1st Person POV

Day One

I wonder what it feels like to fall...

I thought to myself as I lightly tapped the edge with my feet. Looking out to the city view, I sighed. The nightscape was beautiful. And you aren't.

I scoffed and my eyes started to water. Yeah.. everything is beautiful but me. My gaze fell to the city life below me. It felt so far away..... I started to get nauseous.

Maybe another day...

I backed away from the edge and slowly walked back to the staircase.

I can try again tomorrow.

Day Two

Is the pain in my heart normal?

I clutched at my chest tightly. Tears fell down my cheeks at a rapid pace, my heart was beating as fast as ever, and my chest felt like a thousand needles stabbing repeatedly. I let them fall without a care as I swung my legs and clutched the edge with my unstable left hand. Slowly, I breathed in and out.

I gave a scoff along with a small smile to myself. Jazz, Jazz, Jazz… you told yourself you wouldn’t cry anymore. I shook my head with a light laugh as I angrily wiped my tears away.

I really am weak. My smile widened into a crooked shape; ugly and angsted. My eyes flashing how broken I really felt inside. Just face it…

Friends aren’t forever. No matter how much you show you care, she just doesn’t care about you. She doesn’t.

I looked down once again onto the beautiful city below me. It was daytime and with the cloudy and dim sky, the city felt bland and depressing. All the colorful night lights weren’t here… but I still thought it was beautiful- the city below me. I swung my feet nonchalantly once more. The nauseous feeling came, but not as strong as the other day.

It’s getting less and less scarier every day…

Day Three

I want to end when it’s night time. I’ve come to realize, while my third observing at three in the morning, that the sky is as dark as black and the bright, neon lights of restaurant billboards are still lively… and there aren’t as many people wandering the streets and sidewalks.

I smiled a small one.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall… I whispered as I swung my legs once again. I got the hang of sitting on this ledge after a while.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall… I slumped forward with my head and shoulders nonchalantly looming over the lazy nightlife 50 yards below me. My heart shook with adrenaline as my eyes were closed, and my hands clutched desperately to try and keep me from my end.

All the king's horses and all the king's men…

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

But I couldn’t let go.

Day Four

I always come here for the stupidest reason…

I whispered to myself as I laid on the ledge of the building. Slowly I noticed myself coming here for comfort everyday. And slowly… I noticed myself becoming more and more comfortable and daring with the ledge. I laid my head to the right and looked at the once again lively nightlife below me. It was midnight. Just about the peak of rush hour.

I closed my eyes. I have to keep positive… you can’t lose now. It was the wrong time. Too many people to notice. I just wanted to be unnoticed the moment I ended. It’s going to be like that no matter what… but I wanted reassurance. Reassurance. It’s all I need and have right now. Taking big, deep breaths I managed to choke back a sob.

No one cares about me...

My eyes opened and I looked up to the oddly dark, yet welcoming night sky.

You can’t break now Jazz…

The ledge is my bridge between life and death.

And I’m hanging on by a thread.

Day Five

I have a bleeding fist today. It doesn’t help that the cold, morning air is biting at my uncleansed wound(s). It hurts… but the pain in my heart hurts more. I don’t even flinch at the sight nor feel of my bloodied and broken hand, rather I flinch at the arrow lodged into my bloodied and broken heart.

I lay once again on the ledge with my right arm clutched into a fist as it drifted free, hanging limply only from my shoulder and into the view of the busy morning city below me. Blood slowly dripped and the tan marble building I was on found itself crying with my blood. I gave myself a big sigh.

The more I come here, the more I feel comfort… but the more I come, the more I feel pathetic.

I shook my head with a quick, small smile. You’re ridiculous. The faint urge to cry burned at my throat as well as the bile from my unwanted vomit wanting to rise up my esophagus.

It was this moment when I started telling myself

Jazzy…  you’re not okay.

Day Six

Today I found my face literally crying with blood. I wanted to scratch my face so badly. I wanted to carve my unkempt fingernails into my skin until the feeling went away. It screamed and ached with tears of blood, but by this time I felt so numb I couldn’t even so much as squirm at the pain. I don’t know what caused me to become so numb. It could have been from sleeping all morning and night in the cold without a jacket on this ledge, but I felt number inside me.

I felt empty inside.

My lips were chapped dry and I didn’t have any saliva to revive it. Today I let my head and arms drift over the ledge and loom over the beautiful city. The city was so, so beautiful… I nodded to myself.

I was right.

Everything is beautiful but you.

Day Seven

Was I done with life at this point?

I lay dangerously closer than before to my fate. One whole week. No one came for me. My heart was slowly being casted over.

Day One, my heart was haphazardly taped together.

Day Two, it was a bandage.

Day Three was gauze.

Day Four, my heart became unwrapped as more cuts and scars appeared on the surface- penetrating deep.

Day Five, I was bleeding again.

Day Six, I couldn’t stop it from crying. My heart cried nonstop.

Day Seven, I managed to put a cast around it. Forever.

I smiled sadly.

Now I can heal and never feel again.

Day Eight

I was hanging on by a thread, but I couldn’t feel anything with the bloodied cast over my heart.

Today the thread nearly snapped.

Day Nine

I walked along the ledge under the morning sky. It was three in the morning. I could smell my blood everywhere. My wrists bled in pain. I smiled softly at the bright lights ahead. I closed my eyes and gave a military salute as a last greet to the world.

Day Ten

3:00:00 AM. I jumped and fell.

I ended.

*Black for bold and ignorance... dark red for blood and pain… blue for tears of sadness… purple for broken loyalty… green for broken trust… rusted gold for what was a perfectly broken friendship… grey for reaching… grey-blue for getting closer… dark blue for the last expression of emotion… bold, bright red for my end.*