I fell asleep while crying again today. I fell asleep, exhausted by your memories. I try telling myself not to. But I’m only thinking of you with tears. 

How did I get myself into this? I can barely feel anything. Am I going to die here? Just like this?

Shin Hyejeong, you're so pathetic. You're the best operative, how could you lose like this? I scolded myself and managed to use the remaining strength that I had left to sit up against the brick wall. Ignoring the pain in my muscles and broken bones, I fished out my phone, it was surprisingly still intact. However, it only had about 15% of battery life left, it's about to die just like me I guess. I smiled bitterly as I rubbed my fingers through the crack screen and stared at the most beautiful girl on earth and possibly the entire universe, Kim Seolhyun. Despite the terrible and dangerous world we live in, she always gave everyone the most genuine smiles ever.

I scrolled through the pages until I reached my camera app. If I'm going to die here, I want to at least not take this secret with me to the grave. I gently pressed on the app and swiped it to a video recording. I smiled at the screen before pressing the record button.

3...2...1

"This is AOA's Shin Hyejeong-"

3 Years Ago 

"Hyejeongie! Let's go get food!" Mina told the same aged girl who was busy sleeping.

"Go away" Hyejeong muttered and pulled the covers over her.

"You gotta eat though Jeongie!"

"You're annoying"

"Yeah yeah you remind me every day but you're still my best friend, now rise and shine you gorgeous demon!" the energic girl shouted and smacked her friend on the . The other girl finally gave up and pushed away her covers then sat up.

"Happy?" Hyejeong asked her friend while frowning.

"Very! Now go freshen up you bum!" screamed Mina as she pushed her roommate into their shared bathroom. While Hyejeong was busy brushing her teeth and plotting ways to get back at her best friend, Mina waited outside and opened the door when she heard a knock.

"Good Morning Mina!"

"Good Morning  Yuna Unnie."

"Where's Jeongie?"

"She's in the bathroom"

"She woke up late again?"

"Yeah. You know how our demon queen can be" Mina giggled and Yuna chuckled a little.

"Of course I do. I'm glad she's on our side, I wouldn't want her as an enemy. Come down as soon as possible okay. We're meeting the new operative who transferred from the United Kingdom today remember?"

"Oh right we are! We'll be right there!"

"Okay then, see you two later" Yuna said and went off on her own while Mina waited for Hyejeong to finish. As soon as Hyejeong finished, Mina quickly pulled her out of the room and into the dining hall.

"What the hell?" Hyejeong groaned in annoyance. 

"We have to meet someone today. Now be on your best behavior you evil little monster. Don't bully her!"

"Alright alright... we'll see" Hyejeong replied and whispered the last part.

Hyejeong's POV

Damn it Kwon Mina, who could be so important that you have to wake me up on early on a day I don't have a mission? I had just returned from a mission in Poland and I'm tired as hell. We passed by agents from the other teams and they all bowed at us. Mina greeted them back but I simply looked at them and walked away. I'm not good at making friends because my personality is too cold so the only people I'm close with are the other girls in my team.

We saw our team members, Choa, Jimin, Yuna, Youkyung and Chanmi all already eating at our special table and joined them for breakfast.

"Yay the demon princess is finally awake" Chanmi teased and the rest giggled, but I simply rolled my eyes.

"I hate you guys" I mumbled as I ate the breakfast Youkyung had bought for me.

"Well hate faster. We need to finish eating in 10 minutes and then go to the director's." Jimin ordered.

I groaned but it up and ate as quickly as I could. The 7 of us ran to the director's office and waited for Jimin, our leader, to knock on the door.

"Come in" the director told us

The of us entered into the room one by one and bowed.

"Good Morning Sir" we all said in sync and he nodded.

"Good Morning girls."

"Sir I heard we have a new member today." Choa said.

"Ah yes, I'm sure you will all get along very well. She is an expert at avoiding lasers and stealing. Let's just meet her now. Kim Seolhyun please come here" The director turned to his left and we all saw a girl coming our way. As soon as I laid my eyes on her, I felt my heart beat suddenly change and my breath hitched for a good second or two.

She's... beautiful.

"Hello I'm Kim Seolhyun and I'm 17 years old. I transferred here from the United Kingdom. It's nice to meet you all. I hope to learn from every single one of you." she politely said to us and bowed.

