Hi, I'm Kim Joonmyun, 18 years and going to school.

In spring two years ago, I became a fan of EXO Inc. and their magazine XOXO.

Its a magazine for my age and reports about the latest music, fashion styles, in-and-out's and much more.

Every 3 months their is alternately a 'contest' for young artists (musicians, dancer etc) and people who want to become a model. They have to send in their best/nicest/coolest/hottest/whatever video or photo and a personal description. The jury will pick the 5 best and then the boys and girls will appeare with a photo and their personal description in the magazine and the readers can vote for their favorite.

Then, last spring, I first saw Kris. Chinese-canadian, around my age, tall, good-looking. And what can I say? I immediately fell for him.

Since then I never missed a single printout from XOXO and other magazines in which Kris appeared.

And then, to the beginning of the new school year, Kris transfered to my school.

"Hi, I'm Wu Yifan. But please call me Kris."

My brain wasn't as fast as my body when all my muscles reacted themselves. I suddenly jumped up and shouted, "Oh MY GOD! It's really you!"

At first he just looked at me with his usual poker face but then he smiled lightly, "And you are?"

"I'm Joonmyun", I said before adding, "A fan", as quiet as possible.

But he still heard it and grinned, "You're reading XOXO I assume"

I looked down and nodded shyly.

"Cool"

I looked up and he was still watching me and GOSH! He's soooo handsome! Even more stunning in live than in the magazines and commercials.

"I'm in love with you!", I blurted out without thinking.

He looked at me, expression not collected and calm as usual but kinda caught off gurad. But it quickly changed into a lopsided grin.

"Oh, really? Thank you"

And with that I got dumped in front of my whole class plus teacher..

But we somehow became good friends. We met each other outside of school, I even accompanied him to shootings, castings and when he was starred in a commercial or as a side character in soap operas. My parents know him as well. He lives alone and my mom said I should take him home with me so he'd eat properly and wouldn't be alone over holidays and so on.

And everyday I told him that I'm in love with him. It became a ritual, I'll pour out my feelings for him and he'll turn me down, my confession and his acceptance.

- - -

Now, its december, late thursday afternoon and Joonmyun is at school. Outside though, helping Kris who has to clean the school yard as punishment.

Its not that the foreign boy has a bad reputation at school. He 's popular, athletic, smart, speaks four languages fluently and gets good grades mostly. But he's often late for school, sleeps during the lessons, doesn't make his homework etc.

"What are you doing here?", Kris asked when the younger approached him with a broom in his hand.

"Helping you"

"You don't have to. Go ho-"

"You'll be late for your shooting", Joonmyun shook is head but smiled.

"But you already catched a cold. I don't want you to get seriously sick"

"Ani. Its not that bad", the smaller boy smiled.

The boy from abroad shrugged his shoulders and turned around to pick up the trash from the ground.

Joonmyun should have listened to the older because he soon felt like his body was made of ice, his nose was running, he sneezed and coughed from time to time, a head ache slowly crept its way from the back of his head to his forehead, he was shivering really bad, was very tired and he didn't felt his fingers anymore.

But he knew that Kris will get in trouble when he's late for the shooting and he don't want his crush to get scolded 'cause Kris loves 'his job'.

Suddenly the korean stumbled and crashed to the ground.

Kris spun around as he heard a rather unmanly squeak and shattering noises.

Joonmyun lay on the ground, broom next to him and the small metal ton rolled away, losing its content and leaving a trash-path.

"Joonmyun?!!"

"Huh?"

"Go home, you hear me?"

"It's okay, I just fell.."

"No its not. Then go inside at least!", Kris said with a stern voice.

"But you're shooting.."

"Right, its MY shooting, not you're concern. I get the bad grades, not you. And I'll be late and get in trouble, not you!", Kris voice got louder and he seemed annoyed.

He grabbed Joonmyuns arms and liftet him up from the ground. When he was sure that the younger wouldn't do the dying swan again, he slowly began to walk, "C'mon, I'll bring you to the bus stop"

"The bus arrives in three minutes", the taller said after looking at the plan.

"I forgot my bag..", Joonmyun said quietly when Kris sat him on the bench.

"I'll take it and bring it to your house tomorrow. You better stay at home tomorrow and get a good rest over the weekend"

The sick boy dropped his head, "Ne.. But my ticket is in the bag.."

Joonmyun flinched when something landed on his lap out of the sudden. It was Kris' black 'Hugo Boss' wallet.

"Wha-?"

"I trust you", Kris interrupted his friend but wasn't looking at him, "I'll drop by tomorrow anyway"

Joonmyun was stunned and just nodded. Then it was quiet between them.

"Do I annoy you?", Joonmyun whispered, too afraid that his voice will betray him while scanning the chinese-canadians back.

