Silence.

Painful, awkward silence.

Jinwoo belatedly notes the fierce pounding of his heart, beating against his chest as if it wants to leap out of him and escape to freedom. He gulps audibly before his lips and tearing his gaze away from the current object of his affections. I’d done so well avoiding him, too, he thinks morosely. Is this fate…?

“Hey, hyung.”

He glances up from his shoes to see that Seungyoon is looking at him, a small yet awkward smile on his face. Sweat trickles down his neck as he tries to regain some semblance of control over his mouth again. Say something, anything! You’re making this more awkward, Jinwoo! For now, so as not to seem totally rude, he gives the other boy a curt nod of acknowledgement.

Seungyoon shuffles his feet, obviously affected by the uneasy atmosphere between them. Jinwoo pities him for having to put up with a guy such as himself, and he wants to stop being so dramatic, but he finds himself frozen. Completely unable to say any words at all. Sensing that this might continue for a long while, the younger of the two clears his throat.

“Shall we?”

At that, Jinwoo nods again, quickly moving to the other’s side to fall into step with him. Seungyoon holds the door open for him as they make their exit, and he shivers despite the cardigan he’s got on once he feels how cold it’s gotten outside. Next to him, his companion pulls his hoodie tighter around himself as they begin their walk.

Jinwoo is at a loss for what to say. He can’t stand the awkward silence, yet he isn’t sure what he can say to fix it. He’s well aware now that at some point his crush had gotten the wrong idea about him and Jo Kwon—maybe the next step would be to clear the air?

He opens his mouth with the intent to do so, yet instead he blurts out, “Thank you.”

From the corner of his eye, he spots the taller boy turn to look down at him. For a beat, he says nothing, but then he finally responds with a nonchalant, “No problem.”

What’s it matter? Jinwoo wonders. It’s not really a big deal what he thinks about Jo Kwon and me. I guess it’s okay not to say anything about it for now. Still, the awkwardness of it all is killing him, and he struggles to find something else to say.

Luckily, Seungyoon finds something for him.

“So how did your first day of classes go?” he asks after clearing his throat.

Jinwoo pauses to reflect. It was just fine before you appeared… Of course, that’s not what he says. Instead, he decides to make a serious attempt to stop being weird and have a conversation with the boy who’s kindly walking him home.

He shrugs his shoulders. “Not bad, I guess. I only have two classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so that’s nice.”

At this, Seungyoon nods his head. “Yeah, I think we actually have history together?”

Jinwoo feigns surprise like he hadn’t spotted him immediately when he walked in the classroom. “O-Oh yeah? This morning?”

“Yeah.” Seungyoon bites his lip momentarily, glancing down at him before he opens his mouth again. “I saw you with your—”

“So how did your day go then?” he interrupts, absolutely not wanting to discuss his imaginary relationship with his friend.

The taller boy raises his eyebrows slightly before replying. “Um… it was okay, I guess.”

Jinwoo waits for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t. It seems as though Seungyoon just doesn’t have much to say tonight. Turning away from him, he sighs quietly. Is this how it’s going to be?  This is so awkward! Shy people such as Jinwoo can’t really be depended on to propel a conversation, but it looks as though the responsibility has fallen on Jinwoo this time. He nearly considers just putting him out of his misery with the truth, but decides to steel himself for putting an end to the uncomfortable air around them.

He takes a moment to consider what he could possibly say that might be a conversation starter. As he does this, the fact that he knows very little about the boy next to him aside from his name—and now his sister—comes to mind. He doesn’t even know his major!

He decides that’s a good place to start. “So, Seungyoon?” When he receives a hum of acknowledgement, he continues. “What is your major?”

At this, Seungyoon lets out a deep sigh. “Music.”

Jinwoo blinks. “You don’t sound so excited.” When Seungyoon lets out a small laugh, he joins in.

“No, it’s… I guess it’s just because I’m not sure what I want to do with it, is all.”

The older boy looks to the side to catch him looking at him, causing his own cheeks to burn. He shrugs shyly, looking back down at his feet. Noticing his shoelaces are untied, he hopes to the heavens that he doesn’t trip and embarrass himself yet again in front of the attractive male at his side. “Well, that’s alright. You can always figure it out later, huh?” He offers what he hopes is a normal smile to Seungyoon, and is relieved when it is returned.

“Yeah, that’s true. I’m kind of torn since I love to compose and write, but I also love to sing and play the guitar.”

Jinwoo walks in front of him then, turning and walking backwards so he’s facing him. “Why not do both? You could be one of those super talented singer-songwriter types.”