"Nice to meet you too Seolhyun. I'm Park Choa and the oldest here. I'm 22"

"I'm Shin Jimin and I'm 21"

"Pleasure to meet you, I'm Seo Yuna and 20 years old."

"Wow you're young. I'm Kwon Mina and I'm 18!"

"I hope we'll get along. I'm Seo Youkyung and I'm also 18 years old."

"Yes I'm still the youngest! I'm Kim Chanmi and I'm 16"

All eyes turned to me becaue I was the only one who didn't greet Seolhyun yet. They thought it was me being cold as usual, but the truth was I couldn't take my eyes off her and she's so gorgeous that I forgot to speak.

"And who are you sunbae?" Seolhyun asked me and gave me the sweetest smile I've ever seen. I didn't want the others to tease me because I'm blushing so I turned my head away before answering.

"Shin Hyejeong. 18" I dully answered.

, why am I such an sometimes? Why can't I just be nice? She probably thinks I'm a now.

I silently sighed and looked up, only to see her smiling at me still.

"Nice to meet you Hyejeong Unnie, I hope the two of us will get along very well." she told me and reached out her hand for me to shake. I stared at it for a second before returning the hand shake.

"So now that we're done with introductions, let's carry on shall we? We'll have new rooming arrangements starting next week. Go pack your stuff if you don't end up in the room you're already in. The rooming arrangements will go as follows; Jimin and Chanmi. Mina and Yuna. Choa and Youkyung. So that leaves Seolhyun and Hyejeong. Everything okay? You're all dismissed now." He tells us and we all left the room.

Why am I with her? This must be a joke.

"So! Like the director said, let's all get the know each other!" Jimin grinned and we all had no choice but to follow her to our main room. This is where the 7, well 8, get our missions and relax.

"Seolhyun-ssi"

"Just Seolhyun is fine Yuna Unnie"

"Oh okay. Seolhyun. I heard you're best with going through lasers and stealing"

"Y-Yeah" Seolhyun blushed and nodded.

She's so cute. She can't be real.

"That's awesome! I'm best at disguises and infiltration" Yuna replied.

"Jimin Unnie is best at combat, Choa Unnie is a pro at breaking through locks, our Mina is clumsy but good at infiltration, Chanmi can hack through any computer codes" Yuna Unnie explained while Seolhyun listened attentively.

"But wait.. what about Hyejeong Unnie" Seolhyun shyly asked and I felt a smile curve up at how she noticed I wasn't mentioned.

Yuna Unnie proudly grinned and put her arm around me and I scowled at her. She ignored my reaction and proceeded to talk about me.

"Our Hyejeongie here is our best operative. She is what you'd call, the Jack-of-All-Trades"

"Yeah and master of none" I added.

Seolhyun giggled and I felt my cheeks heat up a little.

"Nonsense. Our Hyejeong here can do all the things we can and she's a master with combat and guns. No one knows more about weapons than her; she can use almost every gun as soon as she gets her hands on it"

"That's really amazing Hyejeong Unnie" Seolhyun complimented me.

"T-Thank you"

~~

The next day I was in the shooting range. I had woken up early, yes I was shocked too, and I still haven't been assigned a new mission so I decided to brush up on my sniping otherwise I'd lose my touch. I had gotten ready as quiet as possible so I wouldn't disturb Mina. Once I left the room, I made my way to the shooting room. Taking out my ID card, I swiped through the scanner and the door opened for me then closed.

"Good Morning Hyejeong" Sojin, the agent in charge of managing the shooting range said to me.

"Good Morning Sojin Unnie"

Because I used to come here often, I was less cold around the people who worked in this department.

"Up for early morning shooting?" Sojin asked as she handed me the gear that we were required to wear.

"Mhmm" I hummed and put on all the safety gears.

"What level? The usual?"

I thought for a second and decided maybe I should try a harder level today.

"Expert level 31." I answered. Sojin slowly leaned back and looked at me like I was crazy.

"Are you sure? I mean you're definitely a professional with guns and you hold the record, but you've only scored a B in Expert level 30"

"Yeah, I want to try"

"Very well. Which gun?"

"F2000 please"

Sojin went back to the gun storage and quickly came back with the gun I had picked.

