsoo…”

                        “Just go. Don’t look back.”

                        With that, Kyungsoo stood up. He knew he was going to tear up and Baekhyun shouldn’t see that.

                        “Kyungsoo, wait…”

                        “No. I’ve waited long enough for you to decide what this was.”

                        It was true. He had been waiting where their relationship stood. Now there it was…in shattered pieces in front of him.

                        “Now that I know where we are, I think its fine. Now go. This never happened.”

                        And so Kyungsoo let him go.

Some weeks pass before the news came out.

Kyungsoo was going through his email in his room when Jongin burst in, telling him to search the news and running back outside, calling the others. Kyungsoo did and there it was.

Baekhyun liking Taeyeon was something Kyungsoo thought to be just a thing. He never thought the guy had the guts to actually ask her out. Now, it seems like he actually did, the photo of them in her car says it all. The time periods mentioned on the article however, smashed Kyungsoo. He seemed like a plaything. Procured and thrown out at what times seemed convenient. Now he really feels like a stupid loser.

Since after that night they officially became unofficial, Kyungsoo has been avoiding Baekhyun. After reading the article and articles after that, the avoiding didn’t seem enough.

Kyungsoo now deliberately erases Baekhyun’s existence to him. Baekhyun knew what was happening and he tried reaching out but it never fails to shock him how Kyungsoo can make him feel like nothing more but a gust of wind every time he tries to talk to him. During meals at their dorm, the number of plates corresponds to just the cook and the other members. He would have to serve his non-existent self, then.

Chanyeol knew what went on between the two and also felt bad for the other and he has no qualms about actually telling Baekhyun about it.

“You were a d*** to him. You deserve this kind of treatment.”

“I’m telling you…I wasn’t playing.”

“You know what? Unless you can convince yourself about that, nobody’s going to care. You know everyone knows, right?”

“Yeah. I know.”

“What were you doing anyway?”

“…I don’t know.”

“A**h***.”

Baekhyun was getting desperate. He was happy with Taeyeon but he can’t have this continue. He wants to have his friend back. Finally, he caught Kyungsoo alone in his room.

“Kyungsoo listen. I know you think so many bad things are here right now. I know you’re hurting. But really, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to explain this. Just…I’m really sorry. Can’t we just be friends? Like before?”

Kyungsoo puts the book he was reading down and looks straight at Baekhyun. The looks he’s giving him make Baekhyun see how sad he really is. Now he just wants to cry.

“No. we can’t go back to how it was before. We can never. This is how it is now. We are just going to have to deal with it. You used me. Now, stop reaching out to me, stop trying to look like you care. I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore, aside from our job. Stop trying to make me…and you…feel better about this. It won’t feel better no matter what you do so just stop. Just…leave me alone.”

Another member has left and there are now fewer people in the dorm. It makes it harder with all the drama around. The only bright side is the reappearance of Kyungsoo’s smiles. Baekhyun is glad about it but he’s so curious about what brought them back. He asks Junmyeon.

“Kyungsoo seems happier now.”

“He smiles now, yeah. But I don’t think he’s really happy…after you know.”

“…yeah.”

“Are you and Taeyeon okay?”

“Yeah…just busy. With their comeback and all…you know?”

“I think they’ll top the charts again.”

“Is he dating anyone?”

“Who?”

“Kyungsoo.”

“What about him?”

“Is Kyungsoo sating anyone?”

“I don’t think he’s quite ready to date yet?”

“Why?”

“Are you serious?”

“Fine. But how do you know?”

“Believe me, I know.”

It happened some three or four nights past.

“Kyungsoo, can we talk?”

“Junmyeon hyung? What is it?

“Uhmm…I’ve been meaning to tell you this…”

“Yes?”

“I like you…a lot…”

“Uhmm…”

“I know you’re still piecing yourself together...but I just had to ask…will you go out with me?”

“Hyung…I’m sorry…”

“Oh well…I figured anyway…I’m sorry.”

