They said time heals. But it doesn’t for me. Time doesn’t heal anything. In fact, time only make everything worse and worse. I.. couldn’t believe it when they said time heals. No, it’s a lie, a broken, patched lie, sweetly covered. Twelve years. That is the amount of time that passed, and no, it doesn’t heal anything. I still wish everyday that my twin would be here. I am still cursing myself for letting Youngmin-hyung dead. Time is a bitter-pill which doesn’t heal anything.

Jo Kwangmin closes his diary. He then let out a shaky-breath.

“Kwangmin? You’re inside?” A soft knock and a soft voice make Kwangmin hurriedly wipe his tears away. He then put his usual ignorant face when his step-hyung, whom he hates the most, Zhang Yi Xing, walks in.

“What?” Kwangmin mutters rudely.  Yixing flinched.

“Look, I know it’s your birthday and our parents wedding anniversary, and Father is waiting for us downstairs. He’s gonna take us—“

“No need.” Kwangmin turn his attention to the framed picture of he and his hyung on a beach.

Yixing sighs. “Look, Kwangmin. I know it’s hard. But, for heaven’s sake, I’ve said million times that I’m sorry, that I feel sorry!”

“No need.” Kwangmin answered again, smiled fakely. “Sorry won’t change anything. Now, as you had said, your father is gonna take you and my mother on a trip. Without me. I didn’t wanna get involved, you silly .”

“Hey! It’s not a proper way to treat your older brother.”

“Since when did you are my brother? I’ve hated your Father for taking my Mother from me, and I hated you for taking my brother from me. My one and only brother.” Kwangmin let a cold smile plastered on his face again as he turned his back to Yixing, make the older boy sighed as he left the room.

                ***

It all started when his Father dies from cancer. Kwangmin and his twin, Youngmin, were only six by that time. A year after, their  Mother started dating Yixing’s Father, a successful author. Not so long, they were engaged. The marriage takes time on the twin’s birthday, 24 April.

Back then, Kwangmin and his twin, Youngmin, were only told that they would have new Father. They gladly accept it, for Yixing’s father and Yixing himself had always been so nice to them.

 But then, an accident happened. On the wedding day, Yixing crossed the street, right to a truck. Youngmin, who is only seven years old back then ran and pull Yixing, the same as he always do with Kwangmin. But Youngmin isn’t so lucky. Yixing was safe, but Youngmin himself got hit by the truck and was sent to the hospital with internal bleeding.

He died not so long after, on his birthday.

After that, Kwangmin started to keep a distance from Yixing. What used to be his trusty hyung turned to a twin-killer, a person that he should avoids.

It continues as a habit now, Kwangmin does it without even thinking now. Whenever Yixing is on the room, he leaves the room. Hell, he even eats breakfast in his room.

Yixing do feel sorry about Youngmin’s incident, and always tries to make up with Kwangmin. But the younger couldn’t accept it. In the younger’s eyes, his Youngmin hyung is dead because of Yixing. That’s it. Final conclusion. In his eyes,  Yixing is a stranger, who suddenly took his brother away. In his eyes, it is Yixing that supposed to be dead. In his eyes, on Youngmin’s birthday, Youngmin’s live day, his live is taken by Yixing.

                ***

Kwangmin’s steps stop mid-air as soon as he sees Yixing in the kitchen. He turned his back and put on his backpack.

“I’m going to school, Eomma!” He shouts as he put on his shoes. His Mother came running, holding a PB&J sandwich and a glass of milk. “Eat this first, Minnie.”

She watches as Kwangmin drink his milk and started eat his sandwich. “Is it good, Minnie? Yixing hyung made it for you.”

Kwangmin almost spit his sandwich. He force himself to swallow his sandwich before points to the glass of milk, which is half-full. “Eomma, you made the milk, do you?”

To his relief, his Mother nods. But his Mother did seem a little concerned when Kwangmin put his only-one-bit-eaten sandwich.

“You sure you didn’t want this, Minnie? Yixing hyung made it special for you.”  

Kwangmin shook his head harshly. “Who’s Yixing hyung? I didn’t have any hyung, Eomma. Did you forget that my hyung died twelve years ago?” Kwangmin smiled coldly as he tied his shoes.

He soon found himself slapped on the face by the sudden appearance of his step-father. “That is not a proper way to treat your brother.”

Kwangmin glanced rudely to his step-father with one of his cheek red. “Like I said before, my brother died twelve years ago. I’m off.” He smiled coldly as he goes out from the house.

                ***

“Minnie, why couldn’t you move on?” His Mother asks as she stepped on Kwangmin’s room. The boy hurriedly close his diary as his Mother sat beside him on his bed.

“Minnie, don’t you know that people died because God love them?” His mother his son’s hair gently.

“Yeah. And God didn’t want Yixing, so He threw him away like a trash and instead pick Youngmin.” Kwangmin laughed, although there is no trace of happiness on his face. “Honestly, that is the only thought that made me live through the years. The one thought that always keep me sane. God doesn’t want Yixing. In His eyes, Yixing is a trash, and Youngmin hyung is a Saint.”

His Mother shushed him. “Hush, Kwangmin. Youngmin hyung would be embarrassed if he heard that you are talking like that.”

Kwangmin let out his empty laugh again. “Yeah, he probably would, right? I just wished he could be here to tell us what he really thinks.” Kwangmin picked one of his Pikachu dolls and hugged it tightly. “Youngmin hyung said he hates Pikachu, but he always gives me Pikachu doll as my birthday present every year. What one’s think, might be different from his acts.” Kwangmin turn his empty stare to his Mother again.