Seungyoon wrinkles his nose. “A lot of those types come off as pretentious. I don’t wanna be like that.”

“Pretentious?” Eyebrows rise. “Who?”

A pointed look is directed at him in response. “Taylor Swift.”

Jinwoo is scandalized. “No way! I love her!”

The taller of the two twists up his face in disgust and turns his head. Jinwoo tries not to drool over how good-looking his profile is. “She tries so hard to be all deep, and she’s just… ugh. And then she morphed from country’s darling into another pop-bot.”

“Nonsense! Are you against growth in artists choosing to evolve? Her music has gotten so much better!” ‘Blank Space’ is Jinwoo’s jam.

“What?” Seungyoon shouts incredulously. “Her music used to be tolerable and have good stories to tell. Now she just makes basic, pumpkin-spice-latte pop garbage!”

Jinwoo puts a hand to his heart, pretending to be tearful. “Damn, she hurt you that badly? Did she come personally to your house and kick your dog?” T-Swizzle doesn’t deserve this slander!

Seungyoon smiles then, enjoying the rise he’s getting out of him. “Nah. I just have strong feelings about artists getting undue credit. She’s not the only one I find pretentious.”

“Oh, geez. Who’s next…?” Jinwoo mutters, finally turning and walking straight. He’s surprised to find that he recognizes his surroundings now and can see his dorm in the distance.

“Ed Sheeran. ‘Nuff said.”

The mere mention of the name brings back memories for Jinwoo. He remembers the time in Korea he spent listening to songs by that very artist in his ex’s tiny room, the three of them crowded together on the floor drinking alcohol and laughing into the wee hours of the morning. Shaking his head, he lets out a soft chuckle. “I have a friend back home who’d give you the dirtiest look imaginable if he heard you say that,” he says fondly.

Seungyoon raises his hands in mock fear. “Oh no, a dirty look!” He really does cry out in fear a moment later when Jinwoo raises his fist to punch his arm.

“Hey! His glares are really scary!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll take your word for it, but ouch!” Seungyoon gripes sullenly, pouting as he rubs his arm. “You’re a mean hyung.”

Said mean hyung rolls his eyes. “You’re an annoying dongsaeng. We’re even, and that’s if I’m being nice. You’re more of a nuisance than I am mean.”

The music major stops walking, gobsmacked. “What in the world? How am I a nuisance when this is only the second time we’ve spoken??”

He gets a smile in return. “Because you are. Marvel at the magnitude of your annoyingness that even I am able to feel it in so few interactions.” Then he makes a face of pity. “Your poor sister…”

“…That’s it. I’m going home. I don’t have to take this!” Seungyoon turns on his heel and starts stomping back the way he came. Jinwoo bends over laughing; joke’s on him because they’ve pretty much reached their destination by now and his help is no longer required.

It is, however, appreciated. Seungyoon turns back at the other’s pleas for him to come back, the smile on his face showing that he wasn’t really offended in the slightest. For a moment, Jinwoo simply looks up at him, as the other had come quite close to him.

Ba-thump. His heart is picking up speed as it remembers the crush for Jinwoo, who has tried so hard to forget. He’s decided he liked the walk with Seungyoon after all—it became a lot less awkward when the both of them stopped overthinking things and were just themselves. The time flew by as they talked, and having fun with someone was something Jinwoo couldn’t be mad at if he tried.

It also isn’t helping that Seungyoon subtly bites his lip as he looks back down at him, mirroring the look that is probably in the shorter boy’s own eyes. Jinwoo’s body starts to shake as he comes down from the playful camaraderie the two have just shared and realizes that this was his crush looking him directly in his eyes. That this was his crush that he’d been walking next to and having a conversation with. That this was his crush that had walked him all the way back to his dorm when he really owed nothing to him at all. Wait… does that mean something?? Jinwoo thought, his mind going into overdrive as it tries to decipher what is going through Seungyoon’s mind at the moment.

Does he like me too? Jinwoo is inclined to think so, given his obvious jealousy of Jo Kwon. Or… what if he doesn’t? And he just thinks I’m some weird guy who looks at him too strangely and oh my god what if he knows I like him and now he’s playing with me and—

His insecurities are clearly written all over his face, and they must have affected Seungyoon somehow because he snaps out of whatever trance he was in. The spell broken, he seems to realize his close proximity to Jinwoo and takes a small step back, the awkward air falling thickly over them again like a blanket. Jinwoo feels it as well and shyly looks around in an attempt to distract from the heat he feels rising on his cheeks.