“No, wait…I can’t…not now, like this…not when I’m still lost…it wouldn’t be right.”

“Yeah…I really just couldn’t stop myself from taking this time to ask you.”

“You’re a good friend hyung. I just can’t invest myself into something like that…here…now. I think I need to find an outlet first. I need to be okay first. I’m really sorry hyung.”

“No Kyungsoo, it’s okay. I’m sorry for shocking you with this. I just had to put it out there.”

“So…we’re okay?

“Yeah, of course.”

Junmyeon can just smile about it now. He isn’t hoping anymore. But right now, Baekhyun is looking at him like something just clicked in his head.

“Hyung…did you ask Kyungsoo out?!”

“Do you care?”

“No…I was just asking.”

“Alright. So it’s okay for Kyungsoo to date someone?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Yeah…why not?

“Well, he’s kind of innocent…it wouldn’t be-“

“It wouldn’t be any of your business. You won’t have any say about it.”

“I know that.”

“Do you, Baekhyun?”

Kyungsoo was always on his phone. It was almost like the one texting him was the reason for all his smiles coming back. This went on for about a month…and then he started having nights out. It was nice for the others, at first, that Kyungsoo was somehow happy again. It sure did seem like he always had fun. It was when he started coming home drunk that they started to get worried. Baekhyun, not least of all. It hurt to think that while he was happy with Taeyeon, Kyungsoo was investing his time on someone who doesn’t seem to be a good influence on him. He’s still lost and not at all himself. Though Baekhyun knows its somehow his fault, he still misses Kyungsoo.

“Who keeps taking him out at night anyway?”

“Ryeowook hyung.”

Jongin was the only one still awake aside from Baekhyun, waiting nightly for Kyungsoo’s arrival.

“Are they dating?”

 “I think so…they’re always texting and calling…keeps me awake at night, sometimes.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s always drunk.”

“Did you ever like him back the same way? Kyungsoo hyung I mean…it seemed like you were just giving him false hope. You were pursuing Taeyeon noona at the sidelines.”

“I did like him. I like him. It just couldn’t have worked out.”

“Homophobe…”

“I’m not…”

“Hyung said you grabbed his heart when you saw it was vulnerable and you pretended to care for it only to smash it into a thousand pieces with a sledgehammer…right in front of him.”

“That was…an ugly way of putting it. Did he really say it like that?”

“No. He just said, “I’m stupid. I was being used and I didn’t see. I’m so stupid.””

“Why did you have to say it the way you did?”

“So you’d know how he really feels…user.”

User. It sure seemed like he was. He is sure though, that he wasn’t using Kyungsoo, nor was he playing around. He just couldn’t figure out a way to explain how he really felt about the whole…thing.

“I really didn’t mean to make it seem like that. I just…I thought we were just fooling around. Then it became serious. I became serious. I was scared. Taeyeon had just accepted me then and I just…I chose her…because with Kyungsoo…it would’ve been-“

“Wrong?”

They both freeze.

Kyungsoo was standing at the doorway. They didn’t even notice it had opened. Kyungsoo was not drunk this time. And he just heard everything.

“Kyungsoo, no…please, I’m sorry…you have to listen, I was scared. I didn’t know how I felt that time…I was confused…I’m sorry…you must understand…”

“No!”

Kyungsoo was tearing up now. He can’t keep it all bottled up anymore.

“I can never understand! You used me…you used me and threw me away when you were finally sure about what you wanted. You just tried me out to see something, I don’t know…you just did things…and never considered how I felt through it all…and how I would feel after it. I’ve already let you go, haven’t I? I distanced myself. I gave you space…but why do you keep on finding some way to ruin me more? Was breaking my heart not enough? Do you want it in smaller pieces? Grind it till there’s just dust left? What do you want?

“Kyungsoo…I’m sorry…”

Both of them were crying now. Jongin was holding his breath, afraid to say anything. It was Jongdae who came to take Kyungsoo to his room. Jongin followed them. Baekhyun just stood there, not knowing what to do. Chanyeol spoke up.

