“ I love you.”

Jaebum’s lips trembled and he could feel all the blood rushed down to his cheeks, turning them into deep shade of red. His fists were clenched. He couldn’t dart his eyes to look at the man before him who gasped; taken aback by the confession. Much to his surprise, he was then welcomed by a pair of arms embracing him and that so familiar chuckle could be heard,

“I love you, too, hyung.”

*

Jaebum thought he couldn’t be any happier. He finally confessed and he had the person he had fallen in love with since day one in his palm. Jaebum smiled much more than before, and he didn’t care if other people saw how love struck he was, because in fact, he was.

He couldn’t help but smile back every time the younger would cling into his arms and flashed his beautiful smile that could melt hearts of the entire nation. Jinyoung smiled a lot, and Jaebum couldn’t feel luckier than that. The younger had this unique smile that made him look even cuter than he already was. The side of his eyes always crinkled, and Jaebum always had this urge of pinching his cheeks whenever that happened. So he did. (Although later on Jinyoung would slap his arm and whined how it hurt; but it made Jaebum smiled even wider).

He couldn’t help but give in to the younger’s wish, and, even though it was silly, his pout was really Jaebum’s weakness.  The first time he did aegyo in front of the members was when he lost a bet with Jinyoung. The bet was to who would be frightened more when watching a horror movie (Jaebum placed his bet on Bambam and Jinyoung placed his on Yugyeom, and surprisingly, Jinyoung won). The winner could ask the loser to do anything he wished. So Jinyoung made Jaebum do aegyo (Through numerous pouts and Jaebum angry shouts). It was a weird one though—Jackson almost died laughing rolling on the floor and slapping Mark in process, Youngjae was more like horrified and the maknaes laughed so hard their stomachs hurt (oh well, this was all what Jinyoung wanted—embarrassing him in front of s but hey, if it’s for Jinyoung, Jaebum would do it anyway).

He couldn’t help but feel his heart got shattered into  tiny pieces whenever he saw the younger got so stressed out and started crying (No one knew how fragile Jinyoung actually was – he always put on the happy-go-lucky man facade in front of the members because he was the umma; but Jaebum knew it all.) He would then spend the entire night in Jinyoung’s room, soothing him and whispering It’s okay, Jinyoung. I’m here. It’s okay.  He would kiss Jinyoung’s forehead and embraced the younger in a tight hug while taking a sharp breath. Because Jinyoung’s pain is also his pain.

*

It wasn’t always rainbow and candies in their relationship, sometimes they would shout at each other on the living room and the maknaes would sit quietly in fear, while Mark and Jackson would try to separate them before their anger got worse. Often Jaebum would leave Jinyoung’s room with sour expression and slammed the front door close (storming to only God knows where), and Yugyeom could faintly hear a sobbing Jinyoung in his room. Bambam could only shush him and told him to go to sleep, and pretend like nothing happened. But in the end, they always conciled and ended curled up on the sofa together like two cats in love.

*

Jackson used to make fun of how gullible Jaebum was when it came to Jinyoung.

Hyung, Jinyoung fell!

Hyung, Jinyoung fainted!

Hyung, Jinyoung was bleeding!

And it would end up with Jinyoung chuckling and Jaebum banging on Jackson’s door angrily while the latter only laughed at the other side of the door. No one had any idea how much Jinyoung meant to Jaebum. He’s basically the air that he breathed in, the earth that he stood on and the light that shone upon his world. Cheesy, but that’s how much Park Jinyoung meant to Im Jaebum. Jaebum knew he had nothing to offer Jinyoung (they had talks of the future of the group, and their relationship, which always ended up in Jaebum crying because he couldn’t be a good husband for Jinyoung later on) but his passion in music and dance. He’s glad Jinyoung understood, though. Sometimes Jaebum would spend the whole night awake, staring at Jinyoung and how beautiful he was. It still felt so surreal to Jaebum, having Jinyoung by his side like this. He’s thankful, but he’s also scared. Scared that Jinyoung would leave him one day and it would turn Jaebum into a complete mess.

