A/N This one-shot was written listening to  "Hometown Glory" from Adele. Try it to get the feeling =)

The Memory Of You

      It was not always like this. It was not always so lonely. So… empty. The hole in his chest was the worst. The way it was widening at each memory. At each souvenir he could do nothing against. It was always coming at random moments and leaving him on the verge of a precipice he was not sure one day he would not fall in.

Because it hurts so much.

The pain of being alone. Of losing a part of himself. Of wandering like a lost soul in search of what was ripped away from him in a second.

Minwoo should hate the one responsible of his sorrow. But he could not. He could not bring himself to hate another being suffering through the ordeal too.

All of this was never supposed to happen.

They were on a date, Eric and Minwoo, when it happened. It was a day Minwoo would remember all his life with the happiness and agonizing pain coming with. Each time he was remembering the sweet, lovely moments spent with the love of his life, Minwoo was ending in tears, all alone in the now too empty apartment.

All this was not supposed to happen.

They were just walking back home when the highlights blinded them. A loud honk followed, and the time for them to react, it was already too late.

Minwoo could still feel how strongly Eric hugged him close to his body in a last attempt to protect him. To save him. Everything happened so fast. One second he was in Eric's arms, blinded by bright lights, and the next…

… The next he was lying on the concrete under an unconscious and bleeding Eric.

It was only once at the hospital -where he woke up- that he learnt Eric had taken most of the hit, and was dead before the paramedics could arrive.

Minwoo refused to understand the words passing the doctor's lips, because it could not be possible. He refused to believe all these people telling him his other half. The man of his life. His only and forever true love. Was gone.

Eric could not be gone. Eric was strong. He was the one saving him when he was doing drugs and wasting his life away. He was the one pulling him out of the unhealthy path he had taken. He was the one saving him and giving him the happiness he had craved for so long.

Eric could not be gone. Because Minwoo needed him in his life. He needed him to keep going and make the right choices.

Minwoo was never good at making choice. He was always taking the worst ones. The ones harming him in so many ways. But Eric was there to help him through it. He was always there when he was doing something stupid. He was always there when he needed him.

But now he was gone.

What was he supposed to do without Eric ? What was he supposed to do on his own ? Minwoo could not do it on his own. He needed someone to help him through life. He needed Eric to guide him and advise him through hard times.

Where was he now he was gone ? Where was he when he needed him the most ?

Eric could not be gone. It hurts too much.

      Curled on the floor, Minwoo could not stop the tears flowing on his face. He could not stop the pain jabbing through his body and screaming at him how it hurts. Minwoo felt lost and abandoned.

Eric had promised to always be there. He had promised he would be there for him, when things would be too hard to endure on his own.

Where the hell was he now ?

He could not do it. He could not do it on his own. He needed Eric.

*

      Eric's family had the kindness to wait for Minwoo to be out of the hospital to bury him. They waited for him to give his last farewell to the one he loved more than his own life.

He could not face Eric's family though. He could not face them knowing he was the reason for their beloved son's death. Him, the worthless homeless boy who once in a life time was nothing more than a junkie wasting his life away.

Eric was not supposed to die. He was not supposed to die for him.

      Minwoo was glad when Eric's parents did not try to talk to him. He was glad when they just looked at him with so much sadness that he could not hold their gazes. He was glad when everyone eventually left the cemetery and left him alone with Eric's sepulture.

He could not say a word at the funeral. He could not say a word when the coffin was exposed for everyone to give their farewells and cry the deceased. He did not even enter the room until most people were gone. With a deep bow lasting some spreading seconds, Minwoo cried silently before walking out.

Now he was alone with Eric's grave, he could only stare at it and let the emotions wash over him. He had cried so much over the days following the accident, but tears were not long to fall from his eyes. He could not stop crying for Eric's sacrifice.

A sacrifice he should not have make.

Falling on his knees after an interminable moment, Minwoo's body was shook by loud sobs and painful cries. He could not accept his lover was dead for him. He should not have die for him. He did not deserve it.