“Why can’t you just leave him be, Baek? He’s trying his hardest to move on. You were the one who didn’t want it right? You told him it wasn’t possible. You have Taeyeon now and Kyungsoo has already let you go. Unless you find out what you really want, I think its best if you just try not to make Kyungsoo remember what happened between you two. He was just starting to have fun again, too-“

“It wasn’t Kyungsoo. He wouldn’t have gone out for nights on end if he was still himself. He’s changed.”

Some night pass and everything seems okay. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo still don’t talk to each other but they acknowledge each other’s presence once in a while. Baekhyun gets it now. The last time he asked for forgiveness two months past was when Kyungsoo started to let him in.

They were the only ones at a gig then, so Baekhyun found a chance to talk to him in the car on the way back home.

“I’m sorry Kyungsoo…for everything. For breaking your heart, for not taking it seriously…for leaving you hanging, I’m sorry. For pestering you, for not considering your feelings, for not being able to understand, I’m sorry…will you accept my apology?

Kyungsoo looked at him with watery eyes.

“I can’t. I can’t because if I do, then it would be like I’m fine with everything now. I’m not. I can’t because then, you wouldn’t know how cruel you were. I know it’s wrong to feel this way and that I should forgive, but I can’t…I just can’t…not yet.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

He didn’t. Baekhyun still couldn’t understand because no matter how hard he tries, he can’t take the thought of keeping away from Kyungsoo from his mind. He misses how they were before. He wants to be forgiven so he can be Kyungsoo’s friend again. He can’t wait for so long.

“You know in most stories…where forgiveness is so easily given? I can’t do that. If I do, then it would be like it was okay…what you did. Like it’s okay that you hurt me.”

Baekhyun knows Kyungsoo is right. Making up for what he’d done would have to take more than a “sorry”.

“I understand now…maybe you will never forgive or maybe, in a few years, you will, but…I will still try to make it up to you in any way I can. If only you’ll let me. I will do it no matter how long it takes. I will take us back to where we once were. I’ll be your friend again.”

“You mean back to when we didn’t know what was on between us?”

“No. Back to when we were best friends.”

A confused smile appears on Kyungsoo’s lips. It somehow makes Baekhyun feel lighter.

“I don’t get you…I let you go. Why do you still try?

“I know how cruel I was. I want to make it up to you.”

“I’ve moved on.”

The smile slowly dissipates.

“No, you haven’t. If you have moved on, then it wouldn’t hurt you so much till now.”

Kyungsoo turns to face the window.

Baekhyun thinks it’s enough, for now.

Everything became smoother for them both, albeit gradually. They started chatting again, laughing together, and just being good friends again somehow. They don’t touch though, not when they don’t have to. Kyungsoo thinks maybe, he’s starting to forgive Baekhyun. He doesn’t feel too mad and hurt anymore but he’s still cautious. He knew anyway that an amorous relationship between them was too high to hope for. Maybe being friends again, just friends, is fine.

They are left alone one night watching TV when the others turned to bed. They didn’t notice their predicament until it was too late. Part of Kyungsoo’s moving on plan was not being alone with Baekhyun. The way his chest tightens and his head spins when Baekhyun grabs and holds his hand just proves why he shouldn’t stay. All the feelings he’s held back or pushed away come surging back…love, longing, hurt and betrayal…it’s all making him want to shout and run, or hurt someone. He doesn’t though. He’s mature enough not to. He keeps his calm.

“What are you doing?”

Baekhyun suddenly realizes what he’s done and he pulls back.

“…oh…sorry…I didn’t…realize…”

Kyungsoo just looks at him, his tears threatening to fall.

“Why would you do that?”

“Kyungsoo, I’m sorry…I don’t know why I did it.”

“Did you think it was okay?”

“No…well…I thought we’ve gotten over the-“

“You really don’t know anything, do you?

“I’m sorry…really…”

Kyungsoo wipes his tears. He doesn’t understand it himself. He didn’t think it would still hurt like this. Maybe it’s never easy.

