I ran home after eating some ramen at a convenience market. In my heart, I guess I still had the teeniest bit of hope that my mom would be home tonight, but of course, she wasn’t and I disappointedly sighed. The night was cold so I slept on the ground in layers of sweaters. 

     The next day, I woke up to the smell of homemade cooked breakfast. Mom? I scrambled out of bed to the kitchen, but it was Haeun’s mom. She sometimes came over and cooked for me since there was no one to feed me. Haeun was sitting at the small dinner table on the floor, playing with her chopsticks. “Nara!” she cried out when she saw me.

     “Nara unni,” her mom corrected.

      “Nara unni! I thought I was going to die of boredom. Good morning!” she said happily and patted on the ground next to her. I went to sit down and she asked me right away.

     “Did you meet Jongin oppa? I met him and he’s so good looking! And nice too!” she swooned and lit up cutely.

     I patted her head, “Yeah I did. But he’s not that good looking.” I lied. 

     “Don’t lie. I know you think he’s good looking. But don’t worry, I won’t tell him.” she winked and ran to the bathroom before I could protest. 

      After eating breakfast, which was rice and cooked fish, Haeun's mom handed me a stack of letters. "These came in the mail for you." she explained. I took it and flipped through the envelopes. All of them were bills, bills that reminded me of the harsh reality I live in. I sighed heavily and zipped on a oversized jacket.

    "Thanks for the food," I bowed to Haeun's mom and quickly left the house. It's time for me to find a job. 

    I already had a part time job at the dance studio, but that was barely paying for the basic living necessities. One thing I knew for certain was that I needed to find a job further away from my neighborhood. News traveled quickly in a small neighborhood like ours and I didn't want anyone to know that I was spending my senior year working to pay off bills. And this is another reason there's bitterness harbored toward my mom. Over the years, bills have been piling up and it's a miracle I haven't been kicked out of my house already. Where was my mom when I needed her the most? 

     I shook my head and took a bus to a near neighborhood, but not too close in Mokpo. It was a bigger, but still cozy neighborhood. It felt nice to be in a different place for once, somewhere distinct from my daily mundane cycle. I walked by a block of stores and a sign caught my eye, taped on the window of a small convenience mart. "Hiring," it read. I stepped inside and got the job as soon as I asked. This should be able to help, at least a little bit. 

    I was able to work as soon as I got hired so I took the cashier vest from a college girl who seemed all too eager to get off her shift. She taught me all the basic things I needed to know and not even bothering to confirm if I knew what I was doing, she left. But by the second hour, I was getting the hang of it.

    I heard the mart door swing open, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the book I was reading. I would probably get scolded by the manager if he was here, but it was only me so I took out a thick fantasy novel. A bottle of orange juice was placed infront of me with a small thud and I looked up. It was Jongin. He was wearing a black snapback and a navy blue shirt, with a confused look on his face.

    "You work part time here?" Jongin asked, but he said it more like a statement than a question. I just stared at him, shocked that someone had found out. This was the second time he exposed one of my secrets. Looking away, I nodded difficultly, scanning the bottle of juice. 

     "Don't tell anyone I work here," I blurted out, not being able to meet his eyes. "I don't want anyone to worry or my mom to find out.." I explained quietly and pushed the bottle towards him. Finally, I warily looked up, slightly scared to see his expression. Would he judge me or call me poor? He'd probably be wondering why a senior who should be studying is working. 

    He looked at me for a long time, his dark eyes staring into mine as if he was analyzing my identity. Finally, he nodded and turned around to leave, but halted in his tracks and placed the bottle on the counter. "For you," he said quietly, but I still heard it and he left. I stared at the bottle, not knowing what to do with it. I didn't want to accept anything from anyone, perhaps it meant a white flag of surrendering to reliance on someone. Or admitting to poverty. I pushed it aside, but as I worked for the next three hours, the bottle stood there, constantly in the corner of my eye like it was taunting me. After my shift was over, I picked up the bottle and walked to the bus stop. I decided to leave it behind on the seat for a lucky someone to receive a free drink. 

      The next day was a school day so I woke up at 6:00 am as always. I stuffed some rice into my mouth and ran out the door not wanting to be late. But from the corner of my eye, I saw Jongin standing in front of his house, arguing with an older man dressed in a nice suit with tortoise glasses. The man got into an expensive looking black sleek car and drove away. Jongin looked frustrated, his fingers combing through his hair. 

