‘seon-saeng-nim…annyeong haseyo!’

I smiled at my class that rainy Monday morning, they were all so bright and cheery despite the rain and I couldn’t help but want to go back to being a kid again, free from worries and the only complicated matter was what to bring for lunch or snack in school or tying your shoelaces…but I’m not a kid anymore, I’m an adult so bring it on.

I’ve been working for a preschool teacher in a private Montessori for kids in Seoul, Korea for almost 4yrs now, and it was a rewarding career. I get to be a mother to 10 adorable kids without having to get married and becoming a wife. As I sat on my seat and watched the children be busy with their art materials my phone’s wallpaper caught my eye from inside my open bag.

I sighed as I got it and saw a picture of Yesung and I eating corndogs in one of our so many trips to Jeju Island with the rest of the gang…those were happy times that I would always remember and cherish for all of my life. As I look at his adorable face I couldn’t help but want to be with him, but after what happened that weekend we never had the chance to talk and I didn’t make a move to talk to him, it was as if he wanted things to end up like this, just because he knows that his parents doesn’t like me, would it also mean that he wouldn’t fight for me?

‘seonsaengnim…’

I turned around and saw one of my students Jackie walk up to me and held out her egg shell mosaic, it looked very much like humpty dumpty minus the arms and legs, I couldn’t help but giggle at her art work, my problem with yesung temporarily forgotten.

‘aigoo…that’s very pretty Jackie-ah, is that humpty dumpty?’ I asked her as I carefully took her mosaic and placed it on my table.

She smiled showing her milk teeth and one front tooth missing, it was times like this that I so desperately want to be held by my mother for she makes me forget everything.

‘why are you sad?’

‘I’m not sad princess, I just have a lot of things on my mind…’ I answered as I gave her a soft kiss, sometimes I forgot how children can be so inquisitive and naturally curious.

She nodded not quite convinced ‘why isn’t that handsome oppa from super junior visiting you anymore seonsaengnim?’ she asked again as she hopped off from my lap and looked at me ‘did you and that oppa have a fight?’

‘ahh…aniyo little one we didn’t, but you know how super junior is, they are very busy and he makes wonderful music so I understand.’

She again nodded and gave me a kiss on both cheeks and held my face in her tiny palms ‘we want you to be happy again…’

With those simple words I have never felt more better than I am with myself ever since this fiasco with yesung’s parents started. How long have I felt neglected? Unloved? Misused? Or how long did I ever felt good about myself? Honestly speaking I forgot…I have given so much, all of my time and effort for his family to love me, when do I give up? I love him but is that love enough? How can I compete with his parents and the girl his parents wants him to marry?

**yesung’s pov**

‘hyung…you and aia-unnie will be partners during the christening ok?’

I turned around from typing a couple of things into my ipad and saw kyuhyunnie handing out invitations for the christening of donghae and khae’s baby boy. I knew they had to do it soon but its been just 4mos, isn’t it a bit too soon for christening?

‘hmm ne, but why me and a-chan? We’re not in speaking terms kyuhyun-sshi’ I answered as I focused on my ipad again.

So it’s been 4mos since aia and I last ‘talked’ to each other, after that scene in the hospital wherein she confronted me about her problem with my parents we haven’t spoken about the matter anymore. I also didn’t know what to say to her, I love her but I love my parents as well and whenever I talk to umma and appa about it they would simply deny everything and I don’t see any reason why aia would get mad about my parents wanting me to spend some time with them and until she finally sees my reasons I wouldn’t talk to her.

I know I’m hurting her but I cant choose between her and my mother, not that she asked me to choose I just distanced myself from her and that hurts me more. Whenever we have a gathering with the rest of the group, unlike before wherein we would still talk and somehow old hands while avoiding the topic of my parents but we were no longer like that anymore and I know part of it was my fault. I’ve been arguing with her way too much already plus she saw me with Dana Han my close friend, and she assumed I was cheating on her when truth be told she hides a lot from me.

‘hyung? Its been months why are you and a-chan not talking still?’ kyuhyun asked me

I was about to answer him when eunhyukkie entered looking at me as if I committed the crime of the century or something…

‘ohh…intrigue, what did you guys fight about yesungie…ddangkoma?’ he asked

‘aniyo…about my parents.’ I answered with a sigh ‘I still don’t know why would she lie to me about my parents not liking her when in fact they would tell me that she doesn’t spend time with them.’

Kyuhyun shook his head and batted his eyelashes ‘did you ever ask her why? It would save both of you the pain if both of you would open up to each other.’

‘since when did our evil maknae become the love guru?’ eunhyuk grinned and scratched his head ‘that’s a serious accusations…ask her about it. Talk…instead of arguing.’

With those words said they left me alone inside our spacious living room thinking about what they said and my problem between aia and my family. I didn’t want to choose and I wish I didn’t have to, but I must agree to what my brothers said, its time that a-chan and I would stop hiding and face our problems like mature adults.

I got my phone from my pocket and found myself smiling at our picture together…how I miss her and I want everything between us to be right again.

Slowly I began typing my message for her…

Jagiya…can we see each other?  we need to talk and I miss you. Ai tai yo.

I smiled when I used the first Japanese sentence or expression she taught me on our first day as a couple…I miss you.

*an*

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