Jimin fiddled with the music stands in the corner of the room while Yoongi sat down at the computer with his pad of paper. It was difficult trying to entertain himself and not be a nuisance at the same time but Jimin did the best he could. A music stand wasn’t the most interest thing he had ever seen but it was quiet and for a few moments Jimin found it entertaining to rock it back and forth. He poked it harshly and as it began to fall back he would press his foot down on the base of the stand to keep it from crashing down. Yoongi could hear it slamming against the floor but he tried to ignore it.  

“You idiot,” Yoongi growled. Jimin had insisted on spending another afternoon in the music room with him while he was trying to compose songs. He wasn’t good company and Yoongi found him annoying most of the time. Aside from when Jimin was in classes, eating, or sleeping, this was usually the only time that he didn’t spend dancing. Yoongi didn’t understand why he chose to spend his precious time being a pain in his . He could go out and have fun like Taehyung did instead of sitting in the corner and unsuccessfully trying to be quiet but he never did. It was obvious that he wasn’t having fun and he was never any help to Yoongi so there was no reason to be there. It wasn’t that Yoongi cared about Jimin spending his time well; he just didn’t want him being in the way. He was an idiot most of the time.

“Hyung, do you really think that?” Jimin sniffed. It wasn’t the first time he had heard that but it hurt coming from someone he admired.

Yoongi was nothing short of a musical genius. He was a shy and humble guy sometimes; whenever someone complimented him, he would smile. He knew he was talented but he didn’t brag about it. Jimin especially liked that. All the people in the company thought Yoongi was an impressive artist. The only guy who could rival his talent was Namjoon. Jimin admired him too but he preferred Yoongi’s company despite the cold guy image he had.

“Yes. And you’re ugly too.”

“You’re mean.”

“Then leave me alone,” he barked. There were few people who tolerated Jimin’s presence and Yoongi had it for the day. He wasn’t in a good mood – not that he was usually agreeable – but today was worse. He had no time for people and that included Park freaking Jimin.

“Fine,” Jimin stood up quietly, grabbed his gym bag, and left. Yoongi didn’t regret sending him out even slightly.

He found himself heading to the only place where he felt at home: the dance studio. It was all the way on the other side of the building and he hated the walk there but he made a journey from the music room or the recording studio a few doors down almost every day. It was decent, Jimin realized, if he could avoid everyone. He had learned that it was far less of a cruel walk when he kept his head down but that didn’t mean he was safe. If someone wanted to with him, they were content going out of their way to do it.

Jimin kept to a path he knew well; he tried to stay in the abandoned corridor. Some people said it was haunted and others said the company was just too cheap to replace the lighting. Regardless, very few people went there so it was relatively safe. There were a few windows along the hall and it wasn’t until the sun went down that the corridor had an eerie darkness to it. Jimin was terrified of ghosts but they were nothing compared to the trainees he had dealt with before. These halls, abandoned and lonely as they were, had begun to feel comfortable to him – that isn’t to say he wasn’t still afraid every time he walked them because he was. After months of being scared, Jimin had gotten used to it. At least he didn’t have to cross through that place at night. Jimin had made it a habit to stay until at least one in the morning. By then, almost everyone had gone home and he felt comfortable leaving through parts of the building that were usually frequented by trainees. Jimin had a system by now.

The worst part of this walk was everything on either end of the abandoned hall. He never knew when a trainee would come out of a room or turn the corner and as much as he wanted to run to his destination, the seniors would find it rude and Jimin didn’t need anyone else against him. Walking alone made him a nervous wreck but he braved it almost every day.

The shadowy hallway came into sight and Jimin sighed in relief. When he stepped into the shadows, the clutch he had on his bag tightened but he felt safe for the moment. Before he knew it, he was standing in front of his most favorite room in the whole building. He stepped inside.

It would be a stretch to call the room beautiful or perfect but that was how Jimin saw it. This was his retreat from the world. It was a room reserved for him and his soon to be boy group BTS. There was only a few weeks left until their debut and the manager thought they deserved a private practice room. He liked everyone in BTS; he absolute adored each and every one of them like family. They were unique and cool and charming. Even if some of them were mean to him on occasion or ignored him, Jimin didn’t blame them. He knew he didn’t have much to offer the group and it didn’t matter how much they didn’t like him, he adored them. They were all he had.