Everyone wakes up to a cold atmosphere. Literally and figuratively. They all thought the drama between Baekhyun and Kyungsoo was already over. They all thought wrong. Junmyeon, being the leader, becomes very worried.

“Uhmm…are you two okay?”

Nobody answers. The question hadn’t specified which two but everyone knew who the question was directed to. Kyungsoo stand up and takes his breakfast to the living room. Maybe eating alone is more peaceful, he thought. Baekhyun just looks at him, about to say something, but hold back. Maybe leaving Kyungsoo alone is better, for now.

In the week following that day, Kyungsoo hides in his room for most of his free time, just like months before. Jongdae becomes concerned.

“Kyungsoo? Can we talk?”

“Hyung…yeah…come in.”

“What happened last week? Tell me.”

“We had training last week. And guestings. Yeah, I think that’s what happened.”

Jongdae sits beside him.

“Did Baekhyun do something?”

“Of course hyung. He’s alive. He must have done something.”

Kyungsoo says this with a smirk. It makes Jongdae smile that somehow, his dongsaeng’s sarcasm is back. It just means he’s at least brighter now.

“Real funny Soo. Now, be serious. What’s wrong?”

“Everything.”

“Elaborate.”

“Feelings?”

Jongdae smiles again. He flicks Kyungsoo this time.

“Just tell me everything.”

Kyungsoo remains silent. Jongdae just waits for him to talk.

“I thought I was okay, you know? With how thing are right now. I thought I was fine already, that I’ve moved on.”

“Haven’t you? I thought you’ve forgiven him already.”

“That’s just it though. I thought I had. Then last week…we were alone one night…he held my hand and they all came back…my feelings…and it all just…crashed.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes become watery and Jongdae panics. He doesn’t let it show nor does he say anything. He figures its better for Kyungsoo to let it all out of his chest.

“It’s too hard hyung…when you get mixed signals. I still love him…even after everything. Everything hurts…seeing him, seeing him go out knowing who he goes to, hearing him, hearing him talk on the phone knowing who he’s talking to…then he suddenly holds my hand like it the most normal thing to do…and so I crashed again. It was all too much for me. Why does he still want to be close to me? Why can’t he just let me go like I let him go? I know somehow I’ve not let go fully but at least I’m trying. Him being apologetic is what’s holding me back. Can’t he see that?”

“Just let it out Soo.”

“I’m tired hyung…I want to quit.”

Jongdae freezes. Was the wound Baekhyun left too deep to patch up? Was Kyungsoo really, truly in love?

“No Soo…that won’t solve anything. It would only hurt more people…us.”

“I know…I’m sorry…I…I just said that…”

Jongdae understands now.

“I’m sorry too Soo. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Be strong, okay? Hold on.”

“That would be hard.”

“I know…but it’s what you have to do. For now though, you have to rest.”

“Yeah…I’m sorry I let it out on you…”

“No. I’m glad you got your feelings out. Good night, Soo.”

Chanyeol finds Baekhyun in their room late the next morning. Jongdae told him everything and he means to clear something up with Baekhyun. He finds him smiling at his phone.

“Was that Taeyeon noona?”

“Oh…hey. Yeah, it was her.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“Do you like Kyungsoo? More than a friend?”

“What? What makes you-“

“If you don’t, then just leave him alone.”

“Where is this coming from? Is it about last week?”

“No, Baek… it’s about you trying to make it up to him.”

“What’s wrong with that? He’s my friend.”

“That’s just sick! You know he likes you…loves you even. Yet you keep on giving him hope that things may change. You broke things off with him. You broke it off when you told him being who he is, is wrong. You broke Kyungsoo. Not just his heart but his whole being. You knew he liked you and you entertained the thought of being with him but when things became official with noona, you threw him away. When you thought the world would be disgusted with what was between you and Kyungsoo, you chose to abandon him.”

“Listen here, Chanyeol. I never played with Kyungsoo’s feelings. I didn’t abandon him. He let me go.”

