The thing is Kim Jongin is his own paradox. 

 

Sometimes, when the Earth does correctly rotate and does not bump with NASA's satellite, Kim Jongin is toothy grins, dropping innocent smiles, and kind eyes.

 

But today Kim Jongin is not Kim Jongin, he is Kai today. Kai is different from Kim Jongin because when Kai smiles, it is not innocent, it is deflowering, it makes the uterus quiver. When he gazes right through you, it melts your insides and does not make your drop but every fabric underneath your clothes falls down.

 

You want both sides of Kim Jongin but not tonight because as Kai drunkenly kisses some puta in the bar as your heart (not your newly bought underwear because you thought Jongin will make love to your s) fall and turn into thousand pieces, you cursed the puta and Kai and their future fetus to die in an earthquake.

 

So you left the bar, cold wind hitting your face, tears falling from your eyes, and curses from your mouth.

 

**

 

"What the are you doing?" You ask the guy, sitting in the middle of the bushes, and chanting some weird things.

 

"No, you must not speak to the God of the Bushes like that. Bow down, knave and respect thy God." Chanyeol says with his eyes still closed, hands clasped like he was praying, and being weird as usual.

 

"Must be one with the bush. Must be the bush." You hear him chant. You had no time for some Chanyeol's so you pulled his ears until you got inside.

 

"Aw! Okay! So apparently, you do not like bushes!" Chanyeol screams over when his ear wasn't torn anymore. "What did the bushes ever did to you?!"

 

Chanyeol was giving you a lecture how beautiful bushes are and how you must feel awe and fear at the same time because bushes are no joke. Chanyeol stops when he sees your face, serious and nearly crying.

 

"What happened?" Chanyeol asks as he envelopes you in his long arms (and jezuz, the guy smells like ancient wood and dried leaves).

 

You faked a laugh and say, "Kai happened."

 

Chanyeol languidly caresses your back as you cry, "I told you that guy is no good. He does not like penguins. I mean, who doesn't like penguins?! They're adorable and when you hear their footsteps, it sounds like music. Oh god, don't make me start about them finding pebbles because jesus, that thing is so adorable."

 

Chanyeol continues to discuss about penguins and you find yourself laughing but no matter how amusing Chanyeol's knowledge about penguins and Antarctica, the pain does not go away.

 

That night, you lay alone in your bed, thinking of how the lips of Jongin turn to a curve and how many times those lips made your insides felt undefined, and wonder if the puta felt the same.

 

**

 

Kim Jongin is drunk and drunk Jongin is never a good thing because when Kim Jongin is drunk, he's flirty as Zeus, the god of lightning and .

 

He drinks that night because of the huge fight you had with him. He says that you must stay away from Chanyeol because he is a retard and that made you furious because, "You just did not make Chanyeol's weirdness as a mental condition. Tell me you didn't."

 

Jongin said yes just to feel the satisfaction of you losing a fight. However, that satisfaction was quickly thrown away to the Caspian Sea when he saw the murderous look on your face. You left him at his house without uttering anything afterwards.

 

See, even Chanyeol talks about on penguins, bushes, dinosaurs, and moles, Jongin is okay with that because he had heard or seen worse (*coughs* Kim Jongdae and his fondness over dead rats) What's not okay for Kim Jongin is the closeness between Chanyeol and you. He does not want to admit he's jealous because he's a manly man, he says, and manly man do not get jealous.

 

So when Kim Jongin sees you laughing over what Chanyeol says or does, a dark feeling from his insides awakes and he blames Kyungsoo's kimchi spaghetti because Kyungsoo is an evil person. Maybe Kyungsoo said some witch's curse over the food he gave to Jongin.

 

So when Kim Jongin sees you being sweet to Chanyeol, he feels the tendency to strip Chanyeol's espohagus out of his body even when Chanyeol is alive. And he blames Kyungsoo, yet again, because he has no one to blame but that evil form of creature.

 

So when Kim Jongin, sees your eyes brightens up upon seeing Chanyeol, Kim Jongin just wants to take you away and do unimaginable things to you because he doesn't want to see your world lighting up because of a different guy. And Kyungsoo is not to blame with that because Do Kyungsoo wants the world dark after he dominate it with giraffes.

 

Kim Jongin is now drunk and he flirts with a girl he couldn't fathom the face because the alcohol is already affecting his vision, "Hey," he says. "Was it painful when you fall?" Jongin grins charmingly.

 

The girl (or the puta rather) looks at him and smiles, "When did I fall?" She asks.

 

Jongin forgets the other line, he thinks if he should say because she's an angel from heaven or a coconut which fell from a tree. So Jongin just flashes his Kai smiles, and the girl's hormones rises up too much, her fall down.

 

She kisses Jongin but Jongin stays immobile, thinking about the pick-up but the girl was desperate, she bit Jongin's lower lip. Jongin opens his mouth and the girl gets an entrance.

 

However, drunk Jongin is never good because drunk Jongin pukes too much. Thus, the legend of the "The Girl Who Was Desperate Got Puked by A Handsome Guy." Just do not ask where the puke fell.

 

Jongin wakes up the next morning by the sound of a barking dog. He gets up and wonders how the did he came home from the bar last night but seeing Do Kyungsoo in the couch, petting Jongin's dog while staring blank into space, gives a clear answer to his question.

 

"So the master is awake." Kyungsoo says and Jongin feels chills run to his spines. "I am very much happy to inform you that I and Darth Vader is not happy of what you did last night."

 

Jongin settles on the chair, next to the couch, and asks, "Who the is Darth Vader?"

 

Kyungsoo moves his head and Jongin could literally see in Kyungsoo's eyes the corpses he killed and hear the screams of those Kyungsoo tortured."Darth Vader is this dog."