"Here you go" She handed me the weapon.

"Thank you Unnie"

"Well you know what to do, just go through those doors and start your level. Good luck!"

"Thanks" I replied and began my training. Everything was going rather smoothly, I missed one or two targets and almost got shot three times but I was doing pretty well. The gun room doesn't just test how well you can use assault rifles but also your endurance and speed. The starter and intermediate levels aren't that bad because the risk of injuries are low, however once you get to advanced, the targets return fire. After about 20 minutes, I heard the loud alarm, which signaled that the level ended and I walked out of the room to check my score.

Shin Hyejeong. Operative 930810.

Accuracy: 97%

Speed: 96%

Reaction Time: 89%

Targets: 75%

Time Management: 90%

Grade: B+

Tch, a damn B, but whatever, it was a hard level.

"Wow Hyejeong this is just amazing. You truly aren't human because most people who do this level fail."

I heard loud clapping and turned to my right, only to see Seolhyun looking at me with what I think is admiration.

"You're so amazing Unnie!" Seolhyun tells me.

I scratched the back of my head, a habit of mine whenever I got shy.

"T-Thanks" I mumbled and she smiled then surprised me by wiping away my sweat. Our faces were way too close and I caught myself staring at her beautiful lips.

"W-What are you doing here? Uhm..." I stuttered. I'm such a loser sometimes.

"You don't remember me Unnie? I'm Kim Seolhyun, the new agent you met yesterday! Nice to see you again Hyejeong Unnie. The others told me to go to you if I wanted to learn how to shoot a gun properly." Seolhyun explained.

'Of course I remember you. Who wouldn't?'

"That so? Why do you want to learn?"

"Because weapons are important for missions"

'A girl like you shouldn't be holding a gun in the first place'

"Do you really want to learn?"

She nodded and pouted at me and it took all the strength in me to not just grab her cheeks, kiss her, bring her to my room and take her. What I would give to be able to kiss her all over. Be the only one who can love her.

"Unnie? Are you okay?"

"Huh? Y-yeah"

"You seemed deep in thought."

"Sorry"

"S-So Unnie.. c-can you please t-teach me how to use guns?"

"That will be hard"

"I know! But I will work very hard! I'm useless for now but I can do it-" she began to ramble on and I chuckled at her cuteness.

"I meant it will be hard because each gun is different. There are different ways to hold them and fire them. There's not just one universal way to fire a gun, but I appreciate your determination and please don't call yourself useless. You're far from useless" I tell her.

"So can you teach me?"

"If you're up to it"

"I am!"

"Alright I'll teach you"

"Thank you unnie!" She shouts and pulls me into a hug. I froze at the contact. She felt me tense up and moved back.

"Sorry Unnie"

"It's fine"

I turned to Sojin and asked her to give us starter level 1 and then gave Seolhyun one of the easiest guns to use. She had some trouble with the safety gear so I had to dress her up. As I touched her, I made a mental note to remember all her sensitive parts.

"So this gun is rather easy. The recoil is kinda strong so never stretch your arm too far or it will definitely hurt your muscles. It's best to bend your elbow when you use this and have another hand at the base to hold the gun firmly. Now try"

Seolhyun fires and it completely missed the target. She pouted and I could tell she was ashamed of herself.

"It's fine, no one is perfect on the first try" I tell her.

"How old were you when you moved out of Starter Level 1?"

"Me? I think between 8 or 9."

"You're a natural. I wish I was"

"Don't say that, you can't be good at everything. No one is that perfect"

"Well you are" she tells me and shows me her breathtaking smile followed by her dimples.

If you could hear my heartbeat, I would be so screwed by now"

~~

Present

I smiled at the memory of the first real time Seolhyun and I were together, alone. We love our members but sometimes they can be such a pain. 

"Seolhyun-ah, do you remember the time I taught you how to use a gun and you got upset that you couldn't use a simple gun? I do. I remember everything about you"

"But do you also remember the first mission all 8 of us had together? The one to retrieve the stolen diamond? I got so mad when I saw you cornered and that guy also tried to kill you"

"I protected you then and I'm not kidding when I say I'd protect you forever if I could."

I looked at the screen and gave a weak smile.

"Protecting you is the least I could do because I know I'm not the one for you."