*

It’s not long after their shoot of Real GOT7 Jaebum could feel Jinyoung started getting distant. He would hang around Mark more. At first, he didn’t pay much attention to it since hey, Mark was also his bandmate so he thought of him as his hyung. They’re all brothers – GOT7 are brothers. Jaebum would only shake the thought off because at the end of the day, Jaebum was still the one Jinyoung would come to when he needed love and comfort (and Jaebum didn’t mind giving that).

Jinyoung still clung on to his arm like he used to, but not as much. He spent less night in Jinyoung’s room because Jinyoung said he wanted to sleep alone (Jaebum also spent less time to sleep). Jinyoung started getting close to the female trainees and this was what Jaebum scared the most (because Jinyoung was not 100% gay, Jaebum knew that. He still liked girls, unlike him). He hugged the girls casually and laughed with them like there was no problem in the world. Jaebum tried to talk to Jinyoung about it but Jinyoung apologized and said there’s nothing between them (that—Jaebum knew, but still, he just wanted Jinyoung to respect him as his boyfriend), yet the same thing kept on happening. Not just with the female trainees, but also with their own members (especially the one who’s not a Korea native and whose last name was Tuan). The amount of skinship he did with Mark on fansigns and fanmeets increased and it only made the fans scream louder. Jaebum could only smile and laugh approvingly as though nothing was happening (The fans, the public couldn’t find out about their relationship because it would destroy GOT7’s name and Jaebum would be the last one who wanted to happen, so he kept it all in).

*

No one saw anything wrong with Jaebum, even Jinyoung. He started overworking himself again (even minimalizing the amount of sleep he got). He practiced his dance until wee hour in the morning that Jackson had to drag him out of the practice room wearily because the manager sent him. He started eating less since he had lost his appetite (what should he do when all he saw on the table was Jinyoung laughing along with everyone but not him?). He spaced out a lot more, that he got scolded by the manager. His eyebags were getting bigger and the stylist noona scolded him. Sometimes, due to lack of rest, he missed a lot of steps during practice and the dance trainers scolded him. Basically, everyone scolded him, but not the person he wished would do it on the first place (by this, I meant Jinyoung).

Jinyoung still called him his boyfriend, still kissed him, still hugged him, but it all felt so strange to Jaebum right now. He lost that feeling of affection Jinyoung used to give him. He missed the old Jinyoung. Whenever he asked the younger, Did I do anything wrong? Have I not been a good boyfriend? Jinyoung would only flash him his iconic smile and chuckled a bit, Of course not, you silly. You’re the best. Jaebum would have been relieved hearing that, but he wasn’t. He couldn’t feel the sincerity in those words Jinyoung said and Jaebum could only feel a pang in his heart.

*

When this  went on for more months and they had the second comeback in this year with Identify, Jaebum realized something. He’s losing Jinyoung. He still acted like the same old sweet Jinyoung, but he couldn’t keep himself from crying whenever he was alone. He knew Jinyoung didn’t feel the same way anymore. He probably got bored and moved on to another (probably Mark, but the thought scared the hell out of him because he couldn’t bear seeing the man he loved so much with another man). Jaebum spent more time on his own. He still smiled whenever he’s in front of the members and the fans, so no one really noticed. If Jinyoung was still the same old Jinyoung that he knew, he would’ve noticed a long time ago. Jaebum felt like a coward (he couldn’t say Let’s break up to Jinyoung because he’s been hurting for too long now). All he could do was crying himself to sleep (he’s partially thankful Youngjae was a deep sleeper) and breathing heavily whenever he’s alone in the bathroom (it’s suffocating—being next to Jinyoung physically yet his heart was so far away from him). But it’s okay. This is all nothing to Jaebum. He still saw that beautiful smile adorning Jinyoung’s face, heard that sweet laughter and he’s still the same happy-go-lucky Jinyoung, and that’s all that matters to Jaebum. As long as Jinyoung is happy, that is enough for Jaebum (even though he is not).