Twelve days before Christmas Day, I never planned to be like this. I never imagine celebrating it all by myself. I never thought that all the happiness we had will be snatched away from us as easily as ABC. Its been two weeks since we last talk to each other, I remembered how excited we are to celebrate this day together, planning what we're going to do and where to go. 

Opening my Skype account, I re-read our conversations. I felt my lips curved a little, smiling while frowning. A little moment later, my tears began to flow endlessly like waterfall. We used to be happy like little kids with their favorite candies but now... I don't know. I missed him so much, yet I can't do anything to overcome this feeling.  

You see, we're thousand miles away from each other, in short we had a long distance relationship. But that didn't bother us, it never became the problem. We are very much contented skyping, talking ealy in the morning as soon as we woke up and before we sleep. I remembered when his two years old little brother always called me as his second mommy, and him as his second daddy. 

I have my own fairytale but a very different one, I didn't get my happily ever after instead a happily never after. I wasn't mad that we broke up, after all, I'm not the real girlfriend. I was the mistress, , relationship wrecker or thirdwheel in the relationship as what most people called it.

I knew he had a girlfriend in the very beginning, but I love him, so when he asked me a favor, to be his girlfriend for a brief moment, I accepted it without second thought. I know it wasn't the best decision I had make but don't blame me, if you love someone, you'll grab the opportunity to be with him if it's just a stolen time and moment.   

Days became weeks, and weeks became a month and I forgot that I was in a stolen moment with him until that day, everything crumbled and pulled us away from each other. I was in school that day and he suddenly messaged me panickly that his friend seen something that he wasn't supposed to see. I didn't know what to do nor react as soon as I saw his message, we're doomed. 

I went home as fast as I could and sent him a message, he was stressed I could see through his reply.

"Oh my god, please....

Stop. Just stop and be happy that I'm still here talking to you right now."

I cried, my hands are trembling as I chat with him through skype. 

"I feel sorry.

And it hurts because I can't do anything about it. I can't protect you

like how you're protecting me right now."

He replied again. 

"I just don't know how the did my friend seen it." 

And that ended our conversation... 

"How are you?"

Seen......

Sighing, I logged out in skype and drank my hot chocolate as I stare at the bright stars above me and wonder what is he doing right now. Is he happy with her real girlfriend? I hope he is. Suddenly, the radio played the song I don't like to hear at the moment. 

 A Rocket to the Moon: Like we used to

I can feel her breath as she's sleeping next to me
Sharing pillows and cold feet
She can feel my heart, fell asleep to its beat
Under blankets and warm sheets

If only I could be in that bed again
If only it were me instead of him

Does he watch your favorite movies?
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts?
When you've seen it a million times

Does he sing to all your music
While you dance to "Purple Rain"?
Does he do all these things
Like I used to?

14 months and 7 days ago
Oh, I know you know how we felt about that night
Just your skin against the window
But we took it slow and we both know

It should been me inside that car
It should have been me instead of him in the dark

Does he watch your favorite movies?
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts
When you've seen it a million times?

Does he sing to all your music
While you dance to 'Purple R