Kris turned around and looked at the younger,

"Yes.."

Joonmyuns head dropped and he began to play with the leather wallet.

Kris sat down next to him,

"Yes and no..", he said and sighed, "I don't want you to waste your time or get really sick because of me"

The tall guy saw how the korean looked at him from the corner of the eye and turned to look directly at him.

"I mean.. you could be at home or meeting other friends instead of doing my task and getting even more sick.."

It was the very first time Kris showed concern towards Joonmyun. Normally it is the other way around. Always Joonmyun worried about Kris don't getting enough sleep and proper meals, catching up with school stuff, taking care of the model. Heck! He even does the foreign boys laundry and comes to clean and tidy up his apartment once or twice a week.

Joonmyun couldn't help the smile that decorated his lips as he heard that the taller was worried about him.

"Kris!"

"Yeah?"

"I love you", Joonmyun beamed.

Kris snickered, "I know. You tell me everyday"

The younger laughed heartily, "But I can't tell you often enough!"

Suddenly, when Kris cupped Joonmyuns cheek, the latter stopped laughing. Kris looked at him and smiled, before closing the distance between their faces and sealing their lips in a chaste kiss.

When they broke apart, Kris wore his usual poker face but Joonmyun was staring at him with wide eyes and flushed face.

"Oh, your bus", Kris said and stood up, dragging Joonmyun with him.

"That.. doesn't make me your boyfriend by any chance, right?", Joonmyun asked, faking a smile and laugh to mask his trembling voice and dissapointment.

And Kris seemed to buy it because he laughed along, "Uhm, not really. No."

Just as the bus came to a halt, Kris hugged Joonmyun with one arm, "See you tomorrow", and ruffled the youngers hair before leaving with a, "Don't lose my wallet"

"..."

As Joonmyun let himself fall onto the bus seat, he immediately leaned against the window, pulled his legs up and hugged his knees. Fast-flowing streams of tears were running down his cheeks, he couldn't breathe through his nose anymore and he let out a few very ugly sobs. People were giving him weird looks but he couldn't care less.

The second the young korean entered the livingroom and his mom saw him, she hurried over to her only son and pulled him into a tight hug. Joonmyun began to cry again and returned the hug, his thick tears wetting his mothers shoulder.

They sat down on the sofa and Joonmyun told everything that happened.

"I should have shut my damn mouth..", Joonmyun sighed before he sipped his hot chocolate, "I bet from today on he counts me to those people who annoy him.."

"Oh honey.. but now you know where you stand. And you'll find someone who returns your feelings. Good-looking men exist like trees in a forrest"

"But Kris isn't only handsome, umma. He's tall, has a nice body and is sporty too. You should see him when he plays basketball!"

While Joonmyun kept blabbering and praising Kris, Ms Kim rolled her eyes at her son. On one side he was unlucky in love but on the other side he still idolized the model.

"If thats all you want in a man.."

"Ani, its not", Joonmyun sighed and looked down, "Since he goes to my school.. I've always been so happy. Especially since we became friends", he paused, "I.. I always thought that his life must be so cool and exciting but then I learned that there a hard times for him too, a lot to be honest. But he always stays strong. He's an optimist who says hard times are worth it. The easy and good times will be even nicer then.. When I only knew him from the magazines I fell for his good looks and charisma, but..", the boy halted and swallowed before looking at his mom who was watching him attentively, "I totally fell for his character as well"

Ms Kim looked at her son who was on the verge of tears again. She smiled compassionately, nodded and took him in her arms once again.

Joonmyun slept a lot over the weekend, also during the time Kris dropped by to get his wallet back and bring Joonmyuns bag.

There was a weird tension in the air when Ms Kim opened the door and let him in. Kris had a feeling that Joonmyun told her what happened. But she didn't asked nor mentioned a thing, so he kept quiet about it.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Uhm.. thank you, but I really don't want to disturb you-"

"You don't", Ms Kim assured him, "My husband won't come home tonight and I cooked a bit too much anyway"

"But.. uhm.. what about Joonmyun?", the tall male asked, feeling uncertain.

But Ms Kim smiled understandingly, "He took his medicine about an hour ago and is fast asleep. And I'm sure you're hungry after a shooting"

"Uhm..", before the chinese boy could answer his growling stomach responsed to the delicious smell and tempting offer.

Ms Kim laughed and Kris' arm, "See! Motherly instinct. Sit down, boy", she 'cheered' and almost ran to the stove.

Kris decided to set the table and got the dishes out of the cupboard. Ms Kim placed the baking tray with self-made pizza on the table. She put both of them a piece on the plate.

"Bon appetite and eat properly", she winked.

Kris nodded, "Thank you", and smiled sheepishly before he devoured the food.