“Well, this is me,” he states uncomfortably, gesturing toward his dorm a few yards away. His arms flop back down to his sides uselessly and Seungyoon coughs, nodding.

“Yeah, that’s Leo, right?” he asks.

“Yep,” the smaller boy replies, popping his lips at the end of the word.

The silence comes back, and Jinwoo is dying. Why am I so awkward…?

“Well, I’ll see ya.” Seungyoon spins around and starts walking away for real this time. He raises his hand in parting as Jinwoo bows repeatedly to his back and thanks him for walking him back. After he’s gone some distance away, Jinwoo sighs, turning to enter the building dejectedly.

As he enters his room, he kicks his shoes off and takes out his phone. There’s a message from Jo Kwon mentioning something about dinner. Jinwoo purses his lips; he doesn’t want to go anywhere now. He just wants to stay in and wallow in the misery boys—Seungyoon specifically at the moment—cause him. Easy-Mac sounds good enough to him tonight (he’d tried it two nights ago and found it delicious).

Jinwoo taps out a response declining to go out with them, flopping down on the couch and turning on the TV. He figures he can lose himself in a little TV and take a nap before he eats and gets ready for bed. His eyelids get heavy and he finds himself doing just that as the exhaustion from the day kicks in. The last thing he remembers is a blonde man screaming about “ risotto” in a kitchen on TV before he drifts off.

Loud knocking startles him out of his slumber. He groggily looks toward the TV to see that he’d managed to change the channel in his sleep, a pink starfish ominously whimpering, “It’s the Clam Burglar!” The knocking starts up again, waking Jinwoo up a little more and prompting him to stand on shaky legs. He ambles over to the door and warily looks through the peephole to see that it was just Jo Kwon and Jieun. His shoulders sag in relief. He curses SpongeBob for scaring him as he lets his friends in.

Jo Kwon invites himself in once he sees the door is opened, Jieun following and greeting Jinwoo. The eldest of the three drops the bags of takeout he brought on the coffee table before spinning to point an accusing finger at Jinwoo.

“You didn’t answer my...!” he starts to whine, but gradually stops once he gets a better look at his friend. He blinks once, then twice before he speaks again. “Whoa… you look dead as .”

Jinwoo merely grunts and trudges over to dig in the bag of food. “Thanks. And sorry I didn’t answer, I was napping.” He starts stuffing his face, not bothering to sit down.

Jieun and Jo Kwon share a look before turning to look back at Jinwoo in concern. “I knew something was wrong with him,” the dancer mutters before shrugging off his jacket and tossing it on the couch. He makes Jinwoo sit down on a beanbag before situating himself on the beanbag next to him. Jieun grabs the rest of the food and places it in the middle of all of them, sitting cross-legged across from the two boys.

Remembering his duties as a host, Jinwoo speaks up. “You guys want anything to drink?”

Jieun holds up one finger to him, indicating for him to wait as she drags her schoolbag over and digs in it. She pulls out not one, not two, but three wineglasses.

“Wh…” Jinwoo’s utterance of confusion fazes neither of his friends, Jo Kwon watching on boredly while Jieun silently pulls out a bottle of white wine and closes up her bag.  He slowly looks over at Jo Kwon for an explanation.

He gets none. “She’s just like this,” is all his hyung says before reaching for a glass. He scrunches up his nose at the notion of drinking wine with Chinese takeout, but finds himself reaching for a glass as well. He’s not turning down alcohol tonight.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” Jo Kwon questions, pausing in taking a sip of his drink as he witnesses Jinwoo knock back his entire glass. As he reaches for another, paying no mind to his friend, Jieun whispers an “Oh, boy…”

“I hate boys!” Jinwoo declares. “That’s what’s wrong!”

Jo Kwon snorts, stabbing an eggroll with his plastic fork. “Who doesn’t hate boys? Hardly news, love.”

“Who hurt you?” Jieun tries, a dark look coming over her face. “I swear if that Baekhyun—”

“Ooh, I love it when Jieun’s potty mouth comes out!” Jo Kwon giggles.

The distressed boy waves his hands, mouth full of shrimp fried rice. “No, no. It wasn’t Bacon.”

It was Jo Kwon’s turn to sport a menacing expression. “Was it that Seungyoon boy?”

“O-M-G, yes!” Jinwoo cries, wailing. “I hate him! I wish he’d never come into my life! Why are these eggrolls so good?!”

