I walked over to her with the hot chocolate and the warmest smile I could make. My girlfriend wasn’t as focused today; actually to be more accurate she was barely herself. We went out to lunch and she almost ran into a waiter on her way to the restroom. She didn’t notice when the light turned green’ she stood at the corner staring at the sky as I stood in the middle of the street waiting for her, I didn’t have to wait long she did snap out of it, but it wasn’t like her. When we were usually out she’d be excited and active she’d sprint across the street to the stores.

“Here you go”

“Oh,” she said pulling her attention away from the window “thank you.”

She it took from me, her dainty finger slipping from under the sleeves of my dress shirt that was too long for her. As it fell down her arm as she took a sip I smiled and I wanted to throw her in my embrace but the sad quiet expression repelled me and she turned back to the world she was in through the window.

And looking at her with what I could only assume was a longing expression in her eyes I sighed realizing I had no idea how to help her. My sigh prompted her to notice my worry for her. I tried to make the most concerned look and puppy eyes I could stand to make at her.

 “You aren’t too talented at making cute faces” she said with a chuckle

“Then don’t have me worried about you” I said “I won’t have to be making this face at you”

“I never said you weren’t cute when you make the faces” she said turning back to the window “I just said you’re bad at the faces you try to make. I think that’s cute that you try and what the product is when you’re done”

“Ugh” I groaned “Is that how I sound on a regular basis? God I sound so boring”

“Boring?” she asked

“How is it that you” I said taking a sip of my hot chocolate directing my eyes at her “You have been with me 5 months and I’m so boring?”

She shook her head at me and then turned at the window with a sad smile on her face. I ran a hand through my hair and I looked at her peeking at me. She chuckled at me and she turned to face me.

“If you must know” she said “It’s because it’s been two years.”

“Two years?” I asked confused since we had only dated 5 months “Two years since when?”

She chuckled and then stared out the window again, her body still turned towards me.

“There was this guy, I guess I’m still a little hung up over” her lip quivered a little and then she bit it and smiled “ and we were supposed to get married and you know what happens?” she asked looking at me leaning in to make it seem suspenseful.

Now; not that I really need to say this but, my girlfriend is not ugly but the first thing I thought of was cheating. My girlfriend is wonderful she’s cute, she’s down to earth, honest, sweet, and among all things if she loved him so much as to deal with him forever since some men can be scum I figured she’d say he cheated.  Some people don’t understand what they have until they’ve actually lose it. Knowing that my girlfriend who didn’t even know the dates of regular holidays remembered a date revolving around this man made me automatically think he hurt her. Her warm eyes and small smile I couldn't help but blame him for not adoring her ‘ah he’s an idiot, he probably cheated’, ‘or maybe he broke up with over a text before the wedding’, ‘maybe he never showed up at the alter’. He had to have done something stupid and horrible to have left her and have her still thinking about him.

“What happened?”

Her smile became small and she looked towards the window “He died”

 For a moment I was frozen. I hadn’t in the slightest expected to have even thought of that. She had leaned back into the couch and then I looked up to meet her eyes. I didn’t know what to do. I debated whether to hug her, speak, or hold her hand.

“You” she began saying “-you don’t have to look so sad cutie”

She saw it-she saw I was going to put in some kind of but, yet she stopped me with that unbearably sad expression. It hurt to see her like this, forcing a smile so I’d feel better. The smile didn’t reassure me of anything at all. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. I didn’t know how to help her.

“Come here” I looked up at her as she patted the seat next to her on the couch

I got up and sat the cup on the table and sat down. I kept my head down until she took my chin in her hand and smiled at me.

“What did I say about you being sad?” she asked her hand moved to my cheek and I held it there.

She sat her won cup down and then sat in between my legs and leaned in my chest. She squirmed a bit and then got a pillow and hugged it. She looked up at me with those beautiful big brown eyes over her I rap my arms around her. I wanted to hug all the bad out of her-all of the hurt.

“I would like to breathe” she said and I instantly let go “I didn’t say stop hugging me though” she took my arms and rapped them around herself

We laid there a minute before she sighed in satisfaction.

“You know he would tell me how our wedding would go, even before we were engaged. We’d be laying in bed, he’d wrap my hair around his finger or stoke my head and talk about how little flower girls are either agonizingly adorable or evil. He told me about this time he went to this one reception and a drunken uncle decided he was going to pants someone” she looked up at me “he pantsed himself. Apparently he fell and his pants caught on a rock when he decided he was going to crawl away instead of walk.”

“Really?” I said and she gasped and buried herself back into the pillow

“Uh-excuse me? Miss? What are you doing?” I asked

She said something and she obviously didn’t realize that I hadn’t heard because she kept on rambling into the pillow.

“Do you think I can hear you?” I asked her

She shook her head but didn’t remove her face.

“Do you want me to hear what you said?”

She didn’t answer but let go of the pillow and just laid there face into the pillow arms at her side and I think groaned.

“Okay” I moved up to the arm of the couch and she still laid there on top of me in the pillow and I sighed “How are you even breathing?” I asked

She moved her head to the side and took a deep breath and said “Through my ears.”

I laughed at her and then stopped her from putting her head back into the pillow.

“Are you going to tell me what you were going to say?”

She looked away from me then said “I didn’t mean to- I wasn’t trying to-.” She took a minute before she continued “I didn’t mean to ramble about him I just-“

“You love him.” I finished simply crushing my own heart a bit and she tried burrowing herself into my chest and the pain lifted, but only a bit.

“I’m sorry” she said against my chest

I chuckled “Hey look at me” she did and kissed her forehead “What are you apologizing for? You love a man you lost. There is nothing wrong with that”

“But I was-“
“You were telling a story,” I said “you were remembering being happy with him. You were remembering him making you happy. Why would I have a problem with that?”

She looked at me and I saw the tears start to well up in her eyes and I was going to wipe them away but she grabbed my hand and whispered into it an almost inaudible

“Thank you”

I hugged her and proceeded to wipe away her tears “Now tell me, was that the only story he told you?”

She shook her head and then thought for a minute, her tears drying. She picked out the story of how they met and as she laid there in my arms, remembering the times she had with that man I saw the love she felt for him. And I was in aw. She was amazing, she loved him still and it showed through her story, her sparkling eyes and amazing little gestures. She’d love him with all her might even after she’d lost him she’d still have a part of her heart for him. Then I realized that one day she’d love me just the same.

And couldn’t help but think about this amazing woman in my arms ‘Wow. I really love her’.     

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So there you have it thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Comments are apprecited!