His Mother’s eyes started to watery as her son watches her. “Minnie, please give Yixing hyu—Please give Yixing another chance.”

“Another chance.  For what?” Kwangmin turn his attention to his Pikachu doll. “I never give him a chance, how could I give another?” Kwangmin let out his empty laugh.

“Minnie, you’ve changed so much. Youngmin wouldn’t even recognize you now.” His Mother is crying now. Kwangmin do feel a little sorry about that.

“Yeah. And who change me so much? Your step-son.” Kwangmin couldn’t help but to blurt the words, as sharp as a knife, to his Mother.

                ***

Boys, we go to shop for groceries. There is still plenty of foods in the fridge. Do cook them if you guys hungry, OK? We’ll get back on 3.

A post-it note that tapped on the table gives explanation to Yixing’s hum from the kitchen on ten this Saturday. Kwangmin yawned as he picks a banana from the table and eat in-front of TV. Not so long after, he fell asleep again.

He woke up because he felt pain on his back. He yawned and stretched his back, glancing to the clock. 12.10. The silence is what makes him curious. The humming sound from the kitchen had stopped, and Yixing’s sound couldn’t be heard everywhere.

Coming to a conclusion that maybe Yixing goes out when he sleep, he walks hungrily to the kitchen. Maybe he could make instant noodles or something.

Kwangmin must hold himself to not fell unconsciously himself as he saw the horrifying scene. A kitchen who looks like a battle-ground. Blood is everywhere. On the cutting board, on the cupboard,  and on the sink. And he found Yixing lying unconsciously on the kitchen floor with a band-aid taped to his wrist.

He hurriedly calls 119 on his phone before start to wake Yixing up. “Ya, you fool. Wake up, Wake up. Don’t sleep. You’ll be dead if you sleep.”

“...Kwangmin?” To Kwangmin’s relief, Yixing opens his eyes. Kwangmin give him a glass of water before examining Yixing’s wounds.

“You OK?”

It is actually the first time Kwangmin seems to cares about Yixing. Yixing would’ve hugged him if he doesn’t felt so limp.

“I ask, You OK?” Kwangmin asked, back to his impatience tone. Yixing nodded, but Kwangmin shook his head. “No, you’re not okay.. Let’s wrap your hand first, OK? The ambulance is on the way. Is it hurt, Youngmin hyung?”

A sudden realization hits Yixing. Kwangmin sees him as Youngmin. That’s why he seems so concerned. Yeah, he would’ve known that Kwangmin would never care about him.

“…Yixing! Don’t sleep! I let Youngmin hyung sleep and the next thing I knew is he is dead. Wake up!!”

Yixing could feel Kwangmin scream to him all the way to the hospital, to prevent him to fall asleep. He do feel happy that Kwangmin care about him now.

                ***

“Our blood-bank for the A-type is empty. He’d lose so many blood, I didn’t think he would make it if we waited another day for the blood.”  The doctor said, looks concerned as he examines Yixing’s condition. He then hurriedly exits the room with a nurse, saying that they’re gonna check again.

His Mother burst into tears. Yixing’s father his hair over and over again before exits the room with his smartphone on his ears.

Seeing Yixing, seeing his Mother, and seeing Yixing’s father, Kwangmin knew what he could do, and what Youngmin would do.

                ***

“…Are you sure?” The doctor asks Kwangmin, who nodded sternly.

“I’ve got my parent permission.” Kwangmin said. Okay, he’s lying. He didn’t told his Mother. Kwangmin then give the papers to the doctor again.

“You OK if you do this? It’s so risky, you could be the one died.” 

“I’m OK. I am healthy, doesn’t have hemophilia, and if I die, it would be my own risk.” Kwangmin shot through the doctor’s eyes.

The doctor nods. “Okay then. Let’s take your blood.”

                ***

Kwangmin’s Mother cried as soon as she knew Kwangmin donated his blood to Yixing. He couldn’t leave Kwangmin’s side, while his step-father just say that he’s stupid, but Kwangmin knew that his step father do feel thankful.

And Yixing… He visits Kwangmin as soon as he’s awake. He’s using a wheel-chair, but Yixing lived. Kwangmin smiled as he sees Yixing.

“..Wait.” Kwangmin seems to lose in thought. He start to talk to himself, before finally said something to his Mother, who made his Mother cry even harder. “Eomma… Eomma, Youngmin-I hyung had gotten here.. He wants to take me with him.” And Kwangmin smiled. His first-ever real smile after his brother left.

“No, Kwangmin. Don’t go. You always blame me for Youngmin’s dead, I couldn’t live with the fact that I made you die too.” Yixing said, tears running, hold Kwangmin’s hand.

“I think I know Youngmin hyung’s way of thinking now, Yixing.” Kwangmin smiles, breaths softly. “He didn’t think of anything beside save you. Because, you know what? He believes that if he is the one who run across the street, you would run and save him, just like what he did to you.” Kwangmin smiled again, a sincere-little smile. “And now, if it is me who needs blood, you would donate it without even thinking, right? I know you, Yixing.” Kwangmin breathed heavily as his breath becomes short and deep, making Yixing closes his eyes and grab Kwangmin’s cold hand tighter.

Kwangmin smiled again, slowly look at Yixing’s eyes before he closed both of his eyes and took a deep breath. “I love you.. Yixing… hyung.”

 

a/n: How is it?~~ I just feel so random.__. so I made this fanfic in 30 minutes. It does sound a little cheap(?) and so dramatic now that I re-read it... But, oh well.