🍁EASIER TO LIE 🍁 카이루

 

 

a/n: before reading this I kindly ask of you to listen to Cassadee Pope's "Easier to lie" bc this fic was kinda based on this song: )) and besides it will surely help in setting up the mood ㅋㅋ thank you, you may now continue xx

 

 

 

 

Luhan woke up with a searing headache. His mouth tasted like burnt metal, his head felt like it would split in half. He groaned and tugged at his hair to help lessen the pain in his head. He reached his hand out to look for his phone when he felt skin.

 

What in the actual... he thought. 

 

He opened his eyes and found that he was not at his room. His heartbeat became erratic when he laid eyes on the person next to him who is most definitely not his boyfriend. Fast as lightning, he stood up and sneaked out of the room, but not before looking for his car keys while pulling his jeans up. When he had his shirt on, he started his way stealthily out the bedroom but failed his intent on not making a sound while in pursuit of escape when he tripped on something and cursed the offensive thing away.

 

". Stupid ing belt. "

 

When he was out of the stranger's house, Luhan turned his phone back on and he saw five missed calls from Jongin. Luhan pulled at his hair harshly, he couldn't believe what he has done. He lost himself in the midst of heavy bass, bodies grinding together and the taste of alcohol.

 

Before tears could fall he started his way towards Jongin's house, the guilt making him drive. Tears won't stop falling as he drove towards his boyfriend's place.

 

Flashbacks started dancing at the back of his mind, intensifying the guilt, pain and regret radiating from deep within.

 

                             🍁 

 

*7 Hours Earlier*

 

Jongin and Luhan had a fight that had the latter walking out and disappearing for the day.

 

"Stupid, Kim Jongin ." Luhan muttered angrily.

 

Luhan drove to the nearest bar and decided to waste the time away and wallow in his own pool of self-pity and anger. 

 

He may have had three or four more shots over his limit when Luhan started his way on the dancefloor and swayed to the sensual beat blasting from the speakers. After a few minutes of dancing alone in solitude, Luhan felt someone grinding on him from behind, the stranger's hands moving dangerously south. Luhan reached out and stopped the assault, he turned to look at the stranger and oh, his eyes are somewhat resembling stupid Kim Jongin's.

 

The stranger leaned in closer.

 

"Stupid Kim Jongin." Luhan muttered. 

 

                               🍁

 

*Present*

 

How could have I done this? Luhan thought bitterly. Jongin was the only one who gave a damn and just because of a small argument, Luhan has gone and messed things up. The tears blocked his view of the road so he stepped on the brakes and punched the steering wheel repeatedly. 

 

"I just got to get to Jongin and apologize. I need to ing apologize. God how can I be so stupid?!" 

 

The guilt that has resided on the pit of his stomach threatens to spill out and he got out of his car and pucked his guts out.

 

Luhan examined the mess that is himself and thought of how disgusting he is, tears of anger and revolt flowing out.

 

                               🍁

 

Upon arriving at Jongin's house, Luhan stumbled inside and woke his sleeping boyfriend up. Jongin stood up immediately when he saw his boyfriend. He switched on the light and was surprised and regretful when he noticed Luhan's tear stricken face. Jongin gathered Luhan in his arms and murmured repeatedly the words that ate Luhan up.

 

"I'm so sorry. God, I am so sorry baby. I'm sorry."

 

Luhan embraced Jongin tightly and sobbed harder, his body quivering in agitation.

 

"Come on, let's lay down." Jongin led Luhan in his room and slowly helped the crying boy in his bed.

 

Jongin gathered Luhan on his embrace, Jongin leaned in to kiss Luhan but the latter flinched and hid his face away from Jongin. Jongin was confused by his boyfriend's action but he decided to ignore it for now.  

 

Jongin held Luhan tighter and whispered "Baby, please stop trembling. I'm sorry, okay? Can you forgive me? I am really sorry. Let's talk it out tomorrow, alright?"

 

Luhan grabbed on Jongin's shirt in response and continued his stream of silent tears.

 

"Hmm, close your eyes Lu. Sleep well, baby. We'll talk tomorrow."

 

Jongin drifted to sleep, thinking that all would be well tomorrow morning, unaware of Luhan's tears and consuming guilt.

 

                               🍁

 

Jongin awoke the following morning without Luhan by his side. And for an unexplainable reason this made Jongin uneasy, that's why he got up immediately and was about to pull on his shirt when he noticed a piece of paper by his bedside desk. With unsure fingers, he reached towards the letter and opened it. Jongin paled upon the words that were written with Luhan's careless handwriting. 

 

Jongin-ah, 

        You don't see the guilt in me and that just makes it worse. You were the only one who gave a damn and it's killing me to know you think I'm better than I am. I came over last night to tell you the truth, the truth that I messed up, that I slept with some random stranger because of anger, that I ed it all up. I was going to tell you the truth but when I looked into your eyes, I realized that sometimes it's easier to lie. I am so sorry Jongin-ah. I'm so sorry.         

                                           

                                             Luhan.

