I was browsing through articles online to find some inspiration for my next post. I had been working as a pre-school teacher right after I had gotten off from university, but it never stopped me from doing what I loved the most in this world – writing, or in my case, editing for an online magazine. I found myself looking through style articles off Korean gossip pages when I stumbled upon his face and the news that was attached to it.

 

“Luhan files lawsuit against SM Entertainment.”

“EXO-M member Luhan rumoured to terminate contract with SM.”

“LuHan to quit EXO.”

 

No. It couldn’t be true. He couldn’t possibly push through with it. I immediately logged on to Twitter and saw screencaps of Yixing’s supposed good bye message. It was ironic how I was someone who worked for an online magazine but rarely kept any social media accounts aside from Twitter and Instagram. My mind was rushing to thoughts of Luhan at court, then to weeks ago when he had fallen badly ill and spent days at a hospital in Beijing. My heart ached at the idea that he could quit EXO. The boys had become family to him. But what pained me most was how much trouble Luhan had gone through even since he had debuted. Yes, he was happy to have reached where he was right now, with his dreams being an idol. But he still had those moments when he wished he could stop for a moment and just go back to when his life was ‘normal’. I would know. He would rant nonstop about it on rare occasions and my expensive phone bills were proof of it. I was stuck in a daze until I heard my phone blaring at my side. I hastily picked up after seeing who the caller was.

 

“Oh my God! Are you okay? Please tell me you’re fine? You’re not in the hospital again, are you? Oh please tell me you’re safe.” I said in one breath. I didn’t know I sounded so worried until he chuckled in the other end.

 

“You’re blabbering, Maia. Calm down.” A pause, “You heard, huh?”

 

“I saw the articles, Han. Is it true? Are you really leaving?”

 

“I guess so, yeah.” He sighed. I sighed too; so it was true. I didn’t know what to say that I just sat there staring at space while I listened to his heavy breathing, until he spoke up again. “Are you mad at me?” he said softly, worry lacing his tone.

 

“How can I be mad at you, Hannie? I know how much pain you’ve gone through all these years.”

 

“Thank you, Maia. It’s just that…” he breathed in deeply, “I thought I could handle the pressure. I thought I could handle the stress. But lately, right after Kris had left, everything just started falling out of place. And all the stress; it just broke me. It took its toll on my health and I just don’t know if I still want to do this. But the fans, and my family, and everyone, I can’t disappoint them. I just can’t, Maia. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just don’t. I just want to get out of here. I want to put my life on pause, figure things out. I’m just tired of everything, M.”

 

After years of knowing Luhan, this was the very first time he had told me, told anyone for that matter, of his real feelings towards his life being an idol.

 

“Hey, Han? Listen, you’re not disappointing anyone. You’ve given you’re whole life for this career and that’s what’s important. But you’re human too, Hannie. You have your limitations. You break and fall and fail just like the rest of us. The world can’t expect you to do this, to work till you’re all worn out and expect a smile on your face at the end of every day.”

 

I didn’t notice my tears falling down my cheeks until I felt the collar of my blouse begin to dampen. Luhan was always the happy one in this relationship even if he did have a tough job and barely slept. I was the one who ranted most about what I did as a living, and he would always listen. But now, after hearing him, it just broke my heart.

 

“Luhan?” I asked again, trying to make sure he was still on the line. He hummed as a response. “Where are you now, exactly?”

 

“Back in Beijing already, why?”

 

“Oh, good. I’ll just settle my schedules here and grab the first flight to Beijing, okay? Wait for me there.” I said, rushing to open my emails as I did what I said. I tried to reschedule all the meetings I had for the next two weeks and sent a letter to the school I was teaching that I needed to take a leave of absence to attend to a sick family member.

 

It wasn’t the exact truth but it wasn’t a lie either. Luhan was my family.

 

“But Maia, you can’t do that. What about your kids? The school? The magazine?”

 

Oh Luhan, still stubborn as ever. The corners of my mouth perked up in a smile. He was still the same caring person I had met years ago.

 

“Are you kidding me right now, Mr. Lu?” I chuckled. “You’re miles away, alone in Beijing in a crisis and you’re worried about my job?”

 

“I’m not alone. I can always drive up to my parents if I’d want to.”

 

“I know. But I want to be there, Luhan. And besides, the school can always get a substitute for me while I’m gone; and I could always work anywhere with the magazine. I’m flying out there and that’s final.”

 

He was right, it was a bit tough to just fly out to Beijing on such short notice but it was Luhan! Even if we haven’t seen each other for years, I would still always be there for him no matter what. I would still put him on top of my priorities. He was that special, that important to me.

 

“I knew I should’ve just stayed and married you instead of debuting as an idol.” He said so nonchalantly that it got me turning bright red. Did he just have to bring that up? I could here him smirking. He always got me at the most unexpected moments. God, that man! Good thing he was on the phone. I breathed in to steady my nerves,

 

“Well, it’s your loss buddy. I’m happily married to my job now and I’ve got to say, these kids are much more adorable than you. I’ve now taken it upon myself to confirm that waking up to your face in the morning is not the best thing in the world. I used to love it really, but now I have been proven wrong. I have to tell your fans that. Pre-school kids, they’re the best.” I heard chuckling on the other end, a genuine, happy laugh. Did I just say that?

 

“Did I hear that right? Did you just admit that you love waking up to me in the morning?” I could sense his smirk, even being continents away I could sense his teasing ways.

 

“USED TO, I said USED TO LOVE! Aish! Whatever; look, I have to hang up now. And you need to get some rest; it’s like 2 in the morning there. I’ll see you in a few days, okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. I used to love waking up next to you in the morning too, by the way. Now that I think about it, I still love it.” And then he laughed, AGAIN. When he calmed down seconds later, he finally spoke but in a much serious tone than before. “I can’t wait to see you again, Maia. I really did miss you. Thank you.”

 

If that didn’t make me smile like a Cheshire cat already, the next thing he said did,

 

“I’ll see you in a few days, Maia. I love you.”

 

Really? This man was impeccable! Was there a way I could go from Toronto to Canada right this moment?

 

“I- I- yeah, I’ll see you in a few days Luhan. And, I- I- I love you, too.”

 

“I love you.” He repeated, a soft chuckle escaping his lips after. “I love you. I love you. I love-“

 

“Luhan, it’s time to hang up now. Good night.” I spoke, trying to hide the smile that laced my voice.

 

“Yeah. Bye Maia. I love you.”

 

And the line went dead.

 

Even after all these years, even after everything we’ve gone through, he was still the same old Luhan. My Luhan. My best friend. He may not have been my first love, but he is my last. And I will always love him, I will always be there for him, against all odds.