The cold wind blew past him as he walked briskly through the slippery path. His boots thumping on the ground - in fact, every ones’ were – but due to his main focus on himself, he got to hear every single thing his own-self produced.

From the thumping sound of his boots to the beating sound of his heart, even he got to see his own puff of breath from the cold surrounding. He lifted his eyes and looked around his surrounding, trying his best to refresh every single detail he had imprinted in his heart and mind long before.

His lips curled up in a smile when a sense of nostalgia hit him as he walked further, this has got to be the right place.

Even after jamming his hands in the pocket for a long time, they were still cold, his pale; slightly pinked hand reached for the door and he pushed it a jar. Immediately, a whip of coffee’s aroma hit his nose. The sound of his boots thumping became even louder, as they were now set on the wooden floor.

He had forgotten to shake off the little bits of snow on his head making him blushed as the guy who happened to passed by him signaled to his hair. He shook of his head gently and used his hand to smooth them down, they were longer now. It had been a while since the last time he got a haircut that his bang started to cover his eyes a bit.

“You know, you’d look cooler if you styled your hair. Like, spiked it up a bit-”

He blinked a few times, adjusting his eyes as he scanned at the written-chalked menu on the small blackboards arranged on the upper wall. He liked the idea of that, it was something-

“- something, hmm, artistic? Wait, I think they’re unique! Or cute!”

It was his turn and he was about to confidently order his usual when he saw a cup of hot chocolate being served to a lady whose table not far away from the counter.

“Classic hot chocolate, please”

He didn’t fully understand why but he knew he just had to have a cup of hot chocolate that night.

He rubbed his hand together and breathed into the small hole he made with his hands in attempt to warm them. The seat was comfortable despite the fact that he had chosen the place in the deepest corner of the café.

Few things had changed, the interior design upgraded and the space seemed to be a little bit wider now. Though few things hadn’t change, like; the chalked menu on the black board and the place of the café in his heart.

“You don’t say you come to a café just to order hot chocolate?”
“Café isn’t all about coffee, they serve all kind of drinks!”
She had protested every time he about her disability of consuming caffeine.
And every time he did that, he couldn’t help but offer her his drink.
“Give it a try?”
“No, thank you”
She had stuck her tongue out on him, making him burst into laughter.

A sip of hot chocolate from the warm cup had warmed his whole body. The sweetness that ran down his throat had left a lingering taste on his tongue that every time he his lips he could still taste the chocolate.

In the night, Seoul had been nothing but one true beauty view – with night lights and the light snow falling down from the sky. He missed this.

Sometimes, he let his mind wonder and thought, how much did I miss?.

In the same time, his heart said, a lot.

All of a sudden, his frustration grew. He leaned back on his seat and closed his eyes. Suddenly his mind was flooded with memories, a lot of emotions surfaced and his heart clenched.

His jaw tensed when one specific memory covered his closed eyes.

Tears running down her face, she didn’t scream nor did she hit him. Though it was clear to him what was written on her face; anger and broken. They were standing in front of each other, quiet apart.

When she opened , her voice cracked “Why?” she knew better than to whisper, she could’ve shouted at him or even better, curse. But she was too weak to do so. His face stoic, not a single emotion was shown.
 

“I got bored” he mindlessly shrugged.

For a moment, he thought she was going to explode. But he was wrong, she didn’t, instead she broke down. “When you were gone the whole week without contacting me, that wasn’t the first time right?” though her voice was hoarse, she actually managed to complete the question.
 

He smirked, “So you knew after all”
“How could I not when you changed” her voice become more stable now.

“I’m actually amazed, the fact that you’re still here, today”. The words sting, they truly did. He had been rough on her, but she had been nothing but tough. “Do you even think of why?” she blinked at him, her blurry eyes starting to sting a lot “Because I love you”

He remained silent, he unknowingly started clenching and unclenching his fist; A sign of nervous. He wouldn’t lie, when she said those words, he felt a stab on his heart. But in the same time, his mind didn’t work the same way.

And he was starting to tick off. “Let’s break up” his eyes dull when he said them. She gasped and she could feel her heart break from the words. It wasn’t really a surprise, that line was expected even from before. But when the actual time came, she just couldn’t help herself. “For a second, did you think of me when you did that?”

She didn’t receive a reply.

“Did you even think of us?”

“People change” he interrupted “and so do feelings. I don’t think this thing work anymore and I know you knew it even long before. There’s no use”

He thought the world stopped at the moment, because nothing happened in between them except for the wind that blew past them.

“Is that so?”

He blinked at her when she said that. She chewed on her bottom lip and he noticed she was her skirt. A single tear slid down her cheek from her glossy eyes.

Unexpectedly, she lifted her gaze and looked at him straight in the eyes. Slowly, her lips curved up to form a broken smile. He could see it, he could read what was unintentionally written on her.

For the first time, his eyes widen and he felt sick. His heart felt tight, it was until she her heel to walk away and disappear from his sight that he realized he was holding his breath.