 

                              🍁

 

Upon reading the letter, Jongin frantically dashed out of his house and drove to Luhan's with trembling limbs.

 

"Please don't do something stupid, Lu. Please, God, stupid Luhan don't do something reckless "

 

                               🍁

 

After writing to Jongin, Luhan left with tears in his eyes and went to his apartment. Upon arriving, Luhan collapsed and tears fell down yet again from his tired eyes. Jongin's eyes haunted him and intensified his guilt. It was killing him to lie to Jongin, it broke him the moment Jongin apologized. He hadn't even done something wrong yet there he was, being all sweet and sorry. 

 

Luhan was disgusted by himself. He felt so dirty. He felt so cheap. So much guilt and anger filled him that he started wrecking havoc in his own apartment, breaking his and Jongin's picture that was displayed on his bedside table in the process. 

 

When he saw the broken pieces of glass on the floor, Luhan whimpered and stormed to his bathroom. 

 

With his clothes still on, he jumped to the shower and turned the heater at its highest. Ignoring the searing hotness, Luhan started to scrub his skin hard with soap and the scrub until his milky white skin turned red and he can feel pinpricks of sting from the intense friction of the scrub against his skin. 

 

"I am so dirty. Disgusting... I am so disgusting." he sobbed.

 

Luhan slid down on the bathroom's marble tiles, sobbing loudly and trembling non-stop. His eyes were unfocused for a while until it landed on something shiny, something dangerously sharp.

 

Jongin-ah, he thought, sometimes it's just easier to lie. It's really easier to lie... I'm sorry.

 

                                 🍁

 

Jongin banged on Luhan's door loudly.

 

"Lu, open the door! Luhan! Open the ing door! Lu! Luhan!"

 

Jongin was about to break the door when he realized that Luhan gave him a spare key. He took it from his pocket and opened the door. All the color drained from his face when he saw the once well kept apartment torn into chaos.

 

"Luhan... Luhan! Where are you?! Baby! Luhan! "

 

He heard the sound of the showers and Jongin swore he could not get any more pale. 

 

He dashed towards the bathroom and prayed that "Please, no. Please not what I'm thinking."

 

He pushed the bathroom door open and what greeted him was the sight of crimson. Crimson turning pale as water comes across with it, the transparent liquid turning into something resembling that of life slowly ebbing away.

 

Jongin scrambled to his knees and picked up his pale of a boyfriend, Luhan's skin an ugly hue of white and lips a dark stark of blue.

 

"Lu, wake up! Luhan, baby, open your eyes!" Jongin shook Luhan but it was to no avail.

 

Droplets of fresh tears were falling from Jongin's eyes as he ran for the hospital, everything around him seems to be in slow motion, excruciatingly unbearable. And on his arms, his lover's own droplets of crimson were flowing out from his wrists, taunting Jongin with every second gone as every droplet falls on the cold hard ground. 

 

                              🍁

 

Luhan was brought to the Emergency Room and all that Jongin could do was to let the what ifs taunt him. The tears reminding him of what he might lose. 

 

                                🍁

 

Luhan slowly opened his eyes and was welcomed with everything white. Am I dead? He thought weakly. He tried moving his digits but everything just felt heavy. He can hear the sound of something beeping, he can feel warmth somewhere on his left and was surprised when he saw Jongin's concerned face looking at him.

 

"Lu?"

 

Luhan lifted his gaze towards Jongin and he saw the boy smile in relief, Jongin stood up and moved away from Luhan. Luhan tried to grab him but he failed, he also tried calling for Jongin but no sound came out. 

 

"Please hurry up! He's awake! He's awake!" he heard Jongin yell.

 

In a matter of minutes, doctors and nurses surrounded Luhan and he started feeling dizzy until a nurse let him sip some water and relief washed over him. When the nurses stopped fussing over him, Jongin went to his side and his face.

 

"Luhan, I'm glad that you're okay. Baby, I'm so sorry."

 

Luhan shook his head "N-no, I-I sh-should be the one who's sorry. "

 

Jongin leaned in and kissed Luhan's forehead. 

 

"I know, baby. I know. We're both sorry. Let's, let's fix this up, okay? I won't let this happen again. I love you, Luhan. I love you so so much."

 

Luhan felt Jongin' tears against his own and he may have just fallen deeper. 

 

"I love you too, Jongin-ah. I love you too." 

 

In some instances one might think that it's easier to lie but sometimes the truth brings comfort and brings forth trust and deeper connection between two people. Both Jongin and Luhan learned in the hard way that it is never easier to lie, and now that the two found the beauty of being true, both are willing to live their days with nothing but total honesty and lots and lots and lots of "I love you's." 

 

"I love you, stupid Kim Jongin " Luhan whispered.

 

"I love you too, Lu. I love you." Jongin replied, pulling Luhan closer, with the intent of never letting go. 

 

 

 

a/n: So there you go! How was it? I hope you find this one was a good read ㅋㅋㅋ Thanks for reading btw~ Comments and feedbacks are highly appreciated of course! I hope this wasn't too crappy ㅋㅋ