"Why did you do that…?" He croaked out between sobs. "Why did you protect me…? You shouldn't… you shouldn't have do this. I'm not worth it."

The answer he was waiting for never came, and even if he knew it, it still hurts atrociously.

"Answer me you bastard ! Why did you leave like this ? You said you'd be there with me forever. You said you'll never leave me." He shouted at the grave with tears blurring his eyes. "Where the hell are you now ? What the hell am I gonna do without you ?" A sob passed his lips. "I'm nothing without you." His voice was small and desperate. "You shouldn't have die. You should have let me die. I should've be the one buried six feet under. I should be… Please God ! Why did you take him away from me ? You should… You should've take me… you should've…"

Minwoo's words blended into sobs and cries he had no control over.

He stayed for a long time at Eric's grave. He stayed until he had no more tears to shed and the sun was gone. He stayed until he did not have any other choice than go home.

But what was home without Eric ? He was the one paying for the apartment. He was the one proposing to Minwoo to move in with him. He was the one always there to take care of him.

What was he supposed to do now ?

*

      He was never a good drinker. Eric had often about how low his tolerance was. But tonight… tonight he was drinking like there was no tomorrow.

Eric would be proud.

It hurts so much to thing about him. Why was it impossible to forget about him ? He did not want to think about him anymore. He wanted to forget this pain in his chest torturing him all day long. He wanted it gone.

      The floor was hard and cold under him, but it was the only place he had time to collapse after finishing his last bottle of soju. He wanted something stronger to drink, but Eric loved soju. So there was only that in the fridge.

Minwoo's face contorted in pain before the tears were once again flowing down his cheeks and making him suffering so much.

"Why did you leave me ?" He sobbed, grabbing his shirt with as much strengths as possible. "You said you'll be there for me. Where are you now ? I need you, you son of a !" He shouted before pressing his cheek against the floor.

Minwoo desperately needed to feel Eric's strong arms around him at the right moment. He needed to feel him close to him. He needed Eric to tell him everything will be okay and he did not need to worry. He needed Eric to be stronger.

He needed Eric more than ever at the right moment.

But he was gone.

Eric was gone.

*

      Drug became the solution when Minwoo could not endure anymore the pain assaulting him at each awaking. He needed something to make it disappear, and drugs appeared like a savior. A savior Eric was supposed to be but could not anymore.

The best moment was when the drug was taking his mind away and making him forget about the pain.

However, he was often awaking to an empty place after dreaming of happy moments with his lost lover. It hurts a hundreds times more when it was happening, but Minwoo would give anything to feel this feeling of wholeness even if only for a second. He needed to feel Eric against him to know he was strong enough to keep going one more minute.

He needed the comfort his lover could give him with his only presence.

Minwoo missed him so much.

"You said I didn't have to worry." He breathed softly, half out of it after injecting himself. "Because you'll be there…" He chuckled hollowly before biting his lip as burning tears filled his eyes. "You're a ing liar ! You lied to me ! What am I supposed to do now ? You left me. You made me believe I could be happy then you abandoned me." He shouted at the empty room. "Just like everyone else in my ing life. What the hell did I do wrong to deserve this ? Why the hell are you doing this to me ?" He cried out, not sure if he was talking to Eric anymore.

"What the hell do you think you're doing ?"

"Why do you care ? You're not there anymore." He answered to Eric's voice.

"So what ? Because I'm not here you think you can around with drugs ?"

"Then come and stop me !" He challenged before hearing Eric's low, incredible breathy chuckle.

"Look at you ! You're pathetic. You think I saved your life back there to watch you kill yourself now ?"

"You shouldn't have leave me." He answered, getting tired by Eric's reproaches. "I told you I wasn't strong enough to do it on my own. I told you I couldn't do it !" He screamed, hitting the floor with his fist.

"You're being a selfish little bastard Minwoo. After everything I did for you…"

"After everything you did for me !" He shouted back. "You left me ! You just disappeared. Why the hell did you do that ? Why did you protect me you ing bastard ? You knew I needed you. So why did you… why did you…" He was crying once again, at a loss of words.

