‘DO KYUNGSOO!’ the superintendent yelled, slamming the case notes on his desk loud & clear, sending Kyungsoo’s fringe in the air. ‘HOW THE HELL DID YOU LET THE KID ESCAPE? IF IT WASN’T FOR JONGIN, WE WOULD BE ED UP THE HIGHER UPS.’ The rest of the team stood quietly alongside with him with Jongin’s head hanging the lowest. Kyungsoo’s big teary eyes side eyeing Jongin with his lips saying something along the line of ‘I’m gonna skin you alive smart .’

Kim Jongin was the new recruit in the Narcotics Team. It wasn’t his fault for being an outstanding runner, after all he’s the one with the longest legs in the team. He sighs. He sighs because Kyungsoo doesn’t remember a thing about him. He sighs because this is the only his first time doing an Operation after years of training. He didn’t mean to steal the limelight or get credit for capturing the kid, all he wanted to do was to make sure that Kyungsoo & the team completes the operation in success.

He steals a glance at Kyungsoo face. His nostrils seems to be breathing fire, his mind seemed to have wandered off somewhere else in the midst of their superintendent’s saliva raining over their faces. ‘He’s probably murdering me a million times in his head right now.’ Jongin reckons, gulping down hard. The superintendent finishes off with a praise for Jongin & a pat on Jongin’s shoulders, ‘You’ve done well, Kim Jongin. Continue to do well & soon you’ll be upped in your ranks.’ Jongin shivers from the sight of the other Team Members. Being too outstanding doesn’t do you any good in the working society, perhaps staying low profile & sticking to your assigned task is much cleverer to survive in this world.

The Team quietly leaves the Superintendent’s room. ‘I don’t understand why Heechul is making a big fuss,’ Minseok complains, ‘does it matter who does what as long as we complete our given task.’ Luhan nudges Minseok to shut up before Kyungsoo blows up even more. ‘Jongin, I want to have a word with you.’ Kyungsoo walks towards the stairwell. Jongin follows suit with his head down.

‘Kim Jongin. Do you have any idea what kind of disgrace you have caused me when you acted on your own accord to pursue the kid?’ Kyungsoo huffs, sending his fringe flying up again.

‘I’m sorry, Sir. I thought…’

‘You thought…’ Kyungsoo snaps, ‘Have you ever thought about how the judicial system is going to treat the kid? Have you thought about the kid’s future? He’s only 10. He finally had a chance to be free & you have to let him be kept together & labelled druggie with his ‘masters’. Didn’t you see the fear in his eyes? Did you not see the scars on his limbs?’

‘I’m sorry, Sir. I just thought I was doing my job. I just wanted to help.’

‘It’s okay, you have done your job ‘well’. You don’t know who you’re dealing with in this judicial system. It’s not a black & white world. You’re just a dog of the judicial system, you’re not human.’

Kyungsoo turns around the slams the door. The emergency exit sign flickers in green.

Jongin stood there for a good 5 minutes trying to recall the crime scene when they busted into the warehouse. The kid was hiding behind the rusted oil barrel shaking in fear, when Jongin approached him, he dashed out of the torn metal sheets behind the barrel, running for his life while the others were busy arresting the gang members, counting and collecting every last piece of synthetic drugs made in the warehouse.

The kid had cuts on his back from the metal sheets, his arms and legs had caned marks and signs of struggle around his wrist. Jongin thought that being the boy back would had been a better choice to get him rehomed and treated but Jongin was wrong. Jongin was new to the whole system on how the world works. He was too naïve.  He didn’t think as far as Kyungsoo has thought, he didn’t know the dirty secrets inside this industry. Jongin had no idea who and what they are dealing with.

-Ω-

Jongin sits alone at the canteen, stirring the kelp in his soup trying to reflect on what Kyungsoo has said. ‘YA!  RECRUIT!’ Luhan smack Jongin’s tray with his chopsticks, ‘Stop day dreaming & eat your food. We have to get back to work soon. There’s going to be another drug raid.’ Jongin quickly pick up his spoon & gobbled down his food, causing him to choke. ‘Ya! Kim Jongin I told you not to waste time but I didn’t tell you to choke & die.’ Jongin apologises.

‘Hyung…’

‘Hmm?’ Luhan looks up at Jongin with food in his mouth. Jongin’s eyes seem to be bloodshot from the choking. His heart slightly softens.

‘Kyungsoo hyung….’ Jongin pauses, he could find the right words to make up a sentence to get his answers without sounding to straight forward or judgemental.

‘Jongin-ah. You’re still new here. There are reasons as to why Kyungsoo acts this way. I know it’s hypocritical that he acts on his own accords but he doesn’t allow us to. No one knows what’s going on his mind. No one knows what he’s thinking but trust me Jongin, Kyungsoo is smarter than you think he is. Just do what he tells you to do & stay out of trouble. You’ll learn on the way.’

‘Thanks hyung.’

