Jackson looked at the sky above him, watching the white clouds moving slightly. He let out a deep, loud sigh as he tried to calm his ragging heart and frustrated mind. He didn’t want to explode in front of everyone and make a fool out of himself in the heat of the moment but he was starting to get ing fed up with everything that was going on. To be honest, he didn’t really have any idea how it all started, or when it started specifically. He just knows it has been going on for too damn long and he just wants it to stop.

Jackson had always considered himself someone who cared a lot for others and he could even admit that sometimes he liked being touchy-feely with the other members, but this was just too ing much.

 All of this was probably triggered by his bad week when he was having a cold and felt so down he thought he couldn’t make it to the performances. Or maybe even before that, when he was having a horrible phase; getting yelled at by every teacher and just not getting anything right. Maybe that’s what triggered his leader’s attention and concern him to the point where they are right now. Or maybe not, he doesn’t know. And honestly, he doesn’t even care.

At first, he had been very happy that their leader cared for him, because, you know, it’s always good to know people care for you. But this had reached the point where he just wanted all of this to ing stop already.

Because, seriously, this was getting out of hand.

He couldn’t go to the kitchen without having JB on his , asking him if he needed anything, if he had eaten enough or if he was hungry, and assuring him that it would be no trouble at all for him to just make some eggs for Jackson.

For ’s sake, he just wanted some damn water!

And still the annoyed looks he purposely gave JB weren’t enough to make his point across, because JB still wouldn’t leave him the alone.

He couldn’t even go to the ing bathroom without having JB asking him if he was okay or if he needed anything.

I can’t even pee in peace! Jackson yelled inside his head and ran his hand through his brown locks, pulling on them; he was too frustrated for his own liking. He just wanted to be left alone. He was a man not a ing child.

Jackson was seriously pondering the fact that maybe the whole ‘JB is our appa’ thing was getting to JB a little too much.

With another deep sigh, he got up from his spot on the rooftop and headed inside the building again with heavy steps. As he reached the practice room, he noticed the door was wide opened and only his leader JB hyung was inside.

Just my luck.

He sighed silently and waited for JB to turn around. “Where is everyone?” He asked hesitantly.

“Oh, schedule is over now. Hyung said we could go home and rest for today.” Jaebum explained with a smile stretching over his features.

Jackson controlled the eagerness he felt to roll his eyes at that.

“Then why are you still here…hyung?” He inquired, his voice lacking of respect and interest.

“I was waiting for you. Are you okay?” JB asked back, and Jackson could see the concern taking over his features again. Oh no, not again.

“Yes, I’m fine.” He hissed, forcing himself to stay calm.

“Are you sure? Becau-”

“When are you going to stop?!” Jackson shouted in JB’s face, watching the other’s eyes widen pathetically. “Just ing stop! Get out of my and leave me the alone! I’m a grown man, not a damn child!” Jackson let it all out. He just couldn’t stand it anymore. “For ’s sake!” he finished in English, feeling so much better now that he had vent all that frustration out. Though, that feeling quickly disappeared once he looked back at his hyung’s face. He didn’t seem mad, for the first time in like forever, Jackson noted; he seemed sad, hurt even.

“Uh, sorry then, Jackson.” JB looked at the ground, his heart clenching inside his chest too tightly. “I-I’ll leave you alone then.” He could feel his throat closing and his lungs asking for the oxygen that had left them a long ago. With that, he burst pass Jackson and headed out of the room, probably leaving to the dorm. While Jackson stood still in the spot he was left, his eyes widened and mouth parted slightly, disbelief evident on his face.

I-I didn’t mean to hurt you.

A minute or so later, Mark rushed inside the room with a confused expression.

“What… happened with JB?” Mark question as he looked at Jackson curiously but at the same time concerned. “Did you two have an argument?” Jackson nodded. “Well it surely was serious, because he looked like a mess when I bumped into him just now.” Mark explained and that only made Jackson feel even guiltier than before. “I swear he was almost crying.”

Jackson’s heart clenched painfully.

“Dude, stop. You’re making me feel really guilty.” Jackson told his hyung in English.

“It’s true, tho.” Mark replied. “Come on, let’s go. You’re gonna tell me everything when we get back to the dorm.”

Jackson nodded weakly and followed his hyung out of the dance practice’s room.

***

It had been a week since Jackson exploded in his hyung’s face and if he could turn back time, he would do anything he could to undo the incident. The fact that his hyung looked so miserable was enough to make him regret everything he had ever said to him. To make everything even worse, JB was avoiding him like a plague.

And Jackson missed him.

Jackson missed him like hell.

And at the same time, the guilt was eating him alive as he noticed the dark bags under JB’s eyes and the way his skin was even paler than it had ever been. Now, it was Jaebum’s turn to mess up almost all of the steps in the choreography and it looked like his body was so weak that he couldn’t even do his b-boy tricks and freezes without trembling all over. And now it was also Jackson’s turn to be worried.

I have to do something.

Jackson watched as everyone got out of the van and entered the JYP building. He purposely stayed behind, in an attempt to make his opportunity right there. JB seemed too tense as he passed past Jackson and tried getting out of the car. Oh god, his legs are trembling. At that, Jackson’s eyes watered, because this was all his fault. This is all my ing fault. He got up after his leader and rushed to where he was, putting his arm on JB’s shoulder and helping him out of the car.

Jackson watched JB’s eyes widen as he tried to reach the pavement as fast as he could, probably trying to get out of Jackson’s grasp. It made Jackson’s heart hurt.

I´m so sorry.

“T-thank you.” JB stuttered out, eyes never leaving the floor.

“It’s okay.” Jackson replied, his voice thick with emotion.

At this, JB lifted his head and when Jackson’s eyes caught JB’s, all he could see was an ocean of worry.

“What’s w-” JB trailed off, pain overtaking him again at what he was about to ask. He turned away from Jackson and started walking to the building, fighting with every cell of his body to hold himself together and try not to fall. Once he was inside, all he heard was rushed footsteps behind him, and the next thing he knew, he was being turned around harshly and meeting Jackson’s eyes once again. This time, Jackson’s eyes were watery enough for JB to know that the tears were soon going to fall and that made him worry, so, so much. But he couldn’t show it. Because that would just upset Jackson ever more and he never wanted that to happen again. Not because of him.

Because this was all his fault.

He just cared too much.

He had expected Jackson to yell at him, to curse at him and tell him once again he was sick of hearing him worry about him. But what came after was surely something he didn’t expect; the happiness and shock were overwhelming him.

Jackson’s lips were pressed against his, so soft and warm, pressing against his own in a gentle way, almost as if afraid he would break. JB closed his eyes and kissed back, trying to enjoy every second of it, even though he knew soon everything was going to stop and Jackson would just regret everything and hurt him once again. JB was afraid he couldn’t take it.

But it didn’t end, at least not as fast as he thought it would, and Jackson moved his hands to JB’s waist, holding him closer and embracing him strongly. After they almost ran out of breath, Jackson pulled away and gazed into JB’s eyes longingly, lovingly. All it took was one kiss in a desperate moment to have him figure out his true feelings for the leader.

The kiss might have had stopped, but the embrace didn’t. They continued holding each other closely, afraid the other would be taken away somewhere far from they reach.

JB sighed contently. In that moment, he finally concluded he felt save and warm within Jackson’s arms.

He felt home.