To all moms out there, thank you :) xx And to my mom, I love you :) x

She was just a girl.

A normal girl with big dreams, a huge ambition for the future. She started off like everyone else of course, everyone had to start somewhere.

She was just a baby grown into a big family. At that time, food was limited, rations were scarce, and families were big. There wasn’t enough to go around and satisfy everyone’s stomachs. It was a dark period, where everyone had to scramble for what they found, whether was it just a small morsel of bread, or just a sip of water. Her mother had always told her to save what she could; after all, she was the fourth child of their family. Three older sisters, two younger brothers to take care of.

Her life hadn’t started easily.

Growing up, you could’ve said that her entourage didn’t help her. Always self-conscious, always watching her back for spiteful remarks, always insecure of herself and her physical appearance. It didn’t help that her three sisters were already starting to bloom into beautiful butterflies. Since they were far older than her, she watched them bloom, and she thought that someday she’d like to become like them. However, her tomboyish attitude took over once in a while, more likely because of her younger brothers that were always looking for trouble. She was a young, wild spirited little feline, someone that always had the answer at the tip of her tongue for everything that shot her way. That was her armor, her only shield against all the mockery; all the bullying rang through her ears like never-ending satires.

Sometimes, she was sick of them, but what was she to do? The more she replied back, the more she tried to defend for herself…the more they talked and laughed.

Her teenage years weren’t that fairytale-like either. The day she failed was something she’d never forget. Humans were complicated like this; always regetting it when the consequences slapped them back in the face. But it was all due to her friends, the bad influence they pushed through her brain into thinking that life was about just having fun and forgetting grades, only to let them slip through her hands. The year after, that was when she changed. She worked hard, she stayed up late with her night lamp still on, and she studied like a raging buffalo to excel in the next year. Slowly, she started having more confidence in herself, and taking it step by step, she made a point to always move forward and never look back towards her past faults. Humans made mistakes, everyone did at some point in their life, and that’s what made her realize her biggest fault. The fact that she had saddened her parents was another factor that caused her to grab onto her determination with both hands and succeed, because seeing that glimpse of disappointment swirling through her father’s eyes was something she never wished to lay eyes on ever again for the rest of her life.

Having graduated and secured with a bank job, she couldn’t be more satisfied with the life she led. Happiness wasn’t quite the word to describe what she felt, but yes, she was satisfied for now, even though she couldn’t be sent off to university due to financial problems. Reality struck when that happened; come on, her parents had six kids to nurture, six kids to send off to school and spend money on, then six kids to secure at work so that they could get money for themselves as fast as possible.

But then she met him.

Him.

Oh trust her, she had a couple of boy crushes in her teenage years, probably one or two serious relationships that lasted for maybe just half a year, then to break it off when they realized that they didn’t have that much in common, and were too different to be compatible. He was like a breath of fresh air on a hot summer day, he was the feeling freedom that was bursting through a cage and exposing her to other sides of the world when she felt like she had nowhere to run to. It wasn’t love at first sight. She didn’t believe in that, but she fell slowly, and surely into his arms, into his heart and his soul. It just happened, that magical moment that caught them into its romantic strings of love. There were no words exchanged, nothing tangible that passed between them the day they accidentally brushed their fingers next to each other. She had jumped away, but he only replied by curling his fingers over hers and entwining them like vines over a bark tree.

When he married her, she swore it was the best day of her life.

Her smile was real; shining like diamonds, flashing her pearly whites wherever she went, with whomever her gaze landed on. It had been the most magical moment for her, something she surely could close her eyes and picture it like it had just occurred yesterday, the memory as vivid as crystal water.

But then, everything changed when she became a mother.

It was a tiring job, no doubt. It was an excitement filled with dazzling and mesmerized feeling when her eyes traced her baby’s face like it was her own, holding the creature in her arms like fragile glass, a china porcelain she was never letting go. This was the first few weeks of having given birth, where everything was just dandy and new and beautiful.

But there were also the bunch of headaches that came with it.

The screaming, the crying, the nagging and let’s not forget the cat fights between the children had her head springing up white hair roots at the tip and cause wrinkles to form over her face. Sometimes, she just wished to drop dead and cut off from everything, even just for a day. She loved her children deeply, she loved her husband even more so, but a mother and a wife were two roles that caused weariness to seep into her bones, the kind of tired satisfaction you would get after working out. That’s what she felt when she dropped down practically half-dead on the sofa when everybody was asleep, not having enough energy to do something. It was crazy.

She grew in all senses of the word. I watched her from the day I opened my eyes into the bright light of this new world I was born into, she was the first thing that appeared to me, something safe, something tangible, something warm and protective. Her embrace was a cocoon that nobody could trespass through; there was absolutely nothing that could harm me if I were to lay inside her arms forever. She gave me that feeling from the moment I entered this world. I haven’t been the best child, I had my tempers and my tantrums just like any kid my age, and when I did, she made sure to correct me right, to show me the right path that I had to take, to discipline me into the person I’ve become today. If I succeed in my life, it will all come down to that one person that’s always been there, in the shadows, even if I can’t see it sometimes, even if I’m too blinded, she’s there, she’s present. She helps clear the clouds of doubts around my sparkling sun, she makes sure that I’m fine, comfortable, protected. At times, it may have been hard, growing up and trying to reason with her when all she was trying to make me understand was that she was scared for my safety. Maybe at that time, I was just too immature and incorrigible to understand. But we grow, we learn from mistakes, and I did too. Now, I can only thank her for her beautiful work.

Her diligence, her perseverance, her determination into build me into the young adult I’ve become today is how I act and how I am with others. Not only that, but also how I perceive the world. Her values and beliefs are instilled in me, and influence me in the way I think, and she thinks, is best. It may not be the most efficient, or the best method, but she’s a role model I look up to no matter what I do, because the job she has bared throughout all those years isn’t just a joke.

Humans are usually two-faced beings. They dislike other seeing them as a burden, as a weakness, and because of that they try to shield themselves from the world. But if I did have any major crisis or a problem that I was stuck in, the first person that comes to my mind wouldn’t be my friend, nor anyone else but the person that I sometimes take for granted. Some individuals may have a hard time telling others what they truly feel, whether they like them or not, whether they have affection for them. It’s hard to show someone your true intentions, and I’m no exception. I wrote this to that particular person, knowing that her birthday was today and has just passed. I have many things that I should apologize for, and if I do name some, the list would go on forever. I’m sorry If I’m not the person you wished me to be, I’m sorry if I sometimes lose control of my emotions, I’m sorry if I’m not the best daughter and am aware that there are many other better daughters out there in this world. But I don’t think that even this small written piece could showcase the extent of my love for you. Most of all, I just wish to tell you how much I’m thankful and grateful for everything you’ve done for me. From beginning till the end, you were there. People came, people went, but you were always here, standing beside me and if not behind me, trying to push me forward without any backward glance. Sometimes we don’t look back at the steps we’ve carved through the dirt, but it’s good once in a while to just turn back, and look at how far you’ve reached. Because this sense of accomplishment hasn’t only been made because of me and me alone, it was because of her.

On another note, I just want to say thank you for a million things. Thank you for raising me and never giving up on me even when things were tough, thank you for taking care of your family like it was yourself. Thank you, you who always try to sacrifice every bit of your soul for other’s happiness, whether if it’s just a basic or extreme thing. Thank you once again, for pushing me, for trying, for pressuring me into things, because otherwise it might just be me that stumbles backwards and fall onto the ground if not for your strong arms.

Finally, thank you for just being you.

Thank you for being my mother.

Happy Birthday.