“Seriously? You’re blaming him? You made him let you go so you could go spot-free!”

“I loved him, okay?!”

Words disappeared from Chanyeol’s mouth. He looks at Baekhyun and he sees desperation in his friend’s eyes.

“I loved him. I did but I had to break it off because it didn’t feel…right.”

He sees tears start to fall from Baekhyun’s eyes and he feels sorry for him. he pats his back to show he hasn’t abandoned him.

“I don’t get you. Do you love Kim Taeyeon?”

“I…I think so.”

Three cold months pass. Baekhyun comes home devastated one night. He sulks for days until the others get worried, even Kyungsoo.

“It’s been six days.”

“Do you think…?”

“What?”

“Do you think they broke up?”

Kyungsoo goes numb. What’s he meant to feel? Nothing, right? No. he feels confused.

“He’s been going out less.”

“His phone doesn’t ring as frequently.”

“Maybe they did break up.”

“Well, they’ve long unfollowed each other.”

“Maybe it’s true.”

“He’s sulking.”

Kyungsoo speaks for the first time. He says how he feels before heading for his room.

“He deserves it.”

A week passes and if anything, Baekhyun’s only become gloomier. He’s sad that Taeyeon dumped him. The situation with Kyungsoo isn’t out of his head either. It never did go away. He’s confused about how he feels. He liked Taeyeon. He’s liked her for so long…ever since he first saw her on TV. Kyungsoo…Kyungsoo was one he hadn’t counted on meeting. Fun, timid, level-headed, and caring…he found him impressive at first. When they got closer, he found his time being spent more on looking for Kyungsoo’s company and coercing smiles from that at times stoic face. When his thoughts and dreams suddenly included Kyungsoo, he got scared. He was scared about his feelings and concerned about what people would think.

He was lost and confused and he wanted to talk it out with Kyungsoo but his first words were like nothing he planned on saying.

Then Kyungsoo let him go, didn’t even let him repair the damage.

Baekhyun thought that somehow, that was that and they’d just go back to being friends again.

For a long time after they talked, Baekhyun felt bad. Kyungsoo has ceased to acknowledge his presence. He thought things would be casual and friendly with him but he didn’t see this coming. Kyungsoo was blatantly ignoring him. it didn’t help that he always looked sad. Kyungsoo was always looking down and like he’s retreated so deep within himself. He still smiled when he needed to; as it was their job, but his eyes always spoke the opposite. Baekhyun realized then, that Kyungsoo love him. Kyungsoo loved him and he broke his heart.

For months he tried to talk, to apologize to Kyungsoo but the other never let him. When he was finally able to talk to him, he felt disgusted with himself. The things Kyungsoo said to him…he knew it was all true but he didn’t want to accept it, the whole situation. He wanted for Kyungsoo to feel better, and also to be his friend again…he needed him to. Maybe it was selfish of him, he knew, but it hurt him that Kyungsoo changed.

His feelings for Kyungsoo changed too, or more like his acceptance of his own feelings. The more distance Kyungsoo placed between them, the more Baekhyun longed for him.

He found an opening one time, in the van, when they were alone. They talked and for the first time in so long, Kyungsoo smiled at something he said. They grew somewhat closer after that…like he was forgiven, and the walls between them were starting to fall.

He forgot his boundaries one night. It was really just clawing in his head, and Kyungsoo’s hand there, in the space between them, just looked so soft and he reached for it. Everything he’s achieved in being close to Kyungsoo again crashed after that. Taeyeon was the only one he could talk to, the only one ready to listen to his side so when they talked some days before, it was a shock when she told him she can’t let their relationship go any further. What kept bothering him and somehow hurting him though, were the reasons she gave him. He realized just how sick, as Chanyeol described him, he was.

The look on Junmyeon’s face as he stood by the doorway is killing Kyungsoo. What he tells him to do just annoys him.

“Talk to Baekhyun.”

“No.”

“He needs his best friend.”

