Chanyeol heaved a deep sigh, staring at the blinking cursor on his screen. It’s late, the library was deserted of people except for Chanyeol, and he’s not even halfway done with his Economics essay that is due in two days. He wanted to at least have more than half of his essay done, but he couldn’t squeeze another word in. He leaned back on his chair, stretching his muscles have been stiff for many hours now. At any minute someone will ask him to leave the premises, but he didn’t want to go home yet. He dreaded the emptiness and coldness that awaited the walls of their shared apartment.

He and Jongin had another fight. And this time, it wasn’t one of those playful fights that ended in cuddles and giggles, or those petty arguments that resulted to hot passionate with them talking it out right after. This fight was a lot worse that involved painful words, hurt feelings, and ended in Jongin looking devastated, tears pooling in his eyes, and walking out their apartment in a hurry. Chanyeol scrunched his eyes shut as he thinks back on it.

“I don’t need you right now!”

Chanyeol didn’t know why he said those words. He surely didn’t mean them. The entire quarrel was a blur in his memory, he can’t even remember why they were arguing in the first place. All he remembers is the way Jongin looked at him with wide glassy eyes, lower lip bitten in an attempt to stop it from trembling, and shoulders dropped in resignation. That was the moment Chanyeol realized he said the wrong thing. But before he could apologize, Jongin had turned and ran out of the room.

Being alone in the quiet apartment made Chanyeol feel even worse, which was why he decided to find solace in the library, where he wouldn’t be alone but no one would disturb him. But as he stayed longer, he didn’t feel any better. He couldn’t concentrate on what he was working on and the guilt kept weighing him down.

“Excuse me?”

The female voice pulled Chanyeol out of his thoughts. He blinks several times before recognizing the woman as the librarian. “The library is closing now, you better head on home,” she said with a small smile.

“Ah, yes. Thank you,” said Chanyeol and bowed. He waited for her to leave before quickly fixing his things, carefully putting everything in order, and left the building.

-

Chanyeol closed the door behind him as quietly as he could.  He looked around to see if Jongin was home, but the entire apartment was silent, and he can’t see Jongin. Chanyeol frowned, thinking Jongin was probably at Sehun’s, so he’ll be sleeping alone tonight.

He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and went straight to their bedroom. He stopped his tracks when he saw a figure on the bed. Jongin was curled up on his side, facing away from the door. Chanyeol’s heart beat faster as he took in the state of Jongin. He was lying stiffly, his breathing at a normal rate. He was awake. Chanyeol has been with Jongin long enough to have memorized his body language.

Chanyeol moved on to getting ready for bed. He took as much time as he can, stalling the inevitable confrontation.

He carefully lied down the mattress, facing the ceiling and made sure to put a safe distance between him and Jongin. He didn’t know if Jongin will appreciate the contact right now, and that thought left his chest tightening. His heart was beating so fast, he wonders if Jongin can hear it on his side.

Chanyeol let the silence go on for a minute before making the decision to turn to his side, facing Jongin’s back. He slowly wound his arm around Jongin’s waist and pulled his lover closer, curling up to fit both their bodies. The first touch of skin to skin had the younger boy flinching and Chanyeol’s heart ached at the reaction. But he took comfort in the fact that Jongin had let Chanyeol pull him closer.

Leaning his forehead on Jongin’s nape, Chanyeol closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in the natural scent that he has come to love so much about the boy. “Jongin,” he called softly.

A sharp intake of breath.

“Jongin, I’m so sorry.” He clenched his eyes tighter. “I didn’t mean what I said. It’s just… a lot has been going on, with college and the part time jobs to pay for all the expenses and all the stress I’m feeling with it… and I know that’s not an excuse! I’m not making any excuses! But just know that I do need you. I always need you. I wouldn’t know what to do with—” He froze as he felt Jongin’s fingers intertwine with his, squeezing softly and placing a kiss at the back of his hand. “—out you,” he finishes lamely.

Jongin, let go of Chanyeol’s hand and carefully turned around. Chanyeol took in the younger boy’s soft fond expression, a small smile on his lips that has Chanyeol’s heart swell with hope. Jongin placed his hand on Chanyeol’s cheek, his thumb rubbing the spot slowly.

“It’s okay, hyung,” said Jongin, his voice a little rough for being silent for so long. “I understand.”

Chanyeol stares into Jongin’s eyes intently, searching for the truth, and the affection and love conveyed in them was what made him truly believe in Jongin’s words. The laugh that escaped his lips resonates with joy and it didn’t take a second longer for Chanyeol to close the distance between them in a kiss. He poured everything he felt into it, hoping Jongin would get the I love you, I need you, stay with me always that he wanted to say.

This fight probably wouldn’t be their last, in fact, Chanyeol thought they would have more as time goes on. But as long as they both made it work, he wouldn’t replace this for anything in the world.