Remember that day when we first met and everyone stayed away from me? I thought you’d avoid me. But you didn’t.

Everywhere he went, it was always the same—people shied away because Taekwoon was just too quiet. They said he maintained one expression and he didn’t understand what they meant. He wasn’t trying to scare anyone. He just wanted to make friends, live a life that was everything he dreamed, just like everyone else.

Right?

He just didn’t speak unless it was absolutely necessary. He wasn’t judging or scrutinizing, nor was he arrogant or entitled. He was just Taekwoon, the quiet kid that didn’t know how to be charismatic.

“Hey, you’re doing that stretch wrong. You’re going to hurt yourself before you even start dancing. Here…” Taekwoon frowned at the guy near in his stature, thin but toned, clearly knowing what he was talking about. He didn’t seem “put off” like others.

“Turn your back slowly to warm up the muscles. Put your elbow on your knee and use the joints as anchors to each other–”

“I’m Taekwoon!” he blurted, his face turning bright red and tears of embarrassment (and, probably, failure) already bubbling in his eyes.

Instead the guy laughed. “Hakyeon.” He extended his hand and Taekwoon took it with a nervous smile. “It’s nice to meet you.” He saw Taekwoon’s smile and raised it to a 100-watt one.

“Y-You too…”

“You know, you seem pretty cool. I think we’ll be good friends. Better friends if you stretch right and don’t kill yourself first. Good thing we found each other, man. Who even taught you this stuff…?”

Remember that day when I splashed water on your jeans? I thought you’d get mad at me. But you didn’t.

“No, no, these jeans are new. Don’t you dare come near me, Han Sanghyuk…” Taekwoon was standing at the edge of the fountain, watching the children (and the rest of s) play in the synchronized water routines. Hakyeon was standing close to him, eyes scanning like the other mothers spaced out as well. None of his babies will be hurt under his watch.

“Come on. It’s only just water. Taek—Leo hyung, will you come then?” Taekwoon sighed and glanced at the leader, who smirked and tilted his head. It was a dare for him to go in.

“Fine,” was all he said as he started to take off his shoes. They were new and a fan had sent them to him. He wasn’t about to get them soggy and wet by choice. That’s what rain was for.

Hyuk bounced back to the fountain where the others were acting a little too much like the five-year-old girl staring at them. Judging by the way the other laughed, he knew that they didn’t believe the maknae saying he’d go in.

“Don’t get my jeans wet. I know what you’re thinking…” Hakyeon had his serious leader-face on, but the twitch of his lips told Taekwoon otherwise.

“I promise, sir,” he teased, bowing his head before slowly ascending to his fellow band mates.

“Welcome, hyung. The fountain of youth awaits for you jump in and feel like a kid again,” Jaehwan said with a cheeky grin, Wonshik and Hongbin giggling behind him.

“I have a better idea. Ravi, your hat…” Taekwoon filled the already-soaked cap with water and tries to hold it as naturally as he can as he makes his way back to Hakyeon.

“Lost interest already?”

“You could say that…” and Taekwoon flung the water that was still in the hat up into the air, most of it landing on Hakyeon.

Remember that time when I pushed you a little bit too hard on broadcast? I thought you’d hate me. But you didn’t.

“Leo-ssi, you’re extremely shy today, aren’t you,” the MC asked.

“Oh, no, Leo isn’t shy. He’s just quiet,” Hakyeon said. Taekwoon nodded.

“Are you well, today?”

“Yes, sir,” Taekwoon replied.

“Are you happy, today?”

“Yes, sir,” he replied.

“We will make you smile before the end of filming!”

“You want to make him smile?” Hakyeon asked with a smile that was too bright, with eyes that were too excited, with a voice that was a bit too high to be just for fun.

This was revenge for the water on his new jeans.

“Yes! How do we make him smile? Give us the secret!”

“Tickle him…. here.” His hands were magnets to Taekwoon’s sides, fingers wiggling until he could only collapse into a fit of giggles and try to struggle away. He shoved the leader a little harder than he meant to, making him bump into Hongbin on the other side.

