'Thank you,' Myungsoo silently signs, sleep slowly overtaking him, his eyes half-lidded from exhaustion. The type of exhaustion that leaves him weary and more tired than he's ever been, almost as if the life is being out of him, despite having years of his life left.

While Howon can only whisper, “You're welcome,' as he holds Myungsoo's warm hands in his, wanting to say more, but knowing that whatever he says won't do anything, despite how much he wants it to. He knows nothing will change, because that's how life is and terrible things happen every day, even to the best of people. And more than anything, Howon detests that.

He hates how life is unfair, especially those that do not deserve to be given unfair treatment, and Myungsoo, he has never deserved such unfair treatment and if he did, he definitely didn't deserve the treatment that he got.

Squeezing the other's hands while snuggling even closer to each other as the two of them lied side by side in the bed that they shared. A small bed that barely held the two of them, but was all that they could afford, Myungsoo curled just so, Howon couldn't help but ignore the heat that Myungsoo gave off. The silent boy giving off so much heat despite how hot the room was, air conditioning broken and in need of repair, but not having enough money to do such a thing, that was all Howon could do.

Money was scarce, but at least they had each other, which was better than what most people had. And Howon was grateful for that, even if he wished that they lived in better conditions. But until he get his big break, nothing was going to change that, especially when Myungsoo only made so much money as a bus boy, while Howon was doing his best to juggle doing odd jobs as he trained to debut in a group. The older man giving dance lessons here and there or doing errands for people to help pay the bills. So until something happened, the two were stuck.

Especially Myungsoo who never complained, despite having everything to complain about as the world had literally frowned upon him in many ways, even when he never deserved it. But despite that, Myungsoo continued to smile, even though most would have never done the same if they were in the same position as him. And while working was hard, unbelievably sometimes, and never getting paid enough money to make ends meet half the time, at least Myungsoo was happy. He smiled despite the pain and suffering he had been through and that meant the world to Howon... It meant everything.

Because the two loved each other, trusted each other, and one day things were finally going to look up. Howon was going to make sure it happened, but until then, Myungsoo's smile was the only thing helping him get buy.

Feeling Myungsoo sign something else against his hands, the letter's I and K apparent, yet a little bit sluggishly made, it doesn't take long for Howon to realize what Myungsoo's saying. But even if he didn't feel the letters against his hands, Myungsoo's fingers moving against them, he'd probably still know what Myungsoo wanted to say to him. Because after knowing Myungsoo for years, for being his boyfriend and friend even longer than that, it's not hard to know what Myungsoo's thinking.

But even then, it doesn't mean that Howon has to like what Myungsoo's thinking sometimes, especially when the other is usually always trying to make him feel better about things, even when Howon doesn't want to do so. But nodding his head a little to answer Myungsoo's response, all Howon can do is to keep whatever depressing feelings he had locked away, not wanting to burden Myungsoo anymore than he did. But Myungsoo knowing that what Howon was doing wasn't just for his benefit, but for his as well since he older boy just did what he did because he cared too much to let his own feelings get in the way and couldn't afford to let them do such a thing.

But despite not being able to see the pain, the depression, the worry, and sympathy that he can't always keep off his face, Myungsoo already knows without having to see anything. Myungsoo always knows, even when Howon doesn't think he does.

Howon knows that Myungsoo needs him to be strong, to be the one that he can rely on when things do become too much and life starts to taint Myungsoo's smile. And if he can't keep his emotions together, than he's not doing his duty to keep Myungsoo standing tall, to not let him fall apart where many others would, and something that neither of them want to see or experience happen.

Howon doesn't want to let Myungsoo know that the longer he goes on without getting a chance to debut, to be in a group so that he can finally give the life that both he and Myungsoo deserve, that it seems as if things become more and more hopeless. He's getting older and with more and more idols debuting younger and younger every year, Howon only has so much time and with his chances constantly slipping through his fingers by the day, it's hard to not think of his failures and dreams not being able to come true.