After dinner, Kris helped Ms Kim with washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. When they're finished Kris went up to Joonmyuns room, but the latter slept soundly. He didn't want to disturb the youngers rest and decided to head home.

They stood in the door and bid each other good night. Kris hopped down the few steps, then turned around once more for a small wave. The short woman nodded her head and smiled heartily.

Kris stared at her for a short moment before he turned around and left for the good.

He always felt good when he was at family Kims house. They were all nice and sincere, they smiled a lot and have so much love to give.

"And Joonmyun got his nice and contagious smile from his mother, thats for sure", the model thought and smiled to himself.

On monday, Joonmyun was completely healthy again. Well, he should be because he only slept, showered, ate and took his medicine for three days straight.

"Next friday is christmas and this is the last week of school for this year", Himchan, a classmate said, "Are you going to do anything special, Myunnie?"

"I don't know yet"

"I'm throwing a new years eve party at my place, do you want to come?"

"Sure", Joonmyun smiled, "That would be fun"

"Do you bring Kris along?"

"Uhm.. I-I don't know.. maybe he has plans already"

"Just ask him, he can come too if he wants!", Himchan smiled brightly. Joonmyun couldn't asnwer cause the other ran off to his seat already and the teacher came in anyways.

Kris wasn't there yet.

About 15 minutes later there was a knock on the door. The teacher assumed who it was.

"Come in Wu", the prof said casually and promptly the door swung open.

And there stood indeed Kris, looking very tired. But there was not the usual snickering about the tall foreign boy being late but more a lot of ''Oh's'', gasps and whispering were heared.

The reason was that instead of dark brown, now dirty blonde dyed and messy styled hair grazed the head of the model. And WOW- He looked good!

"I'm sorry", he murmured and bowed.

The teacher eyed the chinese as he went to his seat.

"And it would be nice if you wear your uniform tomorrow again"

Kris stopped and looked at his clothes, he wore black ripped jeans (in winter, mind you!), Jordan's, a bright blue scarf and a simple white and thin V-Neck pullover.

He turned to the teacher and saluted, "Yes, sir!"

When he made the last few steps towards his desk, he looked at Joonmyun and smiled.

The korean wanted but couldn't bring himself to return the smile and just gave a short nod instead.

The rest of the week was weird for both males. There was a thick tension between them and they only spoke to another in their breaks at school. And they just wrote the most neccessary messages.

From: Kris :3 // December 18, 20xx; 5:32PM

hey

i think i left my window open. wanted to ask if you'd drop by & close it.you have a key, ne? if not just ask the caretaker.if you can't make it, its no problem.

enjoy your holidays

Its saturday afternoon when Joonmyun got the message.

"Right, he took off to China this morning..", Joonmyun mumbled.

He wanted to shrug it off and just pretend that he hadn't had time to fulfill the request. But there was a dull feeling in his heart and a nagging voice in his head that said that lying wouldn't be right and so on.

In the end he got up with a huff and made his way to Kris' flat.

And yes, he had a key. Kris gave it to him a few weeks after Joonmyun decided to drop by every week to tidy up. The chinese said it would be easier that way cause of his busy schedule.

When Joonmyun entered the 2-room-flat he was immediately greeted by the faint smell of Kris' cologne.

And his apartment was a mess even though the taller only slept and showered and eat here. Clothes, papers, letters, magazines, school books, different cans and take-out boxes were scattered all over the floor, tables and sofa.

"You don't come over for a week and he's living in a garbage dump", the korean scoffed.

And the kitchen wasn't any better.. On the kitchen counter and floor were cereals, crumbs and coffee stains, the sink was bursting with dirty dishes even though Kris has a dishwasher.

"Idiot can't even take care of himself...", Joonmyun shook his head and began to clean the mess the model made.

Originally, he only wanted to enter the flat, close the window and leave again but the nagging voice spoke up once more. And to be honest, Joonmyun really don't want that Kris gets cockroaches or other vermins and/or gets sick.

When he was finish with the mess in kitchen and living room, he took a look in the bathroom. Its connectet to a small room that Kris uses as a walk-in-closet.

It was clean, exept of the used towels and dirty clothes in the overfilled box and bath tub.

Joonmyun sighed and began to sort the clothes before he put them in the washer.

While the first load of laundry was in the machine Joonmyun went to Kris bedroom, the only room the chinese strictly kept tidy.

There wasn't much in it anyway. The kingsized bed, with plain white sheets, right beside the huge window takes the most space of the bright room. Old trunks were stacked for a bedside table. A single rack stood at the wall next to the door, carrying an old basketball, a few medals and cups, books and other unneccessary little things. A white, small and old-looking wooden table with fitting chair was on the other side of the window. An ordinary lamp stood on the table together with a few papers, maps and files. A handful of photos and a chain of fairy lights were pinned on the wall around the table.

