¯La Douleur Exquise¯

"A heart wreching pain knowing you can't love someone"

 

 

 

Like any other day, he walks to school library with his phone playing his music on shuffle. As he reaches the library, he looks inside the library, and he found a boy sitting and writing something in his notebook. He smiles and walks over to the boy. 

 

“Hey, let's go home.” He pokes the boy's shoulder.

“Oh? Chanyeol? Are you done already? I’m still trying to find out about this thing..” The boy replied.

“What thing?” Chanyeol takes a seat beside that boy, looking what this boy found interesting.

“Supernatural thing. Do you believe you will become angel?”

“I’m not really sure about it. Why?” He asks. 

“I’ll read this part, and you, listen carefully.” He replies. Chanyeol nodded.

 

I know lot of people is teasing me because I’m an angel.

An angel without wings.

I fall in love with you, I wanna be with you.

But, I have to lose my wings.

Am I wrong, to love you?

Am I wrong to get loved again?

I come to you, to love you.

I never regret I lose my wings for you.

My first, my last love.

 

 

 “See? Its beautiful.” He smiled.

“Yes. Now let's go home, Baekhyun. I’m hungry!” He giggled then nodded

“Lets go then!”

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

“Ahhh! I’m full! Thanks for the dinner, Baekhyun. Your food tasted great tonight !” Chanyeol said enthusiastically. 

“Are you trying to tell me that I’m not good at cooking before this?” Baekhyun asked with an attitude. 

“Ah, Oh no.. No No.. Haha..” He took his words back.

“You should go home. It's getting late.” Baekhyun said while taking the dishes.

“What are you talking about? It's only 7 pm Baekhyun -ya!” Chanyeol argued. 

“Go home.”

“Fine, fine. Okay I’ll go now. Remember, I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 6.30 am, okay? I need some practice before the soccer match.”

“Yes. I got it.”

“Good girl. Lock the apartement okay?”

“Yes, Mr.Park.” Chanyeol answered lazily.

“Okay then, bye.”

“Bye.”

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

Hear the birds sings in morning, is just like daily alarm for Baekhyun. He took a towel and got ready for school. 

He put on the school uniform, and he can't forget to apply light face powder. Exactly at the promised time, Chanyeol came to pick up Baekhyun.

“Baekhyun-ya! Are you ready to watch my soccer match?” Chanyeol asked happily. He nodded.

“Then lets go! I don’t wanna be late for my match!” Baekhyun followed Chanyeol’s step until they reached the basement, where Chanyeol’s car  was parked. 

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

“What are you reading, Baekhyun?” Baekhyun’s best friend, Kyungsoo asked.

“Etoilé.”

“What is that? You're always reading something new.”

“This is not something new.” Baekhyun smiled. “I used to read Chanyeol’s hope in this book.”

“Ah, I see. So you will do something with this book?” Baekhyun nodded. “Yes.”

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

Chanyeol’s phone chimes, and there's one text message waiting for him.

 

From: Baekhyun

Open your bag. There’s handband, a gift from me.

I hope you use it for your match!

All the best of luck.

-Baekhyun

 

Chanyeol opened his bag, found the thing Baekhyun mentioned.

He notice something that Baekhyun write for him, one sentence.

Fearless.

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

“Baekhyun, will you join us today?” Kyungsoo asked. 

“Huh? Join what?”

“The part of course. Chanyeol’s team won!” Luhan answered.

“Oh? I don't think so, haha. I need to returned this book to library. See you soon!” Baekhyun greeted, waving as he left to the library.

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

He ook a taxi to go home. Baekhyun paid for the taxi trip and unlocked his apartement.

Enter pass code:

The apartement’s door opened.

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

His phones vibrated.

 

Park Chanyeol is calling you.

Ignore               ||        Answer

 

Baekhyun smiled and tap the answer button.

“Annyeong..”

“Baekhyun-ya, you didn't even come to my soccer match!” Chanyeol yelled.

“I thought, handband is enough.” Baekhyun answered it while drying his hair.

“I don’t need the handband, I need you..” Chanyeol lowered his voice, it sounded really soft.

“Hahaha, I’m sorry Chanyeol-ah.” he replied quietly. 

“It's night, go to sleep Baekhyun-ya. And... I need to tell you something." Chanyeol says. There's a sad tone in his voice. 

"What is it,Chanyeol?" Baekhyun asks. 

There's silence over the phone, and he speaks quietly. "I think it's time to break up." 

Baekhyun's about to cry. "Why...?" he asked. 

"I like Kyungsoo now," Chanyeol ends the conversation and hangs up the phone. 

It's hard for Baekhyun to accept the fact that Chanyeol broke up with him. He breaks down in tears the rest of the night, crying to sleep. 

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

Baekhyun stepped the library and chose a music book. With an iPod on his hand, he played a song instrumental he arranged before, and started searching for the lyrics.

“Baekhyun-ya..” A woman walk to him, looking sad.

“Je-Jessica noona?”

“You know the headache you told me before?  I need talk to you about it.”

“Ok-Okay..”

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

“Baekhyun.Byun Baekhyun ” The voice that really similliar at Baekhyun’s ear, caught his attention.

“Ah? Chanyeol? What's up?" he asked. Baekhyun had to stay strong. 

“I'm really sorry for last night..." Chanyeol says apologetically. Baekhyun shakes his head. 

“It's ok. Make Kyungsoo smile, as always.” Baekhyun answered. He show sad smile but Chanyeol didn’t notice it.

“Okay! I promise!”

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

Chanyeol walk passed the music room, hearing someone singing.