Hakyeon laughed, hard.

Taekwoon knew that it was real laughter.

Remember that day I got so mad at you when you were only doing your job as our group’s leader? I thought you’d curse because someone like me wanted to be a singer. But you didn’t.

“Why am I the only one in here, again?”

“Because I want to make sure everyone gets the attention they need for this choreography.”

“But we’ve been stretching for forty-five minutes.”

“Because you still at it. You don’t listen at all, do you?” Hakyeon grinned at Taekwoon’s reflection as he straightened up from touching his toes.

The rest of the lesson (if Taekwoon could call it that) was nothing compared to the fun banter in the beginning. It was brutal, hard, leaving him feeling exhausted.

And worthless.

“What is going on with you when you’re doing it? Why can’t you get the step?”

“I don’t know. It’s just too hard for me, I guess. I’m not a dancer, Hakyeon. I just follow the motions but this… this is too complicated. I can’t.”

“Taekwoon. Jung Taekwoon. If you ever utter words like that again, I’ll… I’ll… I’ll do something. I don’t know what it is yet but you won’t like it. Suicides at the gym, running an extra three kilometers on the treadmill… something.”

“You don’t understand…”

“I don’t understand? I don’t understand having a dance move that I can’t nail? I don’t understand having something right there before it’s snatched away from me? You trained with me, didn’t you? You know how hard it was. Taekwoon, please, don’t say I don’t understand. Don’t ever say I don’t understand. So get up, stop pouting, and let’s do this damn thing.”

Three more run-throughs and Taekwoon nearly wept with tears of accomplishment.

Remember that time when we had a huge fight? I thought you’d give up on the likes of someone like me. But you didn’t.

“Jaehwan, why is this high note so hard for you?”

“I’m trying my best. I just have a tickle in my thro–”

“Do it again.”

“Hakyeon, don’t you think you’re being too harsh? You know he’s getting over a cold.” Taekwoon regretted the words as soon as the fell from his lips.

The fire in Hakyeon’s eyes was terrifying as he rounded on him. “Excuse me? Do you know how important this song–”

“Yes, I know how important this song is. I know how important each and every note and step are to each and every beat in each and every song. He’s been sick so he can rely on the track, just for this one.”

“Hyung, stop…” Jaehwan pleaded. “I can do it.”

“Taekwoon, I see where you’re coming from but this is part of the job, part of my job. I don’t like it but how else do we improve if we don’t power through?”

Taekwoon hung his head, embarrassed to have even said anything and cause a scene. He could feel hot, bitter tears well up in his eyes; he was so angry with himself for being so thoughtless.

Back at the dorm that night, Hakyeon thanked him for standing up for Jaehwan. He knew that he was being too harsh but he was letting his need to have everything be perfect cloud his sympathy.

That was the first time that he had seen the leader cry because he was terrified of being a bad leader. He felt even closer to the person that had become his best friend after that.

He didn’t know would be the last time they were able to be so open and vulnerable with each other.

Yes, there were lots of things that you didn’t do but you put up with me, loved me, protected me. There were lots and lots of things I wanted to make up to you, when you returned from your private schedules…

November 17, 2014 – an entry from Jung Taekwoon’s diary

There are times that I wish I could be better with my words. I’m not as free flowing with them like Hakyeon. They come so naturally for him, as do emotions. But I continue to learn so much from him.

I guess today, when he started filming for his new variety show, trusting me to keep order with everyone, I realized that he had more faith in me than I have in myself.

I want to work harder, to try to be more outgoing, and to let my light shine because his does.

That sounds really sappy and sentimental. I’m not in love with the guy or anything. I just care about him a lot; he’s my best friend. He’s my leader and he’s there for a reason, not just because he’s the oldest.

I made a card for him to thank him. It’s really lame and stupid, but it is says in it what I want him to know: thank you (along with a ton of other things). And I also bought a few albums I know he’s been meaning to get.

It’s nothing compared to what he’s given me, but at least he’ll know just how much he means.

He should be coming home any minute…

But you didn’t.