The room was cold and through the opened window was blowing a light but icy breeze and the cream colored curtains were swaying a bit.

Joonmyun stepped inside the mostly white room and closed the window.

"Seems like he slept with the window open", Joonmyun whispered.

The chinese boy only sleeps with an open window when he's upset or sad or thinking about something important/serious.

Joon sighed and ran his hand over the cold bed sheets. Then he left the room.

Joonmyun washed three machines of laundry and put them in the dryer, he even ironed them while he was watching TV and waited for the food he odered.

Later, when he was at home again and lying in his bed, he answered Kris.

To: Kris :3 // December 19, 20xx; 0:08AM

Closed your window.

And have fun in China.

But he didn't got an aswer.

On tuesday, Joonmyun hurried through the shops in need to get the last chirstmas gifts.

In one of the shops he bumped into Lu Han, a friend and model-colleague of Kris.

"Yo, yo! Watch were you goin', Kim Joonmyun", the angle-faced chinese laughed.

"Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, Lu Han!"

"Why so hectic?"

"I need to get my last presents", Joonmyun laughed and scratched his nape.

"Ah, me too!", Han said, "But I'm definitely more chilled than you are", he winked .

Joonmyun stuck out his tongue as response.

The chinese laughed but then stopped abrupt, "But say, where have you been last week? I missed you, you know"

"What do you mean?"; Joonmyun asked, tilting his head.

"During the shootings and so on. You normally come along with Kris", Lu Han said thoughtfully, "And that giant idiot wouldn't tell me why you didn't accompany him. He was acting really weird, the whole week!"

"Oh.."

"And?"

"Uhm.. it- it was.. a bit complicated.. I was sick and had a lot to do myself, so..", Joonmyun stuttered. He's never been a good liar.

"Ah! Ne, thats understandable. When you're sick, you have to rest, for sure", Han agreed, "It was just that.. he dazed off a lot and even looked sad.."

"Re-really??", Joonmyun was taken aback at Lu Han's words. Kris looked sad? Could it be.. that it was his fault? For kinda avoiding the older?

The chinese model nodded vigorously, "Ne! I thought about it a bit"

"A-and? What do you think?"

"Maybe because its christmas soon! I mean, he has no one to celebrate with and it would be his second christmas that he'd spend alone.."

"Alone?!? Why?", the young korean was appalled.

"He didn't told you?"

"Told me what?", Joon whined.

"His parents throw him out after he dropped out of school to either become a basketball player or model. It was three years ago. He moved from Canada to his grandmom in China but she died a few month later. And since then, he's alone.. He had to move out of the flat because he couldn't afford the rent, even with the three jobs he had in the end. A single-room-flat was all he could afford. I met him through Yixing, a friend. Don't know if you met him already? He's a dancer at EXO Inc."

Joonmyun shook his head, "Maybe I saw him once, but I don't know"

"Anyway, it was my idea to apply at EXO Inc. . I knew XOXO from my exchange year. And yeah, we all applied and came here one after another. And .. uhm.. You should know the rest"

The korean nodded. But he couldn't utter a single word. All the information about Kris was sinking into his brain and a pang of guilt crept into his chest, making his heartbeat feel very heavy..

"Oh ...", is all he could whisper after he stared at Lu Han for a moment.

"Ne.. I just don't want him to be alone, you know.. I mean, last year it was Yixing, Kris and me but just because we hadn't had the money for the flight back then.. But this year.. Yixing is in China already and my plane takes off at 4PM tomorrow.."; the chinese sighed sadly.

After this it was still between them, then they talked for two more minutes before bidding each other good bye, merry christmas and a happy new year awkwardly and parting, both males going their own way again.

In the night, Joonmyun lay in bed but he was stark awake.

He thought about Kris the whole time and felt really sad for the older.

Not only because of the latters past but as well for avoiding him..

Blindly, he searched for his phone on the bedside table.

To: Kris :3 // December 21, 20xx; 23:16PM

Hey.

How are you?

And how is China? Do you have snow over there?

We have snow since sunday :)

To: Kris :3 // December 21, 20xx; 23:28PM

We'll have white christmas, hihi ^^

To: Kris :3 // December 21, 20xx; 23:42PM

When do you come back? I could pick you up from the airport if you want? :)

And.. do you may want to celebrate christmas with me?

To: Kris :3 // December 21, 20xx; 23:42PM

us?*

To: Kris :3 // December 21, 20xx; 23:46PM

Mom and dad would be happy too :)

To: Kris :3 // December 21, 20xx; 23:57PM

I miss you..

To: Kris :3 // December 22, 20xx; 0:04AM

Come on, please answer me..

To: Kris :3 // December 22, 20xx; 0:12AM

Kris?

Kris didn't answer..