 

You, who I struggled to understand

In the place where we were together

In the moment where I resembled you

When it felt too good being soaked in the rain

You are gone, gone

 

How am I supposed to erase you alone and live

In those moments where we once walked together

Like that, the things we made beside each other

Even the memories, even those regrets

 

In the place where we were together

In those moments where we could’ve walked together

I’m holding onto myself alone

In this place, even our future, my wishes have stopped

I’m standing here and you are gone

 

He peeked into the room.

Its Baekhyun.

He saw Baekhyun ate something. Is it vitamin?

 

“Baekhyun..?”

He look so surprised, then opened the door.

“eum, what are you doing here, alone?” Chanyeol trying to be comfortable.

“Nothing. Just trying my song.” Baekhyun say. “What are you doing here, Chanyeol-ssi?”

 

Chanyeol start realizing something wrong with him.

His face, isn’t like usual.

Its pale.

 

“Just soccer practice. Anyway, are you sick? You look pale.”

“Ah. No haha. I’m not sick.” He smiled.

“Don’t lie. I saw you ate some medicine.” Chanyeol argued.

“Its only for cold, don’t worry.” he answered. “How about Kyungsoo? When you guys start dating?”

“Maybe tomorrow? I’ll already asked him  to go out.”

“Good then. I need to go now, Jessica noona is waiting for me.” Baekhyun left Chanyeol behind.

 

Chanyeol sit in front of the piano. When he is gonna start playing the piano, his chair unaccidentally hit something.

“What is this?”

“this is Baekhyun’s right? But the tube is empty.”

He think that is only empty medicine tube.

Chanyeol left the music room with the empty medicine.

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

Chanyeol’s house is near Baekhyun house. When he’s open the car door,Baekhyun come to him.

 

“Can I go to school with you?” Baekhyun asked. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I promise Kyungsoo to pick up him right now.” Chanyeol refused.

“But can I ask you one last favor before you leave?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Later, I’m gonna leaving this country so, I'm leaving behind a note book I always bring wherever I go. Read it. Luhan gonna delivery it to you.” Baekhyun smiled. “Thank you, Park Chanyeol..”

“Yeah. Welcome..” Chanyeol left Baekhyun’s apartement as soon as he could. He didn't sound to appealed. 

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

1 week later

“Chanyeol-ssi! Baekhyun asked me to deliver this to you!” Luhan said while giving the soft ocean blue note book to Chanyeol.

“Ah yes. Thank you! Anyway, have you seen Naeun?” Luhan looked so surprised.

“You don’t know?”

“What?”

“Kyungsoo is dating Jongin.”

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

Chanyeol walked to his apartement, and enter his room.

He really regretted breaking up with Baekhyun, since Chanyeol would've never believed  his relationship with Kyungsoo would end up like this.

Chanyeol was really just trying to fool himself that he never loved Baekhyun from the start. 

“Baekhyun, I still love you..."

“Should I come to his apartment?” Chanyeol asked to no one in particular. 

“Yeah I should.”

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

Chanyeol’s at Baekhyun's apartment. 

 

“Baekhyun-ya! Baekhyun-ya! Byun Baekhyun!” Because there was no one answering it, Chanyeol keeps ringing the door bell.

“Yes?” Suddenly a woman appears in front of Chanyeol. Chanyeol knows exactly who is that woman.

“Jessica noona, where’s Baekhyun?” Chanyeol inquires, getting straight to the point. 

“Baekhyun isn’t here anymore...” Jessica's voice died off at the end of the sentence. 

“Where’s Baekhyun?”

“He.. He.. Come in, Chanyeol-ah.” Jessica invites Chanyeol inside. At the center of the room, there's a table with a flower bouquet and Baekhyun’s photo in front of the bouquet.

“What... What do you mean by this? Don’t tell me..” Chanyeol’s words gets cut off by Jessica. “Yes he is. He is dead."

“What- How- How could that happen?”

“Here, sit down beside me, let me explain all of this.” Jessica says while taking out a brown mat. "Sit."

“Baekhyun had brain cancer. I’m sure you saw him taking some medicine, right?” Chanyeol nodded.

“It's pain killer. When I got this from hospital, it said he only had 10 days to live. And you broke up with him when he got this information. He took lot of him time to write in that notebook. I’m sure you have received the notebook. He wrote all him feelings for you. And the last song he composed, remember? You can see all of the lyrics, written in his notebook. He wrote it all. And he asked me to not tell you that he has brain cancer. He doesn't want you to be sad when you know the fact he's leaving, forever.” Jessica said. Between the two of them it was silence for minutes. But Chanyeol spoke up first. 

“Can I come visit his grave tomorrow?”

“Sure. I’ll drive you there. Let's meet at 8 in the morning, at your apartment.”

“Thank you, Jessica noona. I will go now. Thank you for the all information.” Chanyeol stood up and left Baekhyun’s apartement.

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

All Chanyeol wanted right now was the fact Baekhyun’s died is only a dream. That none of this was real. But it's reality, and he had to face the truth. Now, he stands in front of Baekhyun’s grave. He put a white lily. He remembers, his boy loves white lily.

“Baekhyun-ya, I’m sorry. I read all of your notes yesterday. I really regretted leaving you all alone before you died. Remember please all the memories we shared together, between you and me. I’ll keep yours forever, here. In my heart.”

 

•La Douleur Exquise•

 

To; Chanyeol

Thankyou for everything,Chanyeol.

You are the first person that stole my first love.

You are my first and last love.

Like what that book said, if I were angel, then I didn’t regret I lost my wings to be with you, but my wings didn’t comeback even I already broke up with you its all because I still love you.

There’s a day that we can’t be together again, please, don’t forget me, I’ll never forget you.

You’ll never be replaced in my heart, forever.

I love you, Park Chanyeol.

 

Your ex boyfriend,

Byun Baekhyun.