Being alone has its benefits. Like thinking clearly from your surroundings, your future, your life and yourself.

I remembered giving away my entire life just for one guy and I started thinking after, was he worth it after all these years? I was dedicated to him, and he reciprocated my dedication to him. But later on, he wasted it.

He wasted it, and the result is me leaving in a world full of sound coming to me but a sound coming from myself is not.

I kept thinking what caused me to not talk anymore. Was it from that incident or from him? I didn't dare to remember that past because it still gave me the goosebumps and the aftermath of it was much more worse.

I'm just scared that he didn't really left the country and he passed away without his friends and family telling me.

Almost a year has passed, and once and for all, after many pep talks to myself and from my friends, I decided to move on.

But I don't know where to start.

Then I remembered that we lived in the same apartment together. Maybe I could start removing anything that reminds me of him.

By the way, after getting used to this new life I had, I have this habit to go out at night and sit at the bench beside the lamp post in Han River. There is no particular reason why. Sure I always go out with my friends but being outside along at night, makes me calm and like I said before whenever I'm alone, I think clearly.

It's been like that for months, until one day. Strangely, at the same time when I wanted to remove one of his stuff one by one.

It was a chilly evening and because I forgot my own jacket, I wore his jacket which I intended to leave it somewhere. I went to my usual spot first and when I saw the bench, I saw a huge figure sitting. I thought it was a person. But when I got closer, it was a huge teddy bear. I was a few meters away from it and it seems it doesn't acknowledge my presence. Besides, its head was looking down. I thought it was just a huge teddy bear but it moved slightly when I walked a bit and it made me jump from where I was standing. I can't run away anymore because it might have saw me and I might kinda hurt it if I ran away from it. I decided to sit at the far opposite end of the bench and lay the box full of his stuff between us.

I tried to ignore his presence but it was bothering me, also considering the fact that the bear is now looking at me without looking back down again. I wanted to run away but at the same time, I wanna communicate with the bear.

I looked back at the bear and waved at it with a smile. It looked like it was surprised that I acknowledge it but it still waved at me with that ever-same expression on its face.

Accidentally using sign-language to communicate with it, it tilted its head, looking confused. It doesn't seem to understand my way of communication so I brought out my mini white board, eraser and marker.

I wrote quickly but can be able to understand with it.

I showed to it and what I wrote is:

"Can you talk?"

It shook its head. Hmm...I wonder why. I erased it and wrote again. I showed it to the bear.

"I see. What are you doing here?"

It seemed like it wanted to talk to me so I gave it my board, eraser and marker. I saw the bear erased what I said and wrote quickly.

It then gave my stuff back to me and I saw what it wrote.

"I'm tired and cold :(" I chuckled at its smiley. It does act cute too.

I wrote to it and told it. "Aww. Do you want my jacket? ^^"

I gave my board to it again and from its actions, it was surprised. It wrote quickly and said:

"It's okay. You might get cold after."

I shook my head and feeling a bit sorry for the bear, I mouthed. "It's okay." I removed my jacket and stood up in front of the bear. I wrapped the jacket around him. Because it was kinda big for me to put the jacket, I tripped accidentally and fell on top of it. Thankfully, it caught me. I got up quickly, feeling embarrassed for falling on top of it. I walked back slightly and bowed, giving it a sign that I will go home now.

I looked back and decided to walk away, leaving a part of my ex's stuff to the bear. But at the same time, I left my only way to communicate to anyone.

Though the bear is always there, I didn't interrupt my nightly habits. I still kept leaving his stuff at the bench though.

One day when I got used to the bear's appearance, I feel like befriending it somehow. So one night, I tried getting to know it.

While going there, I carried one of his stuff again. I removed almost all of his tops and bottoms so this time, I got all of his hats. He has a wide range of hats. From bonnets, snapbacks to animal hats. He loves to shop to be honest so it was hard to remove almost all of his clothes because there was a lot.

When I was near my usual spot again, I saw the bear with a small box with it. I kept walking and when it saw me, it waved at me. I waved at it back. This time, I decided to sit beside it and put the box at the far end.

It froze when it saw I was beside it but I just smiled. Apparently, I didn't bring the board this time because I wanted to try something new to the bear. (Btw, I got the board back from the bear if you're wondering.)

I got its paw and decided to write with my finger what I wanted to say on top of its paw.

"I wanna try something new so I didn't brought my board."

It looked kinda sad but it didn't mind it I guess. This time, it brought its own board, eraser and marker.