2 years ago

"Hyejeong Unnie" My roommate whispered as I mumbled a low 'yes?' for a response. The two of us were sharing a bed, Seolhyun was afraid of sleeping alone whenever it rained, which I don't mind.

"I.. I... never mind"

"What do you want to say? Shoot, I won't judge" I replied and snuggled closer to her until she was resting completely on the crook of my neck. I inhaled her sweet scent and found myself giving her small kisses on the forehead.

"I like someone. I mean I think I do." she tells me. I stopped everything I was doing and suddenly everything felt like the world has crumbled.

'The fact that you're telling me this means the person clearly isn't me,'

"W-Who is it?" I asked and my voice cracked a little because of my tears that were threatening to fall.

"Unnie, I think I like Choa Unnie."

I bit my lower lip. 

'I knew you wouldn't like me. But that should be me, not Choa Unnie'

"What should I do Unnie?"

"Y-You should tell her. I think you should go for it. You never know if you don't try"

Why am I telling the complete opposite of what I want to say? I want her to give up on Choa and fall for me instead but I'm not that kind of girl.

"You really think I should try?"

No.

"Yes"

"You're right Unnie! Thank you. You're such a great friend." Seolhyun whispered and I felt her snuggling against my neck. I really hope she won't feel how fast my heart is beating because of her. Although the word 'friend' hit me hard, deep down I have accepted that we will only remain friends.

"Good night Unnie"

"G-Good night"

~~

After that night, I saw Seolhyun sticking even closer to Choa. She had less interest in guns and more on going through locks, Choa's specialty. I watched her from afar and saw those sweet smiles that she gave to Choa Unnie and not me. Occasionally I would go hide somewhere no one could find me and cry. I wasn't one to cry, but this is something I can't deal with. For once, I realize I have no control over a situation.

It's Seolhyun's birthday today and although it was my job to go pick her up for the surprise party that we have decided to throw for her. I decided it would be better to send Choa Unnie. It's Seolhyun's birthday, I should make it extra special for her.

"Choa Unnie"

"Yes?"

"Can you go pick up Seolhyun for me? I had promised to pick her up but I need to finish the decorations for her party." I said with the straightest face I could make.

"Oh okay then." Choa Unnie smiled at me and pat my head like a mother.

'You're a good person Choa Unnie. I'm fine with giving up Seolhyun to you because you deserve her just as much as me if not more'

To: Seolhyun

​- Hey I know I said I'll pick you up, but I realized that I can't make it on time. I have something important to do so I'm sending Choa Unnie to pick you up instead.

I watched as Choa Unnie left to go fetch Seolhyun and then closed the door before sliding against the door and breaking down.

'There's no place for me in your heart is there Kim Seolhyun?'

"Jeongie-ah what should I cook for Seol- oh my god! What's wrong?!" Yuna Unnie asked me and ran to me.

"I-It's nothing Unnie" I lied and wiped away my tears.

' I knew I should've went to cry in the bathroom'

"Don't lie to me Shin Hyejeong, I wasn't born yesterday. It's Seolhyun isn't? You love her don't you?"

"You can tell?"

"I can. And I can also see that the one she loves is Choa Unnie."

"Unnie, what should I do?"

"You should tell Seolhyun."

"I can't. It'll just make things complicated."

Yuna Unnie sighed and rubbed my back to let me know that I have all her support.

~~

"Okay B team go" Jimin Unnie whispered into the earpiece. The 8 of us were in the middle a mission in China. Jimin Unnie, Mina, Chanmi and Youkyung were in A team while I was with Seolhyun, Yuna Unnie and Choa Unnie for B team. The A team destroyed all security cameras and cleared the path for us to charge. I was the one in charge of leading B team. A team stayed in the front of the house to make sure the enemy's back ups won't be a problem for us.

The mission was to stop a wealthy drug lord that not even the government is capable of catching.

'Why is it so quiet? Why are there no enemies?' I thought.

There was a strange smell in the air and I looked at the floor and noticed some powder like trail.

Finally it hits me.

"! It's a trap! Retreat! This place is loaded with gun powder!" I shouted and my entire team began to ran back to the entrance but it was too late, someone had already set off the explosion. Seolhyun was beyond terrified and there was no way she was going to escape the explosion in time. I did what no one expected us to do. I grabbed Seolhyun and pulled her close to me to shield her from the impact. I could my back burning and some bone breaking. Seolhyun was horrified without a doubt. I could tell from her expression underneath me.

