“Joohyun, no.” Yonghwa tells her but to no avail. The younger girl clings harder to his arm, making it hard for him to do his work, or anything for that matter. “Joohyun, I said no. Why are-“

“Yes.” She giggles, making herself as comfortable as possible.

Yonghwa sighs, putting his index finger on her forehead before pushing her ruthlessly. She pouts and then she crosses her arms. “Stay quiet or I’m not talking to you.”

Joohyun opens to say something, but she decides against it.  

They have been friends for as long as she can remember. Although Yonghwa constantly reminds her they are not friends, Joohyun sticks by him whenever she sees him. Yonghwa accepts her companion either way, not chasing her away unlike what he does to the rest of his schoolmates, making Joohyun the only exception.

“Taeyeon, isn’t that your junior with Yonghwa?”

“Hm?” Taeyeon glances up to where Miyoung is pointing. Seated at the furthest table is her junior with Yonghwa. Wait, is Joohyun sleeping? This is a library, she should not be sleeping.

“Taeyeon, no. Let it go.” Miyoung holds her back, knowing what exactly the student body president is thinking. After spending almost ten years with her, Miyoung knows her like the back of her hand.

“Are they a couple?” Miyoung questions after Taeyeon calms down. She runs her fingers through her blonde streaks, tying it up in a low pony tail before turning to Miyoung. “They are just close friends.”

“Really?” Miyoung gives her a sceptical look, raising her eyebrow at Taeyeon.

“Twenty bucks they will stay as friends by the end of their senior year.” Taeyeon challenges, hand out.

Miyoung snickers, “Fifty bucks they won’t.” She says, accepting Taeyeon’s bet.

“Oi!” Yonghwa yells, smacking Joohyun’s forehead with his notebook.

Instead of waking up, Joohyun waves her hand in front of her. Yonghwa keeps his anger in control before bending down. He forgets what he is supposed to do for a while. He stares at Joohyun’s sculptured face, watching how troubled she looks when she is asleep. Why does she look so trou-

Joohyun rubs her eyes, slowly raising her head from the table as Yonghwa scrambles away from her, trying to make it seem he is just done packing up. Joohyun lets out a soft yawn, blinking blankly as she turns to Yonghwa. “Oh, you’re done?”

Yonghwa nods, swinging his bag over his shoulders, walking off without Joohyun.

Joohyun curses under her breath. Yonghwa always leave her, never to wait for her even though they lived on the same street. Not that Joohyun cares about him or anything, she just finds him peculiar. How he survives alone, without any friends. She never understands any of that.

Being alone and lonely is two different things, Joohyun in all people know that very well.

Yonghwa is alone, but he is not lonely. He finds comfort in different things, not needing anyone by his side to comfort him when he is sad, or anyone to share his joy with. He enjoys being alone.

Being lonely is a whole different thing. You know that feeling you get when you are surrounded by people yet you feel like no one is actually listening to you? Or whether they even care for your existence?

“I’m home!” Joohyun yells to an empty apartment. The soft blowing of the wind answers her instead of a human voice.

As soon as she steps into her apartment, her façade drops as well. She removes her sweater, dumping in into the laundry basket. She grunts, picking out a scab from her forearm. “.” She curses, placing her arm under the running water. The blood swirls around the sink, becoming one with the water before disappearing into the drain.

She ignores the constant ringing of her phone as she bites onto the bandage, trying to wrap it tight enough. However, with shaking hands, it is quite a tough fight. Joohyun gives, chucking the bundle of bandage aside, opting for plasters to do the work.

Upon hearing the doorbell, she runs to her room to grab another sweater before rushing back to the front door.

Yonghwa stands awkwardly with his hands in his jean’s pockets, shifting from one side to the other. What is taking Joohyun so long?

“Yes?” She answers brightly, typical Joohyun. Yonghwa rolls his eyes, I left my notebook. Did you happen to take it?”

Joohyun leaves the door halfway open as she runs to her room without a word. Yonghwa invited himself in her apartment. Unlike his apartment, hers scream ‘Seo Joohyun’ all over. It is exactly how he predicted she would decorate it especially after hearing that her parents do not live with her anymore. Taking a few more steps in, he could hear a soft ballad from her speakers, laptop sitting on top of the coffee table with some newspaper cuttings.