    I decided to walk ahead and avoid him for the time being. I didn't like this vulnerability I felt when I saw him because he found out my secrets. I arrived at school and  walked to my homeroom classroom, finding my class crazy and loud as usual. There was a group of girls huddled in the front, watching a k pop group perform. On the other side of the room, some guys were arm wrestling and betting on who would win. In the back were my friends who were eating kimbab rolls and talking loudly, laughing crazily. I smiled at the sight and walked towards them.

    “Hey guys!” I said as I sat down next to my friends. 

     “Hi Nara! Guess what? The news said the protest group against Winner Group is marking their 3rd year today!” my friend Yoona said. Winner Group was well-known and closely watched since it was the only big chain corporation in our small town, Mokpo.

     “Oh…” I replied, my smile faltering as my mind flashed back to that time. 

 “Nara, I packed food for you in the fridge because I won’t be here for a couple of days.” She sat me down gently. “You know the supermarket I work for? Winner Mart? It’s run by a large company called Winner Group. But they’ve been suddenly firing masses of contract workers, breaching the contract. So we’ve decided to get together and organize a protest. I hope you can understand.” she said, searching my eyes. I nodded. 

  “But it’ll only be a couple of days, right?” I asked.

  “Of course. I promise.” she smiled. “We’ll celebrate your birthday next week together.”

    But we never did. And that promise turned out to be a lie. I bitterly pursed my lips. The protest had dragged out to 3 years with little progress. Winner Group is a big group that doesn’t care about the small people. The nobodies they probably called in their minds. The nobodies who had no money, no power in the world. What was the point of protesting when they knew nothing could be done about it? What’s the point when all their empty cries were in vain? I shook my head, trying to forget everything. 

     “Are you okay?” asked Sooyoung. I nodded.

      "How is your mom doing?" she asked. The bell rung and I was glad to be able to avoid that question. Everyone scrambled to their seats and I took my place in the back of the room, next to the window. I laid my head down on the desk, staring out the window.

     “Hello everyone.” Mr. Lee entered the room. “We have a new student, a transfer from Seoul.” My head shot up. And Jongin sauntered in with his new uniform, feigning a confident look, but I could see the nervous look in his eyes. I inwardly groaned. I planned to avoid him, but just my luck- he's in my homeroom class. 

     "Why don't you introduce yourself?" Mr. Lee suggested. 

     “Um.. hi, I’m Kim Jongin. I’m from Seoul and I.. uh.. I like to dance.” he said. A few girls whispered excitedly and they looked adoringly at him. 

     “Jongin, take a seat next to Hayoung.” Mr. Lee pointed to the girl who sat in front of me. Jongin went and gave me an acknowledging smile before sitting down next to her. I didn't smile back, just stared at him. 

     “Now class, we’re going to have a look at Spring Blossoms. It’s a classic literature book written by one of the most famous writers, Noh Miyoung. The important note I want you guys to remember is everything in this book is very intentional. Every line said by the characters, the setting, their feelings- all of it is there for a reason. I want you all to turn to chapter 5.” Mr. Lee instructed.

     I took out my book and turned to it. Literature class was the only class I actually enjoyed and was good at, mainly because of my love for books. 

    “There’s a quite well-known quote that I will read- something that I want you all to analyze as we go over it. 'When you give your hand to someone, it means you're also giving him your life.'”

     I looked at the words, “When you give your hand to someone, it means you’re also giving him your life.” I cocked my head. I guess it means when you trust someone, you really love him. I wondered what does it mean to really love someone? I've never loved someone before, but I guess trust is a big factor.

    “Jongin, how did you interpret the quote?” Mr. Lee asked.

    “Uhh.. I think it meant that when you trust someone like that, it means you really love that person.” he said with a loud, clear voice. That’s what I thought. I looked at the back of his head, his brown hair tousled and messy. 

    “Huh- that’s interesting. Anyone thought similarly?” Mr. Lee smiled encouragingly. I timidly raised my hand and put it down quickly. Mr. Lee’s sharp eyes saw me and he asked, “Anyone besides Nara?” I hid my face in my hands. For some reason, I always became shy when it came to answering a question or solving a problem in class. Jongin turned around when he heard my name and he looked at me silently before turning back to the front. I didn’t know what to make of his unreadable glance.

Matthew 5:14-16