The Untold Story…  

Mai Yang                     

 

“So you asked me out because you didn’t want to date Krystal?”  I asked him.  He was standing in front of me.  Looking straight into my eyes, I was afraid of his answer, I was afraid of my heart.

    “Not quite.  I dated you because you wanted me, because you liked me.  Yes, I wanted to date Krystal, but she was a Freshmen, nobody wanted me to date her.”  Yes, he said it, just what I expected.

    “You used me.”  I got the courage to say.

    “No, I didn’t.” Feeling dumb.

    “So….”  What else am I suppose to say?  

    “...”  What do I do now?  I looked down to my hands, they were shaking.  My eyes were watery.

    “So what now?”  Finally.

    “It’s your choice.”  Mine?  I was about to break down that very second, but I didn’t.  I could barely hold myself up.  My knees were about to crumble down.

    “Meet me here at 4, after your class, and I’ll give you your answer.”  So then there, I walked away.  Going towards the stairs, not turning back, I cried.  When I got to the stairs where he couldn’t see me, I dropped down and cried my heart out.  My hands were shaking and my heart was aching, it felt like the world just crumbled down on me.  After all of what we’ve been through, after sticking up for him against my friends, after the fights and make up with him, after the kisses, the hugs, the nights with movies, the rehearsals, everything together and this is what life gives me.  This was all a lie, a dream, a nightmare, just an illusion that I have made up?  I just couldn’t believe it, the world, has finally shown me what a nightmare life can be.

 

The next day.

 

I stood there where I was about to meet him.  It was about 3:30 and I was sitting on the floor thinking, what am I going to say?  What am I going to do?  What if he changes his mind?  What if his heart changed throughout the night and he realized he loved me?  Those what if’s questions kept on ringing in my mind, by the time I know.  He was standing in front of me.  I stood up slowly, seeing him, calmed down my tears, he calmed the ache I had.

“So have you made a decision?”  he asked me, breaking the silence we had.

“...” I stood there quietly, I didn’t want to let go of him, I didn’t want him to leave me.  I didn’t want to walk away.  

“I thought you wouldn’t show up, I guess I was wrong.”  I stuck out my hand.

“Siwon...Can you hold my hand?”  My hand shaking, but I got the nerves to stick my hand out.  

“Sure.”  He held my hand.  Our fingers entwined with each other, perfectly.  I missed his hand, his hug, his kiss.  I missed him.  I touched his hand with my other hand, I looked at it carefully, scamming every detail I can take in just to remember him.  My tears finally fell.

“It’s over.”  I quickly let go of his hand, which had a tight grip.  I let go.  I walked away fast and cried without looking back.  It finally is over.  

 

A couple of weeks later.

 

    I was walking looking down at the floor, going to the cafeteria.  I looked around and there was no one outside, so I looked down and thought about Minho.  How much I missed him.  I’ve seen him in class all the time, I’ve seen him walking alone with his headphones on, I’ve seen him.  But what is right, is ignoring him like nothing ever happened, because he is doing the same thing.  I kept walking, and as I did, there was a guy in front of me.  I looked up and it was Minho.  He and I looked shocked.  But all I could do, was look back down and walk pass him, but then a hand grabbed my arm, almost swinging me back towards him. Minho grabbed my hand, “If you really liked me, why did you let me go?”  That question was like a knife thrown at me, why did I?  But then I realized.

    “Did I really have a choice?”  I looked at him, my eyebrows narrowed.

    “...” He got quiet.

    “I didn’t have a choice, Minho.  I didn’t.  You didn’t give me a choice.  I had to let go of you.  You let go of the rope, so I just…  I just decided to cut it, I had no choice.”  My tears couldn’t hold back so it dropped, dropped to the ground.  

    “I’m sorry…” I got angry.

    “Sorry for what?  Sorry for my broken heart, sorry for my tears dropping, sorry for eternity? Sorry for my headaches?  Cause none of that can undo what you’ve done!  Cause sorrys’ can’t do anything about what has already happened.  Sorry can’t mend my broken heart, sorry can’t bring back my tears into my eyes. SO, Minho, WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR!?”  I yelled at him, while crying.  I couldn’t take anymore, I didn’t want to see him anymore, I’m done, I can’t take anymore.  I loved him and he made me feel like an idiot for falling for him!  We’re over and he made it like it was all my fault. I was in pain, I helped him, I was hit because of him, I loved him and I … I still do … I walked away wiping my tears.

    “I’m sorry for leading you on,” he spoke still not looking at me, looking at the wall I was at, I stopped and stood there, “I’m sorry for making you fall in love with me, I’m sorry for lying to you, I’m sorry.”  He said insincerely.  I could sense that he turned my way because his voice got clearer.  

    “Don’t you think you should’ve told me this before we even got anywhere?” I said and walked away.  My tears came down even more, more than ever.  My heart was aching, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t do anything, so I ran to my friend’s house which was 3 miles away.  I finally got to her house and on her doorstep, I dropped down on my knees and cried while knocking on the door slowly, sobbing wanting her hug.

    She opened the door…

The End