I tightened my jacket as a gust of chilly, yet refreshing, wind went through me, bringing with it the crisp scent of falling leaves.

Fall.

The realization made me stop and look up. Indeed, the lush greens lining this place has now turned fiery, as if cast in an eternal sunset. This view never ceased to make me take a deep breath of admiration. 

Fall.

It's my favorite time of the year. Well, it used to be... 

I guess he took more than my heart that day.

3 years ago

"Watch out! Watch out!" came the shout. Before I knew it, a bicycle sped past in a blur as something brown started falling towards me.

Oomph! It fell right into my arms, which I shot out to catch with just in time. Luckily, it was soft.

It was a someone.

"I-I'm sorry. The guy just zoomed right out of nowhere, I didn't-I'm sorry." Mr. Brown Jacket mumbled, still a bit disoriented. 

"It's fine. Are you okay though?" I asked, checking if he showed any signs of being hurt. Having caught him sideways, I helped him straighten back up. He fixed his jacket, tweaked his collar, pressed down his hair and pushed up his specs, then turned around to face me properly.

The state his hair is in, and considering the glasses he's wearing, would've given Harry Potter a run for his money.

"Thank you... for catching me," he said, giving me a waist-deep bow. 

The very respectful bow didn't catch me off-guard though. It's the shy lopsided smile, which kind of looked like a cheeky smirk, was what did it. 

And in that moment, as I stood firmly on that spot, it felt like I was the one in need of being caught.

I smiled at the memory, a memory which has been popping in and out of my mind recently. Maybe it's the season. Maybe it's all the wedding invitations I've been recieving recently. Whatever it is, it's coming back to me, that love, the one and only, the one that has come and gone. The one that's a memory.

Unconsciously, my pace has slowed as I started seeing ghosts of us from the past. That spot, that spot right there was where he fell into my arms, as if by fate. It's the same place my heart started to fall.

A few more steps and there, by that embassy, was where we bumped into each other once more, after weeks of him being on my mind and not knowing where to find him, my prayers answered. He looked exactly the same, with his messy hair, his specs, and his brown jacket, but with a glow around him I didn't see before. Was it the sun? Or was it heaven telling me that this, this is the one?

He seemed in a hurry that day. It was rush hour, after all. I never got to ask him where he was going. All he was able to do was give me a courteous nod before being brought along by the wave of people on their way to cross the street. I was too much in shock at seeing him again that I wasn't able to greet him back. Before I knew it, he was already past me. But my heart jumped when I turned around to look, and he was awkwardly walking backwards, his eyes still on me.

I crossed the street, now completely going the opposite way of where I was supposed to go, following my feet, following the memories. I see the place where we see each other again after some time, and to my surprise, the seemingly shy guy from before was smiling widely and happily took my arm and announced that he was treating me to lunch at the famous ginseng chicken soup place. He got his first promotion that day, and he was so happy, he thought of me, he said. And like a miracle, he said, I came walking towards him in that street.

That was our impromptu first date which included a spur-of-the-moment stroll inside Gyeongbokgung Palace. At the end of the day, as he walked with me back to the subway station, we joked about how we always end up bumping into each other here in Gwanghwamun. Suddenly, he stopped in that park across the palace and said, "If you want to see me again, just wait right here, and I'll come for you."

I chuckled as I remember being upset after realizing that he didn't ask for my number then. I felt like I was duped, that I fell for a really stupid trick of a player. How stupid would I have seemed to him when I couldn't subdue the eagerness in my voice when I replied, "Okay, I will."

It took all I can to not pass by Gwanghwamun for a whole week back then. I didn't want him to see me from afar and think that this idiotic girl has completely fallen for him. Even when I had to go around a long, inconvenient route to my part-time job, I did. I had my pride. I wanted to keep it intact.

But that day, right at the end of my week of abstinence, I got my own version of a promotion. A client finally agreed to hire me, which finally marked the beginning of my own business. Phone still in hand after the wonderful call, I had a host of people I needed to tell, but all I could do was stand on the cafe's 2nd floor balcony and look out towards that park. With a hurried excuse, I got myself out of work right away and let my feet take me where my heart wanted to go, where I knew I needed to be.

"It was here," I mumbled to myself as I spun around ever so slowly, taking in the nondescript concrete and trees around me. It wasn't a special place, just a circular open space that people don't even spare a second glance at. 

But it was here. 

It was here I ran to that day, and saw you waiting, sitting on one of the concrete benches to the side, head lolling as you dozed off. I stopped in my tracks. I wanted to go back. I wanted to go back to the cafe where the tiredness and the buzz makes everything feel real, not here in this place where you are waiting for me, as if in a ridiculously tv-drama-like dream. I was afraid to come near you, afriad that it may just be my imagination, but you felt warm when I touched your cheek ever so lightly, and you woke with a snort.

The gladness in your eyes when you opened them and saw me... that's forever etched in my mind. I remember you that way, Kyu, the you who waited for me every single day that week, not giving up when I didn't show up for 7 days straight. I choose to remember how ridiculously happy I was that you were there, and how natural it seemed to me for you to wordlessly lay your lips on mine upon opening your eyes. I choose to remember my heart exploding with joy, my mind screaming that it was nonsensical for me to fall in love with a virtual stranger, but I was, and I knew you were, too. 

I choose to remember loving you, Kyu.

The sudden drop of cool liquid on my nose halted my train of thought. The ghost of us kissing at that concrete bench faded into a wispy vapor and brought in another day, a darker day, a colder day than this, even though the sun was shining so much brighter that one fall day.

It was the day I realized that I had forever lost my heart, because it was with you, and you weren't coming back. It was here, like a fool, where I came because you said that whenever I wanted to see you, I just had to come here, and you'll come for me. But even though I knew it was over, I waited that day, and the next, and the day after that, and the next four days as well. I waited like you did before, but you never came. 

Much like today,  I didn't know which came first that last day. The tears or the rain. Both flowed down my face, along with it all my hope and happiness.

I sniffed. I'm crying. Why am I crying? I chuckled as I wiped the escaped tears on my cheeks. This is ridiculous. It was forever ago. He must be living a happy life now. I hope he is. I should refrain from talking to him in my head. As if he'd hear me.

After years, again I find myself standing in this place, waiting in the rain. It's completely insane. It's time to get back to reality, Lily.

Rolling my eyes at myself, slowly, I turned towards where I was originally supposed to go. People sprinted past me, some hiding underneath their coats, others holding their bags over their girls. My brain is telling me to quickly do the same, but why are my steps so slow? After years, am I still unwilling to leave this place? Like an idiot, I'm still in this place, waiting in the rain. 

I forced my legs to move, but all it got me were a couple of feet from where I was. Unexplicably, making no sense whatsoever, I paused once more. Maybe because this could be the last time I'll be here... the last time in what could be a very long while. Maybe because I've gone insane. Maybe because I miss you so much, a completely ridiculous thought entered my mind, that because I waited here, if I turn around now, just like before, you'll be there. Then, I'll be able to give you a proper goodbye. 

Laughing out loud like a mad woman, I decided to humor myself. Tucking a wet clump of hair behind my ear, I turn around.