“Go find him then.”

“I’m looking at him.”

“There’s nobody here.”

“I’m talking to you.”

“I’m talking by myself.”

“Idiot.”

“Old.”

“You’re the only one who can reach him.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Please?”

“Can I date you instead?”

If he didn’t know any better, Junmyeon would’ve jumped at the chance but no, this has gone on for too long. And he doesn’t like Kyungsoo as much anymore to be tricked so easily. So, he retaliates.

“That would be like cheating. Your heart is screaming ‘Baekhyun’.”

“No, it doesn’t! You freak!”

Junmyeon approaches him and sits beside him on the bed. When he takes hold of Kyungsoo’s hands, they both don’t feel sparks and suddenly laugh at Junmyeon’s mention of ‘That date wouldn’t have amounted to anything, then’.

“Kyungsoo…I know things aren’t too well between the two of you right now. But, I think you’re okay now…and he, on the other hand, needs you.”

It’s true. Kyungsoo knows this. He’s somehow okay now…for real. There are relapses now and then, but he’s okay for the most part.

“You know what about that?”

“I know, I’m sorry…”

“No, actually…what …is that I still want to help him.”

Baekhyun pays no attention when his door opens. Someone enters and shuts the door. The voice that speaks makes him look at the person and suddenly, his heart floods with emotions.

“You’re stupid, you know that?”

“It’s you…”

“Yeah it’s me. You wouldn’t talk to anyone so they sent in the best.”

They both laugh lightly at that. Though things are still murky, it at least lightens the atmosphere.

“So…what’s wrong?”

“I was dumped.”

“I know the feeling.”

They smile now. They can only smile about it now…so long after everything.

“Kyungsoo…”

“I know, okay…so, why’d she dump you?”

“Well…she said I needed to sort out my feelings.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah. She told me I should just break up with her if I loved someone else. I didn’t get it. I never even realized I kept on talking about someone else when I was with her. She said I almost had no interest in her, whatsoever. When she showed me our phone conversations, I realized she was right…there was someone else.”

Kyungsoo knew who the someone was. Of course he knew. He would be stupid at the full sense of the word if he didn’t. And though it somehow tickles some string within him, he knows it’s not right. Not when someone was broken because of it. He knows how it feels.

“Didn’t you fight for her? Or at least defend yourself?”

“No. it would’ve been futile. I knew she already decided. And it would’ve hurt more to let the relationship go on.”

“Well…maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“I don’t know what to say, okay?”

“Then just don’t say anything.”

A comfortable silence envelops them. They just sit there for a while, its fine like this, they both feel. It’s just like before…when everything wasn’t complicated.

“I’m sorry Soo.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“No…I’m sorry I threw away what we had before.”

“Hmmm…I think I’m okay now.”

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo. He notices that they’re close, just a little space separating them. He looks at Kyungsoo’s face and for the first time in so long, he can see the old Kyungsoo back. It’s a sad-eyed one though.

“Really, Soo. I’m sorry for everything.”

“I believe you.”

“So…friends?”

“Well yeah…I always thought we were still friends. I just didn’t want long exposures to your presence. I hated you for a long while, but not to the point of no return.”

“You made me feel like I didn’t exist.”

“Yeah…that was fun. The look in your face always made my day.”

“…you’re joking…”

Kyungsoo looks at him then. They both feel light now. Kyungsoo flicks his forehead and they just laugh.

Their dorm feels like home again. The coldness of months past has all gone. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo together becomes a fixture again, just like before and it makes the others feel glad, too.

The two have gotten closer again in the past month and they’re no longer afraid to touch, too. Another month passes by without hitches and on one particular evening, when it’s just the two of them on the couch where their cracks broke that one fateful night, Baekhyun reaches out for what he really desired.

“Soo?”

“What?”

This was said with a groan but Baekhyun pays no heed.

“Can I hold your hand?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s hot and you’re sweaty.”

“Please?”

Kyungsoo just sighs and holds Baekhyun’s hand instead.