It wrote quickly and said.

"Why? And why are you beside me? O.O"

I pouted and wrote at its palm. "I wanted to. Why, you don't like it?"

It panicked and wrote quickly. "Nooooo. I'm just...surprised."

I chuckled. I wrote again and said. "Okay. Hey, I have three questions for you!"

"Okay, what is it? ^_^" It wrote quickly.

I started remembering what I wanted to ask to it and wrote the first one. "First question: Are you a boy or a girl?"

I heard the bear laugh from the inside. It was hard to distinguish because of the thick outer layer of the suit. It then wrote it's response with a drawing beside it.

"Boy."

Oh thank goodness. And I thought it was a hollow thing. (If you ever played Persona 4, you will get this.)

"Good. I don't wanna consider you as a thing, but a person actually." I laughed at my response. Then without waiting for his response, I wrote my second question.

"Second question. Do you really wear that suit all day?"

It made him froze for awhile. I think he's thinking for the answer. Then he wrote again saying.

"Not really. I remove it when I go home."

I sighed and nodded. "Last question, why do you always wear that?"

He froze for a long time this time. Oh God, I think it's wrong for me to ask that. I tried to hold his paw to change the question but he decided to answer that question despite the fact it was wrong for me to say it.

"I'm afraid to face someone."

I tilted my head, confused yet concerned at him. Did he do something bad? He doesn't look like a bad man to me.

I kept silent, not wanting to talk more because it was awkward for me to know that. Then all of a sudden, he gave me a small box. It was unmarked or anything. He gestured that I should open it and when I open it, my mood lifted a lot because it was my favorite snack.

Mallow pops.

I was surprised that he gave me that and then he wrote to me. "This is for you. I eat that a lot and I have a lifetime supply of that so I wanna give some to you."

I smiled and because I was too happy, I did sign-language accidentally and said 'thank you' to him.

I wrote at his paw again. "Sorry, I said thank you. Anyways, I have gift for you too!"

I went to my box of my ex's hat collection and brought out one that looks appealing to the bear. I stood up and put the blue snapback on his head.

I went back beside him and wrote on his palm. "You can have the box as well." I gave an eyesmile then the bear wrote again and he said. "Thank you but can I ask something?"

I nodded and he erased and wrote as always. "Who are these from?"

I knew that one day he would ask about the stuff I leave in this bench. But I never thought of the words I wanted to say to him. Even when I feel like hesitating, I decided to tell him the truth.

"My boyfriend." I wrote at his palm and I looked down, but I still kept writing. "He left me a year ago without saying goodbye."

He wrote with his right hand while I cling on his left hand. "I'm sorry I asked."

"It's okay."

"Did you cried?"

I shook my head.

"You can cry while I'm here."

I chuckled. "I don't feel like crying tonight."

"If you feel like crying, I'm always here waiting on this bench at night."

I was touched with what he wrote. It made my heart skipped at beat.

Wait, I'm falling for a mascot??????

I stood up quickly and look at the mascot. I grabbed his paw and wrote. "I'll come again. Good night.....what's your name?"

He wrote again and said. "Call me Mi-chan."

I bowed at him and he bowed back. I ran back home, with those thoughts of me falling for the bear mascot.

Sure he's a boy dressed in a bear suit but I don't know him that much. In fact, I don't know the real him. Just the outer shell of him.

Many months has passed by and I wished deep inside that I won't fall for him. But in fact, I did. I did not saw his face yet but I fell for who he is.

His words moved my heart a lot and though he only writes his feelings, I can feel his sincerity from his actions. (Though, it was only from mallow pops.)

He then accepts all of my ex's stuff because he wanted me to move on as well. At the same time, I gave Mi-chan gifts too.

Like when I gave all of my ex's accessories to him, I gave him a necklace. It was hard to put it around his neck because he's in a bear suit and if I tried to remove his suit, it would be a violation to his personal space. So wrapped the necklace around his arm. It was funny because it looked like a bracelet.

Apparently my friendship with him is so long that I reached to the dreaded date that I have to cope up with the whole day. My anniversary with my ex.

What's ironic, I only have one box left, and it was our pictures together with him and our couple stuff. I'm not sure if I should give this to him but I have no choice since he agreed to receive my ex's stuff.

I tried walking to our spot with a light expression but I still feel that heavy feeling because once I give up the last box, it means I have completely moved on from him. But why do I feel sad all of a sudden?