The other boy in the room rolls his eyes. “Stop being dramatic and tell us what happened already.” So as they eat their takeout and sip their wine, Jinwoo spills all the details of what happened throughout the day. They smile with him as he recounts how infatuated he is with his fashion professor, and groan when he brings up how the ugliness that is Bae Suzy treated his new friend in that same class. He explains the events leading up to where Seungyoon comes into all of this, Jo Kwon nodding along at the parts he’d heard about earlier that day. Finally, Jinwoo expresses his exasperation at not knowing how to read Seungyoon’s feelings nor his own, thus leading to his current and groaning.

When he finishes, Jo Kwon rolls his eyes. “He obviously likes you, duh!”  He reaches to pour himself more wine but frowns when he finds the bottle empty. “I don’t know why you don’t understand that.”

Jinwoo pouts, his tipsiness affecting the action and making him look petulant. “You guys wouldn’t understand. I’ve had some experience with guys in the past and now my self-esteem is all ed up.” His friends look as though they want to press, but seem to realize that this is one of those “you must be x-level Friend to unlock this piece of information” things, so they leave it be.  He rubs a hand down his face in frustration. “Plus, I have very little experience with this kind of thing anyway, so I don’t know what to think!”

Jo Kwon shakes his head. “If you’re going to trust anyone, trust me, who has more than enough experience to know this sort of thing. That boy is definitely feeling some type of way about you.”

Even Jieun, who has had limited interaction with the boy in question, agrees. “It definitely sounds like he’s into you, oppa.”

Slightly cheered up by his friends’ words of affirmation, Jinwoo perks up. “Yeah? You really think so?”

“I know so!” The oldest of the three grins proudly while Jieun just shakes her head at him.

Jinwoo seems to consider this for a moment before he gives up. “Bah! My head hurts thinking about this.” He carefully sets his glass on the coffee table before sinking back into the beanbag. “So how was your guys’ day?”

The two share a look and shrug before facing him again. “Definitely not as eventful as yours,” Jieun quips.

The tipsy boy nods slightly in understanding. “That’s fair.”

Just then, Jo Kwon seems to notice the new décor in the room for the first time. “Whoa, hold up. When did all this get in here?” He stands up and starts to look around.

The alcohol in his system is making him sleepy, so Jinwoo’s reply is soft. “Dunno. I just came back one day and it was all… there.”

Jo Kwon just hums in acknowledgement, being nosy and walking around to peer at all of his roommate’s stuff. Jieun, utterly uninterested, rocks on the floor holding her legs. Jinwoo squirms, uncomfortable. Alcohol always makes him feel overheated, and he is known among his friends back home to start stripping when completely drunk. A slight buzz is all that’s affecting him now, though, so he just tugs at his shirt uncomfortably and peels off his cardigan.

He’s sprawling out on the floor in an attempt to cool down when Jo Kwon lets out a shriek, alarming the two on the floor.

“My goodness, what?!” Jieun exclaims, hand pressed to her heart. He just jumps up and down in response and points at a picture frame on the nightstand next to David’s bed. Exhaling dramatically, she gets up to go see what the big deal is while Jinwoo looks at them curiously from his spot on the floor. He couldn’t for the life of him remember seeing any pictures around—it must be new.

Once Jieun sees, she gasps out loud and squeals along with Jo Kwon, both of them getting excited over whatever it is they see in the frame. Curiosity winning out over his laziness, he slowly stands up and wanders over to see as well. They’re drunk, he muses. They must be since there is no way there is anything in this frame that is so exciting…

He bends over, scanning the picture. In it, there are two men at what appears to be an American football stadium. One is rather average looking with curly brown hair and a V-neck on, a whistle hanging around his neck. He holds up a peace sign as he smiles at the camera. Jinwoo raises an eyebrow. He’s cute, I guess… His eyes slide over to the other man, who is a whole head taller than the first man. This one is muscular, his figure obvious in his tight striped tee and showcased in the arm thrown around his companion’s shoulder. He has sky blue eyes, short brown hair, and a scruffy look that vaguely turns Jinwoo on. He also looked familiar somehow, but he couldn’t put his finger on why.

“Is it the hot guy you guys are freaking out over?” he has to ask for confirmation.

Jieun looks at him, dumbfounded. “Why aren’t you more excited? Don’t you know who that is?!”

“Umm…” Well now he didn’t want to admit that he had no idea. Sheepishly, Jinwoo shakes his head.

She rolls her eyes. “Oh my gosh, you’re hopeless. From The Hunger Games? Gale??”

