You left. You were my all but now you are gone. You left my side. It's not like you were really by my side, but at least I got to see you every day. Yet now, I don't think I'll ever see you again. I know you are going to the US to further your studies and it has always been your dream but can't you just stay here and continue your studies? My first love. Not being able to have you was already torturing enough but now, you are leaving. We are separating forever. But then again, we are just like two parallel lines; paths not meant to meet. It was like this. It is like this. It will always be like this. It's as if I'm trying to reach for the moon, you - an unattainable goal.

Your departure isn't that bad right? I have been suffering in silence for the past two years. It's time I let go right? You who showed me how to live for myself, it's okay for me to be on my own right? After all, you did taught me independence. Yeah, independence...

The day you left, I refused to send you off. Rather, I was embarrassed to do so. Who am I to send you off? Am I your friend? I doubt. I'm nothing but a person that has brought to you unnecessary inconveniences. Like a stain that can't be removed. Yes that's right. That's me. I thought I had let go of you. But that day when you left, I left too. The whole day, wasted. Rather, I intended to do so. So here I am, at your favourite club (sadly), getting drunk and asking for trouble. Drunk? That sounds so foreign. I've never drank and don't have a high alcohol tolerance but no matter how many shots I've downed, I can't seem to get tipsy. You, your adorable yet handsome face, is still stuck in my damn mind. I still see you, though you are gone forever.

I was dancing (not as well as you do though) with my eyes closed when suddenly someone grabbed me tightly by my waist and kissed me. It was a long one. One that got me gasping for air but I didn't want to end it just yet. One that got my cheeks (that never got red) heating up slightly. One that wasn't pure and innocent like how I expected my first kiss (which was meant for you to claim) to be. One with tongues, teeth and biting. In the end, I had to break the intimate contact first. My lungs were desperately searching for the gas it was lacking dearly, so much so that my legs went wobbly for a moment. Opening my eyes, I got the shock of my life. Leeteuk of Super Junior. Ah no, Park Jung Soo. The dude that just freaking kissed me is no other than the old man I adored a lot (Not as much as you though). "Teukie," my words left my lips as a whisper, my eyes wide shot open and my mouth a little agape. Still wrapping his arms tightly around my waist, he merely smirked. "Already having a nickname for me when we only just met huh?" he spoke, still having that damn smirk plastered on his face. I shifted uncomfortably, trying to get out of his grip while my by then reddened cheeks continue heating up. Not loosening his grip, he held me closer before leaning down to whisper by my ear, "Shall we go somewhere quieter to understand each other better?" He chuckled a little before leading me to this private VIP lounge on the second floor.

"So, may I ask my princess what is a young girl like you doing here?" he started.

My princess? He called me that? Wait is he just flirting and then going to me or whatsoever? Not that I mind having with such a drop dead gorgeous idol but he's so different from what I know. The kiss. The flirting. Oh yeah right, the kiss. He tasted sweet hehe. Something like strawberry and grape and wine and...idk...

I must have been very caught up with my thoughts as he was staring intently at me when I woke up from my trance. "Oh right...erm...you taste good. I mean like you don't taste like you smoke..." I blushed, embarrassed at the way my words came out.

"I don't, that was just an act. And so, will my princess now answer this poor man's question?" he said while cupping my cheeks with both hands.

"I was just...trying to get wasted. You know, get drunk and probably get laid."

"And I'm not your princess."

"Feisty huh? Okay, I'm sorry. I thought you girls like all that sweet talk and stuff. But aren't you a little too young to be drinking, much less say...do it?"

"You girls, don't include me. Not that typical. Just a weed amongst the flowers... And I turned 18 this year so I'm legal. About having , who cares anyway? No one wants me anyway. If some drunk dude or is willing to take me, then so be it."

"Hey hey," he started and shifted closer, putting an arm around me and pulled me closer towards him slightly. "You aren't that plain. I mean if not why would I notice you and kiss you? I don't kiss just anyone. And you were great I must say. Plus, you look so y in this dress. Not exactly the bad girl type. But rather...I don't know...you are just attractive. So don't say all those words again okay?"

"Wow thanks. The almighty leader of world known hallyu pop group Super Junior is praising me. I should be honoured huh? But then again, aren't you just flirting me so that you can get me laid? If you want it, just say. Don't need to waste all this precious effort of yours."

"Yah...I thought you were nice. What I said are my true feelings. If I must say, I would have taken you right here right now. Ah no, make love to you if not for your age and that damn principle of no pre-marital ."

"Did something happen? I mean I don't know what kind of person you are but I trust my intuition, you are a good girl. Someone I love..."

"You? Park Jung Soo? Loves me? Don't lie...You know, there's nothing I'm good at but I can tell straightaway when a person is lying. And yes, you are. Seriously? Who has loved me? Like oh my god. It's harder than striking lottery I bet. Even he who seemed so sincere didn't. You? Save it!"

I don't know what courage I had to be talking this way to him. He did nothing wrong. Probably his words were true. He probably loved me. But his acts, I just can't seem to believe. Especially when it's so similar to what you did back then. All the care and concern were nothing but just plain lies. You killed me right away when I was hooked, like how fishes were caught from the sea.

"If you really love me, then my dear Teukie oppa, can I have a favour? Take me."

He could only stare wide eyed at me. No reply came from him. You see, I was right. All that coaxing was fake. Love? My foot!

"My dear girl, as much as I want to, I can't. I don't want you to regret. I know I'll regret for sure but I can't bear to hurt you." Placing my palm against his left chest, "Here, feel it. Feel how this heart beats for you."

It was real. His heart was really beating fast, just like how mine beats for you. So his words were real I guess. Maybe, I could try believing him for once...Feeling the guilt wash over as my mind cleared up, the alcoholic effect fading away. So I was drunk huh? I shouldn't have spoke to him like this. He's a superstar but yet felt so wronged because of me. Plus, all that he have done for me in the past. If not for him, I wouldn't have been able to pull out of depression a few years back.

Hanging my head low, "Oppa, sorry. Those words, I didn't meant for them to come out lashing at you. I was drunk, I guess..."

Lifting my head up to look at him, "If you were drunk, then those would be your heartfelt words. And I would be sad that you are feeling that way. This heart of mine hurts."

"Teukie..." I said as tears started streaming down my cheeks. I don't know why but those words of his, they sounded so genuine. It felt as though he was able to see through me. To be able to see past my facade and listen to my inner thoughts. That, it brought me back to you. The thoughts that I had been suppressing all along hit back at me. Never had anyone truly showed concern for me. Even if they did, they didn't stay for long. But you stayed slightly awhile longer. But at last, you too left. The insecurity and hurt I feel when people leave me one by one. When you came, I felt protected but not for long. His words, reminded me of you. You whom I've been longing for.

"Omo! Did I say something wrong? Don't cry..." he spoke as he reached out to wipe my tears before pulling me into a hug.

"Gomawo, my angel."

With that, I let down my guard, removed all the walls around my heart and cried my heart out. All the suppressed emotions, I let them be free. And Leeteuk said nothing, just patting my back gently. That assurance. That security. That warmth of another. It's been so long. Leeteuk, you are truly my guardian angel. You always show up when up I need you. Just like how you pulled me out of the murky waters a few years back. We hadn't met then. I didn't imagined I would today. But then, you gave me the strength to keep me afloat. Thank you.