TOMORROW

“You don’t understand.” Luhan says as he massages his temples. An action of frustration.

“Oh I do, very well. You’re leaving EXO and more importantly, you’re leaving me.” Sehun says as he squints his eyes, trying to make the older boy guilty. He sits as the other one stands. He feels pain but he doesn’t let it be seen.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Luhan explains again. “I thought you’ll understand.”

Sehun does understand. Sehun does know that Luhan is going to leave like Kris hyung. That event is still freshly etched on his mind. He could remember the broken pieces Kris shattered inside EXO. It was a surprise and it surprisingly too damn much.

Now, Luhan explain to the other member he’s going to leave and they all know why. Luhan had been exposed to fatigue too much because by his work and phobia of heights. Luhan is physically suffering and is stressed too much because of the issue between him and the company. The other members understand. Sehun does too but the difference is others did accept it but he did not.

“I do understand.” Sehun says, giving nothing away, keeping his straight face as he numbs his heart.

“But you won’t let me leave.” Luhan looks at him with his brown doe eyes and frowning thin lips. “You’re giving me an ultimatum.” He says with an exposed grief.

“Yes, I am.” Sehun says selfishly. “If you really love me, you’re going to stay.”

Luhan closes his eyes with much frustration. Having a relationship with a young person is a real struggle.

He’s not really leaving EXO but only the company. He has been deprived of rest and the worth of his talent fee. And when he went home here at Beijing, he realized that he’s parents are no longer young and he wants to take care of them. He realizes when the doctor says when he needed rest is he needs to stop putting up a show as an idol because his body couldn’t afford more.

He loves Sehun, too much, and it hurts. So he opens his eyes and tells the other, “Sehun, I love you, okay? But I need to do this.”

Sehun’s face looks deprived of emotion. A face he mastered during training years. “But we can’t continue what is with us. You’re here in China and I will be in Korea or other continents. Luhan, I will be busy and I can’t . . . I can’t do long distance.” He says, unsure of his words but it comes out of his firm and certain. He could do it if he’s with Luhan but there is fear, seeping through his veins. The fear of distance. The fear of being away from Luhan. The fear of rejection and betrayal at the end.

Luhan just looks at hum, unsure of what to promise the younger one. He doesn’t want to promise that everything will be alright because everything right now is messed up. He promised his fans that EXO will stay until the end and they will work harder but here he is, breaking those very words. He doesn’t want to promise lies of the future. He feels his agony overwhelming his whole.

Neither of them speak for a moment. Then, they don’t speak at all. And then, they just proceeded to TLP Beijing concert without any resolution to the problems.

They acted as if everything is alright.

Luhan’s eyes is too puffy from the crying and pain but he went on with the show. This is his last concert, the start of a farewell.

Sehun looks alright but his chest felt heavy during the show. There was a forming lump in his throat that he couldn’t deteriorate. He felt like he is losing an enormity of himself as Luhan slips away.

The concert ended but still neither said a word to each other.

--

Sehun unfollows people in Instagram and changes his bio to “L”.

EXO’s Luhan still in Beijing, netizens suspect the member wouldn’t be coming back.

Luhan of EXO files a lawsuit against SM entertainment.

Zhang Yixing posts a message on his weibo, speculated for the member, Luhan.

Fans of EXO shattered by the news.

SM releases official statement. Entertainment says that they’re shock.

#alwayssupportluhan is trending worldwide.

SM Entertainment stocks fall down. YG becomes the largest and successful company of Korea.

K-POP netizens bashes EXO’s Chinese ex-members, Kris and Luhan.

EXO still going for a comeback on the last week of October.

The 10 members of EXO will perform as a whole instead of performing in subgroups.

--

Two weeks pass.

Sehun lies on his bed, hearing the murmurs of the other members outside the room, and feeling holes being made up on his heart.

He picks up his phone and dial a number. He feels his chest tightening. He didn’t contact him after Beijing but Luhan did and yet, he didn’t answer the phone calls because of pride and the uncertainty of what he’s going to say.

His heart constricts more as Luhan answers and says, “Hello?”

Sehun misses Luhan so much. So much that it hurts. So much that he couldn’t utter a word while his phone in his ears and his arm covers his eyes. So much that he feels tears on his cheeks.

“Hello?” Luhan says again. Luhan hears nothing in the other end. He wants to hear Sehun’s voice and feel him but he can’t. He can’t because Sehun isn’t letting him to and it breaks him apart/

“Hello?” Luhan asks again and prays that Sehun didn’t just misdialed his number. The longing is killing him and he needs assurance they’re okay. Even though deep inside, he knows. He knows they were already drifting apart, losing each other through the process of agonizing distance and misfits.

“Hello?” He speaks again with a cry. He couldn’t control his emotions anymore. The emotions that Sehun is making him feel and it destroys a part of Luhan. A part that he had only given to Sehun.

Two weeks and Luhan can’t put the mask on anymore.

Two weeks and Sehun falls down to abyss.

Sehun hears but he doesn’t respond. He doesn’t because he’s silently crying and he doesn’t want Luhan to know. The pain is making him weak. It’s making his mind dizzy and his chest heavy.

He wants to say he misses him so terribly that he couldn’t care less if Luhan’s going to leave, he only wants for Luhan to be happy and to be still his. But Sehun couldn’t utter a word, only a silent cry, an unpronounced love, a muted sob, and a fractured heart.

“Hello?” Luhan hopes Sehun to answer but he could only hear silence and his heart breaks into thin pieces.

Luhan waits and he waits and he waits until he couldn’t take the cold devastating silence anymore. So he hangs up, stares at his phone’s wallpaper, sees a photo of a young man with a beautiful eye smile, and cries. He craves for Sehun’s warmth, Sehun’s touch, Sehun’s voice, Sehun’s smile, and Sehun’s love. But he doesn’t get what he craves, he only gets a loud sorrow. He only gets a tear-stained face and broken pieces of himself.

He only gets a belief that Sehun did love him even though the three magic words were unsaid.

Sehun hears the other line went dead. He heaves a sigh and says the words he felt long before but never been uttered, “I love you.”

But Sehun knows Luhan can’t hear it anymore so he cries. The stinging pain of lost and shouting cowardice overwhelms his whole being and he dies inside.

Luhan sits down staring at his phone, gripping it tightly, trying to hold on to something that’s slipping, and something that’s he couldn’t grasp anymore because all he could feel is pain. He feels the finality of their relationship. He thinks that it’s the last curtain call for them and it ends with an antagonizing grief. He thinks and he feels it.

Luhan feels the end.

Tomorrow, Luhan wakes up to beautiful Beijing with a shattered heart. A heart that was given to Sehun and now, crashed.

Tomorrow, Sehun wakes up with his eyes swollen, face touched by the rays of light, and the what-if and could-have-been moments lost with Luhan.

Tomorrow, they both wake up, missing each other, both shattered and defeated by the proximity of Beijing and Seoul.