It was a chilly mid-autumn day, with 48 degrees outside and a light rain where there was a young man looking a little emotionless sitting on a bench near Gwanghwamun Square. With ear buds in his ears, he turned the volume up listening to his new song. His lips moving in sync with the song as he stared at particularly nothing, immersing himself into the music he’s listening to.

Today, like a fool, I am standing at that spot,
Getting wet in the rain,
Waiting for you, who won’t come.(*)

He stopped singing along to that song as these lines hit him right on his guts. He clenched the iPod in his hand hard with his jaws tightly clenched, this song is mocking me, he thought. He wanted to stop the song right there and then but he just couldn’t. The next lines following just made him hear a crushing sound in his chest. He felt his chest tightened. Only after his iPod shuffled to the next pop song, he realized he had been holding his breath for the entire song. He gasped for air and looked up, letting the rain washed the tears off his face as well as the emotion he felt.

--

Lee Sungmin.

Kyuhyun lay down in his bed with his arm over his eyes. He kept repeating the name as if he’s praying for something vague as love, he thought. The poor maknae couldn’t forget his beautiful eyes, his pretty smiles, his slightly crooked teeth, his cute pointy nose, his soft lips that would form into a giant pout every time Kyu neglected him for his mighty Starcraft, his remarkable backside and most of all that Kyu couldn’t forget was; his eyes, how happy they were when he told him that last month…

He said, "Can you keep a secret?
A ceremony set for December.
I know it's a rush but I just love her so much
I hope that you can meet her soon..."(**)

Without even trying, he could feel his chest tightened at the bittersweet memory. The man he loved so much was going to settle down soon. To say he was happy for him is an understatement. He couldn’t even think right when the words slowly got into his system. He remembered he cried himself that early autumn evening but he couldn’t remember when did he took off and why did Sungmin plead him to stop.  

He sat up straight in his bed as he felt it’s getting harder to breathe. Only then, he re