He looked around the room he had found so perfect. There was dim lighting and the windows barely opened so the air was thick and heavy. The window sill was covered in dust and the mirrors hadn’t been cleaned in months. Wooden floors were scarred with scratches and unidentified stains. Jimin was delusional and this was his paradise. He loved every inch of it.

“You are hideous. They are too good for you,” Jimin glared at his reflection angrily. His adorable cheeks were bloated today and he hated them. They made him look fat, he thought. Even Jungkook didn’t have as much baby fat on his cheeks anymore. His esteem plummeted, “why am I so ugly?”

After a few more seconds of staring at his reflection, Jimin felt sick. He fished his phone out from his bag and played the song the group had been practicing for a few days. Step by step, he put all the energy he had into the dance. Maybe just maybe if he pushed himself hard enough and could perform the dance perfectly, his group members could respect him. Maybe then he wouldn’t be the useless dead weight they had to carry around. Maybe he could respect himself.

After three hours of non-stop practice, Jimin sat down. His breath was heavy but he took a notebook out of his bag and pulled a sheet of paper from it. It was lyrics to one of the album tracks. He allowed himself a minute to calm his breathing before he hit record on his phone and began to practice his lines. He was in charge of high notes and he was determined not to embarrass his group any further by messing them up. When he finished singing, he stopped recording and played it back. Jimin didn’t understand why they would make him a main vocalist but he continued to practice his lines for another half an hour before he felt frustrated. He couldn’t take it anymore; he turned the music back on and threw himself into dancing again, avoiding his own gaze in the mirror as much as he could.

“Hey big ,” a voice interrupted Jimin’s intense focus. He rushed to stop the music and turn to face the source of the voice. Jungkook stood there giggling. Jimin was shocked to see someone else here today. Aside from Jimin, only Jungkook and Hoseok came to their private studio alone to dance. The shock of another person in the room made Jimin become self-conscious very quickly. He blushed.

“I’m sorry Jungkook. I didn’t know you were going to practice today,” Jimin wiped the sweat from his forehead, “I’ll let you practice alone.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” there it was again, that word. He was an idiot. Jungkook shook his head and set down his bag, “I’ll just practice with you. It’s no trouble at all. If you need to practice, you should stay.”

“Okay,” Jimin nodded. He was used to Jungkook speaking informally to him. There was no real reason that Jungkook should respect him. Anything Jimin knew how to do Jungkook could do it too, and better. Even still, Jimin agreed to practice with him.

Jimin played the music and got into position with Jungkook. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the younger as he moved. Every move he made was graceful and smooth. Jungkook had the perfect amount of power in his dancing and he was still so young. Jimin felt self-conscious again when he got to the part where he had to lift his shirt but he did it anyway and just hoped that Jungkook wouldn’t look at him. Even he didn’t want to look at himself. They repeated the song a few times. Each time felt as uncomfortable as the first to Jimin. After the eighth time, Jungkook stopped the music.

“We should practice the part where I pick you up too,” Jungkook suggested. Jimin had been practicing with the audio that had that part cut out. He was reluctant to try that move, especially with none of the other members.

“Are you sure I’m not too heavy? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“It’s fine.”

“But I’m too heavy for you,” Jimin protested. He had been dieting and working out for months but it didn’t make him feel any more confident. At this point, it was getting harder to slim down any more but he hadn’t given up.

“You aren’t. We’ll use the wall for support and it’ll be fine. We need to get this part down. I don’t want to drop you,” Jimin looked up at Jungkook. It wasn’t much, but Jimin could feel a bit of kindness in Jungkook’s last statement. He nodded and allowed Jungkook to pull out his phone and play the song.

They begin to practice and just as Jungkook had said, the wall worked perfectly. Jimin put his trust in Jungkook and not once did he drop him. It was comforting but Jimin felt himself becoming more and more distracted as he watched Jungkook. He began to trip up a few times but Jungkook was as stable as ever. Every mistake piled up and frustrated Jimin further. As they reached the chorus once again, Jimin jumped up in synch with Jungkook but landed badly, causing him to slip and fall to the ground.

“I can’t take this anymore,” Jimin shouted. He hastily gathered his things and ran out of the room. Jungkook turned to him.

“You were doing fine hyung,” Jungkook muttered sadly as Jimin hurried out the door. He knew he didn’t hear him.

