Kyungsoo dragged his feet closer to the crying kid, too overwhelmed to do it faster.

     His knees met the ground in front of the little boy, trying to get a hold of his own emotions he looked into his eyes –fat tears rolling down his dirty cheeks as he called for his mom. Kyungsoo’s own tears started to form as he thought about Joonmyeon –this kid was probably living the same hell as him, looking for someone he loved.

     He was surrounded by nothing else than soulful chaos and confusion, he was slowly getting drowned in fear as he turned around to realize the sight. 

     234 people but only 3 survivors, flight 383 from Paris, Joonmyeon was flying that plane.

     Kyungsoo ran to a fireman and wouldn’t stop desperately asking about the pilot, suffocating questions tainting his lips one after another as he pleaded for some information but apparently the man was too busy to even listen to him. He was completely ignored, yet he understood.

     He observed as another rescue team arrived, people gathering around them, trying to know about their husbands, wives, sons, daughters, parents, friends...their eyes puffy and red for the unavoidable crying.

     Kyungsoo too, he kept asking and looking for his fiancée until he realized the police was right, there was no use in staying there interrupting the cause. He decided to head back to their home and wait, the most bitter among all waits.

     He promised himself he would never feel hopeless without a clear reason.

     It was around 10:15PM when he heard Baekhyun’s sobs in the living room, it broke his heart but Kyungsoo appreciated that his best friend didn’t try to talk to him at the moment –he hugged Joonmyeon’s pillow tighter and breathed in his essence, he remembered how many times he laid there with his lover’s arms around him.

     He could barely sleep that night, only until his body couldn’t hold it any longer and he let go, hoping this whole day would be just a nightmare and ready to wake up in Joonmyeon’s arms –but the reality hit him colder and faster. 

     At some point he heard Baekhyun’s steps around the room and opened his eyes to see him standing at the door frame, looking around the room only to fake a smile followed by another round of sobs. The younger didn’t say a word, he was afraid he would start crying non stop along.

     How long will the call take?

     No news about Joonmyeon, neither good or bad, just nothing. Kyungsoo decided to take it as a good sign, one that actually made him believe Joonmyeon was alive, completely safe somewhere and ready to come back to him at any moment because bad news fly faster than the good ones, Kyungsoo was sure of that –and he was also willing to go through it and wait for him.

     Baekhyun didn’t force him to eat anything but the younger knew his best friend was beyond worried and sad, surprisingly Chanyeol wasn’t there with him.

     And then he remembered the bitter taste of a loss again, Joonmyeon was no longer with him and through the burning pain he wondered what his fiancée had thought before his death. Had Joonmyeon thought of him right at the moment? Because he was sure the older would be the first thing that would cross his mind if he, himself, was in his place.

     And Joonmyeon will never leave his mind, not even after the cold darkness.

     The aircraft was flying 5,000 feet in the air, four miles near the airport and getting ready to land in about eight minutes when they lost the right engine. As expected, the pilot tried to handle the situation and lead to an emergency landing but he soon lost all control over the plane which ended with the death of 231 people including the pilot and the crew, Kyungsoo could only pray for them to rest in peace.

     Baekhyun was sitting beside him holding a picture in his hands, Kyungsoo remembered the day it was taken. It was their first date, Joonmyeon had taken him on a picnic, from their place they could see the planes taking off and when he asked what was special about that place the older told him he wanted to share with him what he loved the most after his boyfriend.

     The memory made him smile, Joonmyeon never actually asked him directly to be his boyfriend but it wasn’t necessary because the smart and handsome pilot liked to show things better than tell, and Kyungsoo knew it wouldn’t be other way anyway. Four years later Kim Joonmyeon proposed.

     He then heard the door being unlocked and it made him stand up –Joonmyeon was there, in his perfectly ironed uniform.

     He walked to him, slowly and carefull because he didn’t want to realize it was just dream, but looking into Joonmyeon’s eyes –besides the tears and puffy eyes– told him he was truly there.

     Physically.

     He tried to hug him, but Joonmyeon just walked by, completely ignoring him in the process. Joonmyeon, he called, without receiving an answer. Joonmyeon, babe.

     The latter went to close his arms around Baekhyun and started to cry louder.

     I’m sorry, Joon! I should have stopped him or at least go with him –his friend was also crying– I shouldn’t have let him go like that.

     It’s not your fault –Joonmyeon tried to comfort him– it was an accident. Kyungsoo was now confused.

     Joon, babe, Kyungsoo tried again but it was like if the other couldn’t hear him or even see him. Joonmyeon, don’t you hear me? I’m here! Look at me!

     Just like being trapped in an invisible and unknown dimension, no one could hear him or see him.

     He thought you were flying that plane, he heard the news so he took his car and headed there, I should have stopped him but I didn’t! He lost control, the car flipped three times. I’m so sorry

     Images passed in front of him like a bright flash before his eyes –his mother, his sister, his friends, his graduation, his first book and its release...

     And then Joonmyeon, his smile, the many moments they spent together, the day they met and his proposal –until his flame snuffed out and the dark dragged him to the sternal sleep.

     And Joonmyeon will never leave his mind, not even after the cold darkness.