He's two years my senior. He can play guitar, he won countless awards for his magic acts, he dances, beatboxes, he's really funny.. Overall, he's just an amazing entertainer.

Let's just make this clear. He started it.

Flashback to two years ago. 

He was a member of the cadet club and I was a member of the girls scout.

The two clubs had a joint meeting and we decided to play a game. In that game, to choose a partner, a senior had to take a blindfolded junior's hand to claim them theirs.

So he chose me.

I could still remember his warm and rough hand.

He looked really tan back then. And his facial hair was growing but he didn't bother shaving.

I was simply.. Taken aback. Why was this... Unattractive senior choosing me? I asked myself that multiple times while we played the game.

After that day, we ignored each other's existance.

But, almost everyday, after school, him and his friends would sit next to me at the bus stop while I waited for my dad. Day after day, I slowly took notice of him. Of how he likes to make his friends laugh, of how nice he was when he was talking to other juniors, and I also noticed his really bad body odour. Haha. But I later found out the BO was caused by playing basketball. 

I wondered, how can this unattractive guy be so confident and charming? Not to mention he's really short. I think he's just a couple centimetres taller than me and I'm only 158cm.

After some time, I got used to his presence next to me everyday. I would sometimes wonder why he was later than usual. But at that time, I was crushing on another senior. LOL

A year later, I started taking the bus home so I completely forgot about him. But every now and then I would see him in school, with his friends, talking and laughing.

He participated in many school performances. He was in the school's band, he performed magic acts, he choreographed some dances, he was known as the school's performer.

This year, we got acquainted through mutual friends. I remember, on the second week of school, when I went to fulfill my duty at the school's store, I saw him in the room. Turns out we had the same shift. That first shift was really awkward though. One time, he was getting something from an upper shelf while I was looking for something on the shelf below it and he stood behind me with his arm reaching the upper shelf. His arm brushed my ear and he immediately said sorry. I was like.. It was just a light brush and he was apologising so frantically. That day, I just realised he cleaned himself up. No more tan skin, his skin was pearl white now. No more facial hair, and he even had a really good figure. He had a slightly buff, but lean body.

He looked handsome.

My heart skipped a beat whenever he talked to me. Our relationship was of a senior and junior, thats all there was to it.

A few weeks later, the teachers assigned him to another shift so another senior shared my shift with me. 

Two months later, I was forced to join the school's singing group to perform in our principals retirement event. I couldn't say no to skipping class in the music room and having fun with friends LEGALLY.

After a few rehearsals, I brought up the topic of having a guitartist to play the background music.

They agreed. I thought they were gonna use a friend of ours whom is very good at playing guitar. But they chose HIM.

I found out my feelings for him on our first rehearsal with the guitarist. I was fooling around with my friends, singing Dumb Ways to Die when he decided to join in. He ditched his friends, which were also in the singing group to talk to us.

He introduced himself politely, and cracked a couple of silly jokes which I thought were stupid but his funny faces were epic.

I told my feelings to my best friend. She was so surprised, she couldn't understand how I would like a silly, short, stupid guy like him. I just told her that I don't understand either.

Our rehearsals went along smoothly. One time, he saw me walking with my friends and called me out.

"Could you stay in the music room for awhile? I need to lock it up. I'll go there after I got the keys." he pleaded me. I just couldn't say no.

My friends told me to go alone but I didn't want to. I'd be so nervous if I did.

I forced my best friend to go with me. We took two chairs and sat opposite each other in the music room. I was freaking out so much!

He came back 10 minutes later with keys. He saw us talking and smiled.

He grabbed a chair and put it right next to me and sat down. I was so surprised. He sat so close to me. And my friend was infront of us, winking foolishly at me.

We talked and talked before i realised, isn't he supposed to lock up? I asked and he said he's gonna clean up first. We said we'd help, but man what a bad decision. He ended up bossing us around, telling us to sweep here and there. I made remarks on how we were being treated like cinderella. He laughed. I wanted to fool around so i decided to piss him off. I sweeped all the rubbish into one side and covered it with a table. When he found out, he yelled my name and told me to clean it up but I ran out of the room laughing like crazy. 