"Hyejeong Unnie!!" She shouted.

"Quick! Bring her back to base! These burns are bad!" I could vaguely hear Yuna Unnie shout before I out.

I woke up later and saw a completely white room.

'Am I dead?'

I felt someone's weight on my leg and turned to see Seolhyun asleep on my lap.

"Seolhyun?" I weakly called out.

She stirred a little before getting up. She looked at me and then just suddenly bursted into tears.

"Shin Hyejeong you stupid idiot!" She shouted and cried on my shoulder.

"Do you know how worried we were?! How worried I was?! You were asleep for 6 days and was in critical condition twice. We thought we lost you. I thought I lost you..." she rants to me while crying. Using the strength I had, I moved my left hand up to rub her back.

"I'm alive aren't I?"

"Don't ever risk your life like that again!"

"I can't promise that. I'll do it always for you... and the others because you're all my precious friends" I said and fixed it so I wouldn't be too obvious.

"You're bad for my health you jerk" Seolhyun cutely complained and I chuckled but the pain made me stop.

"Does it still hurt?" she worriedly asked me.

I simply shook my head.

"It does but not that much."

"Please don't be reckless anymore" she begged me.

"..."

"I can't lose you Unnie. You're my best friend and I love you" she tells me. Those three special words should have a positive effect on me, but they don't. That's because I know the way she loves me isn't the way I want her to.

"I love you too"

I love you way too much Kim Seolhyun.

Present 

"Seolhyun-ah, I was so hurt when you told me you fell for Choa Unnie. I felt pain as bad as what I'm going through right now. But I know Choa Unnie is a great person and you deserve nothing but the best. I still remember how worried you were when I got admitted to the hospital after that explosion. It made me happy knowing you cared that much about me. And remember how you personally went to hunt down that drug lord for almost killing us? Aha, you're scary when you want to be you cute little dork."

I smiled at the camera and then I saw a notification that said I had about 2% battery left. I looked up at the sky one last time and took a deep breath before getting ready to end my video.

"There are seriously so many more things I want to tell you. So many memories I want to recount but both my phone and I are running out of time."

"When you see this video, I probably won't be here anymore. When that happens, please don't be sad. Please don't cry for me. Be strong for me. This goes for all 7 of you. You girls are my life and only true family. I thought I would never be able to experience a real family after being abandoned by mine but you 7 taught me that blood isn't the only kinship. I'm truly sorry Jimin Unnie for being disrespectful sometimes which brought you trouble. I'm sorry Choa Unnie for not helping you as much as I could have. Yuna Unnie, I want to apologize for being a jerk. Youkyung-ah, you're the only sane one, I'm sorry you had to deal with me. Chanmi-ah, grow up strong okay? Be a better operative than me.... Mina-Yah, you're my best friend. Thank you for always being with me and I'm sorry for being such a demon to you.."

"...Finally, Seolhyun-ah, you're the most special person to me. Words alone cannot describe you. Since the first day we met, I knew I felt something with you. You have the nicest personality ever. You're honestly perfect and I'm so lucky to have had the chance to work with you. You're the best thing that has ever happened in my ty life. After all this, I think you can already guess what I'm going to tell you. You're a smart girl after all."

"It's been 3 years and I know I'm a little too late because there's nothing more for me."

"I'm sorry for being a coward"

"I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark for so long."

"But I hope you know that I have always loved you. I always have and I always will. Please be happy with Choa Unnie or whoever you're with in the future. You deserve more than a coward who gives love advice that she doesn't follow herself." I gave one final smile at the camera.

"Thank you so much."

"Thank you and good bye"

"I, Shin Hyejeong, love Kim Seolhyun. Forever and always"

The video stopped recording and saved. I watched as the screen shut down and then looked up at the sky.

'Seolhyunnie...Goodbye my love'

TBC

​What am I writing? Thank you for all the comments, upvotes and subscriptions! I hope to write more SeolJeong in the future ^^ The next chapter will be in Seolhyun's POV. Until next update! Sorry for any typos but it's like almost 3am and I am about the crash.
Is this cutie going to die? T.T