He opened his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. His elbows set on his knees as his fingers entwined each other and he leaned over, close enough for his hands to cover his lips; they were drawn into a frown. His eyebrows furrowed at the sudden thought that rose in his mind,

What if I ran after her that night?

Which was followed by a train of other thoughts, there were many possible ideas as to how he could’ve saved his past or possibly future, too. But then,

He went to get wasted afterward.

Suddenly, he felt disgusted by himself. But then again, what could he do?

Absolutely, nothing.

It had only been a week since the day he set his feet down on the land of Korea and old stuffs were already getting back at him. He didn’t thought of this as often as to how he did back in the State. Years passed by and it amazed him how he still couldn’t erase the memory of her that seemed to linger in his mind quite often.

First love was the hardest, people said.

The frustration grew more when he started to get deeper into the topic. This doesn’t make any sense, he got up from his seat and went to left the café, leaving a half-cup full of the now cool chocolate drink. He took a deep breath and adjusted the scarf around his neck once the cold breeze hit him.

His hands found their place; back into the pockets. He walked passed a young couple that shared one jacket.

He raised his eyebrows on her when she denied his offer. Obviously, she was cold by the look of her pale face, red nose and- her now clamped together pink lips. It was in the middle of winter and she had worn a thin jacket.

When she puffed out a breath, instinctively he pulled her to him. Engulfing her into a warm hug as he wrapped his jacket around her, she was a bit small to him and taking her in a big bear hug was not a problem to him.

“Idiot”

He scoffed, what was wrong with him? He was starting to get confused by himself. He slowed down when he saw a record store nearby, without thinking even more, he stepped in.

He stopped in front of the new released section, browsing the new records until he found one specific album that got labeled ‘HOT’ on it. He found himself smiling in content at the sight of it. It was a good sign to him.

His eyes focused on the details that were written in the album, his head bobbed at times to the music that his headphones produced. He had dreamily wonder how it would be if his name was written there.

“What are you looking at?”

She popped next to him, his smile grew at the sight of her holding an indie record. He took off his headphones. “Are you going to buy them?” she asked again. “Maybe, maybe not” was his answer, placing the record back to it place.

“In my opinion” she took the record he was holding before and shoved it to him “You should”. He stepped back at the sudden push and looked at her puzzled. “I know how much you like this kind of music, I don’t like it but in the same time I don’t really detest them that much” she shrugged at the genre he was into.

“Plus, listening to them help, right?” she grinned.

She knew about his dream. She knew far too well to the fact that he was now on a constant practice of sharpening his hidden skill. Furthermore, she was the one who pushed him even more into this path.

He had set his goal by then.
To have his name written there as the producer.

 Now that he already achieved it, how did it feel like? Pure satisfaction
But nothing compared to having her by his side.

By the time he snapped out of his train of thoughts, he was already mad at himself.

Get a hold of yourself Bang Yongguk, get over it!

Yongguk went out in an instant, this time he focused on trying to get rid of the unnecessary thoughts from the past. He was really mad, how could he be thinking of this at this time?

What could be the reason of him being like this?

It was already a past, let it be a past.

He had chanted to himself, he grunted to himself at the fact of him trying to reminiscence a memory of hers once again.

You dumbhead, no matter how much you regret, nothing could be done. What’s done was done. Years passed and this was the result from trying to move on? yourself, Bbang.

Yongguk admitted, he regretted. He regretted every single second of that day. Cross that, he regretted everything even from the start. He could’ve done better. He could’ve been better than being a scumbag.

teenage days.

She was everything compared to him, his own self was nothing better than a trash before she picked him up.

Yes, he had went that far as to insult himself due to the regrettable and irreversible past he had ever created in his life.

He stopped on his track when he saw a loud commotion in front of him. He wasn’t the type to be into this kind of crowd so he tried his best to avoid it. Squeezing through the sea of body and when he thought he went through it, he knocked on someone. It made a loud thudding voice as some people were there to make the impact even bigger by pushing around.

Though he thought it was his fault, the person beat him to it.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

The soft voice made he turned his head.

Her slim fingers placed on his arm as his eyes found hers. He didn’t know if it was because of her footwear or it was originally her height that made her seemed taller and closer to him. He noticed, her features were sharp and the look she gave him radiated a familiar vibe.

Those brown eyes, made his heart skipped a beat.

He couldn’t really register his surrounding other than the person in front of him.

He was further mesmerized by how her long brown locks fell graciously down her shoulder when she tilted her head. “Mister?”

He blinked in shock, he nodded at her, still frozen in his state. She gave him a weird look but her smile didn’t falter a bit. “I’m sorry, again, really” she bowed before walking away, her smile remained on her lips.

Yongguk stood there, his eyes following the leaving figure. “They were short before”

One of the thought that was always on top of his head was,

If there was to be a moment where I have her in my sight… Chances are, I will never let her go.
I will fight for the change in fate to correct the mistake I made.