I know you’re scared Taeyeon. I am too.  I never thought I would fall this hard for anyone. Especially a girl. I did though, I did fall for you. I fell hard, and even though we have reached this point, it was amazing. I remember the first time I felt myself being drawn towards you. I have never been so drawn to someone, especially not someone of the same . There was just something different about you. I could see your soul, feel your emotions, and hear your heart beating. You were just plain beautiful, perfect in my eyes. 

I don’t know why but what I felt didn’t scare me, I didn’t think twice that it might be wrong, that you were a girl. I just let my feet take me over to where you were standing, I let my mouth say things I never thought I would be capable of saying. I don’t know if you know this, but I never approached anyone before, I was the one that always waited. But with you it was different; you were different. 

You seemed hesitant at first but when your hand touched my arm, I know you felt my goose bumps rise under your fingertips. The look in your eyes at that moment in time told me everything I needed to know. That moment gave me the courage to push things forward, to take the lead.

Our first date had its problems. We were both new at this; we both felt the need to stay our distance, to let the other breathe. It led to an awkward date, there were no touches, everything was done through whispers, and looks. The looks are what got me through the night, I could look into your eyes and see that you were into this, into me.

After that date is when it all started, we decided from then on, every date would be in private. That way we both felt comfortable enough to enjoy each other, instead of worrying about the people around us. It was different; we were different. We were better, no public became no problem. 

When we kissed for the first time, we were both scared to make the first move, but you asked me what I was thinking and I said the only thing that came to mind, “kiss me, please.”  I don’t know what those words did but they were what gave you the courage to bring our lips together.  The kiss, I don’t think words can describe what I felt in that moment. Then when my tongue slipped into your mouth the moan that escaped from the back of your throat, made my knees give out. You caught me though, like you always do. Your small arms but strong were wrapped around my waist, allowing the kiss to never break. 

As the months went by we were content with just kissing, too afraid to take the next step. We both wanted to take it, but we didn’t want to push the other in to doing something they weren’t ready for.  I couldn’t help it though, when you came over to our room after a work dinner.  I didn’t go with you because we weren’t an out couple.  That little black dress, your hair caressing your collarbone, it was too much.  I don’t remember how it happened, but my lips were on yours, my desire was uncontrollable. 

That night we spent together was wonderful. No, it was beautiful. No, it was absolutely perfect. We came to a realization that night, our bodies were meant for each other. They moved too smoothly together, they fit too perfectly; they needed the other to survive. 

...

Our one year anniversary was a night to remember, not only did we celebrate one year of being real couple, but also one year of keeping our relationship a secret. We had our close calls, cover-ups and many lies to every one else in our lives. I was ready; I wanted to show you off.   I wanted to tell everyone, tell the members, our managers, our fans,  that I really was in love with you. I knew it was going to be hard and impossible; you were a woman and so was I. I didn’t care anymore; I was in love with you too much to care what anyone else thought. You however, were still not ready, you were scared and so I waited.

Then the day came when you came to dorm, to my room, grabbed my hand and dragged me to your car. I didn’t know where we were going, where you were taking me. The determined look on your face, made me want to kiss you.  Then when your car pulled into the driveway, I remember tears started to form in my eyes as you stepped out of the car. We were telling your family, you were ready.

It took some people longer then other’s but eventually we got everyone’s full support. We had our ups and downs, but we made it through because we loved each other. When I pulled away, you pushed back, when you pulled I did everything I could to bring you back to me.

When we reached our two years, something changed. It was the longest relationship for the both of us. We had commitment issues before we met each other but I thought we both overcame them. I guess that was only true for me. You pulled so far away from me, I felt like I couldn’t do anything to bring you back. Then you told me, you were scared to give me your heart for the rest of your life.  You were scared of the future, scared that we wouldn’t make it and it would hurt too badly. Anyhow, you aren’t mine now. You belong to someone else.

I’ll tell you right now, I love you. I will always love you. I will never stop loving you. You’re beautifully amazing. I can’t see myself living a future without you in it. I promise you when we fight, we will always make up. I promise that I will give you my heart, although you already have it, it’s yours. I promise that if you give me your heart for the rest of our lives, I will cherish it. I will handle it with care, making sure not to break it. I promise you that the love I have for you will never fade.  I promise you we will make it. I love you. So please don’t throw this all away. I’m scared too. Please just take my hand and we will get through this journey together. Please Taeyeon.