Jimin ran towards the dark hall, tears streaming down his face. There weren’t enough words to explain how much he hated himself right now. He wasn’t enough and he never would be. Everyone had made that clear. He was an idiot. He was nothing. It didn’t matter how much effort he put into changing and getting better. BTS didn’t need him; no one needed him and no one liked him. He had already run halfway down the abandoned hall. It was getting late and the only light came from street lamps in the distance but he was too miserable to be afraid. Jimin slid down the wall and sunk straight to the floor.

Everything that he had been suppressing in the past few months came flooding into his head. He had tried so hard to dam it up but the dam burst and he struggled to float in a river of anger, pain, and self-hate. Their words wouldn’t stop.

“You’re the dancer in BTS that everyone was talking about? You’re not even that good.”

“You’re really chubby for a dancer.”

“I thought you came here because you could dance, why are you a vocalist too? I don’t think you’re really good at either. Shouldn’t they let a more worthy trainee debut?”

They were all against him when they heard that Jimin would be debuting with BTS. He was there with handsome and talented guys and as much as he tried to ignore what everyone inside and outside of the company said, their words got to him. It started off as direct insults but eventually he overheard people talking about him.

“He’s pretty ugly, actually. It’s a shame.”

“And he has so much baby fat for his age.”

“I thought they were picking idols based on talent but you can’t even say they picked him for his looks.”

“Does BTS really need seven? I like Taehyung though; maybe they should get rid of Jimin.”

“He doesn’t belong in BTS.”

“He’s not talented, he sort of .”

 After a while, it felt like nowhere Jimin went would be safe from their words. When he walked by people in the hall, he could feel their disapproving looks. It was obvious that no one liked him so what right did he have to like himself. It had been months since he had even felt a shed of pride in what he did; he had forgotten how it felt to like himself, even just a little.

He thought back to two months ago when he had been confronted in the hall by three trainees. By then he had already lost all confidence in himself.

“You think you’re better than us, don’t you? You’re just an ugly pig. I’m three times more handsome than you,” the first picked Jimin up by the collar and pushed him against a wall before dropping him to the ground. He cowered.

“Do you think you’re cool? I could dance circles around you,” the second guy put his shoe in front of Jimin, he flinched but nothing happened until he opened an eye. The guy shoved his shoe in Jimin’s face, wiping the dirt off all over his nose and cheeks.

“You are nothing. I can sing far better than you,” the third guy picked him back up by the shirt and stared him down, “you are nothing little pig boy, you hear me? You’re nothing but an ugly, no talent, little pig.”

 He swung at Jimin, hitting him in the cheek. The first guy punched him in the stomach and the second pushed him to the ground and kicked him in the ribs before stepping on his hands. They laughed as Jimin bit his lip, trying not to cry.

“Oh look, he’s a crybaby too,” the third pointed out.

“You’re pathetic,” the first smirked.

They turned and left him. He should have been grateful that they didn’t try to kill him but many days since, he wished that they had. Jimin believed every word they said back then. He was nothing.

Jimin had tried so hard to forget these things. They had caused him so much pain. It all would have been alright if he could just earn the love and respect of his group members but he knew he was a disappointment to them all. BTS would be better off as six, he thought. No one needed him. He was a no talent little pig.

More than anyone, he wanted Yoongi’s approval. Yoongi was the person who took care of him and tried to help him improve. Even if they had different interests and Jimin could only write cheesy lyrics, Yoongi tolerated Jimin’s less than useful presence for hours every day. Deep in his heart, he knew that all he had ever done was annoy and trouble Yoongi. He had more of a right than anyone to hate him but he sat with him every day and rarely said a thing. It made Jimin feel comfortable and safe. That is why every day he would brave the long and frightening walk across the building. He wanted to be in Yoongi’s presence and have his distracted and lacking attention all to himself. Jimin didn’t know how to love himself but he loved Yoongi. He cherished all of BTS and he loved Yoongi.

Jimin’s tears wouldn’t stop falling. It wasn’t fair that he felt this way – that hated himself this badly. It wasn’t fair that Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Taehyung, and Jungkook had to be dragged down by his lack of skills. He buried his face in his hands. Between sobs, he heard a quiet voice. He tried to muffle his cries so he could hear it better.

“Don’t cry,” the voice cooed. Jimin looked up to find a dark and empty hall. He stood up and looked around.

“Who’s there?” He called out.

In the corner of his eyes, he saw a shadow cross the dim light from the window. Jimin forgot everything for a second and nearly screamed. The last thing he wanted to see was a ghost, even if it was trying to soothe him. He ran down the hall into a lit section of the building and straight to the recording studio that Yoongi frequently used. He knew Yoongi would still be at work and was hoping he was in the closest room.

