" This will be my last post. If you see this, I am gone from this world. Do not try to save me as this has been sitting in my queue for about 2 months or so as I did not want to ruin anyones summer. Thank you for following. Thank you for being in my life, although i doubt anyone had actually noticed my existence nor will remember me. Good bye.- Kim Jaejoong

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Jung Yunho woke up to the loud sound of an alarm ringing beside him. Groaning and contemplating whether to sleep for 5 more minute and wondering what the god damn alarm was even meant for, he shot up realizing it was the first day of school. Not that Yunho particularly liked school. he was more looking toward a punch and maybe a whole lot of questions. Being ignored by his best friend all summer made him very angry, half because of the half mundane, half nerve-wracking summer he had to endure and also because he missed his stupid yet very beautiful face. 

Yunho took a shower, brushed his teeth and styled his dark brown hair back, he had to look impeccable as to bring down the idiot to his knees. This was going to be the year, as it was his last year in high-school, Jung Yunho, was going to confess to his long time crush more formally known as his best friend best friend, Kim Jaejoong. The years before had failed him, But this was the last, as the belief most friendships do not progress from high school to college. it was now or forever lost in space. 

He ran downstairs fast and loud to get some toast and jam. The sound so spirited with every step showing his very emotions he anxiously walked through the hall gathering the last minute things he needed or misplaced with the toast loosely hanging in his mouth. 

"Well your energetic today!" called out Mrs Jung from the kitchen probably making a breakfast of her own or reading the newspaper.

"I'm ready to learn and educate my self mom!" exclaimed Yunho sarcastically. He was returned with a faint laughter. 

"Say hi to Jaejoong for me!" the very mention of his name sent butterflies to his stomach and idiotic smile to his face.

"will do, bye!" Yunho ran out the door finishing the toast and fixing his school tie. Walking down the street he constantly looked back for any sign of a bus heading his way. Living in a residential area quite a few stops away from any main roads, the bus was very irregular. He hoped that it was not delayed today. 

But to his luck it was. 20 minutes in fact. With a bus ride of 30 minutes and a train ride or 10, he was going to be late. getting on the bus he sighed and though of what he would do when he saw Jaejoong. dozens of scenarios ran through his mind. Perhaps he would not talk to him for in hope that Jaejoong may try to cutely get his attention. Or maybe it would guilt Jaejoong to much that he confront him, But Jaejoong wasn't the type confront, nor show much emotion at all at school. He shook his head thinking of all the smiles Jaejoong had showed him that many would or would ever see. Maybe he passive aggressive, saying things like ' great summer you must have had', but that would show much immaturity. But Yunho knew how he would react, with a big great smile and a heart racing like a freight train with every part of him bowing down to every thing the dark hair beauty did.

He arrived to school 15 minutes late. With a scolding of a teacher.

"The school does not tolerate late attendance, continue and you may be suspended! We'll let you off today, now go to class." Said Mr. Kang the scary gym teacher who happened to have a spare in the morning, every year. Most believe he gets it just to yell at the students since he seems to enjoy it so much.

Yunho then got his time table from the office and headed to class in hopes that a doe eyed someone would be present in one of his classes.

I headed down the halls noticing little paper decorations hanging around, it was a ton of white paper cranes hanging here to there. A little early to be hanging decorations. They still looked beautiful, but something inside his tugged as if anticipating something bad.

Yunho entered in the class. A frown crossed his face as he scanned the room to find Jaejoong was not in his class. Students stared and began to whisper among each other. Yunho had been used to this, he wasn't popular or anything, that never really existed at his school. Rather he was very open, very attractive, the Centre of the attention due to the fact he was amazing at making friends and did many things over the previous year that had to of course be gossiped about. But none of the gossip was followed by smiles. The atmosphere was serious, slightly tense and gave Yunho an unsettling feeling. He sat in his desk with all eyes on him, some people nudged, but no one actually said something to his face. 

The class dragged on boring, almost silent, but the tense suffocating air still stood. The sunny morning had quickly turned to gray, rain and thunder was soon follow.

"Now everyone, after the resent event of the student passing, we would please like you to know the school is always here if one ever needs help in any way, mentally, relationship wise, family problems, anything." Said Ms. Jang solemnly. 'A student has passed in the school? Maybe a suicide?' thought Yunho, he automatically recalled the paper planes, he had learned previous years that the wings of a crane is to believed to bring souls to paradise in Japan. The anxiety in him grew more.

The bell had rang and Yunho ran out of class to go see if his friends could tell him what had happened to the student. He was first to see Junsu.

"hey Junsu haven't seen you for a while" yunho waved and smiled. But he wasn't returned by one. Junsu looked as if to burst into tears any moment now. He went straight to hugging the later. Junsu may have been more intune to his emotions then most men, but to have something react to this must have been frightening. 

"What happened" Yunho asked in confusion.

Junsu looked up with a frown" Did you not hear?" 

"No what?" Yunho pressed.

"Uh, er..." Junsu paused with a pained look. As if he was trying to find the right words. "Jaejoong has passed"

There was a long moment of silence. The words didn't sink in fully. or the shock took his words away, maybe both.

"What?" Yunho barely made the sound out, it was almost a whisper.

" He died over the summer, Jaejoong did" Junsu put his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort Yunho.

"But he couldn't have, he was online all summer" This was a lie, a prank. A very sick prank. Jaejoong had  kept a blog, and the whole summer it was always being updated. Yunho didn't want to believe any of this, he wouldn't have any of this. He quickly brought out his phone, not even thinking of switching to wifi from data as he used to in the fight to not overdo his plan. He needed to show the eveidence. He quickly connected to the blog and nearly had his heart stop, taken out and ran over. A new text post had been posted.

" This will be my last post. If you see this, I am gone from this world. Do not try to save me as this has been sitting in my queue for about 2 months or so as I did not want to ruin anyones summer. Thank you for following. Thank you for being in my life, although i doubt anyone had actually noticed my existence nor remember me. Good bye.- Kim Jaejoong

He had been taken a back. Emotions hit him almost dizzyingly. The tears welting in his deep brown eyes. He turned and began to run, run somewhere, somewhere where he can escape and not remember this. Jaejoong was gone, Jaejoong had taken his own life. He ignored Junsu yelling behind him trying to catch up. Where, when, why. Thought Yunho. He thought to the day that Jaejoong started ignoring him. Yunho had missed his call due to a dead battery, but never got a reply when calling or texting, his phone had turned off and Yunho had believed he was angry. He hadn't worried to much due to the constant updates on his blog, all so happy and he didn't know what was true about it anymore. Yunho found himself throwing up in the washroom unable to control his emotions. He felt sick, He felt alone, He felt at fault. The walls began to fade from him, the world began to fade as well from Yunho. As Jaejoong left, All the colour did as well.

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So hi guys! this is the first chapter. Hope it wasn't too boring! I really want to say this though. If you see anyone posting or spamming things that seem dark on tumblr. Ask if anything is alright. It won't hurt and would lift anyones spirits. I often thought about this. 1/5 people ( i think) has a mental illness, on tumblr and other social media. many are thinking of suicide at this very moment. Honestly as someone with clinical depression, i tried reaching out many times with no answer, which lead me to think. How many people have already passed looking for help in a community where all is welcomed and forgotten. Or how many have things just posting from their queue with life going on and no one having a clue? I often thought of that as my way to go since i really never want anyone else to feel unhappy and it was as if i continued alive somewhere.

p.s sorry for my rant, i am not looking for attention. Maybe this may help raise awareness? i hope it does :(

Thank you for reading!

p.s.s sorry for any spelling mistakes. English is not my strong point :(