“Happy now? It’s so sweaty.”

“I want to be happier…”

“Hmm?”

“I want to kiss you.”

“No. That would be…wrong.”

Kyungsoo smirks. He’s bringing back the past though he’s gotten over it. He just likes guilt-tripping Baekhyun. Sometimes.

“But I want to. I’ve wanted to since…since before…before things went awry.”

Kyungsoo stills. Now, he feels annoyed.

“I hate you, you know?”

“I know. I think I love you, though.”

“You’re so stupid.”

“I know that too. Still, I love you.”

“Crazy.”

“I’m crazy in love with you.”

“You’re disgusting…”

“Disgustingly…in love with you?”

They crack. Their laughter fills the living room and the others who are quietly eavesdropping can’t help but giggle too.

Baekhyun grabs Kyungsoo and the laughter stops. He turns Kyungsoo so they’re facing each other. He wants to properly confess.

“Listen, Kyungsoo. I love you. I’ve loved you for some time now. I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused you. For breaking your heart. For making you feel like you are a mistake, I’m sorry. But even through all those times, I never stopped thinking about you and I regret all the great lengths I strode away from you. Now, I want you to really know that I love you. After all the time, the hurt we’ve spent, all I could think about was how I should’ve just have admitted that I was in love with you. That I shouldn’t have cared about what the others would say. I’m sorry for everything Soo. I’m sorry I was what I was then. I love you and I’d admit that to the world. Will you accept me?”

Kyungsoo looks like he’s about to cry.

“I hate…everything that happened. I wanted to be with you even when I also wanted to move on. I wanted to wake up next to you. Instead of getting over you, all I wanted was to kiss you. But first…I wanted you to feel how I felt when you did that to me. I wanted to hurt you and make you regret all that you did. But most of all…I wished that I never fell for you.”

“I’m sorry, Soo…”

“I know…I just…I hated you and now…I don’t…I hate it…”

“What, Soo…tell me.”

“I hate…that I still love you…even after everything…I’m supposed to be over you…”

“Kyungsoo…”

“You can just kiss me now, you know?”

The eavesdroppers laugh and Baekhyun and Kyungsoo kiss. Maybe after tonight they can sleep with peace of mind…and maybe even wake up next to each other like what Kyungsoo wanted. For now though, they’re still at it.

“You’re not even that great a kisser.”

They’re still facing each other, arms around each other and Baekhyun hadn’t expected to hear that.

“Well…I’m sorry okay?”

“Stop with your apologies…just try again.”

Baekhyun smirks. Kyungsoo like this, he knows.

Then the others start teasing.

“Get a room! I can hear the sloppiness from here!”

“No! Don’t come in here Kyungsoo!”

“Hey Soo hyung…don’t mind Jongin. Take it there.”

“Sehun, you freak!”

“I love you though…I’m disgustingly…in love with you…”

Baekhyun smiles but he’s irritated. He knows this won’t blow over any time soon but he doesn’t care. He’s happy now. Kyungsoo speaks for him though.

“You’re sloppy too, Jongdae. And Sehun…Jongin’s in love with you too.”

That shuts the maknaes effectively. They hear doors opening and then closing in the hallway and Kyungsoo knows the maknaes are strategizing for a way to get back at him for outing them.

“Is everything about this okay?”

Baekhyun was talking to him now. He doesn’t know what Baekhyun means.

“What are you asking me?”

“To be honest, I don’t know.”

“Then what do you know.”

“I know that I want to be here a little longer. To be here with you, next to you. I know I want to be with you for a long time.”

“For a long time? So it ends, huh.”

“Well forever’s a long time too. Will you be mine? Officially? Finally?”

“I thought I already was.”

“I love you, Do Kyungsoo.”

“I love you too, Byun Baekhyun.”

Jongdae and Chanyeol and Junmyeon and all the others are relentless in teasing them with words, actions and mere glances after that. But they don’t mind. They’re at peace now. With each other, together, officially, finally.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       END