“Yoongi hyung! Hyung!” Jimin banged on the door but nothing. Tears continued to fall down his face.

“Shut the up,” someone opened the door right next to the one Jimin was at. It was one of the guys that had beaten him up the last time. He smirked and called back into the room, “look what I found: a squealing little pig.”

The other two guys from before walked out into the hall. Jimin mentally cursed himself. One of the guys walked up to him and tugged at his shirt collar just like before. Jimin closed his eyes tightly, “are you ing crying? You really are pathetic, pig boy. I’m really sick of this company letting pieces of like you debut. I guess last time wasn’t enough for you.”

“If you lay one finger on him, I will make sure that you never have a career, above or below ground. I’m one button away from putting all three off you behind bars,” Jimin’s eyes shot open when he heard a familiar voice.

“Min Yoongi?” One of the boys stepped back in terror. Yoongi had a reputation for being quite a clever man. One talk with the company could probably get you kicked out of the music business for life. No one knew how he did it, which made it even more frightening. Not to mention his musical prowess made him a respectable artist.

“We weren’t going to touch him,” the boy who was holding Jimin’s shirt let go and placed his hands at his side.

“Get out of here then. Go home. I think there’s a curfew for s like you, I don’t want to have to report you,” Yoongi smirked. The guys grabbed their things and apologized to Jimin and Yoongi before running away.

“Hyung, thank you,” Jimin bowed, wiping the tears from his eyes.

“Come here,” Yoongi pulled him into the music room and sat him down. Jimin looked shaken up so Yoongi took his jacket and wrapped it around him. He sighed, “damn it Park Jimin. What were you doing yelling for me like that?”

“I was in the abandoned corridor and I saw a ghost. I got really scared. I’m sorry hyung,” Jimin shamefully admitted. Once again he had caused trouble for Yoongi.

“What the hell were you doing there? It’s abandoned for a reason. Is that why you were crying? Are you really such a baby, Jimin?”

“No. I was crying because I was frustrated. I was tired of messing up everything. You guys don’t need me. I’m useless,” Jimin began to cry again. He revealed how everyone had been treating him and that he knew he was a useless idiot no matter how hard he tried. Yoongi did his best to soothe him but the words coming from Jimin’s mouth made his blood boil.

“Jimin, listen to me. You are an important member in BTS. You are an amazing dancer, you have to know that. All of us are impressed every time we see you. You’re a great singer; no one can hit those high notes like you. You are not fat. You have a much nicer body than I do. And you aren’t ugly; you’re cute and handsome. Why would you let people make you think that about yourself? You are Park Jimin, and he is perfect. You know I hate being sweet but I mean it. All of us love you Jimin. I’m telling the others about this. You are our family and we won’t let anyone hurt you and make you feel bad about yourself, especially not you. We’ll stand by you. I bet if you didn’t feel this way you’d have realized that already.”

“Y-yoongi hyung, do you mean that?” Jimin sniffled. Tears rolled down his face. He hadn’t been able to love himself, so it felt amazing to know that he had a family like Bangtan. Now that he thought about it, they really had treated him well. Seokjin always cooked for him and comforted him. Namjoon was always there to joke with him and care for him. Hoseok adored him and always watched out for him during dance practice. Taehyung would fight with him and play around with him as if they were real brothers. Jungkook liked to speak informally to all the hyungs and he quietly loved Jimin. They all had complimented him but he could only hear the insults that screamed loudly in his head. Yoongi was the best, though. He tolerated him even if he was a bitter old grandpa and no one else could make him feel as loved as Yoongi could.

“Of course I do, idiot. I don’t hate you. I just like giving you a hard time. I treat everyone like crap, I don’t know any better. I’m not good at being sweet. I’m not trying to hurt you. When I say those things, I don’t mean it,” Yoongi pecked Jimin’s lips. He blushed before smiling, “so cheer the up. Even I feel bad about messing with you when you’re crying. You’re a stupid baby. You aren’t even that cute.”

“You’re a nice guy hyung. I like you too,” Jimin smiled.

“Shut up. I’m going to hit you,” Yoongi tried to hide his smile; “you’re ugly.”

“You too,” Jimin laughed. Yoongi pulled him into a hug. He loved that stupid kid so much it was ridiculous. There were no words for it. Everyone loved that stupid perfect little idiot.