His name was Seunghyun, he was beautiful, he was amazing, he was sweet. He was everything you could want, but nothing you could obtain. He was told he had a dazzling smile and eyes that could melt even the coldest of hearts. He was swooned over, woman fell at his feet, men wanted to be in his place. He was beautiful, he was amazing, he was sweet, he was a living poem.

Seunghyun was someone you wished you wanted to be, someone you envied and loved at the same time, but he was the epitome of moral decadence. Behind the face of a beauty was what his family would call a monster hiding away and spreading shame under the family name. Deep down, Seunghyun was sad, dejected, and lonely. To me, his family was wrong, and he was pure, and he will always be beautiful, yet his presence, was untouchable.

I wish I could have loved him more, loved him like my life depended on it. I wish I could have always been by his side, like Seunghyun would have done for me.

He had a shy smile that was barely noticed, though when it was, it something that you could not easily let go. Seunghyun was a tortured soul, bound in the confines of self loathing and disappointment. Inwardly he was like the universe, complicated and dark, forever and mysterious. Outwardly you could only see what you wanted to see, but I saw through him, I tried to read him like a book. I shielded my eyes away from the artificial light he produced, I would not be blinded by a façade of charm.

I knew he was not happy, I knew he was having problems, and I just wanted him to open up and speak to me.

With just a touch of his skin against my fingertips and a shy smile thrown my way I knew I was trapped in an abyss of Seunghyun with no way to claw my way out. I enveloped him with a hug and love and I took everything I could that was him. His light, his darkness, his depression, his means to live, I took it, and I tried to keep it safe. I tried to take all of it so he wouldn't have to hold it in anymore, and he gave it to me, because I knew he loved me, even without those words spoken between us, I knew he loved me deeply.

Seunghyun was struggling, he was struggling with himself and the world around him. He wanted to find peace and I wanted to give it to him, but he could not find it with just me. I was his rock, but slowly I was crumbling, he could not live with who he was, and even I was too afraid to acknowledge it.

He had always been dazzling, and he had always been amazing, but he was gay, and that was the smudge of dirt making is light artificial and leading him down a path that he could not turn away from.

I didn't know how to tell him it was okay.

Even with a kiss and light touches that were meant to reassure him that it was all okay, he would not accept it. I had to remind myself that he loved me, but it also reminded me that it was killing him.

Seunghyun opened up to me, and somehow I knew I would be the only on he would open up to because he was private and stoic. When we were alone it was amazing and it felt like nothing else mattered, it felt like he was not hurting and life wasn't cruel, but when we were apart I knew he would revert into someone that I knew he was not. He would be that amazing beautiful person that everyone loved, not the amazing and beautiful person that I knew privately. Not the one with blemishes and darkness and shy smiles, not the one that needed a rock and someone to reassure him that he was gorgeous no matter what. He would turn into the perfect Seunghyun, the one everyone knew, the one everyone wanted.

In the recesses of his mind I wonder how much pain he went through and I wonder how much he fought with wanting me.

A kiss could ruin the man I loved and brighten his day. It could put him at ease yet make him cry himself to sleep. He would smile gently at me and ask for more, but he was conflicted, he had an image to uphold.

Seunghyun was my poem, a good one, one you had to read between the lines to find the true meaning.

He was life that begins

Death that brings end

Darkness that binds us

And light that controls us

Love that is beautiful

A hate that could scar

He was tired and lonely

A dandelion in the wind

Eyes that were blind

And skin that would heal

Seunghyun was a poem

Undecipherable and

I tried to keep him bound to this earth, but he was ethereal and weightless. Love could not keep him tied down, my kiss and my heart was not enough. He was tortured and conflicted and needed to be set free, he was too beautiful and too pure, he was amazing … but there were just too many cracks. Reassurance could not save him, our love could not bind him. What he wanted to be was what everyone saw him as, he wanted to be perfect and cliché, he wanted that little blemish to be gone. He wanted love that did not feel like it was tainted, he wanted to walk in a straight line, to stop taking left turns.

No mere kiss could keep him with me, no touch, no love, no rock, and no pleading. Seunghyun just wanted to be free, free from hate, self loathing, and the prejudices of society.

Seunghyun loved me and I loved him, but to him it was tainted and restricted. He wanted to be free and I had no way to tell him that he was. I had no way to show him that with me he could always be free, but it was not enough, never enough.

He was my poem.

He was a dandelion in the wind.

And now he is nothing, and everything. He is but a question of what if underneath a bed of flowers. He forever and he is the end, he is destruction and he is peace, he is what if, and what happens.

Hew was beautiful, he was amazing, he was sweet, he was a living poem, that began and had it's ending.