I should be happy that this would be the last time I would see this pictures. But it's making me..

..

...

did I really moved on? Or not?

I wanted to let go of this memorabilia but at the same time, I couldn't.

I did fell for Mi-chan but my feelings for my ex are still there.

I stopped for awhile to think if I was making the right choice or not. Then I remembered that he left me. And he never said goodbye at all. It hurts me so much but I still love him.

My choice never changed at all. I'll be strong for now on and move on.

I continued walking to our usual place then when I was near, I carefully placed my box on the bench quickly and ran to Mi-chan, who gets beaten up by high-school boys. His head was off and though I'm curious to see his face, I don't want to do that. With my bag, I hit one of the boys' head when I swing my bag so hard.

". Don't interfere us lady!" One of them tried to hit me and then I remembered one of my ex's lessons for self defense so I duck from his attack and used my fist to hit his buddy.

There were three of them and two of them were down. I looked at the one who is refusing to hit me. I dropped my bag and cracked my knuckles.

Instead of fighting, that person ran away. I looked back at two and gave them a glare. They both stood up and ran away. As they were no longer at sight, I grabbed Mi-chan's bear head and I saw Mi-chan still trying to stand up. While he was standing up, I saw the back of his head. His hair had a medium-length and it was shiny black. It was beautiful but I think his face was more beautiful.

I don't want to look anymore because I was almost violating his personal space so I looked down and when I leaned at his back, I put his head in front of him. I felt him grabbing it and I still kept my head down even when he moved away from me. He then raised my head and I saw his bear head was intact.

I grabbed my bag from the ground and held his paw, pulling him back to the bench. I grabbed his paw and wrote quickly, looking worried.

"Are you okay?"

He got his board again and marker. He wrote.

"I'm fine. Those guys jumped to me. But I feel embarrassed now."

"Why?"

"Because you saved me kkk"

"Kk whatever." My smile went away when I looked at the box beside me. I wanted to give it him but I decided to show him what's inside of it.

"What are you giving this time?"

"My memories."

He looked confused at first but I opened the box, he understands.

"This is the last box. But I feel like looking at them one last time."

I looked at the contents of the box. Almost everything is taken from an instant camera. From our first date, our first anniversary until the day where he asked me to marry him. We were together for almost 5 years.

We met when we were in high school and at the time, I was way out of his league. He was part of the soccer team while I was part of the math league. I had a huge crush on him and when I confessed to him, he accepted my feelings but we remained friends. We remained friends for so long that I almost lost my love for him because he only saw me as a friend. Until one day, he reciprocated my love for him and we start dating at around my 2nd year of college.

We had ups and downs but it was part of our relationship. We've been together for so long that I later dedicated my whole life for him. I thought we were falling apart even after asked me to marry him because once he never showed his dedication to me. Like I was just there for him but he was never there for me.

Then one day, a fire broke out in my workplace. At that time, he was about to pick me up from work but I told him I was trapped in the fire. He literally run to my office and rescued me. I never remembered anything else but apparently the last thing I remembered is his piercing scream and a light.

I woke up one week later, only to find out I lost my voice and he was gone.

I tried asking his friends and family but they told me he left. I never understood what they said when they said he left so I believed that he left the country without saying goodbye.

When he left, I couldn't cry because I was still hurt from the fire. But that pain was still there. I just never showed it to anyone because I remembered my ex telling me to be strong, even when he's gone.

But after remembering all those things, I still cried. In fact for the first time, I cried because of him.

It still hurts to remember those memories of him. Especially the fact I still wore the engagement ring he gave to me a long time ago. Then I remembered my decision.

I will move on now. I'm so sorry.

I removed my ring and placed it inside of the box. When I tried to close it, Mi-chan put his board on top of the box.

"Keep the box."

I was surprised at his action and words. It kinda pissed me off.

"But why?! I thought you agreed to help me move on from my ex."

"Even so, those memories cannot be thrown away that easily."

"If you remembered what I said before, he left me! He deserted me when I needed him the most!"

"But they're precious. Tell me ______, have you really moved on?"

Then stopped showing to Mi-chan that I was angry at him but it was replaced again with sadness. I cannot keep lying to myself any longer so I shook my head.

"It's unfair Mi-chan. I started to fall for you yet I still love him."

He removed his paw from my grasp. I still let my tears fall from my face. Then all of a sudden, he spoke.

"Look at me."

With that almost deep voice, I looked up and I was caught off-guard with what he did. He held his headpiece until his nose level and kissed me with those exposed lips.