-Ω-

That night, Jongin lied on the bed all night staring at the ceiling. He thought about the Kyungsoo he once knew & the Kyungsoo he knew today; they were still the same. They always do things without explaining themselves, they just showed that they care in an unconventional way expecting people to understand their good intentions. Jongin never understood Kyungsoo & he knows he never will but knew that Kyungsoo would never do him harm. Just like how Kyungsoo helped him from his abusive stepfather 10 years ago.

-Ω-

Kyungsoo was his neighbour’s son. Kyungsoo would always peek into their backyard from the fence & watch Jongin & Jongdae play. He would always sing songs from his backyard to claim Jongdae down to distract Jongdae when he starts hitting Jongin again. Back then, no one understood how hard it is to raise Jongdae, no one understood what autism was & how autism kids acts. Jongin’s stepfather despised Jongdae, his own flesh & blood. He would always throw chairs and punches at the kids & wife for making his life miserable with the existence of Jongdae, hating on how his step son Jongin is having it easy while his own son is having a hard time getting into a normal school. His stepfather would always come home drunk & Kyungsoo’s backyard would be their horrible cries with no one stepping in to make a difference.

It was Kyungsoo’s birthday, the twelfth of January. His family decided not to invite Jongin & Jongdae over for his party since they had family issues every single night. They felt that it was better not get involved with people like the Kim’s. Jongin & Jongdae could only sing along in their backyards while they heard laughter and cheers from Kyungsoo’s.

Last that night, before it turned 13^th, Kyungsoo peeked over the fence to see Jongin & Jongdae playing with bugs. He hissed, causing them to look over. He throw a couple of balloons over to their side & waved good bye. That was the first time Jongin saw Kyungsoo’s face. His big pearly eyes, weirdly shaped smile. Jongin was attracted to Kyungsoo, he was attracted to Kyungsoo when he first heard him sing but seeing Kyungsoo brings it to another level of admiration: He wanted to be like Kyungsoo.

The next day, Kyungsoo peeked over to see Jongdae still playing with the shrunk balloons from his birthday party but he couldn’t see Jongin. Kyungsoo went over to peek through their gates.

‘My son, I’m sorry. I’m sorry Mom won’t be able to give you anything much for your birthday.’ She cried hugging Jongin but Jongin didn’t cry. Jongin only rubbed his mother’s shoulders and stood there til she’s fine.

That night, Kyungsoo couldn’t sleep. His entire mind was replaying the since of Jongin soothing his mother. Kyungsoo felt bad for Jongin, he felt even worse for not inviting Jongin over for his birthday. He thought about bringing some leftover cakes for Jongin’s birthday tomorrow. He went out to peek over the fence again & heard Jongin’s stepfather came home from the gates, ‘Hide! Hurry up!’ He gestured for them to leave. Jongdae smiled & waved back at him. The drunkard man comes into the back yard slapping Jongdae, ‘STUPID FOOL! YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING. WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT HUH?’ Jongdae starts crying out loud. Kyungsoo’s heart stopped.

The series of things that happened next seems to have occurred within a flash: Their mother runs of the house to hold her child while the husband pulls her hair and kicks her repeatedly on her fragile body. Hurling vulgarities and punches at her face. Jongin struggles to break their links, crying for his stepfather to stop but to only receive another slap across his face to shut up because he isn’t his son.

Kyungsoo runs out of his house and grabs the nearest object next to him and throws it at the crazy man ruining his night. Kyungsoo doesn’t remember what he did but he stopped the man from moving. He struggles to catch his breath again & winches at his bruised palms and bleeding finger nails. Jongin runs to his mother and looks at him. ‘Hurry up, run!’ Jongin said to Kyungsoo but he just stands there smiling at Jongin.

‘Happy Birthday!’

‘Thank you.’

Those were the first words Jongin said to Kyungsoo. Those were words from his heart. Kyungsoo went home & placed a slice of cake on their fence.

Jongin’s stepfather was then arrested right after Kyungsoo’s parents rang the police seeing their son’s injuries. Despite not wanted to have any relations with their neighbours, Kyungsoo’s parents had testify that Jongin’s family had suffered the cycle of abuses for months & have charged their stepfather for violence against their child.  

Ever since the whole drama was over, Jongin never saw Kyungsoo again. They moved.

-Ω-

It took 10 years for Jongin to find Kyungsoo. He only got to find Kyungsoo after he saw the news report of a massive drug raid news with Kyungsoo addressing their findings to the Media. He swore he would become a part of the police force to aid Kyungsoo in his future. He worked hard and studied hard to quality for the entrance into the Police Academy.

Jongin thought that wearing the uniform would make him a better and stronger person to protect his loved ones. He could meet Kyungsoo again. He would be able to thank Kyungsoo in his own way but he was wrong.

The first thing he said from his heart to Kyungsoo was, ‘I’m sorry.’ Kyungsoo doesn’t remember Jongin but Jongin remembers everything. The only person he knows is in this world is Kyungsoo & Kyungsoo is the reason why he’s here.

Jongin shakes his head to clear his thoughts. There’s more days to come. Maybe tomorrow, he’ll remember me. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll understand him. He closes his eyes and lets his world fade into black.