He approaches the kitchen, hoping to find something he could eat. Instead, he finds an open first-aid kit. A few blood-stained cotton swabs hint that Joohyun had just finished dressing her wound. Did she hurt herself on the way home?

Hearing Joohyun patting footsteps, he steps out of the kitchen. She hands him his notebook. Maybe he should visit her. He slaps himself mentally, why would you do that, Jung Yonghwa?

“Yonghwa!” Joohyun screams, walking quickly while balancing her full tray. She bites on her plastic spoon, eyeing Yonghwa’s music player, wondering what type of singers he listens to.

It is something Joohyun would not be able to admit out loud: her crush on Yonghwa. Despite her being clingy towards him, no one bats an eyelid because that is how she appears to others: clingy. No one understands her anyways, so she does not bother explaining herself – not that anyone would listen anyway.

“I’m walking you home later.” Joohyun stops chowing down her fried rice.

“What did you say?”

Yonghwa shuts her music player, dumping it into his bag. “I’m walking you home. Be at my locker at 5.” He says, standing up to leave.

“I will!” Joohyun yells as he leaves.

Despite her attempts to stay as normal as possible, there are some instances where everything is just so overwhelming that she shuts down. She shuts everyone out, insisting that she is just tired. That instance happens in Music class. She usually stands in front, ready to lead by example. However, today she is nowhere to be found.

Joohyun leans against the rusty door, listening to the noise from the students as she takes out her cigarettes. She lets the toxic gas fill her lungs, relieving her from everything. Everyone has a bad habit no one knows about. She lifts up her sleeve, pressing the cigarette against her tainted arm – she does not make a sound, not even a tiny yelp of pain. After all, she is used to it. She throws it away, rolling down her sleeves before leaving the rooftop.

The two stay silent, walking down the deserted pathway. Usually Joohyun would fill up the silence between them; however, she did not even call out Yonghwa’s name loudly like she always does. Yonghwa is confused.

He stops. Joohyun spins around when she realises Yonghwa is not beside her. “Hm?”

“Why aren’t you talking?” He questions.

Joohyun folds her arms in front of her. “Don’t you prefer this? You are the one who always complain about me being annoying.”

“Uhm, yes, but this isn’t you.”

Joohyun scoffs. “Do you even know me?”

Yonghwa stays frozen, speechless.

“I don’t even know me.” She confesses, tears falling down her cheeks. Before Yonghwa could say anything, she runs across the street, ignoring the incoming traffic. Yonghwa stays still, not knowing what to do to comfort her.

It never came to his mind that Joohyun was hurting.

After all, she is always bubbly around her peers. She comes to mind whenever Yonghwa thinks of a social butterfly. She often gets him people he needed for his projects. She is always there to help him, even though he does not express his appreciation for her.  

Yonghwa knocks on Joohyun’s door softly, holding a paper bag in hand – a newly bought sweater for her. After ten minutes, he bends down, fetching the key under her potted plant. “Use it for emergencies.” Well, this seems like an emergency to Yonghwa.

Just like the other day, music is playing from her speaker, a pop song this time. However, sketch papers lay beside her laptop instead of newspaper cuttings. He almost yelled when he stepped on a wet surface. He curses, sliding his pants up, watching his white socks turning a crimson red color. Fresh blood, which meant Joo-

“Joohyun!” He yells kicking her room door open, her forearm vertically cut opened as she lay in bed with a calm expression. “Wake up!” He screams, reaching for his phone, calling for an ambulance instantly.

Joohyun feels light, like a feather, but at the same time, her body refuses to move. She opens , nothing comes out. Am I at the hospital? She asks herself, scanning the pure white walls, along with the white furniture around her.

The door slides open, revealing someone in a pure white hospital gown. “Joohyun, let’s go.” He says, holding his hand out for her.

“Yonghwa, is that you?” She smiles when he removes the surgical mask covering his face.

“Let’s go.”

Taeyeon holds in her tears, as she stands in front of the two tombstones, Miyoung holds her in case she collapses again.

“Don’t worry, okay? Yonghwa would protect her.” Miyoung whispers into Taeyeon’s ears. “I know he will.”

“Joohyun, can you stop that?” He mutters under his breath as his girlfriend pokes his side. “People might see us.”

Joohyun laughs, smacking his shoulder. “We’re dead. Who else can hear and see us?”

Yonghwa sighs, letting her do whatever she wants.