Though I can feel the sweat from those lips, I let my lips moulded with his. I thought I tasted my salty tears when I was kissing him but it felt like coming from his.

He pulled away and placed back his head.

I smiled from my face full of tears and mouthed what I wanted to say. "I love you."

He wrote despite the fact he can speak. "I love you too."

For the rest of the evening, I lay on his chest while he wrapped his arm around me. Because I was feeling safe around him, I did not realized that I slept.

I woke later on in my bed. I was surprised because I was in my house. Also, my pictures of my ex were back to their original places. I thought I was dreaming, then I saw the box on the table beside me. With a letter on top.

Though I was still sleepy, I read the letter I thought it was from Mi-chan. In fact, it wasn't from that bear.

It was from him.

Dear ________,

Happy anniversary!

Have you've been eating well?

God, why am I asking that? After all of what I have done for you for almost a year and a half.

I broke my promise did I? I'm sorry. For everything.

I didn't leave you because I had to go abroad.

I was a coward.

I don't want you to see me.

I became different.

But now, I feel like seeing you once more.

I want to know if you really love me, despite the fact I look different.

If you don't, it's fine. I can take it.

If you can handle the pain, then I can handle it too.

Meet me at that place when we first met.

I'll be waiting.

I didn't need to know who he was because from the handwriting, I know who he is. I thought I was mistaken when I saw his handwriting when I first saw him at that bench.

It never bothered me to think that it was really him beneath that disguise because he acted different.

To make a confirmation, I changed quickly and when I ran out of the bedroom, I saw food lying on the table. And there was another note on top of it.

Eat first.

I know you don't eat breakfast at all but please eat.

I saw a plate of bacon and eggs with two pieces of toast and a hot cup of hot chocolate.

I smiled at his effort to cook so I decided to dig-in first. When I was done, I went to the front then wore sneakers to feel comfortable.

I ran quickly to where we are supposed to meet. I never told me what time so I left quickly and went to that promised place to meet. When I was across to where we meet, I saw Mi-chan giving out balloons for an event. I smiled at how he distributes the balloons. Then when he saw me, he waved at me.

I waved at him and tried to cross to the other side. Without even realizing that the guy I'm waving at, is him.

Then my world came crashing down literally, when I felt a huge force hitting me. And then, I felt like flying from where I was standing and later on, fell again like an angel falling from heaven.

My vision was getting blurry by the second and I was crying at the pain I'm feeling right now. Then I saw a shadow covering me. I can see Mi-chan then all of a sudden, he removed his headpiece and just threw it somewhere.

I let my eyes' vision get a clear picture and my eyes were like about to blow when I saw the guy beneath the suit.

I was never mistaken at all.

"Minseok.." For the first time after that incident, I can speak with what I can.

You people will hate me for saying this but I never really lost my voice after the incident. In fact, I let myself to not speak anymore. Ever since he left.

I tried reaching out for him and when I saw light pointing at him, I can see why he never showed his face to me.

Part of his face was burnt from the fire, leaving him disfigured.

"______, hang on okay? We'll get married soon okay?" I can feel his hand brushing my face.

My eyelids were getting heavier but I was still fighting to stay awake. I feared that this will be the last time I'll see him.

"Minseok...I love you..."

"I never left you. I was always there beside you. Seeing you cry is enough for me to let you see me like this. Please don't go. Please..." His voice cracked and I can see him crying.

I tried speaking but Minseok cut me. "I'm sorry for not cherishing my whole life loving you. I don't want you to feel that way. I was scared that you might go away if I did show you how much I love you."

With that, I feel that it was enough for me to know that he is also dedicated to love me back.

I smiled while I cried again. I couldn't fight anymore. This might be goodbye Kim Minseok.

"______ I love you. We'll get married, I promise." He kept brushing my face, trying to wake me up. But darkness is embracing me soon.

"I'm sorry, I love you too Kim Minseok." I no longer see his face. I let darkness embrace me.

Goodbye Kim Minseok. I will see you again.

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It was night again and I sat at the same bench where I usually sit at night. I usually think for myself, but this time it's different.

I let the cold night wind blow through my not-so perfect face.

Then I felt a hand on top of my palm. I later felt someone writing on it. I smiled, remembering that time when I saw her again.

"I do."

I hugged her picture of her in my chest, while I just watched the scene from the distance.

While remembering that faint writing.

"I miss you. Do you?"

Yes I do. See you soon my wife.