 

"No, that's Monggu." Jongin answers and throws his head back to the head rest.

 

"No, Kim Jongin, this is Darth Vader." Kyungsoo says, punctuated each word. "You do not have the audacity to name this creature because you are a very awful life form."

 

Kyungsoo hands over his phone and Jongin's brow shots upwards confusingly.

 

From: Park Chanyeol

 

Greetings of peace to thy devil! I must inform you that Kim Jongin or Kai does not like penguins and people who does not like penguins are s because how could you not like those creatures when they are so adorable!

 

Also, may I add that my friend (his girlfriend and I still do not know why she puts up with him) saw him kissing a puta (it means in another language). She is mending her broken heart and Kim Jongin or Kai is an utterly irrevocable .

 

Sincerely yours,

The God of Bushes and Number One Fan of Penguins, 

Park Chanyeol

 

Kim Jongin's soul falls to the abyss. "How the . . . . . . How." Kim Jongin cannot form words.

 

"Yes, Kim Jongin." Kyungsoo pauses, eyeing him like a death ray, "How could you not like penguins? I am offended on how your parents brought you up to this world." Kyungsoo mutters, petting Monggu (stfu Jongin, its Darth Vader) again.

 

Kim Jongin or Kai feels this is going to be a long long day.

 

**

 

"I'm a unicorn. I'm a beautiful unicorn." Lay says as he twirls around Chanyeol's apartment.

 

"And I am a beautiful princess, the most beautiful one!" You said as you laughed while lying around the floor.

 

"Nah-uhh sister." Lay says with sass as he stops twirling around and joins you in the floor. "I'm the most beautiful one." And Lay rolls on the wooden floor.

 

This is not what Kim Jongin had expected when he came to Chanyeol's house. First, he had to blackmail Chanyeol by saying that he'll upload the video where Chanyeol was reading aloud a geography book ( while high). Second, he needed to stop Kyungsoo from everything Kyungsoo does best (killing Kim Jongin).

 

So Kim Jongin sat like an Indian on the floor while Lay is twirling now away to god who knows where. Your still on the floor and singing, "So what we get drunk! So what we smoke weed! We're just having fun!" In a pitch that is never heard and just created by now.

 

"Hey," Jongin says, he touches your arm. You stop singing abruptly and looks at him with a crazy smile.

 

"Kim Jongin. Kai, the ! To what do I owe of the pleasure of meeting you?" You roll closer to him.

 

"Uhm, are you high?" Jongin asks and he mentally smacks himself for asking a question.

 

"No no no no no." You said in a Mumbai accent and you laugh again. "Now be a nice rapscallion and lay beside me!"

 

Kim Jongin does not know what to do so he just lays beside you. You turn your head to look at him properly and even though you are high, you could still feel the warmth engulfing your body by just seeing Jongin.

 

Jongin looks back at you too. He smiles halfheartedly and your heart suddenly aches for his touch and your lips for a kiss. Though, you are scared that you might taste the puta in his mouth.

 

"You're a ." You say and Jongin stops smiling. He pouts and jezuz chrizt, would somebody get a picture because Kim Jongin is pouting and he's too cute to be even alive.

 

"I don't know where to start but I'm sorry." Jongin turns his body to face you. His hands now clasped under his head, his eyes looking right through you, and somewhere back in your mind a tiny voice like a chipmunk shouts "PENETRATE ME KIM JONGIN! DEPRIVE ME OF MY ITY!"

 

"Sorry for what? For being a peasant, now, now, that's not nice, its not your fault for being one. Blame your parents."

 

"No, I'm sorry for kissing the girl last night and I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. You know that I'm not the nicest person because Lay is even though most of the times he's high. Don't be mad at me." Kim Jongin rambles like a child but you just looks at him, shooting an eyebrow upward.

 

"You kissed a girl and you liked it, you son of a ." You said and turned around, your back facing him. "And you called Chanyeol a retard and that's not nice."

 

You're high and you can't feel the pain you felt last night, only anger, but mostly high.

 

"I'm sorry." You feel him becoming closer to you. He burries his face at the back of your neck and his arm slings over to embrace you from the behind. "I did not like kissing the girl. You're the only one who I want to kiss."

 

You did not feel warm anymore. You felt hot, too hot. And that tiny voice like a chipmunk screams again, "PENETRATE ME KIM JONGIN! DEPRIVE ME OF MY ITY!"

 

"And I'm just jealous of Chanyeol," Jongin says, face still burried in your neck, and goddamn his breath is so hot that it makes you feel high that you already are. "I'm sorry for wanting your attention too much that I get jealous when you give a with Chanyeol. I'm sorry for being possesive and only wanting you as mine." He brings you closer to him and GODDAMN YOU FEEL SOMETHING HARD AT YOUR BACK.

 

It was only his belt.

 

You turned around and came face to face with him, "But you still kissed that puta."

 

Jongin's eyes turns into crescents and his mouth curves upward and your heart leaps and your uterus quivers.

 

"But I puked at her." Jongin says.

 

And with this, you stood up and started walking away.

 

"Hey, I said I'm sorry." Jongin says as he tries to stand up.

 

"And I'm high and you puked at the puta. This is over. Now, come on and get your over the bedroom because we will have a steamy hot make-up , you little piece of ."

 

**

 

Somewhere over the rainbow,

 

"I'm a unicorn! I'm flying" Lay says as he jumps at the stairs. He falls down and breaks his leg but he's too high to notice, so he just laughs. "I'm a beautiful unicorn, you ing s."

 

"Must be one with the bush!" Chanyeol chants and screams at the same time at his garden.

 

"Now, Darth Vader, let us plan to dominate the world!" Kyungsoo pets Monggu and laughs in an evil way. Monggu just barks because he does not enjoy killing ants with Kyungsoo.