He just looks dumbly at the both of them for a moment before his eyes light up in recognition. “Oh! That’s—??”

“Yes!!” Jo Kwon shrieks, clapping excitedly. “Somehow, some way, your roommate is IN and knows one of the hottest guys in film right now!”

“No way…” Jinwoo grins stupidly as he picks up the picture to inspect it once more. He giggles once his memory is jogged, his drunken mind coming up with delusions of David taking him to meet his Hollywood friends. The three of them spend a few more minutes fawning over his roommate and speculating over whom else his roommate might know before settling down again.

As Jo Kwon resumes his stroll through the room, he nods to himself before plopping back down next to Jinwoo. “Babe, your roommate is a total dude-bro.”

“Huh?” Jinwoo looks over, confused.

“A real man’s man,” Jieun supplies helpfully. “A total jock.”

Jo Kwon makes a face as if to say “yikes!” “I don’t envy ya. Imagine; what if he turns out to be a tool?”

Jinwoo frowns, not wanting to have this conversation. Though he was having fun now, he was still feeling frustrated over being an awkward turtle as well as dealing with the reappearance of all his insecurities and things he'd rather forget, and he did not want to revisit the topic of his roommate potentially being the all-American-boy archetype. Said archetype includes homophobia, and he did not need to add anxiety onto the pile of already existing emotions he’s feeling.

So he says nothing, and Jieun gives him a look of sympathy. “I think you should sleep now,” she says gently. “We’ll go and let you sleep off all these negative feelings and all that wine you drank.”

The dancer stands, stretching as he does. “I swear you drank half of that by yourself. I know you were needing some comfort, but good lord!”

The two proceed to gather their things and start heading for the door. Jinwoo gets up to walk them out, accepting hugs and a kiss on the cheek from his ever-affectionate hyung.

“Don’t stress, Jin-ah!” Jo Kwon demands, placing his hands on his sleepy friend’s shoulders. “No matter who or what may come, you have to just do you. Don’t let a boy be the reason for your unhappiness!” Jieun offers her silent support, drowsiness settling over her as well.

“I’ll try,” Jinwoo grumbles. Lightening his tone, he looks down at his feet. “Sorry for being so dramatic. I’m just… going through a lot, that’s all.”

Jo Kwon looks at him fondly for a beat, and Jieun reaches around him to place her hand on top of his. “Like we’ve said before, we’re here for you even though we’ve only known you for a short time. It’s no big deal to us, you’re our friend now.”

Jinwoo sighs, shaking his head. “I don’t like to be burdensome.”

“It’s not burdensome to us. You’ve become dear to us.” Jo Kwon reaches up and ruffles Jinwoo’s hair. “It’s like we’ve always known you, and we love you already.”

Jinwoo’s cheeks heat up from all the affection (and the alcohol). Bashful, he does nothing but smile. His two friends chuckle at his cuteness and bid him a good night, Jo Kwon playfully commanding him to “get some rest, drama queen.” He shuts the door behind him and heaves a deep sigh, going to clean up the food before he gets in the shower.

He felt exhausted. Emotions from little things all day kept building and building, colliding with each other as Jinwoo tried to keep them inside until they all burst. Thinking about his friends had stayed with him all day, triggering the remembrance of many memories that he’d rather leave in Korea. A great cloud had fallen over his naturally sunny disposition, which he could do nothing to stop once it had begun. It came as no surprise to him since this isn’t the first time it’s occurred. All he could was hide away as much of it as he could from his new friends, in which he was successful; he’d tried to focus on his feelings of confusion regarding Seungyoon because it was less painful. Now that he’s alone, the tears start to fall and they don’t stop, blending in with the water running down his face in the shower and soaking his pillow later. And so tonight he lies down in bed and falls into a dreamless sleep, many things from the day—mostly memories of late nights with a certain two boys—buzzing in his head and hot tears causing streaks on his face.

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I live... Happy New Year (if it's already January in your time zone... still December in mine)! I am SO sorry to have been without updating so far; it really is all college's fault. As well as writer's block because this was an awkward chapter to write having no idea what I wanted to do with it ;-; It was originally gonna have more stuff happen in it, but then if I added all that after what it morphed into, this chapter would be too long, so I had to cut it here... Anyways, this year, I'm gonna try to update more frequently! Please look forward to it~ :] THANK YOU to those who upvoted and all of those who have just subscribed! PLEASE comment!! They feed me and fuel me to get my in gear and churn out another chapter for more *holds up a 'Will Write for Comments' sign* :'3