On the performance day itself, I took a selfie with him. But unfortunately, I was sweating so much I looked so ugly. I had worn B.A.P Zelo's pixelated glasses(which he had once borrowed and showed it off to his friends and EVEN brought it home.).

That day, a girl named Christina came into the picture. She was small, a little chubby, and she had followed him like a puppy for quite some time. I found out she liked him too! When she saw me and him taking a picture together she grabbed him away and took a picture with him. He was really uncomfortable but being the nice senior he is, he just smiled.

A day later, Christina posted their picture on all her social media, tagging him AND me. Why the heck does she want me to see it? I'm not even that close to her and clearly she wanted me to be jealous. My friend saw it and posted MY picture with him on her social media. Luckily, all his and my friends supported me by commenting nice stuff about us. That brat was furious. She braved up and confessed to the guy hoping they would be together. He rejected her, blocked her on every social media website, and ignored her since then. Hah.

After that, me and him kinda drifted apart. We no longer talked to each other, not even a hello. But that doesnt stop me from talking ABOUT him everyday. My friends were used to me fangirling every time I saw him. It had become a daily thing, me skipping class to see him practice his dance for Taeyang's Wedding Dress, EXO's Wolf, even High School Musical's We're All In This Together. He is so talented, I can't even.. UGHHH

So I became sort of like a stalker.

Over the months, I grew quite close to his friends. They were super nice and friendly, we would talk everyday after school. But I kept my feelings for their friend a secret from them. OBVIOUSLY.

One day, as I was walking down the halls with my head down, a water bottle was punched onto my shoulder. It was really painful but when I looked up, it was him. He smiled cheekily and I yelled at him. He ran away after laughing hysterically.

He would hit my shoulder or arm playfully everytime he saw me for a couple of weeks. And when I finally asked why he was doing this, he just looked at me innocently and say "I forgot your name!!" What a jerk. I was so pissed. Why did he tease me so much only to say he had FORGOT MY NAME. 

I was so angry I stormed off. After lunch break I walked pass his class to get to the library and he screamed so loudly I thought Martians could hear him. "[MY NAME]!!!! MY FRIEND WANTS TO KNOW YOUR NAME!!!" 

Boys are such idiots.

So he lied. He remembers my name. And tried to get me to say my name to his FRIEND by calling my name LOUDLY. Not only did he just broke my heart into a million pieces, he tried to hook me up with HIS FRIEND.

I looked at him with a very angry and hurt face and ran away. I question myself as to WHY I like this stupid boy.

I ignored him after that.

We didn't talk for a few months until recently, we talked about our most favourite thing in common, Running Man.

We talked about how funny the show was, how he really wants to be like Kim JongKook, how I really love Kwangsoo.. We even did all the signature hand gestures from the show.

I fell right back into the deep dark pits of love again. He makes me smile and laugh and I just feel so thrilled to be in his presence. 

Today was his last day as a student in my school. As everybody said their goodbyes to him, I avoided him. My friends forced me to go see him but I just can't. I hate goodbyes. I just didn't want to burst out in tears once I see that cheerful smile of his again and know it'll be the last time I see it. His existence really brought happiness to me this year. I don't know if I can find someone as funny and nice as him again. And worst of all, my feelings will never be reached now that he's gone.

 

So, fellow teens, learn from my mistake. Do not be a coward like me, be brave and take every chance you have and cherish it. 

Now he's gone. And I didn't even say goodbye. 

If you're reading this, Robert.. Just know that I'll always miss your voice, your talents, your jokes, the way you call my name, our frequent Korean conversations, your Kim Jong Kook impersonation, your teasings, your big head, your cocky way of walking, your hair flip, and most importantly, your smile.

I Love You. Good luck in life.