"I did it for you. Like everything else. It was always for you Minwoo."

"Liar ! You're a ing liar ! How is this supposed to be for me now you're gone ? What am I supposed to do now ?"

"Live." Minwoo was like in the face. "Live for me Minwoo."

A long silence passed after Eric's request. Minwoo was feeling so many different emotions at the right moment that if it had been possible he would just have shot himself to make it stop.

"I can't." He croaked back painfully.

"Yes you can. Don't make my death meaningless. I didn't save you to watch you destroy yourself like that Minwoo. Please…"

Minwoo always hated when Eric was begging him like this. It made him feel guilty.

"I know you can do it. You're strong Minwoo. You always were."

"Liar." He breathed back, suddenly tired.

"Did I ever lied to you Minwoo ?"

"Yes." He answered stubbornly before biting his lip at the assault of sad and painful emotions washing over him. "You said you'll always be there."

"And I will. I'll always be with you. Even if you can't see me."

At the verge of tears, the lump in Minwoo's throat was the most torturous one he ever felt in his life.

"Why are you doing this to me ?" He sobbed, and he could see Eric's soft and gentle face in front of his closed eyes.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. It was never in my plans."

Minwoo chuckled breathily at the intended joke from his lover.

"Remember my promise when I found you in this ty place, barely alive ?"

Minwoo did not need to think long about it to remember, as it was the day he felt like he eventually had a reason to live. So he nodded.

"You said you'll make my life worth it."

"And… was it not worth it these past five years ?"

Minwoo had no words to answer to that. Because the past five years were the only one he felt alive for real. It was the only years he believed he had a purpose in live. Until…

"But you're gone." He answered weakly.

"Doesn't mean I didn't keep my promise."

Minwoo could not help pout at the answer. He always hated when Eric had an answer to everything.

"You broke it." He shot back, because he could not lose so easily.

Eric chuckled. "Says you."

Minwoo wanted to roll his eyes, but the tears pressing at his closed eyelids painfully reminded him the Eric he was talking to was not here. Was not real.

"Don't be rude Minwoo. Who said I wasn't there ?"

"Me ! I know you're not there."

"Once again. Says you."

There was a smirk on Eric's lips Minwoo could not miss even if he wanted to.

"Shut up." He breathed back, half angry.

The silence following was a peacefully, scaring one at the same time. For a second, Minwoo thought Eric was gone, again.

"You don't have to worry Minwoo." Came the reassuring, low voice. "I'll always be there for you. Remember ?"

Minwoo had nothing to answer to that, because at the right moment, it felt like pure truth.

Letting the tears fall from his eyes, he bit his lower lip before sobbing himself to unconsciousness. His arms around his body were not like Eric's, but it was all he had and it was enough at the right moment.

*

      Besides losing Eric, what he was about to do was the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life.

The drugs in his hand were his only way out. The only way he had to forget and endure the pain of his loss. But Eric did not deserve that. He did not deserve such disrespect.

Minwoo was not feeling strong enough to do it, but he could not insult his lover's memory either.

Because, real or not, Eric's last words were speaking the truth.

If Minwoo was alive today, it was because of Eric. He had not only saved his life on this fateful night a car had taken him away, but five years ago when he had found him -overdosed- in the bathroom of the poor excuse of a room he was squatting. Eric had saved his life too many times for Minwoo to waste it now he was gone. He could not do that to his lover.

It would hurt even more than enduring his absence.

    Throwing the drug and syringe in the trash can, turning his back to it asked a lot of will power from him. It was like he was leaving behind the last thing able to appease him and comfort him. As if he was losing a part of himself once again. But he had to do it, if he wanted to respect Eric's memory.

Maybe he would go through many more ordeals and threaten the life Eric had offered him, but as stubborn as Minwoo was known to be, he would fight for it and be worth what his lover had gave him.

It was the least he could do after everything Eric had done for him.

Hope you liked it.

Please, give me your opinion in the comments =)