It's hard and yet, Myungsoo still knows all of this, but decides to never comment on it, since it would only make things worse. But Howon has his presence and that's more than enough to keep Howon going, to take away some of the stress and discord that sometimes runs through his boyfriend. And while he tries not to get upset or worry about Howon worrying, because that's what Howon does, even when Myungsoo thinks he doesn't have to, Myungsoo can only accept that behavior for what it is, even when he feels like he shouldn't. Especially when he knows how depressed Sunggyu can get, knows how having his voice instead of Myungsoo kills him, because even though Howon would rather die without his voice, his going to be livelihood and dreams, he still cares way too much about him to not sacrifice himself if need be.

Despite how much Howon thinks he can hides these feelings and thoughts, Myungsoo still knows. Myungsoo's gotten good at knowing, at being able to read body language so well that he can tell what Howon is thinking and feeling.

They're lovers, best friends, and just because he can't speak, doesn't mean Myungsoo doesn't know. But knowing how Howon is, how he gets, all Myungsoo can do is give him a reassuring smile instead before softly squeezing his hand, letting the gesture calm and placate him. The gesture being something that not only was Myungsoo oh so good at, but also helped improve Howon's mood too.

Sighing, Howon can only do everything he can to bury the sadness, the anger, and the painful depression that sometimes likes to engulf his body whenever he thinks back to that time, to how Myungsoo became the way he is now. It pains him greatly and he can't help but wish that it was him instead.

He truly hates how cruel fate can be, how cruel life can be to have taken something so precious from such a wonderful person. He despises it, but there's nothing he can do, but be there for Myungsoo, even though it usually feels as if Myungsoo's there for him a lot more than he is to him, even if that isn't the case. But with Howon feeling as if Myungsoo deserves the world, he can't help but feel as if what he's doing is not enough. And until he gets his chance, he'll probably always feel that way.

And looking at the boy in front of him: alive, softly smiling, even if he looked a bit sleepy, and telling him that everything was all right, that everything was going to be all right, and that the two of them were going to be all right, he can't keep the negative emotions going through him for long.

Myungsoo is alive and that should be more than enough. It doesn't matter if he can't speak, can't sing, can't communicate sometimes, because he's alive and well and that's all that matters. Myungsoo is tangible, just as he's always been. And even if he doesn't have his voice, his presence is still the same, and for Howon, that is more than a blessing.

Giving the other a smile much bigger than the last, all Howon can do is quietly settle himself a little closer to the other boy, to feel the other's warmth, strong yet pleasant against his body. And when Myungsoo just squeezes his hand even tighter before closing the distance and leaning his head against Howon's chest, showing him how strong and capable he is and how he's not going anywhere anytime soon, Howon allows the negative emotions to leave him as he basks in Myungsoo's strength. A strenght that manages to never die and constantly surprise him and keep him alive all at once.

Myungsoo always knows what to do to make him feel better, to make him value everything a little bit more, even if it seems insignificant to anyone else.

Ruffling the other's hair, all Howon can do is softly say, “It's time for bed, okay?”

Myungsoo doesn't argue as he quietly lets out a soft, barely there yawn, and cuddles even closer to him before he's giving Howon one last grin and latching his arms around the his waist. He softly rubs his head against Howon's chest, Myungsoo snuggling into him until he finds the most comfortable sleeping position that he can, before he's tiredly asking, “Be here when I wake up?”

Shaking his head at the absurd question, a question that the other should already know the answer too, all Howon can do is murmer into the other's ear while caressing the other's hair, “Always, babe. You can't get rid of me that easily, alright?”

Satisfied with the answer, the term of endearment, all Myungsoo can do is sleepily nod against him, placated, as he finally lets his breathing even out. The younger man succumbing to the warmth and care that Howon provides as he finally falls asleep. While Howon can only take one last look around the room before he's looking out at the window to take in the moon as he's quietly tells himself how lucky he is to have Myungsoo safe. To have the other continue to be by his side, alive and mostly well; he kisses the other's hair.

He may never be able to hear Myungsoo speak or ever sing again, but...

Silence is better than death and for Howon who loves Myungsoo with all his heart, he knows that an existence without the younger boy is an existence that he doesn't ever want to have.

Because if Myungsoo had died, then living wouldn't be living at all.